Close Relationships:

1
CHAPTER 8

• Close Relationships
• Family,
• Friends,
• Lovers,
• and Spouses

2
Interdependence

• The characteristic common to all close
  relationships-an interpersonal association in
  which two people influence each others lives and
  engage in many joint activities.
• Family relationships

3
Attachment Style

• During interactions between infant and its
  primary caregiver the child develops congnitions
  centering on two crucial working models
• Self-esteem
• Interpersonal Trust

4
Interpersonal Trust

• A dimension involving ones belief that other
  people are trustworthy, dependable, and reliable
  or that they are untrustworthy, undependable, and
  unreliable

5
Bowlbys Three Types of Attachment Style

• Secure
• Insecure-Avoidant
• Insecure Ambivalent

6
Importance of Other Interactions Between Parents
and Offspring

• Puberty
• As life expectancy increases

7
Relationships Between and Among Siblings

• Mixed feelings
• Affectionate relationship likely when
• Why are sibling relationships important?
• Middle age types of sibling relationships
• caretaker
• buddy
• casual
• loyal

8
Relationships Beyond Family

• Close friendship
• Childhood friends
• Attachment styles and childhood friendships
• The development of close friendships in
  adolescence and adulthood

9
Effects of Attachment Style on Adult Relationships

• College age adults

10
Two Basic Dimensions Underlying Adult Interactions

• Self-Evaluation (positive and negative
• Persons evaluation of others
• Person with
• positive self image
• negative self image
• positive image of other people
• negative image of other people

11
Four Attachment Styles

• Secure Attachment
• Fearful-Avoidant
• Preoccupied
• Dismissing

12
Secure Attachment Style

• Positive about self and other people
• seek interpersonal closeness and feel comfortable
  in relationships
• express trust in their partners
• The only people able to form long lasting,
  committed, and satisfying relationships.

13
Fearful-Avoidant

• Low self esteem
• low interpersonal trust
• Described as an insecure and maladaptive style of
  attachment
• Avoids interpersonal closeness
• Less intimacy and enjoyment in interacting with
  opposite sex

14
Preoccupied

• Low self-esteem
• High interpersonal trust
• Strongly desires a close relationship, but feels
  unworthy of the partner
• vulnerable to being rejected.
• Based on inconsistent self-other images

15
Dismissing

• High self-esteem
• low interpersonal trust
• conflict individual feels they deserve a close
  relationship, but mistrusts potential partners
• Is likely to reflect another person to avoid
  being the one who is rejected

16
Loneliness

• The unhappy emotional and cognitive state that
  results from desiring close relationships but
  being unable to attain them.
• Discrepancy between what a person wants, and the
  reality of their interpersonal life.
• Prefer to be lonely
• Lack of reciprocity

17
Consequences of Loneliness

• Lonely people
• are maladjusted
• have few dates
• have only casual friends
• suffer from depression, anxiety, unhappiness,
  self-blame, and shyness

18
How Does Loneliness Develop?

• Culture
• Attachment Style
• Childhood
• Personal Negativity a general tendency to be
  unhappy and dissatisfied with oneself
• Social Phobia a debilitating anxiety disorder in
  which an individual perceives interpersonal
  situations as frightening and thus avoids them in
  order to guard against embarrassment and
  humiliation

19
What can you do to fix loneliness?

• Cognitive Therapy
• Social Skills Training

20
Romantic Relationships

• Focus on heterosexual
• Physical intimacy

21
Similarities Between Close Friendships and
Romantic Relationships

• Attachment Styles
• Physical Proximity

22
Differences Between Close Friendships and
Romantic Relationships

• The first move
• Want acceptance Vs accuracy in the beginning
• Use of deception
• View of relationship
• Sexual motivation
• Baby talk

23
What is Love?

• Love a combination of emotions, cognitions, and
  behaviors that can be involved in intimate
  relationships
• An emotion
• can lead to increase in self-efficacy and
  self-esteem
• Simple friendship, progressed to romance and
  sexual interest

