Conflict Communication

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Conflict Communication

• Part II

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Chapter 8

• Anger

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Anger

• What is Anger?
• Anger is importantlarge effects on social
  relationships
• Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure
• Antagonism and rage are synonymous
• Different from hurt or irritated
• May lead to revenge and/or violence
• Anger can sometimes be used constructively

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Misconceptions

• We are not capable of controlling destructive
  anger
• Uncontrolled and destructive anger expression is
  natural
• Uncontrolled and destructive anger expression is
  a force that must be released
• E.g. venting, letting off steam, blow your
  top
• Others cause our anger

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Anger

• Most common between close ties
• More contact
• More caring about the actions/feelings of the
  other
• Greater interdependence
• Relationship success matters more
• More confident that expression is acceptable
• Greater predictability

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Anger

• Anger manifestations
• 1. One type occurs instantly with no malice or
  forethought
• Even in people not generally viewed as hostile or
  aggressive.
• 2. Another form festers away over time
• Revenge.
• 3. A third type is attached to ones personality
  trait-like
• Beneath the surface
• Can quickly manifest when individuals feel
  pressured, defensive, attacked, told what to do
  (control)

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Anger

• Type 3 trait-like anger
• Enduring disposition to experiencing anger more
  frequently, more intensely, and for a longer
• Often tuned to anger-related words
• Responds to anger words more quickly than to
  other emotion words
• People who have low-anger trait tend to
  spontaneously reframe the circumstances in ways
  that deflect or inhibit their anger

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Anger

• Different sources of anger loss of control,
  frustration, fear, insecurity, loss, sadness
• Men and women experience it differently
• Men anger is empoweringthey have power and it
  gives them more
• Women emerges out of feelings of frustration and
  powerlessness
• As people age
• Less likely to exhibit trait anger.
• Anger for older adults (50s and up) is less
  frequent and less intense
• Less overt displays of anger

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Anger

• Managing Anger
• Three Different Ways of Expressing or Not
  Expressing Ones Anger
• Anger-Ins (hold it in)
• Anger-outs (express it)
• Anger controllers (manage it)

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Anger

• Anger-ins
• Difficulty in admitting that they are angry
• Know that they are angry but dont want to tell
  the other person
• Tell others about their anger
• Generally passive aggressive.

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Anger

• Anger-outs
• Automatic reactions, quick to criticize, blame,
  and accuse
• Minor aggressive acts such as bickering
• Verbal aggression
• Physical aggression, force

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Anger

• Anger controllers
• Think positively about conflict
• Use techniques to better manage it
• Collaborate and work together toward mutually
  satisfactory solutions
• Use the S-TLC system
• Negotiate rather than compete
• Manage the conflict climate and stress levels
• Use assertive communication behavior
• Employ the steps of the interpersonal
  confrontation ritual

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Anger

• Interpersonal confrontation ritual
• Identify problem(s)/needs/issues
• Be honest, be complete
• Many people cant remember what they were
  fighting about
• Signal the need to talk
• In a way that doesnt threaten face or inflame
• Confront talk about your problem
• Be assertive, not aggressive
• Listen to feedback
• Resolve seek mutual agreement
• Seek compromise as a last resort
• Follow up set a time/place

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Anger

• What to do before expressing (or withholding)
  anger
• Take time out
• Use relaxation exercises
• Engage in self-talk
• Seek alternative ways to release anger
• Uncover the emotion that is disguised as anger
• See your part in the problem
• Mentally switch places with the other

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Anger

• If you must expressing anger do it effectively
• Dont yell, make threatening gestures, curse or
  swear, threaten, mock, or use alcohol as a means
  of courage
• Express after cooling down
• Direct at the target
• Restore a sense of justice
• Regain control
• Dont invite retaliation
• Anticipate the effect of your words and actions
• Try to keep the other focused on the here and now

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Anger

• If another is the one in anger
• Remain calm
• Acknowledge the source of anger
• Listen and reflect
• Walk away if necessary
• But promise to engage later

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Managing Face

• Chapter 9

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Conflict and Face Issues

• What is it?
• Impression or image people have of themselves
• Based on the approval and acceptance of others
• Looking glass self
• Isnt necessarily very accurate
• One of our most valuable possessions
• Often very fragile
• Heavily guarded well defended
• All this is impression management

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Fundamental assumption
• People are motivated to create and maintain
  impressions of themselves (core of many conflict
  situations)
• Demands of face
• Create and sustain self-identity create,
  protect, and maintain others identities
• When people lose face shame (self-focused)
  and/or guilt (behavior-focused)
• May also seek retaliation

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Positive face
• A positive and consistent self image that is
  accepted by the group, peers, others
• We want to feel that others approve and agree
  with this (somewhat fictional) self image
• Desire to be liked and admired
• Relates to self-esteem issues

