Communication and relational dynamics

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Communicationand relational dynamics

• Chapter topics

• Why We Form Relationships
• Relational Development and Maintenance
• Communicating about Relationships

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Why We Form Relationships

• Appearance
• Is especially important in the early stages
• Partners create positive illusions, viewing
  another as more attractive over time
• Similarity
• We like people who are similar to us
• Friendships are more likely to last when friends
  are similar to one another

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Why We Form Relationships

• Complementarily
• Differences strengthen relationships when they
  are complementary
• Each partners characteristics satisfy the
  others needs
• Reciprocal Attraction
• We like people who like us usually
• People who approve of us, bolster our self-esteem

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Why We Form Relationships

• Competence
• We like to be around talented people
• If a person is too talented it can be difficult
  to be around them because they make us look bad
• Disclosure
• Revealing information about yourself can help to
  build liking
• Not all disclosure leads to liking

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Why We Form Relationships

• Proximity
• We are likely to develop relationships with
  people we interact with frequently
• Familiarity can also breed contempt
• Most aggravated assaults occur within the family
• Rewards
• Social Exchange Theory
• Relationships that give us rewards greater than
  or equal to the costs of the relationship

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Models of Relational Development

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Knapps Ten Stages of the Relationship
• Initiating
• Communication during this stage is usually brief
• Simplistic communication is a way of signaling
  you may want to begin a relationship
• Experimenting
• After initial contact we decide if we with to
  pursue the relationship further
• Uncertainty reduction
• Getting to know others by gaining more information

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Knapps Ten Stages of the Relationship
• Intensifying
• The interpersonal relationship begins to develop
• The expression of feeling becomes more common
• Giving tokens of affection, hinting and flirting
• Integrating
• Parties begin to take on identity as a social
  unit
• Partners begin to take on each others
  commitments
• Close friends may begin to speak alike

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Knapps Ten Stages of the Relationship
• Bonding
• Parties make symbolic public gestures
• Commitment is increased during this stage
• Being together comes to be relied on
• Differentiating
• The We orientation shifts back to I
• The stage is likely to occur when the
  relationship experiences its first feelings of
  stress

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Knapps Ten Stages of the Relationship
• Circumscribing
• Partners behave towards each other in old,
  familiar ways
• Communication decreases in quantity and quality
• Shrinking of interest and commitment
• Stagnating
• No growth occurs
• The relationship is a hollow shell of its former
  self

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Knapps Ten Stages of the Relationship
• Avoiding
• Parties begin to create physical distance
  between each other
• Unsuccessful couples deal with their problems by
  avoidance, indirectness and less involvement
• Terminating
• Includes summary dialogue
• Depending on each persons feelings, this stage
  can be quite short or drawn out over time

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Models of Relational Development
• Alternate patters of relational development

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Models of Relational Development
• Dialectical Perspectives
• Communicators seek important but inherently
  incompatible goals through their relationship
• Dialectical Tensions
• Conflicts that arise when two opposing or
  incompatible forces exist simultaneously
• Managing dialectical tensions can create the most
  powerful dynamic in relational communication

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Models for Relational Development
• Dialectical Tensions
• Connection versus Autonomy
• We seek out involvement with others
• We are unwilling to sacrifice our entire identity
  to even the most satisfying relationship
• One of the most common reasons for relational
  breakups involve failure of partners to satisfy
  each others needs for connection
• We barely spent any time together.
• I was feeling trapped.

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Models for Relational Development
• Dialectical Tensions
• Openness versus Privacy
• Along with the need to disclose, we have an
  equally important drive to maintain space
• Even the strongest relationships require some
  distance
• Predictability versus Novelty
• Too much predictability can lead to feelings of
  staleness
• The challenge is to juggle the desire for
  predictability with the desire for novelty that
  keeps a relationship fresh

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Models for Relational Development
• Managing Dialectical Tensions
• In one study married couples reported
• Connection-autonomy was the most frequent (30.8)
• Predictability novelty was second (21.7)
• Openness-privacy was least (12.7)

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Models for Relational Development
• Managing Dialectical Tensions
• Other Strategies
• Denial
• Reporting to one end of the dialectical spectrum
  and ignoring the other
• Disorientation
• Communicators feel so overwhelmed and helpless
  they are unable to confront their problems
• Alternation
• Alternating between extremes on the spectrum

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Models for Relational Development
• Managing Dialectical Tensions
• Other Strategies
• Segmentation
• Partners use this tactic to compartmentalize
  different areas of their relationship
• Balance
• Communicators try to balance dialectical tensions
• Integration
• Simultaneously accept opposing forces without
  trying to diminish them

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Models for Relational Development
• Managing Dialectical Tensions
• Other Strategies
• Recalibration
• Responding to dialectical challenges by reframing
  them so that apparent contradictions disappear
• Reaffirmation
• This strategy acknowledges that dialectical
  tensions will never disappear

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Characteristics of Relationships
• Relationships
• Are constantly changing
• Are affected by culture
• Require Maintenance
• Require Commitment
• Relation commitment involves a promise
  sometimes implied and sometimes explicit to
  remain in the relationship and make it successful

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Repairing Damaged Relationships
• Types of relational transgressions
• Minor versus Significant
• Recognize problems for what they are
• Social versus Relational
• Some transgression violate social, not relational
  norms
• Deliberate versus Unintentional
• Transgressions are not always intentional
• One-time versus Incremental
• Accidents do happen

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Relational Development and Maintenance

• Repairing Damaged Relationships
• An apology requires three elements
• An acknowledgment that the transgression was
  wrong I acted like a jerk.
• A sincere apology Im really sorry. I feel
  awful for letting you down.
• Some type of compensation If I act that way
  again, you can call me on it.

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Communicating about Relationships

• Content and Relational Messages
• Content Messages
• The subject being discussed
• Relational Messages
• How the parties feel toward one another
• Types of Relational Messages
• Affinity
• Immediacy
• Respect
• Control

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Communicating about Relationships

• Metacommunication
• Messages that people exchange, verbally or
  nonverbally, about their relationship
• Communication about communication
• Can be used as a way to reinforce the satisfying
  aspects of a relationship
• I really appreciate it when you complement me
  about my work in front of the boss.

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Chapter Review

• Why We Form Relationships
• Relational Development and Maintenance
• Communicating about Relationships