Bell Ringer

1
Bell Ringer

• Define relationships, dating relationships, and
  communication
• Give examples for both
• What are some benefits of having a relationship
• Divide into 2 groups
• 1st group please list the characteristics of a
  healthy relationship
• 2nd group please list the characteristics of an
  unhealthy relationship

2
Building Healthy Relationships

• When relationships Change
• More than just friends?

3
Building Relationship

• Spending time together in a close relationship
• Can be complex
• Consist of friendship, romantic love, intimacy

4
Do you think there is pressure do date? If so,
where does it come from?

• Friends
• - No set age or time to start dating
• - Some people wait until they are finished
  school because other things are more important
• Media
• - Images of couples in movies, TV, advertising
• - Not always realistic

5
Do you think there is pressure to date? If so,
where does it come from?

• Some teens may feel pressure to date from
  friends. Many people do not start dating until
  they have finish school because other things are
  more important to them.

6
Dating Sterotypes

• What are some of the typical stereotypes when
  it comes to dating?
• Who ask who out on a date?

7
What about Sex?

• Who typically initiates sexual advances in a
  relationship?
• Is it a stereotype that only males initiate
  sexual activity and place pressure on their
  partners.

8
Communication

• If a relationship is going to move to a sexual
  level, it should be discussed prior to the act
  not 2 minutes while otherwise occupied.

9
Sex continued

• Every committed couple needs to have an open
  relationship about what is expected on this
  subject.
• Always remember that moving a relationship to a
  sexual level is an adult behavior.
• And unfortunately although being an adult may
  seem great.. The adult consequences that come
  from sexual relationships are very serious.

10
Are we ready for the consequences?

• How about being a parent at 18?

11
Instant Responsibility
12
Babies are cute, are STDs?
13
Enough about sex.. Lets get back to relationships

• What factors influence the qualities we look for
  in a partner?
• Parents families?
• Media?
• Friends?

14
Activity

• In pairs, think of 10 questions you would like
  to ask someone before you started dating, or
  qualities the person should have.

15
What do you want?

• Think about the relationships that you know..
• What are some of the good things that you have
  witnessed growing up?
• What about some of the negative things that you
  have witnessed that you never what to have in
  your relationship.

16
Class ActivityRelationship Progression

• We are going to look at how a relationship
  progress from the first feelings of attraction,
  to dating, and perhaps a sexual activity.
• We are building it, step by step.
• We will be looking at the components of
  relationships and putting them in the correct
  order.

17
Feedback

• Does everyone agree that this is the correct
  order?
• Will all relationships progress this way?
• Where does / should love be placed in the
  progression?
• Have we build a real relationship or and
  ideal relationship?

18
Mature / Immature love

• Often people think they are in love but
  sometimes it turns out to be infatuation rather
  than mature love.
• Signs of immature love could be one person
  taking more than giving, jealousy, one person
  making all the decisions, broken promises,
  possible violence.

19
Qualities of a mature loving relationship

• Showing that you care for the other person.
• Having a sense of humor.
• Communicating with each other.
• Doing meaningful things together.
• Maintaining relationships with other people.
• Tolerate each others weaker moments
• Sexual fulfillment accepting the decision to
  wait or participate.

20
Relationships, Attraction and Love
21
Relationships

• 1. Friendships
• 2. Attraction
• 3. Dating
• a. Acquaintance
• b. Build up
• c. Continuation
• d. Deterioration
• e. Ending

• 4. Intimacy
• 5. Communication
• a. self disclosure
• b. listening skills men vs women
• d. constructive criticism
• 1. responding to criticism
• 2. conflict resolution

22
Relationships

• 6. Trust
• 7. Commitment
• 8. Honesty
• 9. Empathy

• 11. Jealousy
• a. Suspicious Jealousy
• b. Reactive Jealousy
• c. Gender Differences
• d. Sexual Orientation Differences
• 12. Love
• 13. Marriage

23
Friendships

• Friendship is a unique bond. They are usually
  more forgiving than lovers. Friends develop a
  greater tolerance for growth and change, because
  they also spend more time away, and lead
  separate lives.

24
Intimate Relationships

• Whereas friendships may be casual, intimacy by
  definition is deeply personal and trusting.
• Intimate relationships are characterized by
  sharing deep personal information.
• Intimacy grows out of friendship and usually is
  nurtured through dating.