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Face-threatening act acts that conflict with the
  face wants and needs
• Autonomous face (also negative face)
• Im in control of my fate, responsible mature
• Im self-sufficient, independent, reliable
• May be seen as silent leaders
• Im part of the team, but I lead by example
• Impose on my freedom to be in control face
  threat (respond with defensiveness)
• Psychological reactance

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Conflict and Face Issues

• What triggers negative face threats?
• Threat, order, warning, request, reminder,
  suggestion, advice, promise, expressions of
  admiration, envy, hated, lust
• We can signal that we have weak negative face
• Expressing thanks, accepting thanks, accepting an
  apology, accepting an excuse, accepting an offer

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Other Face Concepts

• Fellowship face
• Need to be seen as a valued member of the group
• Focus on cohesiveness, equal participation, etc.
• Dont stand out from the others
• Competence face
• Our desire to be identified with a role
• E.g. Im the computer expert. Im very competent
• I want to be seen as reliable by my peers
• Threaten defensiveness

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Protecting others autonomy face
• Ask open-ended questions
• Listen without judging
• Explore options
• Dont exclude others

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Facework
• Establish/maintain impressions of ourselves to
  others support or deny the impressions that
  others are making
• "the communicative strategies one uses to enact
  self-face and to uphold, support, or challenge
  another person's face" (Masumoto, Oetzel, Takai,
  Ting-Toomey, Yokochi, 2000).

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Preventive faceworktactics
• See the situation from the others perspective
• How does the issue affect the other and the
  others self-image?
• Initially (at least) accept what the other person
  says at face value
• Accept the other persons right to change his or
  her mind
• Avoid face-threatening topics use communication
  practices that minimize threats to face.

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Preventive faceworktactics
• Use politeness and disclaimers
• Hedging indicate uncertainty and receptivity to
  suggestions
• Cognitive disclaimer asserting that the behavior
  is reasonable and under control, despite
  appearances
• Credentialing indicating you have good reasons
  and appropriate qualifications for your
  statements
• Sin license indicating that this is an
  appropriate occasion to violate the rule not a
  character defect.
• Appeal for suspended judgment asking the other
  to withhold judgment until it is explained.

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Supportive Facework helps reinforce the way the
  other is presenting himself or herself
• 1. Do I try to make the other feel important?
• 2. Do I try to make the other look good to other
  people?
• 3. Do I try to make the other think that they are
  winning?
• 4. Do I try to make the other feel secure?
• 5. Do I try to make the other believe that I am
  honest and trustworthy?

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Corrective Facework statements meant to
  ameliorate the effect of face-threatening
  messages
• 1. People overestimate their own level of
  cooperation and underestimate the other persons
• 2. Scanning checking out the perceptions created
• Question the other to confirm
• 3. Explaining used when we perceive that the
  other has not taken our message in the way we
  meant it

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Repair Sequence (ritual)
• 1. Offending situation the others behavior is
  perceived as intentional and hurtful
• Whether accurate or not
• Face threatening hard to continue until
  addressed
• 2. Reproach request for an explanation of an
  offense from the one offended
• Verbal, nonverbal, aggressive, passive-aggressive
• If perception (step 1) is inaccurate, this can be
  a trigger

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Repair Sequence (continued)
• 3. Remedy (account)
• Refuse to act or even note (most unsatisfying)
• Provide an account (explanation excuse or
  justification)
• Concessions admit the offenders guilt and offer
  restitution
• Apologies are admissions of blameworthiness and
  regret on the part of the offender
• supplied by an offender
• 4. Acknowledgment evaluation of the account
  supplied by the one offended
• Were even, were OK, I accept your reason
• Or, rejection of the remedy

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Image Restoration Remedies

• Excuse
• Impairment, diminished responsibility, scapegoat
  status, victim of sad circumstances, etc.
• Justification
• No harm occurred, it was deserved, other people
  do it, I meant well, I had a responsibility to do
  it
• Concession
• I admit it, let me make it up
• Apology
• I admit it, and I truly regret it

Weak restore
Strong restore
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Apologies

• Admission of blameworthiness AND regret
• Request for pardon, self-castigation, help
• Offender wants to restore positive face
• Appearance of a genuine apology can lessen
  emotional state of those with high trait
  hostility

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Conflict And Impression Management In Cyberspace
• Attractiveness of friends who leave messages on
  persons wall in Facebook affects impressions of
  that persons attractiveness
• Comments made by others about a person on his or
  her profile are more influential in creating
  impressions than self-made statements
• Facebook used more by socially adept people to
  strengthen relationships than by socially anxious
  people to create them

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Responding to Others
• Results indicate that apologies and/or offering
  some corrective action were seen as the most
  appropriate and effective ways to restore ones
  image

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Conflict and Face Issues

• Conflict And Impression Management In Cyberspace
• In their study of online conflict, Smith,
  McLaughlin, and Osborne found that few people
  replied to reproaches and seldom completed the
  traditional repair sequence
• Negative conflict behaviors were more frequent in
  CMC than FTF
• Higher levels of avoidance and lower levels of
  forcing in computer-mediated negotiation

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Forgiveness

• Chapter 10

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Forgiveness

• Is there an event in your life that you find
  difficult to forgive?
• Why?
• What would it take for you to forgive?
• What are the consequences of forgiving?
• What have been the consequences of not forgiving?

