Title: Conflict Communication
1Conflict Communication
2How do you react to
3Perception of Conflict?
- Probably negative
- All areas of life involve conflict
- Interpersonal, group, religious, political,
gender, age, power, ethnicity, etc. - Requires skillful management (not resolution)
- Communication (verbal AND nonverbal)
- Talk cant fix everything
- What works? What is ethical?
4Research
- Coser (1967, 8), asserts that conflict is "a
struggle over values and claims to scarce status,
power, and resources, in which the aims of the
opponents are to neutralize, injure, or eliminate
the rivals. - Cold war era win/lose perception
5Research
- 1973 Deutsch maintained that "conflict exists
whenever incompatible activities occur . . . an
action which prevents, obstructs, interferes
with, injures, or in some way makes it less
likely or less effective"
6Research
- Mack and Snyder (1973) two parties must be
present, along with "position scarcity" or
"resource scarcity," in addition to behaviors
that "destroy, injure, thwart, or otherwise
control another party or parties, . . . one in
which the parties can gain (relatively) only at
each other's expense"
7Research
- Donohue and Kolt (1992, 3) "a situation in which
interdependent people express (manifest or
latent) differences in satisfying their
individual needs and interests, and they
experience interference from each other in
accomplishing these goals."
8Research
- Jordan (1990, 4) "conflict arises when a
difference between two (or more) people
necessitates change in at least one person in
order for their engagement to continue and
develop. The differences cannot coexist without
some adjustment." - The concept of interdependence
9Communication
10Conflict is normal
- Neither negative nor positive
- Like many other normal processes
- We tend to focus on the negative examples
- All growth (physical, cognitive, spiritual, etc.)
is the byproduct of some form of conflict - No conflict no growth no life
11Conflict
- Management of conflict is a process
- Chronological has steps
- Dynamic
- Perpetual ongoing
- Source of stress
- Conflict processes can be
- Prevent (lessen), repair (to a degree) or restore
(arrive at a new place)
12Elements of Interpersonal Conflict
- Situational context is extremely important
- A conflict situation requires
- Interdependent participants
- Perception of incompatible goals or favor
mutually exclusive means to the same end - Perception that, without some action,
relationshiop will suffer - Some sense of urgency to resolve (change)
- Return to perceived equilibrium
13Conflict
- Not all conflict is overt
- Not all conflict requires verbal communication
- Or even physical presence
- Silent treatment, passive aggressive behaviors,
avoidance, etc. - Some form of expression is required, however
- Perception is all that matters
- We should constantly challenge our own
14Conflict
- Normal part of all relationships, good or bad
- The closer the relationship (good or bad)
- The more frequent the conflict
- The more intense the conflict
- The more likely even very small issues trigger
conflict - We must see this as normal we must anticipate
this in our relationships - Or they will deteriorate (entropy)
15Entropy
- Systems (all dynamic processes) seek equilibrium
- When output declines and inputs remain static
- Resources, skills, information, experiences
- Example biosphere
- Engines, organizations, families, dyads require
new inputs, process changes, feedback from
outside - Reasonable level of porosity
- Without input, systems decay
- Input requires conflict, which allows growth (or
at least sustainability)
16Conflict
- The elements of a satisfying relationship are
also where conflict arises - Love
- Status
- Service
- Information
- Goods
- Money
- Time
17The Inevitability of Conflict Principle
- There are no perfect people
- There are no conflict-free satisfying
relationships
18Violence is a special case
- Physical, verbal, psychological
- No growth, only harm
- Denies the autonomy of the individual means, not
an end
19Chapter 2
20Conflict as Process
- Not an isolated event it is a series of events
- When the series repeats conflict cycle
- Often destructive they loop rather than
resolve - There are stages to conflict
- Processes have
- Stages of growth or decline
- History patterns emerge
- Continuous change
- Ingredients that interact
21Conflict as Process
- We tend to see ourselves, others, and
relationships (ours and others) as static - Static evaluations
- Theyre a happy couple Hes an angry man
Youre a pessimist Theyre so shallow - Similarly, we tend to see conflict as a static
event - We dont see its a process (which can be
managed)
22Conflict as Process
- Static view leads to perceptions
- We see others as unchanging, relationships are
unchanging - We dont consider the history
- We dont consider now as only a stage
- We dont pay attention to the ingredients
- Others expectations, our fears, goals,
abilities, time limits, context, place, etc.
