Communication

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Seminar 5.3

• Communication

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Do Now

• What are the 3 tools we can use to put our
  problems into perspective?
• Describe a stressful situation that involved your
  relationships with other people (teachers,
  parents, friends, etc.).
• How did communication play into this situation?

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Communication Skills

• Much of the stress that we experience in life has
  to do with our ability to deal with other people,
  including our ability to communicate effectively.
  We have found that people who speak honestly and
  directly with others have higher self-esteem and
  that holding in a lot of negative feelings can be
  unhealthy for us.

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Our Goal

• Our goal is to teach you how to express yourself
  in ways that will empower you. We believe that
  people have the right to an opinion and the right
  to express an opinion, but that often, they do
  not express themselves for fear of retaliation or
  disapproval.

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Gender Differences/Stereotypes

• There are significant gender-based differences in
  the way people communicate.
• These can cause a lot of misunderstanding.
• Nature vs. Nurture
• Male and female brains are wired differently.
  Its a proven fact.
• Men tend to focus more on one thing at a time.
• Women tend to multi-task all the time.
• Male and female children are socialized
  differently and are expected to live up to
  certain preconceived ideals.
• Boys will be boys Its acceptable for boys to
  be aggressive.
• Lady-like behavior is usually thought of as
  being quieter, more nurturing and pleasant.

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Gender Stereotypes (contd)

• A man who communicates his opinions directly or
  bluntly is often perceived as strong and
  assertive.
• A woman who communicates her opinions directly or
  bluntly is often perceived as a b.
• This isnt a good or fair double-standard, but
  unfortunately, it exists.
• How can women use this knowledge? (Utility Method)

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Non-verbal Communication

• 80 of communication is non-verbal
• How you express your feelings and opinions is
  often more important than the words you use.
• Body language, volume, pitch, tone, eye contact,
  posture, positioning and use of hands are all
  important parts of non-verbal communication.

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Non-verbal Communication (contd)

• If you want to feel good about yourself and be
  influential with others, it is important that you
  say things very nicely and understand the
  difference between assertive, aggressive and
  passive forms of expression.
• To be assertive means to be honest, strategic and
  sensitive to other people and their needs.

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Aggressive

• An aggressive communication style is direct and
  honest but is often hurtful to others.
• Jan, on The Office uses aggressive communication
  and hurts Michael.

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Passive

• Passive or unassertive communication is dishonest
  and involves not expressing your true feelings.
• This is often used to avoid conflict or
  manipulate people into doing what you want.
• Many people alternate between a cycle of being
  unassertive, storing up resentment and then
  aggressively blowing up.

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Everybody Loves Raymond

• The mother-in-law, Marie, uses passive
  communication to insult her daughter-in-laws
  cooking.

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Assertive

• Assertive communication includes everything from
  giving constructive feedback, making requests,
  making refusals, expressing feelings to giving
  compliments.

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Rules for Assertiveness

• Think before you speak.
• Dont criticize people directlyremember the
  Utility Method.
• Use I Statements.
• Identify specific behaviors that you like and
  dislikecriticize the behavior, not the person.

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Or as Ray and Star say. . .

• The authors of the Rise Above It self-help
  book put it this way.
• Before you say something, ask yourself
• Is it kind?
• Is it true?
• Is it useful?

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Ticket Out

• On your ticket out, answer the following
  questions
• What are the 3 types of communication?
• Which type do you most often use?
• Describe a time when you used that type of
  communication.