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Forgiveness

• Most important part of conflict management
• Only way to transform the meaning of the event
• Only way to minimize the likelihood of repeating
  the event
• Repeats become more destructive with each
  iteration
• Not needed in every conflict situation
• Depends on intimacy of relationship, degree of
  outcome importance
• Conscious decision to reduce our focus on the
  event
• We decide not to change the future based on the
  past
• We decide to move beyond victimization

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Forgiveness

• Reconciliation
• The process of restoring a damaged relationship
  (creating a new one, more accurately)
• Forgiving and reconciling are not the same
• We can forgive, but choose not to reconcile (or
  even let them know we forgive)
• Forgiving and reconciling are not one-time events
• We tend to return to them cognitively and
  emotionally
• We deal with different parts over time
• Competent conflict managers use forgiveness and
  reconciliation strategies effectively
• Develop a repertoire of responses

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Without competence in forgiveness and
reconciliation skills, relationships will end

• And generate history, feelings, and other effects
  that persist

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Forgiveness

• Relational Transgressions
• Concern core relational rules
• Expectations about the way we should behave
  toward others and the way they should behave
  toward us
• We assume a truth bias toward friends and lovers.
• Deception deliberately altering information to
  change a persons perceptions
• We assume a helping orientation toward friends
  and lovers
• Violations leave strong emotional residues

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Forgiveness

• Forgiveness cognitive process letting go of
  feelings of revenge and desires to retaliate.
• Aids in transforming the meaning of the event, or
  changing the way we view the event and the person
• Reframing is key
• Unforgiveness cognitive process not letting go
  of feeling of revenge and retaliation
• Revenge an eye for an eye.
• Reconciliation behavioral process actions to
  restore a relationship or create a new one
• Distinct from forgiveness.

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Forgiveness

• Advantages Of Forgiveness
• Mental Health
• Raises self-esteem and lowers depression
• Physical Health
• Unforgiveness creates stress harsh long-term
  effects
• Higher levels of pain for trait-based
  unforgiveness
• Widely demonstrated links to cardiovascular
  health
• Why dont we forgive?
• Other hasnt admitted wrongdoing, apology
  insincere, desire to be a victim
• Empathy skill leads to higher levels of
  forgiveness
• Ageyounger (college age study) harder
• Dont know how, no support

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Forgiveness

• Working through forgiveness
• Can be taught its a skill
• Levels of Forgiveness
• Forgiveness for own sake (its healthy, feels
  better)
• Forgiveness because of empathy understanding
  that the other needs forgiveness, or
• Forgiveness for the sake of the relationship (not
  necessarily the other or self)
• Higher level of empathy he/she is like me
  (difficult)
• Even higher level of empathy I am like him/her
  (most difficult)
• I could do this to others, too

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Forgiveness

• Working Through Reconciliation (optional)
• Levels of Reconciliation
• No reconciliation repression, victim status, low
  trust, bitterness
• Possible reconciliation
• Usually after admission
• Conditional reconciliation
• After expression of regret and apology
• Processual reconciliation
• Some attempt at a remedy
• Restoration

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Forgiveness

• Working Through Reconciliation (cont.)
• Steps toward Reconciliation
• 1 Account and apology (we usually need these to
  proceed)
• 2 Acceptance of account and apology or its
  absence
• We must reframe the other and the event
• 3 Forgiveness may or may not be verbally
  communicated
• We may simply act as though its forgiven
• 4 Transforming the relationship, if desired
• Less intimate, more intimate, different type of
  relationship
• 5 Actions confirm forgiveness and reconciliation
• Beware negative self-fulfilling prophecies we
  can create the behaviors in the other we expect
  to see
• Create positive self-fulfilling prophecies

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Forgiveness

• Working Through Reconciliation (cont.)
• Forgiveness and reconciliation feed each other in
  ongoing relationships
• After forgiving one another, we tell each other
  that the act is forgiven, which allows us to act
  without reference to the offense
• In turn, we feel better about our relationship
  and can talk about our relationship without
  reference to the offense.
• In turn, actions confirm words which creates the
  reality of our forgiveness.