23Conflict as Process
- A resolved conflict (one which moves us to a
new place) has five stages - Prelude to conflict stage
- Frustration or latent stage
- Triggering event
- Initiation phase
- Differentiation phase
- Resolution phase
- Which changes the history, and becomes a prelude
24Conflict as Process
- Prelude to conflict
- The who (participants)
- The relationship (power, history, closeness,
attraction, etc.) - Other interested parties (including simple
witnesses) - Physical environment
- Social environment
25Conflict as Process
- Triggering event
- A behavior that sparks a perception of conflict
in at least one participant - Includes NOT doing something, as well
- The trigger event may be different for each
participant. Example - For you your best friend made fun of your
clothes in front of others (your perception in
reality, she thought youd find it funny, too). - For your friend you scolded her as though she
was a child (her perception in reality, you were
just hurt)
26Conflict as Process
- Initiation phase
- The conflict becomes overt (expressed)
- At least one person lets the other know a
conflict exists - Does not have to be verbal
- Will often appear after a long time
- Passive aggressive behavior during the wait
- One or both may play out the initiation many
times, creating and/or exaggerating the others
responses/intentions
27Conflict as Process
- Differentiation phase
- Strategy to deal with the conflict begins
- Constructive or destructive
- Escalating and/or de-escalating
- Obvious to outsiders
- Opportunity for both sides to express feelings,
what they intended, what they want - Sometimes, only one is willing to participate
- The other may avoid, dismiss, deny, etc.
28Conflict as Process
- Resolution phase
- Participants agree to some outcome
- Book success win/win (I disagree)
- Avoid, ignore, etc. may be a successful, useful,
resolution - Conflict process is cycle, so the resolution of
one is part of the prelude (history) of the next - Satisfying resolution reinforces the positive
perception of conflict management
29Unsuccessful conflict scenarios are those that
become diverted at one stage
- It may stop, or it may go back to an earlier stage
30Conflict as Process
- Conflict responses are often scripted behaviors
(URP undesired repetitive pattern) - We need scripts, but not with conflict
- URPs can easily escalate the conflict cycle
(schismogenesis) - Schismogenesis can be complementary or symmetrical
31Common Conflict Cycles
- Confrontation avoidance cycle
- A pattern of avoidance (since occasional
avoidance is often useful) - Withdrawal at the first hint of conflict
- Doesnt get past stage 2 (the triggering event)
- Conflict is bad perception- discomfort concerning
a conflict-avoidance-conflict out of
control-handle poorly-conflict is bad perception - Either conflict not resolved (hurts
relationship), or it builds and erupts
(mismanaged conflict and damaged relationship)
32Conflict as Process
- Confrontation avoidance cycle
- Caused by the perception of conflict as abnormal
- Excessive conflict is (like excessive harmony),
but not occasional conflict - Excessive conflict and excessive harmony prevent
change, which is needed for growth - Regular conflict (not excessive) is a sign of a
healthy relationship - How to deal with an avoider? Dont let them avoid
33Conflict as Process
- Confrontation avoidance cycle
- Special form chilling effect
- When one withholds conflict communication out of
fear of reaction, or potential loss of
realtionship - Common when the other has greater power (money,
options, attractiveness, etc.) - Cycle Fear perception that confrontation is
not worth the risk decreased commitment or
communication back to beginning or death of the
relationship
34Chilling Effect
- Similar, but is distinct from confrontation
avoidance cycle - Unique to a relationship (two people)
- Includes fear
- Not necessarily true of ones typical conflict
response - Response?
- Move past the fear, or get outside help (for
abusive partners)
35Common Conflict Cycles
- Competitive escalation
- Fails to advance past the differentiation stage
- Divergence rather than integration
- Cause desire to win
- Cycle unresolved conflict history perception
of conflict competitive communication
competitive response someone wins loser
adds another unresolved conflict
36Competitive Escalation
- How to respond?
- See conflict communication as an exchange of
ideas (true argument) rather than a competition - Ask yourself whats my goal?
- To win the argument?
- To learn, resolve, repair, heal?