25
Stages of Intimate Relationships

• 1. Acquaintance / attraction stage
• When one person tries to meet another
• First impressions

26
1. Acquaintance /Attraction stage

• How do people meet?
• Research shows
• 35 through mutual friends
• 32 self introduction
• 15 family members
• 13 coworkers, classmates, neighbors
• 5 other

27
Non Verbal Signals

• Positive Non-verbals
• Women are more sensitive to nonverbals than men
  are
• Non verbal signals-women smiling, hair flip,
  leaning close...
• Pupil size. Pupils will increase when they look
  at something they are interested in

• Leaning forward
• Negative non-verbals
• lets you know the person does not want to talk to
  you.
• Arms crossed, tight lips, cold shoulder,
  expressionless eyes
• Looking bored, poor eye contact - looking around
  the room (could just be nervous)

28
What do we find attractive?
29
What do we find attractive?

• Attractive people are judged to be more
  sensitive, interesting, smart, kinder and happier

30
What do we find attractive?

• For women
• -neatness, occupation, education, and income
  potential, mens backside
• For men
• -physical traits (pretty, thin, not too done up
  not too much make up or hair spray, breasts)

31
What do we find attractive?

• Some women consider taller men more attractive.
• Some men prefer women about 4 1/2 inches shorter
  than them.

32
What do we find attractive?

• Both genders rate people more attractive when
  they are smiling.
• Research suggests men still prefer more demure
  women than those who are more dominant and
  outgoing.
• Characteristics such as warmth, fidelity,
  honesty, and sensitivity were rated higher in
  importance than physical appearance as desirable
  qualities in a prospective partner for
  meaningful, long term relationships.

33
What do we find attractive?

• The single most highly desired quality in a long
  term relationship
• Honesty

34
How do you approach?

• Women tend to use nonverbal, covert
  communications to signal availability and
  interest
• Men generally report that they find it flattering
  to have a woman stare or wink at them from across
  the room

35
How do you approach?

• Men initiate communication with an opening line
• Women tend to prefer innocuous, non sexual
  opening lines
• Women are not likely to respond positively to
  cute, flippant or blatantly sexual lines

36
What are your favorite opening lines?

• What does it feel like to be the most beautiful
  women in the room?
• Im new in town, could you give me directions to
  your apartment?
• Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone
  number, can I have yours?

37
2. The Buildup Stage

• Partners move from merely knowing each other to
  caring about each other.
• Test compatibility
• Look forward to being together

38
2. The Buildup Stage

• Probing phase of building a relationship
• Seeking common ground and checking feelings of
  attraction
• Small talk
• Superficial conversation
• Stresses breadth of topic coverage rather than in
  depth discussion

39
2. The Buildup Stage

• People who disclose too much too soon are seen as
  less secure, less mature and less desirable to
  date. Being open and honest is important, but
  dont move too quickly
• Women disclose feelings more than men do but
  research suggests that the difference is rather
  small.

40
3. Continuation Stage

• This stage follows a mutual commitment to a
  long-term relationship.
• Off the market
• Mutual trust is essential for a relationship to
  continue
• Dont let boredom set in, dont fall into a rut

41
4. Deterioration Stage

• Not all relationships go to this stage.
• In those that do, this stage marks the beginning
  of the end
• feelings of discontent, and dissatisfaction
• feeling rejected, misunderstood
• loss of affection, openness, trust and enjoyment
• argue more
• growing apart
• failure to invest time and energy into the
  relationship
• failure to cultivate the relationship

42
4. Deterioration Stage

• Maybe seek marital / couples therapy
• Try new things
• Make sure to spend time together
• Don't take each other for granted
• Don't forget to date
• Do things to enhance the relationship
• Work on communication

43
4. Deterioration Stage

• It is irrational and damaging to a relationship
  to assume that good relationships require no
  investment of time or energy.

44
5. Ending Stage

• Reasons for leaving
• When the negatives outweigh the positives
• When social constraints are lessened
• When alternative partners are available
• Problems in communications and jealousy are most
  common reasons.

45
5. Ending Stage

• Once you have decided you want to break up, dont
  prolong the inevitable. Face to face is better
  than a call or e-mail. Dont let them hear it
  from someone else
• Use I statements, dont make promises you cant
  keep
• Avoid jumping into a new relationship right away

46
Loneliness

• Causes
• Lack of social skills
• Lack of interest in other people
• Lack of empathy
• Fear of rejection
• Failure to disclose personal information to
  potential friends

• Causes cont.
• Cynicism about human nature
• Demanding too much too soon
• General pessimism
• External locus of control

47
Coping with Loneliness

• Challenge your feelings about pessimism
• Challenge your cynicism about human nature
• Make numerous social contacts

• Be assertive
• Fight fair
• Remember that youre worthy of friends
• Use your college counseling center

48
Coping with Loneliness

• Challenge the idea that failure in social
  relationships is awful and is thus a valid reason
  for giving up on them

• Become a good listener
• Give people a chance to get to know you