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(No Transcript)
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Forgiveness

• Moving Beyond Victimization
• We tend to want to find someone to blame (not
  ourselves)
• Sometimes, we must forgive without communication
• When reconciliation is not safe, not possible,
  not desired by you. Not desired by the
  transgressor, etc.
• In these cases, any expression of anger, hurt,
  etc. may make it worse we cant risk the
  vulnerability
• We learn to move on drop the baggage
• Seeking revenge hurts us more
• We MUST do this if we want to continue
  interaction
• Sometimes realize that, like us, the other is
  doing the best that he/she can

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Forgiveness

• Seeking forgiveness (offender initiated)
• Offender experiences feelings of shame and guilt
  for the offense
• Offender makes a decision to seek forgiveness
• Offender expresses remorse and repentance
• Victim should recognize that this is humbling, it
  puts the offender in a vulnerable position
• Final stage of seeking forgiveness waiting
• Difficult
• Tell ourselves that we did all we could

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Mediation

• Chapter 11

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Mediation

• Shift from dealing with our own conflicts to
  helping others resolve theirs
• When should we (do we) intervene?
• When people cant/wont do it themselves
• Mediator/mediation is not
• Conciliation, ombudsperson, arbitration, and
  adjudication/litigation
• Mediators are unbiased third parties who
  facilitate communication between conflicting
  parties
• Parties work out their own agreement

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Dispute

• When those involved cannot work out the conflict
  by themselves
• A conflict does not necessarily result in a
  dispute

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Why Mediation or other ADRs?

• High case load in the courts
• Less expensive than litigation
• Often compulsory
• Greater level of confidentiality
• Greater level of control of those involved in the
  process

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Mediation

• Typical mediation
• 1. One or both disputants seek mediation or a
  mediator talk them into it.
• 2. The mediator brings the disputants together
  and makes an opening statement.
• 3. Following the opening statement, each person
  takes a few minutes to describe the dispute from
  his or her point of view without interruption.
• 4. The mediator finds common ground on which to
  build agreement.
• 5. The mediator writes up the final agreement.
• 6. The mediator ends the mediation.

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Mediation

• Terms
• ADR alternatives to dispute resolution
• Adjudication neutral judge and jury hear both
  sides and decide (ADR)
• Either side can appeal
• Arbitration neutral third party hears both sides
  and makes the decision (ADR)
• More binding that adjudication (cant appeal)
• Ombudsperson an ADR where one side has a person
  that cuts through the red tape (usually when
  dealing with governmental agencies)
• Caucus when the mediator talks to one side alone

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Mediation

• Conciliation (ADR) neutral third party practices
  shuttle diplomacy by traveling back and forth
  between conflicting parties unable to meet
• Mediation (ADR) neutral third party facilitates
  communication between the conflicting parties
  they work out mutually acceptable agreement
• Mediators have no decision-making power

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Mediation

• Mediation reduces the BATNA of the disputants
• Mediators help to restore communication and
  normalize relations
• Mediation allows for full participation by the
  conflicting parties
• Mediation has a high success rate (80)
• Formal versus Informal Mediation
• Formal satisfactory agreements are often worked
  out at a single session lasting 13 hours
• Informal people can help others without their
  being formally trained and certified.

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Mediation

• The Role of the Mediator
• The principle of three effect
• Two parties encourages win/lose. Third person
  signals the public/social attention (face
  pressure)
• A mediator has no decision-making power regarding
  the outcome of the mediation
• The mediator should develop a subjective
  neutrality
• Honors the validity and truth of each persons
  story without deciding who is right or wrong
• Mediators must maintain confidentiality
• Mediators must give equal time/treatment
• Mediators should not be close with either party

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Mediation

• Mediators must be competent in communication
• Be descriptive, not judgmental (e.g., It seems
  like you are raising your voice, versus It
  sounds like you are angry)
• Be specific (e.g., You say you are bothered you
  are by your colleagues work habits. What
  specific habits?)
• Focus only on behaviors that one can change
• Give timely feedback when it is requested, as
  close as possible to the behavior being discussed
• Speak only for yourself (e.g., I understand you
  to say I take it that you feel I want you
  both to I prefer to keep my opinions to
  myself.)
• Check what you see or hear with the other parties

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Mediation

• Mediators encourage cooperation and discourage
  competition between the parties
• Mediators as Communication Rules Enforcers
• Rules are obligations and prohibitions (what we
  may and may not say in certain situations).
• In opening statements, mediators define the
  communication rules for the mediation.
• They enforce those communication rules.
• They steer the disputants through the steps of
  mediation.
• They manage the tone of the discussion.
• They ask disputants to change focus when needed
  keep them on task