- Violence (physical or verbal) cycle is a special
case
37Competitive Escalation
- Static evaluations and the use of absolutes
become common - You are a
- Youre always
- Often grows from just wanting to win, to wanting
to hurt - Backing down is seen as losing face, power
- Anger leads to passive aggressive behavior, or to
outright vengeful acts
38Competitive Escalation
- Behaviors that escalate
- Yelling, standing up, space invasion
- Threatening gestures, pushing
- Swearing, insulting, disconfirming, threatening
- Relating to sensitive areas
- Damaging possessions
- Ignoring, avoiding
- Notice how many are nonverbal?
39Confrontation Process
- Preparation
- Express desire to talk
- Confront
- Listen with an open mind
- Resolve
- Follow up
40Confrontation Process
- Preparation
- Identify problem/needs/issues
- Not a simple task the most important step
- Lack of a solution is not a problem
- Self-talk needed who, what, when, etc.
- How serious is it, whos responsible, me?
- Most important decide what you want
- Use imagined interaction be ready for responses
- But do it with their point of view in mind, too
- Self-fulfilling prophecies can affect outcomes
41Confrontation Process
- Express desire to talk
- Agree on a time, dont demand it, resist the need
to do it NOW - Helps to mitigate strong emotional reactions
- Dont wait to long either
- Pick a place appropriate for the talk, consider
the impact of others, pressure of the
environment, etc. - Private
- Free of distractions
42Confrontation Process
- Confront
- Assertiveness is important (but be careful)
- Be aware of your nonverbals
- Maintain comfortable eye contact (not too much or
too little) - Speak in a controlled manner, but firmly
- Explain your concerns (without judging the
other), but find points of agreement, too - Avoid abstractions, exaggerations, absolutes, it
statements, you statements
43Confrontation Process
- Listen with an open mind
- Empathy, genuine listening (not just hearing),
respect and protect face issues - Provide good, and honest, feedback
- Speak about what YOU think or feel, dont tell
the other what he/she thinks, feels, etc.
(disconfirming). Dont one-up them in the
desire to help - Anticipate informational reception apprehension
- Respond rephrase, ask about wants, supply
answers when none are provided - Act, dont react
44Confrontation Process
- Resolve
- Be sure the agreement is mutual (are you sure?)
- Put it in writing? Maybe
- Be specific about what youre agreeing about
- Specific, observable actions, not vague concepts
- Follow up
- Set a time and place to talk again
- Make sure enough time has passed be reasonable
- Balance negative feedback with positive
- Stay on track dont allow minor issues to
trigger new conflict situations
45Confrontation Process
- Does it work?
- Not always, but it certainly optimizes the chance
- Any improvement in the conflict experience helps
ones perception of conflict as natural, normal,
even desirable - We begin to notice when it works (or not), why it
did (or not) - Remember its a process (tool), so you can get
better each time
46Emotional Expression in Conflict Communication
- Use facilitative, rather than debilitative
communication whenever possible - Rage, terror, depression, jealousy
- These are debilitative emotions (weaken the
relationship) - Contrast with facilitative enable relationships
- Facilitative emotions are not all positive
emotions - Often only a difference in intensity and/or
duration - Anger can be facilitative, rage is debilitative
- True of fear, admiration, excitement etc.
47Conflict Management Processes
- Gross et al (2004) studies show
- Controlling style judged inappropriate when used
by others, but appropriate when used by the self
(self-serving bias) - Kassings research on dissent as a conflict
response - E.g. Employees more likely to express dissent
about colleagues and organizational practices
than about safety and ethical concerns
48Organizational Conflict (Van Slyke, 1997)
- Managers who thrive amidst the upheaval, caused
by reengineering and downsizing, value conflict.
Managers who lead, encourage conflict - Not win/lose or right/wrong see it as a puzzle
and a potential resource - Deal with the genuine issue, not the stated one
- How? Seek the core motivation (money, status,
recognition, etc.?)