24
Passionate Love Vs Close Friendship

• No one says they have fallen in friendship
• Passionate love An intense and often unrealistic
  emotional response to another person.
• PL occurs suddenly
• Seen to the person experiencing it as true love
  where others would say infatuation

25
Liking, Loving, and Being In Love

• Can you differentiate between these three?
• Decline of three relationships
• liking decrease dues to negative behavior of
  other person
• love destroyed when other person abuses the
  trust that existed
• out of love when they became disillusioned with
  the other person

26
Unrequited Love

• One-way flow of love
• You love someone who does not love you
• 60 of people said they have had this experience
  within the past 2 years
• Men Vs women
• Guilt on one end, loss of self esteem on the
  other
• Insecure-ambivalent attachment more likely to
  experience this kind of love

27
Falling In Love

• Passionate love
• Sexual attraction Necessary but not enough
• Stranger example
• Three circumstances to fall in love

28
Three Circumstances to Fall In Love

• Exposure throughout life to romantic images
• An appropriate love object
• Two-factor theory of emotion

29
Other Forms of Love

• Companionate Love
• Hendrick and Hendrick (1986)
• Sternbergs Triangular Model of Love (1986)

30
Companionate Love

• Love that is based on friendship, mutual
  attraction, common interests, mutual respect and
  concern for each others happiness and welfare
• Likely to last long and survive inspection
• Based on very close friendship
• How we feel about those with who our lives are
  entwined

31
Hendrick Hendrick (1986)

• Four additional love styles
• Gender differences
• Men embrace both passionate love and game-playing
  love more than women
• Women embrace companionate love (storage),
  logical love, and possessive love

32
Sternbergs Triangular Model of Love

• There are three basic components of love
  relationships
• intimacy extent of bonding
• passionsexual motives and excitement
• decision/commitmentdecision to love an commit
• These three basic components are present in
  varying degrees for different couples
• When all components are thereit will last
• If components are strong and equally balanced,
  the result is consummate love

33
Sociosexuality

• A dispositional characteristic that ranges from
  an unrestricted orientation (willingness to
  engage in casual sexual interactions) to a
  restricted orientation (willingness to engage in
  sex only with emotional closeness and
  commitment).
• Restricted
• Unrestricted
• Gender Differences
• Attachment style differences

34
Changes in Sexual Attitudes and Behavior

• Sexual Revolution
• Oral Sex
• Universal?
• Sociosexuality
• Gender Differences

35
Gender Differences in Changes in Sexual Attitudes
and Behavior

• Sexual Revolution
• Premarital Sex
• Intimacy Initiation
• Token resistance
• Want and have ()
• How long do you have to know someone?
• Once involved

36
Premarital Sex and Marriage

• What is the effect?
• Sexual history and marital success

37
Is the Sexual Revolution Over?

• Permissive sexuality as a solution
• Was sex always a personal decision?
• Two consequences of sex

38
Similarity and Marriage

• Similarity over the course of a marriage.
• Two problems with similarity that are overlooked.

39
Marital Sex, Love, and Parenthood

• Sexual interaction
• Passionate love, companionate love, and marital
  satisfaction
• Parenthood and marital satisfaction

40
Marriage Versus Single

• Married pole
• Differences not so great anymore?
• Why?

41
Problems of Marriages Why They Fail

• Stats
• Compromise vs. Independence, conflict
• No one is perfect
• Unrealistic fantasies
• Disenchantment
• Costs vs. Benefits
• Difference in conflict managment

42
Problems of Marriages Why They Fail

• War of the Roses
• Sporting event
• Boredom
• Major problem later in life
• Affect

43
When a Relationship Fails

• How do people feel?
• How do different genders cope?
• How do people respond to dissatisfaction?
• Active
• Exit
• Voice
• Passive
• Loyalty
• Neglect

44
What Does a Successful Marriage Involve?

• Emphasis on Friendship
• Commitment
• Similarity
• Efforts to create positive affect
• Older couples vs. Younger couples

45
Discussion Points

• Is the sexual revolution over?
• Should marriages be arranged?
• Sexual jealously versus emotional jealousy?