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Typical rules

• Taking turns to talk without interruptions
• Talking without expressing hostility to one
  another
• Creating a positive climate no put-downs
• Focusing on the future (what the parties will do)
  rather than the past (what was done)
• Striving for a winwin solution (no one feeling
  dissatisfied or agreeing to something
  unacceptable)
• Focus on solving the problem rather than
  attacking or blaming the other person
• Being honest and sharing thoughts and feelings
  without fear of criticism or publicity
• Adhering to time constraints/other rules set by
  mediator

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The Mediation Process

• One or both disputants seek mediation, or
  mediators talk them into it (the intake process).
• The mediators bring the disputants together and
  make an opening statement, which includes
• Participation in mediation is voluntary and the
  mediator or conflicting parties may terminate it
  at any time
• The mediator is unbiased
• What is said in mediation is confidential
• That the goal is a written agreement with which
  both parties are satisfied or at least comfortable

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Mediation opening statements

• That the mediator is an unbiased facilitator of
  discussion and does not make decisions
• That the parties should talk to and look at one
  another rather than at the mediator.
• That the parties will take turns talking without
  interruptions (nonverbal either)
• That the parties must adhere to time constraints
  set by the mediator
• That the parties strive to solve the problem
  rather than attack, blame, express hostility

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Mediation opening statements

• That a positive climate with no put-downs will be
  enforces
• That focus will be on the future
• That they can openly share thoughts and feelings
  without fear of criticism or publicity
• That a winwin solution is the target (define as
  no one feeling dissatisfied or agreeing to
  something either party finds unacceptable)
• That the parties agree to abide by additional
  rules as announced by the mediator during the
  session.

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Mediation

• Following the opening statements, each person to
  takes a few minutes to describe the dispute
  without interruption
• Sometimes it is useful for mediators to caucus
• Their may be some information that one disputant
  doesnt want to reveal in the presence of the
  other
• Caucus should be offered to the other side
• Find common ground (to build agreement on)
• Use fractionation, framing (posing good questions
  with no blame language), reframing (mediators
  restate negatively loaded, biased, or accusatory
  statements)
• Helps the disputants look at the issues
  differently

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Mediation

• Final Agreement
• A list of behavioral commitments that enumerates
  specific observable actions each party needs to
  take to fulfill the agreement
• Ending the Mediation
• Each disputant receives a copy of the
  handwritten, signed agreement. If appropriate,
  the mediators set up a date for reviewing and
  evaluating the agreement
• Mediators thank the parties and wish them well
• Unlike formal mediation, in informal mediation,
  no need to file paperwork, have typewritten
  agreements, etc.

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http//www.law.harvard.edu/media/2001/09/14/pon_st
ld.mov

• VIDEO Typical Mediation

70
Chapter 12

• Managing Conflict from a Theoretical Perspective

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Conflict Theory

• Understanding theories
• Not the same as having the skills
• Theories allow us to carry skills from one
  situation to another
• Allow us to apply them appropriately within
  situations
• A skill is a learnable behavior, a person can
  improve it

72
Intrapersonal Theories of Conflict

• Psychodynamic Theory
• People experience conflict because of
  intrapersonal (internal, psychological,
  emotional, mental) states
• Helps explain
• Displaced conflict acted out over the right
  issue, but with the wrong person/thing
• Often a more socially acceptable or weaker target
  (if the actual target is highly valued or has
  greater power)
• Misplaced conflict acted out with the right
  person, but over the wrong issue
• Often over safe rather than suppressed issue
• Overblown conflict conflict receives more
  attention than it really deserves
• Often to release pent-up energy

73
Psychodynamic Theory

• The id
• The unconscious aspect that contains everything
  that is inherited, present at birth, or fixed in
  the constitution
• Contains the libido
• The source of instinctual energy, which demands
  discharge through various channels
• Operates on the pleasure principle
• Tension-reduction process tension from a bodily
  need is translated into a psychological wish to
  reduce the tension
• Seek pleasure and avoid pain only satisfaction
  no regard for the cost of doing so

74
Psychodynamic Theory

• The id is in conflict with the superego
• Perfects and civilizes behavior
• Suppress all unacceptable id urges
• Two components
• Ego ideal the internalized idea of what a person
  would like to be
• Conscience morals and other judgments concerning
  correct and incorrect behavior

75
Psychodynamic Theory

• Ego mediates between the id and the superego
• Governed by the reality principle satisfies
  the id's desires in realistic and socially
  appropriate ways
• Weighs the costs and benefits before acting
• Effects identified by psychodynamic theory
• Anxiety tension when people perceive danger
• Repression another defense mechanism when we try
  not to think about the situation
• Frustration results from the internal battle
  between the id and superego that often erupts
  into conflict with others
• Sources tension, stress, insecurity, anxiety,
  hostility, sexual urges, or depression.