49Organizational Issue
- Be aware of contradictions in expectations
- Conformity/teamwork versus
- Flexibility
- Spontaneity
- Empowerment
- Creativeness
- Individuality
50Organizational Issue
- Democratic form and Stohl and Cheneys paradoxes
- Structure spontaneity and creativity, but our
way - Agency Do it your way, as long as its our way
- Identity Be self-managing to reach
organizational goals - Power I order you to be independent
51Conflict Management Processes
- How can you tell the difference between
destructive and constructive conflict? - Person/issue
- Off point/on point
- Selfish/empathic
- Parochial perspective/system perspective
- Static/dynamic
52Ad Hominem Argument
- Responding to anothers argument by addressing
characteristics of the person rather than
addressing the issue - Joes proposal is worthless he doesnt even
have a marketing degree. - Hes a great speaker, he looks good, and he
seems confident hell probably be a great
candidate for the new position
53Options During Conflict
54Options During Conflict
- Respond in one of three basic ways
- Other-centered, self-centered, relationship-center
ed (Not mutually exclusive) - Use one of four options
- Non-assertive, passive-aggressive, aggressive,
assertive (Not mutually exclusive) - Options lead to outcomes
- Lose-lose, lose-win, win-lose, win-win
- Each outcome contains strategies
- Verbal and nonverbal
55Options During Conflict
- No right way, but each choice (behaviors) has
(somewhat) predictable consequences - We MUST be flexible about these choices
- Single type of response can be very dissatifying
- What works in one scenario (e.g. work) may not be
best in another (e.g. home) - WE are responsible for our actions, feelings,
etc. - Golden Rule helps us choose
56Options During Conflict
- Make choices based on the situation and context
in total, not just the person - Labeling people will often result in a poor
choice - e.g. hes argumentative, or shes timid
- Dealing with conflict situations is a skill, not
an inherent ability - So anyone can learn what works
- Start by noticing what does not work well
57Options During Conflict
- (1) Other-centered orientation
- Often results in dissatisfying outcome
- Denies the wants/needs of the self
- The result is non-assertive communication
(learned behavior or chosen) - Two methods avoiding and accommodating
- Sometimes tied to specific people, situations,
relationships - Some people apply it to all conflict situations
- Sometimes appropriate
- Context may make it the best choice
58Other-Centered Orientation
- Signs of non-assertiveness (culture matters)
- Eye contact, posture, indecisiveness, allowance
for interruption, apologizing too early, avoids,
ignores, stonewalls, evades, dismisses the
conflict as unimportant, denies that the conflict
exists at all - Related to CA (communication apprehension)
- CA is more usually(not always) more general
- Non-assertiveness may be cultural, or specific to
individuals, contexts, etc.
59Other-Centered Orientation
- Method one avoiding
- Results in lose-lose (not a lose-win)
- Accommodator loses needs are not expressed or
met - The other loses often unaware the conflict
exists miss the true nature of the conflict
they miss the potential value of working through
the conflict - Method two accommodation
- Lose-win (immediate), but lose-lose long term
- Potential value of working through the conflict
60Options During Conflict
- (2) Self-Centered Orientation
- Dominate, control, force ones will on the other
(openly or in the background) - Not necessarily uncaring
- Creates the perception of argumentative,
aggressive, selfish, etc. - Focus on an I win you lose outcome
- Actually, a lose-lose in the long term
61Self-Centered Orientation
- Enacted through passive-aggressive or overtly
aggressive behaviors and communication - Passive aggressive verbal/nonverbal behaviors
that appear non-assertive, but are intended to
inflict psychological pain, injury, etc. - Backstabbing, sabotage
- Not aggressive (PA person doesnt express own
wants and needs)
62Self-Centered Orientation
- PA behaviors
- Spy, withhold, undermine, spread lies, sow
discontent, disclose private issues, declines to
get your back, deny the issue, miss
appointments, break promises, delay,
inconvenience, etc. etc. - Also win-lose initially, but lose-lose long
term - Rarely appropriate (last resort)
63Self-Centered Orientation
- Aggressive communication openly force ones will
on the other - Competing and/or forcing
- Mild verbal to extreme physical
- Verbal interrupt, stereotype, sarcasm, blame,
intimidation, below the belt calls, threats,
etc. - Attacks the self-concept of the other
- Often related to childhood experiences
- Related () to physical aggression
64Self-Centered Orientation
- Nonverbal posture, volume, eye contact, violence
- Also linked to childhood experiences
- Common to people unable to verbally defend
positions - Men are more likely (but not uncommon in women)
- Often seen as appropriate, necessary
- Bystanders affect outcome
- Reduce (men on women) or escalate (women on men)
- Rarely appropriate (unless in self-defense)
- Almost always lose-lose in the long term
