Close Relationships

1
Close Relationships
2
What is on the Agenda?

• Attachment Theory
• Interdependence Theory
• Self-Disclosure
• Conflict
• Satisfaction
• Commitment
• Relationship Maintenance
• Responses to Dissatisfaction
• Some Exciting New Research

3
John Bowlby Mary Ainsworth
4
Sigmund Freud Charles Darwin
5
Attachment Theory

• The nature of childs tie to mother
• Behavioral system view
• Attachment behavioral system
• Basic function To maintain proximity to the
  primary caregiver
• Safe haven, secure base, separation protest,
  proximity seeking
• Attachment behavioral system is activated in
  times of distress

6
Attachment Theory (contd)

• Children develop mental models on the basis of
  early interactions w/ the primary caregiver
• Mental model of self The self as worthy of love,
  support, affection
• Mental model of others Others can be trusted to
  provide support help in times of need
• Mental models guide emotions, thoughts,
  behaviors throughout the life

7
Attachment Theory (contd)

• Mary Ainsworth Individual differences in
  childhood attachment patterns via the Strange
  Situation Procedure
• Secure attachment secure enough to explore
  freely, distress when the mother leaves,
  enthusiastic when she returns
• Avoidant attachment little distress at
  separation, when the caregiver returns the baby
  avoids her
• Anxious/ambivalent attachment Excessive distress
  during separation, mixed feelings (anger
  relief) in reunion

8
Attachment in Adulthood

• Romantic relationships resemble infant-caregiver
  relationships
• Interaction of three behavioral systems
  Attachment, caregiving, sexual mating
• Transference of attachment from parents to
  romantic partners

9
Attachment in Adulthood (contd)

• Two dimensions of adult attachment
• Attachment-related anxiety the degree to which
  an individual fears being rejected by significant
  others and yearns for excessive closeness to them
  
• Attachment-related avoidance refers to the
  degree to which an individual distrusts
  significant others love, limits intimacy, and
  prefers self-reliance over close relationships
• Attachment security Low on both anxiety
  avoidance

10
Attachment in Adulthood (contd)

• Secure attachment is related to favorable
  relationship outcomes such as high satisfaction,
  more constructive conflict resolution, more
  benign partner attributions, higher forgiveness,
  more effective support seeking support giving,
  optimal self-disclosure.

11
Two important questions!

• Are attachment mental models stable throughout
  the life span or can they change?
• Is attachment intergenerationally transmitted?

12
Interdependence Theory

• Analyzes interaction patterns bw partners
• Individuals evaluate their relationships based on
  the rewards costs
• What may be the rewards costs in a romantic
  dating relationship?

13
Interdependence Theory (contd)

• Comparison level The outcomes one expects or
  believes he/she deserves
• Reflects our past experiences
• Comparison level of alternatives Belief about
  the best alternate relationship currently
  available

14
Interdependence Theory (contd)

• Fair exchange
• Equality
• Needs of the ones involved
• Equity
• Equity theory
• Individuals try to maximize their outcomes
• Detection of inequity leads to distress
• Perception of inequity leads to restoration
• Underbenefitted partners generally report low
  satisfaction

15
Beyond Exchange

• Exchange relationships When partners give
  benefits to each other, they expect to receive
  comparable benefits in return
• Communal relationships Partners provide benefits
  to show concern and respond to others needs
• Are people self-interested even in their close
  relationships?

16
Self-Disclosure

• Revealing intimate info or feelings about oneself
  with another person
• Reasons for self-disclosure
• Social approval
• Relationship development
• Self-expression
• Self-clarification
• Social control
• We like people most whose self-disclosure is
  reciprocal and gradual

17
Self-Disclosure (contd)

• Risks associated w/ self control
• Indifference
• Rejection
• Loss of control
• Betrayal
• Gender difference A meta-analysis of 205 studies
  revealed a small gender difference.
• Do women or men self-disclose more? Why?

18
Intimacy

• Intimacy is created when we perceive another
  person as being responsive-paying attention to us
  and reacting in a supportive relationship
• A daily diary study The more participants
  engaged in meaningful talk the more they felt
  understood appreciated, the more connected
  intimate they felt to their partners

19
Intimacy (contd)

• Gender difference
• Meta analysis of 8 daily diary studies
• Mens same-sex interactions are substantially
  less intimate than those of women
• Why?
• Relationship bw intimacy passion!

20
Conflict

• Should conflict be avoided in close
  relationships?
• Is it always bad?
• Even in best relationships conflict is inevitable
• It is the process that occurs when the actions of
  one person interferes with the actions of another

21
Conflict (contd)

• Conflict problems
• Specific behaviors
• Norms roles
• Personality dispositions
• Does conflict always harm a relationship?

22
Satisfaction

• Interdependence theory
• Receiving rewards, general comparison level,
  comparison level of alternatives are associated
  w/ satisfaction
• Attachment theory
• Secure attachment is related to higher
  satisfaction
• Contextual factors Financial strain, the demands
  of work, etc.

23
Commitment

• All the forces that keep a person in a
  relationship
• Personal commitment Positive forces of
  attraction to a particular partner relationship
• Moral commitment influenced by values or moral
  principles, feelings of obligation to stay in the
  rel.
• Constraint commitment Lack of alternatives,
  investments
• How are satisfaction commitment related?

24
Relationship maintenance

• Positive illusions
• Misremembering the past
• Forgoing tempting alternative partners
• Explaining a partners behaviors
• Relationship enhancing External, unstable,
  specific
• Relationship effacing Internal, stable, global

25
Relationship maintenance (contd)

• Accommodation willingness, when a partner
  engages in a potentially destructive behavior, to
  inhibit the impulse to reciprocate instead to
  respond constructively
• Forgiveness
• Secure attachment is associated w/ higher
  accommodation forgiveness

26
Responses to Dissatisfaction

• Voice (active, constructive) discussing the
  problem, seeking help, trying to improve the
  situ.
• Loyalty (passive, constructive) maintaining the
  status-quo, waiting for things to improve
• Neglect (passive, destructive) allowing a
  relationship to deteriorate by doing nothing
• Exit (active, destructive) Leaving the
  relationship

27
Some exciting new research

• Ego-depletion Accommodation
• Mortality salience close relationships