76
Attribution Theory

• People act in conflict situations because of
  inferences they make about others based on their
  behavior
• Internal attributions about another
• E.g. e.g. he hates, shes stupid, hes evil,
  shes angry, etc.
• Often results in name-calling (you cheat, idiot,
  lazy, good for nothing, etc.) and assigning blame
  (its all your fault)
• External attributions for oneself
• A way to avoid blame (its my parents fault that
  I am this way, I cant help that I didnt go to
  the right school)
• Avoid giving credit to others where it is due
  (e.g. you got the job because you graduated from
  the right school)

77
Attribution Theory

• Fundamental attribution error overestimate the
  internal factors and underestimate the external
  factors in perceptions in others behaviors
• E.g. Look at what Sue is doing shes obviously
  got no talent talking to customers
• Instead of Sue having difficulty making a
  connection with customers today. I wonder is
  shes feeling the stress from her recent divorce
• Self-serving bias When we assign our successes
  to internal factors and our failures to external
  factors
• E.g. I was really good today with my employees
  I have great people skills. I had no luck
  reaching Mike, though hes not a team player

78
Social Exchange Theory

• We make decisions based on cost/benefit analyses
  of outcomes of relationships
• Benefits and costs material, social, emotional,
  intellectual, etc.
• Relationship viewed as a positive is more likely
  to progress towards greater depth/breadth
• OUTCOME BENEFITS COSTS
• Perception issue, not reality
• CL comparison level threshold of perceived
  happiness from a relationship
• Depends on our/their history
• Sequence matters (when the good/bad event occurs)
• Trends matter (a perceived increase/decrease of
  good/bad events)
• SATISFACTION OUTCOME - CL
• Perception issue, not reality

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Social Exchange

• CLalt comparison level of alternatives
• How attractive are other choices?
• What will be the outcome of continuing?
• Optimum situation when both parties find that
  outcome gt CLalt gt CL
• If so, relationship will become deeper
• Alternatives affected by extrinsic and intrinsic
  factors
• Extrinsic (outside influences) e.g. where you go
  to school
• Intrinsic (internal influences) e.g. you are shy
• DEPENDENCE OUTCOME - COMPARISON LEVEL OF
  ALTERNATIVES
• Perception issue, not reality

80
Conflict Theory

• Social Exchange applied to conflict management
• Third party intervention may lead a person to
  examine the current relationship and perceive
  inequity in it creating conflict
• Mediator can reframe issues to redo the math

81
Group Conflict

• Chapter 13

82
How Does Group Conflict Differ?

• Group conflicts are unique
• Type of interdependence among the parties
• Organizational in nature
• Workplace relationships (bossemployee,
  colleagues, department heads, employeepublic,
  etc.)
• We are better deception-detectors at work
• Familiarity, but less truth bias
• Group conflicts are distinct from
• Formal grievances must be resolved by third
  parties (e.g. human resources specialists)
• Litigation lawsuits and issues involving
  regulatory agencies that oversee an organization.

83
The Nature of Conflict in Groups

• Types of Conflict
• Instrumental/task disagreement between
  supervisors and subordinates or among members of
  a team over how to get a job done
• Relationship power, trust, supportiveness,
  competition, and IP relationship rules
• Including those in task-oriented groups
• Identity when face issues are threatened
• Process disagreements over the management style
• Lack of agreement on departmental or
  organizational process goals

84
The Nature of Conflict in Groups

• Information processing perspective
• Assumes that conflict has a curvilinear
  relationship with cognitive flexibility, creative
  thinking, and problem-solving abilities
• At low levels of conflict, groups may not
  experience enough stress to think actively may
  ignore important information.
• At high levels of conflict, groups are unable to
  process information well performance suffers

85
Group Conflict

• Conflict acts as a group developer (e.g.
  Tuckmans stages)
• Forming confusion over expectations,
  uncertainties, power, identity, inclusion,
  boundary-testing. Conflict is withheld or poorly
  managed
• Not much gets done (no productive conflict)
• Storming conflict between belonging and
  independence. Confusion about goals and purpose,
  leadership model. Can be short or long
• Some groups never leave (minutia-driven)
  maturity issue
• Can be very unpleasant to those averse to
  conflict
• Tolerance of others is key to successfully moving
  on
• Leaders must not be too restrictive at this stage

86
Group Conflict

• Tuckmans stages
• Norming all systems operational productivity
  emerges. Members accept roles, purposes, norms
• Trust and structure stage
• Unity emerges start acting like a team, not
  individuals
• Performing rare Members are very
  interdependent, yet are very autonomous little
  supervision required
• Dissent is both allowed and welcomed (provided it
  is presented in the accepted fashion)
• Conflict focuses individuals on outcome-driven
  action
• Termination mandatory or voluntary dissolution
  of the group
• Even the loss of a single member can shift the
  group into another stage