65Options During Conflict
- (3) Relationship-centered approach where both
parties seek to understand the wants/needs of the
other - Both strive for the win/win first
- Collaborate or compromise
- Uses assertive behavior
- Reason, calmness, consideration, respect,
open-mindedness
66Relationship-Centered Approach
- Assertive communication
- Clearly standing up for ones wants and needs
without infringing on the rights of the other - Allowing the other to express, but truly
listening with a desire to understand - Challenge your own perceptions be willing to
adjust - Aggressive or assertive? Matter of perception
- Women have a somewhat greater challenge
67Relationship-Centered Approach
- Compromising
- Should not be the first choice (lose-lose), but
it may be the only choice at times - Often the first choice often seen as the best
process - May result in gunny-sacking if its used when
better outcomes were available - Stored frustrations/unresolved issues can
overflow. Causes additional problems. Shuts down
efforts - Goal workable outcome not an ideal one
- Both should see the outcome as fair
68Relationship-Centered Approach
- Collaboration
- Best method when possible
- Minimizes emotional, physical, and relationship
stress - Less harmful to feelings of self worth compared
to avoidance, accommodation, competition - Less harmful to relationship satisfaction
compared to avoidance, accommodation, competition
69Relationship-Centered Approach
- Both parties must participate
- Competition-oriented individuals often pair with
accommodators, but relationship stress usually
limits success - Collaboration listening, allowing expression of
self-interests, protecting face - Resolves conflict and modifies perspectives
regarding the process
70Relationship-Centered Approach
- Collaboration
- We need to really accept that the other is
well-intentioned and holds an opposing view - Rigid toward the goal (mutually satisfying
outcome) but flexible concerning process - This means brainstorming alternatives, solutions,
perspectives - Most important separate understanding the other
from judging his or her perspective
71Relationship-Centered Approach
- Ask for critical feedback
- Avoid abstractions, absolutes
- Choose the right time and place
- Clearly define and agree on the problem
- Consider the time, place, the person(s)
- Different contexts may require different
approaches
72Relationship-Centered Approach
- Collaboration
- Talk about needs and wants (outcome), not
specific behaviors (process) - Examples
- I need you to be here every day at exactly
800am versus I want to maximize your
productivity in this organization - I want you to reserve the weekends for me
versus I want to feel like Im an important part
of your life - Focus on outcome opens the possibility of
multiple alternatives (process)
73Relationship-Centered Approach
- Be genuine (to yourself as well)
- Do you really know what you want (phrased as an
outcome)? - Are you sure about the relationship?
- Is a win/win possible?
- Some contexts may be better served with
accommodation, avoidance, aggression - But choose collaboration (assertiveness) whenever
possible
74Chapter 4
75S-TLC
- Stop-Think-Listen-Communicate
- A. Stopping Taking Time Out
- Exit temporarily. Let the other person know that
you are not abandoning the situation and will
return - Stall get a glass of water
- Count backward from 100
- Change the topic for a while
76S-TLC
- Thinking
- Outcomes to consider
- Do nothing, change the other person, change the
situation, change yourself - Thinking about Your Goals
- Instrumental goals remove a specific obstacle
- Relational goals gain power and establish trust
- Identity goals how both view each other
- Process goals alternative ways to manage
communication and conflict
77S-TLC
- Listening in Conflict Situations
- Avoid defensiveness by clarifying what the other
intends - Listening skills
- Shift all attention to the speaker
- Look at the speaker
- Try to understand the other persons feelings
rather than focusing on arguing with the other
person
78S-TLC
- Communicating
- Use I-Statementspersonalize the conflict own up
to your feelings. - Dont make them the responsibility of the other
- Avoid You-Statementsemphasizes what we think is
wrong with the other - Use I Statements
79S-TLC
- I-Statements
- Feelings statement A description of your
feelings (e.g., feeling angry, neglected,
offended, surprised, depressed, or unhappy) - Behavior statement Very specific behavior
(objective, no abstraction or judgment) - Consequences statement the consequences the
behavior has for you or others (use because) - Goal statement A description of what you want
specifically
80S-TLC
- Advantages of Using I-Statements
- Provides necessary information because the other
person doesnt need to read your mind - Reveals your honesty you say what is on your
mind, what you prefer, or what is upsetting you. - Reduces defensiveness in others because you are
not assigning blame or making accusations. - It doesnt sound natural at first, but can become
second-nature - I just cant be nice when Im mad
- Ask yourself first what do you want?
