Working with Difficult People

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Working with Difficult People
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Lets Know

• Why people are difficult
• Types of difficult behavior
• Coping skills and techniques to help you
  communicate

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Why Are People Difficult?

• People feel
• Rushed not enough time
• Insecure
• Angry
• And have some need or interest
• Stressed!!!

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Scenario 1
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A Difficult Person Can Be ...

• Hostile-Aggressive
• Know-It-All
• Yes-Person
• Whiner
• Never-Say-A-Word
• Indecisive Staller
• No-Person

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Hostile AggressiveAKA The Tank

• Bullies their way toward the results they want.
• Belittles you in front of anyone.
• Tries to convince you that you are doing a poor
  job when you are doing fine.

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The Know-It-All

• Controls people and events by dominating
  conversation with lengthy, imperious arguments.
• Tries to find flaws in everything.

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The Yes-Person

• Answers Yes to every request without thinking
  about what is being promised .
• Has deep-seated anxiety and a lot of resentment.
• Seeks approval and avoids disapproval.
• And even if all the promises can be kept, the
  Yes-Person no longer has a life!

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The No-Person

• Able to defeat big ideas with a single syllable
• Deadly to morale

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The Whiner

• Avoids taking responsibility.
• Wants sympathy.
• Has negative view of the world.
• Its important for these people to get their
  opinions across. If you ignore them, they
  increase their protests.

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The Never-Say-A-WordAKA The Clam

• Timid, uncomfortable, and uncertain.
• Wants to avoid conflict or hurting anyone.
• Often feels angry because the wrong decision
  was made.
• Some cant relate authentically or speak honestly.

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The Indecisive Staller

• Could be an overwhelmed Yes-Person.
• Could be a procrastinator.
• Has reservations about the project.
• Doesnt organize or prioritize work.

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Difficult Person Coping Plan
1.Assess the Situation 2. Stop wishing they
were different! 3. Get distance between you and
the difficult behavior 4. Formulate a plan for
interrupting the interaction 5. Implement
strategy 6. Monitor coping process 7. Modify or
abandon plan, if necessary

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Dealing with The Tank

• If possible, get them to sit down.
• Dont back down. Let them vent. Dont take it
  personally. Step away from the emotion.
• Identify their issuethe facts of the matter.
• Explain benefits of your point of view. Express
  your side in factual terms.
• Allow aggressor to save face.

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Dealing with the Know-It-All

• Know your facts. Be prepared.
• Listen carefully and paraphrase the main points.
• Use questions to raise issues.
• If necessary, subordinate yourself to avoid
  static and commit yourself to building a more
  equal relationship in the future.

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Dealing with the Yes-Person

• Work to get to the underlying issues.
• Tell how much you value them as people.
• Give them permission to say No.
• Ask them to tell about any aspect of your product
  that is not as good as the best.
• Listen to their humor -- hidden messages?

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Dealing with the No-Person

• Work to get to the underlying issues.
• Find out the reason for disagreement
• Show the other side
• Show the benefits

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Dealing with the Whiner

• Dont respond if they are blaming you. Dont
  sympathize if they are at fault.
• Make a list of all complaints from constant
  complainers before you discuss problem.
• Make sure the facts are correct.
• Make the Whiner propose solutions to fix the
  problem.

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Dealing with The Clam

• Try to draw them out about topics that are
  non-threatening.
• Ask open-ended questions.
• Wait for a response -- calmly. (Dont fill the
  silence with your chatter.)
• If you get no response, comment on whats
  happening. End your comment with an open-ended
  question.

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Dealing with the Staller

• Help document their goals and deadlines
• Listen for indirect words, hesitations.
• Ask them how you can help them achieve their
  goals.
• Follow up on intermediate deadlines. Hold them
  to the deadlines.
• Make it easy for them to tell you what is
  preventing their action.

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Scenario 2
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And What About You...
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Its All About ATTITUDE!

• You are not going to change THEM.
• You will have to work with THEM.
• You are the one who can make the change.
• Make it happen!
• Be Positive

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Principles of Human Behavior

• All people are motivated .
• You cannot motivate others you can provide the
  environment, skills, etc.
• People do things for their reasons, not ours.
• We are all different...Relationships should
  complement and complete each other.

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Communication Is The Key...

• Be clear about what is to be done.
• Be clear about who is to do it.
• Two parts to the message
• Speaker has an image
• Listener has an image
• Are they the same?

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Offline Coping Techniques

• Dont take their behavior or words personally.
• Write down details of what annoys you.
• Think about why it annoys you.
• Which of your buttons does this person push? Why
  do you respond to them in the way you do?

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Offline Coping Techniques (continued)

• How would you like to respond? List the
  advantages of different responses.
• Monitor yourself.
• Give yourself positive feedback when you succeed
  in not getting caught up in the emotions of
  difficult people.
• Be a happier person by handling all those you
  encounter with charm and grace.

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Some Final Tips

• Give support where needed.
• Be an information broker.
• Learn to keep it light.
• Dont forget to smile.