Lesson 6

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Lesson 6 Dating and Mate Selection
Robert Wonser
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Dating

• Dating as we know it developed in the 20th
  century. It is a practice in which people meet
  and participate in activities together in order
  to get to know each other.

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Filtering

• When we see people we filter them as either being
  in or out of our pool of eligibles.
• Filtering is the process of identifying those we
  interact with as either being in or out of our
  pool of people we might consider to be a date or
  mate.

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Forming Relationships, Selecting Mates

• The process of selecting mates is largely
  determined by society
• Two concepts (homogamy and propinquity) tell us a
  lot about how this process works.

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Forming Relationships, Selecting Mates

• Homogamy means like marries like, and is
  demonstrated by the fact that we tend to choose
  mates who are similar to us in
• class, race, ethnicity, age, religion, education,
  and even levels of attractiveness.
• Propinquity is the tendency to marry or have
  relationships with people in close geographic
  proximity.
• Jerry Falls in Love with Himself

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What about the effect of new technologies?

• Propinquity is logical we are likely to find
  possible mates among the people in our
  neighborhood, at work, or at school.
• The internet makes courtship and romance possible
  across much greater geographical areas, as we can
  now meet and converse with people in all parts of
  the world, so our pool of potential mates moves
  beyond local bounds.
• But even this technology may intensify homogamy
  by bringing together people with very specific
  interests and identities.

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We Like Those Like Ourselves

• The similarity principle states that the more
  similar two people perceive themselves to be, the
  more likely their relationship will continue and
  succeed.

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Signs of Attraction

• increased pulse rate blood pressure
• rapid breathing
• tensed muscles better posture
• blushing/flushed
• agitation
• eyes
• body orientation and distance

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Why do you date?
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What do you personally look for in a
date?Specific characteristics (physical or
otherwise)Who influences this?
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Personal Ads

• If you were to write a personal ad, how would you
  describe yourself and what you have to offer?

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Sexual Aggression and Dating Violence

• Verbal Sexual Coercion
• -using verbal coercion to obtain sex
• Date Rape
• -forcing of involuntary sex
• Progression of Violence
• -verbal aggression may progress to physical
  aggression

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Avoiding Date Rape

• go to a public place
• share expenses so you dont owe him
• avoid drugs and alcohol
• dont leave drinks unattended
• avoid ambiguous verbal and non verbal behavior
• be forceful and firm
• if things get out of hand, be loud, leave, get
  help

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Applying Theory

• Exchange Theory
• Assumptions
• We maximize rewards while minimizing costs
• If rewards are greater we choose that mate
• If costs are greater we move onn
• Costs and rewards are determined by the actor,
  not the observer
• Application
• Abusive relationships

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Applying Theory

• Stimulus-Value-Role Theory
• Assumptions
• The exchange is mutual and dependent upon the
  subjective assets and liabilities each person
  brings to the relationship
• Stimulus
• Trait that draws your attention
• Value
• What is desirable
• Role
• Being a boyfriend

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Applying Theory

• Stimulus-Value-Role Theory
• Application
• You see someone in class and the stimulus is that
  you think he is cute
• Sit next to him and talk to him after class
• Drop a pencil to see if he picks it up for you
• In talking you find he is a conservative just
  like you-values
• After a while you start to date-role

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