81Which are Correct Needs Statements?
- Im disappointed that youre backing out of the
show after you agreed to help me - You really irritate me when you dont show up for
a date on time - I need assurance I am loved in a language I
understand. - I need for you to tell me more about your work so
I can get excited about your trip
82Which are Correct Needs Statements
- Im disappointed that youre backing out of the
show after you agreed to help me - You really irritate me when you dont show up for
a date on time - I need assurance I am loved in a language I
understand. - I need for you to tell me more about your work so
I can get excited about your trip
83Which are Correct Needs Statements
- I feel like a single parent around here
- You dont seem to contribute anything to our
group project. - I feel frustrated when it seems that I have sole
responsibility for planning our dates. - I feel like I am going crazy.
- I feel insecure when we dont have at least the
equivalent of a months salary in the bank - I am not the only person whos having trouble
with you
84Which are Correct Needs Statements
- I feel like a single parent around here
- You dont seem to contribute anything to our
group project - I feel frustrated when it seems that I have sole
responsibility for planning our dates. - I feel like I am going crazy (no behavior)
- I feel insecure when we dont have at least the
equivalent of a months salary in the bank - I am not the only person whos having trouble
with you (bandwagonning mob appeal)
85Which are Correct Goal Statements?
- Lets get together for lunch.
- I want us to spend more time together with the
kids. - I want you to attend this class with me.
- I wish we could play different kinds of music
around here instead of yours all the time. - I want to stop feeling overwhelmed.
86Which are Correct Goal Statements?
- Lets get together for lunch (vague when?)
- I want us to spend more time together with the
kids (whats more mean?) - I want you to attend this class with me.
- I wish we could play different kinds of music
around here instead of yours all the time (all is
an absolute. Likely to generate defensiveness) - I want to stop feeling overwhelmed.
87Which are Correct Goal Statements?
- I dont want your pity!
- I wish youd get off my case!
- I would like us to have one night a week,
Wednesday, just for ourselves. - I want you to exercise more.
- I want you to put your dirty clothes in the
laundry instead of on the floor.
88Which are Correct Goal Statements?
- I dont want your pity! (no behavior will
accomplish nothing) - I wish youd get off my case! (not specific
whats off my case mean?) - I would like us to have one night a week,
Wednesday, just for ourselves. - I want you to exercise more (whats more?)
- I want you to put your dirty clothes in the
laundry instead of on the floor.
89Scenario Exercise
90Video
91Chapter 5
92Cooperative Negotiation
- Negotiation more advanced conflict resolution
method - Conflicts that involve win-lose outcomes
- It is important to first distinguish among types
of conflict issues - They can be over tangible or intangible issues
- Tangible concrete, physical
- Intangible abstract, non-physical
93Cooperative Negotiation
- Intangible Issues
- No hard, physical, or observable assets
- Love, attention, cooperative and beneficial
behaviors, respect, power, self esteem, caring - Not truly scarce resources (even though
conflicting parties may think otherwise) - Types of Intangible Issues
- Personality
- Relationship
- Behavioral
94Cooperative Negotiation
- Types of Intangible Issues
- Personality issue e.g. dominating, introverted,
selfish, or achievement oriented - Relationship issues rules, norms, and boundaries
that partners have tacitly or overtly agreed on - Behavioral issues concern specific and individual
behaviors such as the way we handle money, time,
space, and so on.
95Cooperative Negotiation
- Personality issue My daughter is so lazy!
- Relationship issue But I dont want to be just
friends anymore - Behavioral issue
- Situational not a personality or relationship
issue - Which also can be behavioral
- You spent the tax return money on yourself!