87
When Conflict Creates Poor Outcomes

• Role Conflict
• Not just a job assignment the expected
  characteristics of the person who fills the role.
• Formal role from the assigned position in a
  group or organization
• Organizational chart or chain of command
  reflects these formal roles prescribes who is
  supposed to report to whom.
• Informal roles in groups and organizations arise
  from the communication and interactions
• Both cause conflict

88
Group Conflict

• Role conflict
• Depends of the type of role
• Task (usually formal) asking for and giving
  information, opinions
• Promotive
• Maintenance (formal or informal) confirming
  others, supportive messages
• Promotive
• Disruptive (informal) self-centered, diverts
  group off task
• Could be task and maintenance roles that do not
  serve the outcome they are not promotive, they
  are disruptive

89
Too much cohesiveness Groupthink

• when concurrence-seeking becomes so dominant
  in a cohesive in-group that it tends to override
  realistic appraisals of alternative courses of
  action (Janis, 1982, p.9)

90
Groupthink Symptoms

• Illusion of invulnerability (optimism)
• Relieves us of responsibility to make difficult
  rational decisions. Also, self-esteem and
  consistency issues
• Rationalization (especially negative information)
• Illusion of morality
• Stereotyping of outgroup members and leaders (us
  against them thinking)
• Peer pressure dissent against the group members
  that disagree
• Self-censorship
• Illusion of unanimity (silence is approval bias)
• Mindguarding (usually self-appointed)

91
Group Conflict

• Abilene Paradox
• Group actions that no one (members) wanted to
  take
• Action anxiety we often act based on what we
  believe others expect us to do
• Even if we disagree, or were wrong about the
  others. Supported by
• Negative fantasies (perceived risk) unrealistic
  visualizations of harmful effects resulting from
  acting the way we think we should excuse for not
  acting.
• Fear of separation ostracism is the most
  powerful punishment
• Real risk operates no differently from perceived
  risk
• Confusion of fantasies and reality we make the
  fantasy reality (self-fulfilling prophecy)
  Fantasized risk becomes real

92
Group Conflict

• Lucifer Effect
• Zimbardo (Stanford Prison Experiment)
• Usually in unusual, high pressure situations
• Circumstances overwhelm the individual
• The point where we cross the line
• Often occur when constraints are released
• Rules are unquestioned we obey without thinking
• We cannot separate me from the role expected of
  us
• Roles we play become so entwined we no longer
  think about what we are doing or what others
  expect of us

93
Group Conflict

• Strategies to Resolve Conflict (chapter 3
  issues)
• Contend (compete)
• Collaborate
• Avoid
• Compromise
• Accommodate
• Bias toward cooperation leads most people to try
  to collaborate

94
Group Conflict

• Relationship issue conflict is best avoided
• Research avoiding responses to
  relationship-oriented conflicts higher levels of
  team performance
• Contending or collaborating responses lowered
  team performance overall
• Avoiding responses better for two reasons
• Relationship conflict is difficult to settle to
  mutual satisfaction
• Cooperative and understanding unlikely to solve
  the problem makes it bigger and intractable
• Collaborating and contending responses direct
  team members away from their tasks and teamwork
• Focus on interpersonal relations team
  functioning and effectiveness suffers

95
Group Conflict

• Best Practices
• Develop a habit of cooperation manage (not
  maximize) group cohesiveness
• Groups that trust one another handle conflict in
  more productive terms.
• Avoid, at least initially, relationship-oriented
  conflicts
• Better resolved over time as team members come to
  know one another better.
• Approach process and task-related conflicts in an
  expedient manner, favor collaborating strategies
  as a way to explore alternatives for future
  behavior.

96
Managing Organizational Conflict

• Chapter 14

97
Managing Organizational Conflict

• Effects of organizational conflict
• Lowered productivity
• Less creativity
• Less innovation
• Prolonged, unresolved conflict
• Negative consequences for team members health

98
Managing Organizational Conflict

• Organizational Diversity and Conflict
• Diversity-based conflict when personal
  characteristics (cultural, ethnic, racial, etc.)
  are the source
• Social category characteristics (age, ethnicity,
  gender, etc.) and informational characteristics
  (work experience, education, values, beliefs,
  etc.) contribute to diversity-based conflict.
• Civility as a Response to conflict
• Attitude of respect toward others manifested in
  our behavior toward them not predicated on how
  we feel about them in particular
• How we act, not think or feel

99
Managing Organizational Conflict

• Civility
• Mindfulness of the dignity of the other person in
  your sphere at all times
• The sum of the many sacrifices we are called to
  make for the sake of living together
• Rules for civility at work
• Best words when caught in an unexpected,
  emotional-charged situation no words at all.
• Use words respectful of the specific listener to
  whom they are addressed (not some generic rule)
• Respect the reality of the situation use
  temperate, accurate, non-inflammatory, words when
  describing or commenting on ideas, issues, or
  persons

100
Managing Organizational Conflict

• Civility
• Use objective, nondiscriminatory language that
  respects the uniqueness of all individuals.
• Respect your listeners by using clean language
  all the time on the job
• Civility is two commitments
• (1)Do no harm to others harm (2) do good for
  others.
• When we disagree, civility requires that we be
  honest about our differences manage rather than
  suppress or ignore them
• Civility requires that we come into the presence
  of others with a sense of gratitude, rather than
  duty and obligation.

