Dating and Courtship

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Dating and Courtship
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Courtship

• Allows people to win the affection of those to
  whom they are attracted
• Most societies have rituals - men have to
  prove their ability to being able to provide and
  women be the alluring and nurturing

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In Canada?

• Are there still courtship rituals in todays
  modern Canadian society?

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Early Canada

• In early Canadians followed the British system
  men had to leave calling cards with families
  that they wished to visit
• Young ladies and their mothers had at homes
  where young men were invited to tea
• Each young man was expected to compete for the
  young ladys attention

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Bundling

• In agricultural communities, the practice of
  bundling occurred
• Because of the distance between farms etc,
  afternoon visits were difficult, so families
  practiced bundling
• The young couple were allowed to be tucked into
  bed together with a board in between, in order
  to get to know each other
• However the result was that almost 1/3 of brides
  were pregnant on their wedding day!

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Dating

• During the 2oth century, the concept of dating
  began
• Young people would meet at church or community
  events, such as dances etc and went out initially
  in larger groups of friends
• By the 1920s men began taking the initiative and
  asking women out and paying for the event
• 1930s the idea of going out meant you were
  an exclusive couple but not necessarily
  discussing marriage

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• 1950s Western idea of romantic love dating,
  falling in love and then marriage
• Market experience perspective dating was
  effective because you could get to know the
  person , judge their character etc and then
  decide on the characteristics that you were
  looking for in a mate
• Bernard Murnstein individuals pass their dates
  through a series of filters to screen out
  unacceptable partners and to select someonemre
  like themselves

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Mursteins Filter Theory

• Bernard Murstein explained the relationship among
  dating, social homogamy, and social exchange as a
  multi-step process. He uses the analogy of
  sifting to suggest that individuals pass their
  dates through a series of filters to screen out
  unacceptable marriage partners. This process of
  filtering leads an individual to only let one
  acceptable partner through, which ultimately
  leads to marriage.

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• Field of Eligibles
• Who is out there, the general population
• Propinquity Filter
• Who is close to us. An available group to
  choose from. (proximity )
• Attraction Filter (Physical Attraction/Personalit
  y)
• Judgment based on appearance and individual
  characteristics

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• Homogamy Filter (Age, Race, Education,
  Socio-Economic Class, Religion)
• Judgment based on how similar these factors
  are to the individual
• Compatibility Filter (Temperment, Attitudes and
  Values, Needs, Roles, Habits
• Judgment based on similarities of these more
  intangible qualities
• Trial Filter (Cohabitation, Engagement)
• Statement of commitment here. Test of the
  compatibility of all previous filters.

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• Decision Filter
• Final decision is made here to see if individual
  is the right choice
• Marriage

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So what does dating have to do with Marital
Success?

• According to Martin King Whyte, not much
• He found no correlation between dating
  experience, length of dating, engagement, degree
  of premarital intimacy, and marital success
• In dating, you have to decide yes or not on one
  person at a time
• He found that marriages are slightly less
  successful with more dating experience it
  increases an individuals expectations and
  therefore it is more difficult to make a choice
  or feel satisfied in a relationship

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If Dating is not an indicator of marital success,
what is?

• Actually, love
• Whyte found that being in love when you marry is
  the best indicator of marital success
• The process of getting to know someone is
  increasingly, in our society, being combined with
  sexual intimacy before marriage
• To the point that , if you think about Sternberg,
  the expression of passion through sexual activity
  precedes the development of intimacy and
  commitment to the relationship

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The 21st Century

• courtship behaviour of Canadians have changed
• Cohabitation and the delay in marriage are
  changing societys norms
• The idea of being with someone seems to always
  have a sexual connotation or expectation of that
  happening
• The text book speaks of a shift from competing
  to win someones affection to being very
  selective about what the other has to offer
• There is a much less formal pattern of courtship
  today and it is a much more complicated process