Relationships and Communication

1
Relationships and Communication
2
The Myth of The Perfect Relationship

• Soul mates The One
• Nobody can meet ALL of your needs
• Every relationship has some problems
• Healthy expectations from the beginning

3
Compatibility

• A Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1986)
• Intimacy Passion
• Commitment

4
Maintaining Oneself Within a Relationship

• You will change due to your relationships
• Remaining true to oneself
• Whose needs are met through the relationship?
• Not always 50/50

5
Maintaining Oneself Within a Relationship,
contd.

• Keeping a life outside your relationship
• Knowing the self in relation to others
• Enhancing one anothers growth

6
Supporting Your Relationship

• You cant go it alone!
• Surround your relationships with support
• Couples Resource Map

7
Expectations

• How realistic are your expectations for your
  partner?
• How realistic are your partners expectations for
  you?

8
Fighting

• Is fighting healthy?
• Growing pains
• What can you learn from a fight?

9
Fighting, contd.

• The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Gottman,
  1999)
• Criticism
• Defensiveness
• Contempt
• Stonewalling

10
Fighting Fair

• Focus on the issue at hand
• Remain focused on the present
• Not the time to bring up the past
• ListeningKnowing when it is your turn
• NO physical violence
• Seek counseling when necessary

11
Breaking up is hard to do.

• Give yourself time to move on
• Nurture your other relationships
• Take time to reflect on the lessons you can learn
  from the relationship AND the break-up

12
Relationships and Transitions

• Potential for increased negative interactions
• Protective defense mechanisms
• Increased awareness

13
Making Relationships A Priority

• Relationships are often taken for granted
• Make a commitment to care for your relationships
  before it is too late!!

14
Communication Skills
15
Listening

• Making the effort
• Non-verbal cues
• Eye contact
• Notice underlying feelings

16
Direct Communication

• Speak clearly and directly
• Say what you mean
• Verify understanding
• Avoid beating around the bush

17
Self-Disclosure

• Sharing personal experience
• Necessary for intimacy
• Trust is important!
• Appropriate levels of disclosure

18
Non-verbal Communication

• As speaker
• Gestures
• Increase interest
• As listener
• Awareness
• Inconsistencies

19
Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Communication

• Passive Not expressing feelings or standing up
  for yourself
• Aggressive Expressing feelings in an
  overbearing manner
• Assertive Expressing feelings without violating
  others rights

20
Advice

• Proceed with caution!

21
Focus on the Behavior

• Avoid labeling
• Personal attacks lead to defensiveness
• Negotiate behaviors