101
Managing Organizational Conflict

• Work-life conflict
• A. Worklife conflict a balance between ones
  personal life and the demands of work. Includes
• Hours
• Vacation
• Childcare
• Wireless technology
• Time
• Roles at work vs. roles at home

102
Workplace bullying From Playground to Boardroom

• A frequent, enduring abusive interaction
  distinguished by targets inability to defend
• Bullying has four specific features
• Intensity
• Repetition
• Duration
• Power disparity.
• Bullying intends to control or harm others
  through insults, gossip, criticism, ridicule,
  etc.
• Bullying is a pattern of abuse that persists
• The longer the bullying, the greater the harm
  (physical, mental, emotional)

103
Managing Bullies

• Reverse discourse
• Tactics of responding to the bully through
  communicative means (e.g. turning an insult into
  a compliment)
• Use of lawyers, outside experts
• Formal or informal grievance against the bully
• E.g. the confrontational ritual presented in
  chapter 2
• Doesnt always work, particularly at work
• Subversive (dis)obedience passive-aggressive
  behavior (chapter 3)
• Retaliation hostile gossip and/or fantasies for
  physically harming or killing the bully

104
Managing Bullies

• Psychological detachment
• Creating a sense of being away from work
• Collective voice
• When employees talk amongst themselves about
  their experiences and what they can do about them
• Exodus. works well when one is only in a
  temporary situation
• A person can quit, make a threat to quit, put in
  for a transfer, or aid others in quitting

105
Social Conflict

• Chapter 15

106
Social Conflict Introduction

• Clash of different and conflicting value systems
• Intractable issues
• Transcends those involved
• Clash of social or cultural, religious,
  political, or economic philosophies
• Each party doesn't understand why the other
  doesnt get it
• Slogans and simple answers substitute for
  arguments
• Can descend into violent behavior

107
_at_Social Conflict

• Intractable issues appear like normal conflict
• Fail to agree on their goals see activities as
  incompatible feel relational rules have been
  broken
• Intractable issues add a difference
• Become entrenched in right and wrong issues
• These fundamental assumptions operate below
  awareness
• This is pluralism
• The socio-cultural reality of discrepant
  worldviews, ideologies, and moral frameworks,
  existing side by side
• We characterize people as other, strange,
  different from ourselves
• Fueled by distrust and dislike
  self-perpetuating difficult to bring to any kind
  of resolution.

108
Social Conflict

• Understanding intractable issues
• When conflicts become too entrenched,
  participants do not desire communication with the
  others
• Resort to static evaluations name-calling
  stereotyping
• When involved in intractable conflict
• We addresses the choir eloquently, with
  elaboration and nuance
• When address outsiders in a simplified and
  defensive way
• They become the aggressor, oppressor
• Violence is sometimes viewed as necessary for
  self-protection

109
Social Conflict

• Intractable issues often involve
• States or other actors with a long sense of
  historical grievance, and a strong desire to
  redress or avenge
• A long period of time
• Intangibles identity, sovereignty, values,
  beliefs
• Polarized perceptions of hostility and enmity
• Behavior that is violent and destructive
• Buffer states that exist between major power
  blocks or civilizations
• Resistance to management efforts
• History of failed peacemaking efforts

110
Social Conflict

• Silenceignoring the needs of the other and the
  other entirely
• Group-based hatred when person or group
• Seeks to deny person or group their identity
• Seeks to deny person or group security, or the
  ability to pursue goals
• E.g. the homeless seeking shelter, abortion
  protestors blocking the entrance of clinics
• Seeks to put themselves ahead of others in the
  social, political, or economic structure
• Seeks to control resources in a winlose conflict
• Where no expansion of resources is possible
  (Israel and Palestine example)

111
Social Conflict

• Patriotism and nationalism
• Patriotism love of ones country and a
  willingness to defend it from invaders
• Nationalism love of ones nation as it will be
  once
• It has exterminated all its enemies
• Becomes totally unified
• Achieves its grand purpose of world-historical
  destiny

112
Theories of social conflict

• Critical theory
• Understanding situations by analyzing power
  relations between participants
• Uncover oppression, exploitation, and injustice
• Oppression one group or set of groups are able
  to dominate and exploit another group or set of
  groups
• Exploitation economic, physical, or
  psy