Dealing With Difficult People and Conflict Resolution

1
Dealing With Difficult People and Conflict
Resolution
2
Have you met this person?
3
By show of hands, indicate the positions you
currently hold in AYSO.
4
AYSO Positions

• Regional Commissioners
• Regional Coach Administrator
• Regional Referee Administrator
• Board Member
• Area Director or Area Staff
• Other

5
This course is designed to give you the tools
todeal with challenging situations and difficult
people in AYSO.
6
AYSOs Six Philosophies
The Mission of AYSO is to develop and deliver
youth soccer programs in a fun, family
environment based on these philosophies. Remind
parents that its for the kids!

• Everyone Plays
• Balanced Teams
• Open Registration
• Positive Coaching
• Good Sportsmanship
• Player Development

7
True or FalseMost people dont consider
themselves difficult.
8
What are the factors that make people
difficult?
9
Difficult People Take five minutes in your
groups to brainstorm one or two examples in each
of these categories
10
What makes people difficult?

1. Someone wants something you cant give them.
2. Someone wants something you wont give them.
3. Someone refuses to listen.

11
What makes people difficult?

• 4. Someone makes threats is disruptive and
  abusive.
• 5. Someone violates AYSO governing rules or
  commits an illegal act.
• 6. Someone takes a problem to the wrong
  individual.

12
What makes people difficult?

• Slides 12 - 23 provide examples of each
  situation and are meant for quick review after we
  have completed our discussion.

13
Someone wants something you cant give them

• Parents want two sons ages 9 and 14 on the same
  team.
• Parents want child to play with newly pierced
  ears.
• Parents want child registered without showing
  birth certificate.

14
Someone wants something you cant give them

• Parent wants to coach but refuses to provide
  Social Security Number on volunteer registration
  form.
• Referee will not let a player on field with new
  baseball cleats.

15
Someone wants something you wont give them

• Coach wants to keep an entire team together the
  next season.
• Parent demands a full refund in second week of
  season.
• Coach wants two assistant coaches with children
  on his team the last two years. Coaches rarely
  show up for practices.

16
Someone refuses to listen

• Coach will not stay in technical area in spite of
  Referee warnings.
• Volunteer demands expense refund from National
  President for missing NAGM vote.
• Parent runs up and down the sideline screaming at
  his child, even though the Coach and Referee
  asked him to stop.

17
Someone takes a problem to the wrong individual

• Coach calls the AD because he/she is not happy
  with Referee at last game.
• Parent calls National Office for daughters team
  assignment.

18
Someone takes a problem to the wrong individual

• Parent complains to Referee about her sons
  Coach.
• Parent calls RC to find out childs game time.
• Parent demands refund from National Office.

19
Someone makes threats is disruptive and/or
abusive

• Referee tells player to get out of her face or
  she will kick his butt.
• Parent challenges Referee to meet in parking lot
  after the game.
• Player tells another player, Do that again and I
  will hurt you.

20
Someone makes threats is disruptive and/or
abusive

• U-8 parent threatens to punch a Referee over call
  at a game.
• Coach instructs player to take out opposing goal
  keeper.
• Coach instructs goal keeper to let in goal for
  seeding in a tournament.

21
Someone violates AYSO governing rules/commits
illegal act.

• Pre-signed checks.
• CVPA reviewed interesting arrest stories from
  some volunteer applications.
• Coach added new player without a signed
  registration form.

22
Someone violates AYSO governing rules/commits
illegal act

• Concession stand director takes cash box home
  every Saturday to buy supplies for following
  week.
• RC appoints wife to be Treasurer.

23
Someone violates AYSO governing rules/commits
illegal act

• Board Members pick own team at formation meeting.
• Parent refuses to stop smoking on touchline.
• Spectator violates Kid Zone.

24
Someone violates AYSO governing rules/commits
illegal act

• Coach gave a beer to a U-19 player.
• Coach tells player to remove cast before arriving
  at field.
• Female coach takes U-19 boys team to out of state
  tournament without appropriate male supervision.

25
Now lets talk about ways to proactively deal
with difficult people. The easiest way to deal
with difficult situations is to prevent them.
26
Lets discuss developing and using preventative
tools which can help prevent most of the
difficulties encountered.
27
What are some communication tools that could
prevent difficult situations?
28
Answers

• Parent Handbooks
• (Parent Contract something they have to sign.)
• A Parents Guide to AYSO
• (Available from National Office.)

29
Answers

• Training and Certification
• (Coaches, Referees, Staff)
• Training to the level of play is critical for
  Coaches and Referees.
• All Regional Board Members should be trained.
• Kids Zone
• Newsletters/websites/other forms of
  communication.
• The Commish, PLAYSOCCER, Region Newsletters,
  ayso.org, Region web sites,

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Have you met these people?
31
Any others besides these?

• Mr. Combative Personality
• Mrs. Unrealistic Expectations
• The Chronic Malcontent
• The Eternal Victims
• The Special Favor Person

32
Try these Basic Communication Skills to Defuse
the Conflict

• Maintain or enhance their self-esteem.
• Listen and respond with empathy.
• Get them involved.
• Make procedural suggestions.
• Turn conflict into partner of solution.

33
Dos Of Resolving Conflict

• Use key communication principles -
• Face to face, telephone, email, etc.
• Be positive and patient.
• Focus on the problem, NOT the person.
• Keep an open mind.

34
More Dos

• Explore all alternatives for resolving the
  conflict.
• Try to understand the other persons point of
  view.
• Seek the other persons ideas.
• End on a positive note.

35
Donts Of Resolving Conflict

• Pre-judge people.
• Assume you have all the facts.
• Focus on the other persons attitude,
  personality, or presumed motive.
• Meet practical needs at the expense of personal
  needs.

36
Donts Of Resolving Conflict

• React immediately on emotional high.
• React respond.
• Take it personally.
• Cut the other person off.
• Disrespect the other person.
• Raise your voice.

37
Conclusion

• Maintain or enhance self-esteem.
• Listen and respond with empathy.
• Ask for their help.
• Encourage their involvement.
• Make it a win - win for both sides.

38
Remember to attend the Dispute Resolution
Workshop on due process.
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