Dealing With People

1
Brinkman, R. and Kirschner, R. (2004) Dealing
With People You Cant Stand New York,
McGraw-Hill
2
Normal Zone
More Assertive
Less Assertive
Brinkman, R. and Kirschner, R. (2004) Dealing
With People You Cant Stand New York, McGraw-Hill
3
Some Propositions

• We have practiced and learned patterns of
  behaviour
• Every behaviour has a purpose or intent
• We choose behaviours (like we choose clothes to
  wear) to further our intent.

4
Some Options

• Do nothing
• Walk away
• Change your attitude to them
• Change your behaviour

5
Skilful Communication

• Blending - to reduce differences
• Listen to understand and find things in common
• Show you understand
• Play back, clarify, summarise and confirm.
• Redirect - to build rapport
• Listen to identify positive and real intent
• Identify criteria that is valued
• State your positive intent
• Appreciate criticism.

6
Some Approaches
Behavioural Types Characteristics Approaches
Whiner Unfair world Nothing ever right Helpless/Overwhelmed Form problem solving alliance Listen and interrupt Get specific Shift focus to solutions Show the future Draw the line
No Negative No solutions/way out Can be mild mannered Move to problem solving Go with flow Use person as resource Leave the door open Acknowledge good intent
Nothing Says little No feedback No reaction Get them to talk Plan enough time Open questions Lighten up Show the future
7
Some Approaches
Behavioural Types Characteristics Approaches
Tank Confrontational Pointed and angry Pushy and aggressive Command respect Hold your ground Interrupt the attack Play back main points Aim for bottom line Peace with honour
Sniper Rude Sarcastic Scoffing Bring out of hiding Stop, look, play back Use questioning Look for grievances Suggest civil future
Know-it-All Dislikes correction Black is white Blames others Open their minds Be prepared Respectful play back Present views indirectly Turn them into a mentor
8
Some Approaches
Behavioural Types Characteristics Approaches
Grenade Unfocused ranting Calm between raving Take control of situation Get their attention Aim for the heart Reduce intensity Try prevention
Maybe Indecisive Procrastination Decision makes itself Help them learn to think decisively Establish comfort zone Clarify options/conflicts Focus on decision making Reassure and follow-up Strengthen relationship
Yes Avoid confrontation Please people Over commit Get commitments to count on Make it safe to be honest Help plan and prioritise Ensure commitment Strengthen relationship