96Cooperative Negotiation
- Tangible Issues
- Often viewed as winlose conflicts because they
involve personal property, money, land, grades,
promotions, water/food/air supply, natural
resources (oil, timber, precious metals), awards,
rewards, jobs, etc. - Often requires negotiation
- an exchange of proposals and counter proposals
as a means of reaching a satisfactory settlement
97Cooperative Negotiation
- Negotiation Basics
- Minimaxthe desire to minimize losses and
maximize gains - Aspiration pointthe hoped for outcome
- Resistance pointthe least one is willing to
accept/give - And still be satisfied with the outcome
- Bargaining Rangethe distance between the
negotiators aspiration and resistance points - Status quo pointthe position to which each
negotiator will return if agreement is not
reached. - BATNA Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement
98Cooperative Negotiation
- Expect to make some concessions
- NOT the same as compromise
- You settle for less than you want
- Often best to start by setting the initial goal
higher than your aspiration point, then concede
some - Concession is MUCH more likely to lead to
cooperation from the other
99Aspiration Point
Bargaining range
Resistance Point
Unacceptable offers
Status Quo point
100Competitive Negotiation
- Competitive Negotiation
- An exchange in which one starts high, concedes
slowly, exaggerates the value of ones
concessions, conceals information, argues
forcefully, and outwaits the other - Fixed pot mentality win/lose
- The most common, and often the assumed only way
- Less likely to result in a mutually satisfying
outcome
101Cooperative Negotiation
- Cooperative Negotiation
- Integrative form combines formal bargaining
techniques with effective listening,
assertiveness, supportive communication, and
collaboration - Works best when the parties trust each other and
the situation is one where mutually satisfactory
outcomes are possible - Even though the parties may not know at first
- Goals are mutual gain, but they are open to a
number of ways to achieve a winwin solution,
known as equifinality - Many right ways exist
102Cooperative Negotiation
- Generating options
- Brainstorminggenerating ideas
- Focus on interests rather than positions
- Positions like the final part of an I-statement
(the goal what you want) - Interests the needs that are satisfied by the
different positions - Ask what makes you/the other want the position?
- Much more likely to reveal options
103Cooperative Negotiation
- Cost cutting one party reduces the price of an
item so that the other is more easily able to
accept and live with the solution - Compensation occurs when Party A provides
something of value (often monetary) to Party B to
make up for losses caused by As behavior or that
result from As demands - Prioritizing process in which each side grants
to the other issues the other gives top priority - Base Decisions on Objective Criteria
- Turn-taking, need, majority, coin toss, etc.
104Cooperative Negotiation
- Converting Competitive Negotiation into
Cooperation - Separate people from problem
- Focus on the process, not the personalities
- Offer (not make) concessions grant something
highly valued to the other person without asking
anything in return - Seek commonalities
- Talk cooperation use we talk
105Cooperative Negotiation
- Consult before act
- Ask what they want/need, dont assume
- Increase communication as conflict escalates
- Control the process, not the outcome
- Think positively
- Use fractionation
- Dealing with the whole can seem overwhelming
- Break it down into smaller, easier to handle parts
106Mediation Issues
- Know the goals of each side
- Know which facts are disputed
- Know which facts are critical, which not
- Know the implications of the options
- What are the options?
- What are the possible outcomes? Risks?
- What about walking away?
- Know the legal issues
107Mediation Issues
- Who should pay for mediation?
- What is best for the people involved?
- State-funded?
- Funded by the participants?
- Both have ethical implications
- How do we learn about the process, when we must
protect those involved?
108Confidential versus anonymous
109Chapter 6
110Conflict Climate
- What is climate?
- the weather in some location averaged over some
long period of time - the typical or expected (average) weather
pattern, as opposed to the actual weather at any
given instant - long-term predictable state of the atmosphere.
It is affected by physical features such as
mountains, rivers - Relate physical climate to psychological
climate - the prevailing psychological state
111Conflict Climate
- Our book Climate is a set of expectations for
our behavior - Like average weather pattern
- revealed by our perceptions of the emotional
tone of voices, the looks on peoples faces,
their body movements, dress code, room décor, and
the occasion - Like the physical features mountains, rivers,
etc.
112Conflict Climate
- Specifically, conflict climate is
- Psychological atmosphere affecting the conflict
- Several bipolar concepts
- Imbalance of power versus equity
- Distrust versus trust
- Defensive versus supportive behavior
113Conflict Climate
- Harmful conflict climate
- Imbalance of power, distrust, and defensiveness
- Fosters avoidance, accommodation (chilling
effect), competition (meeting force with force),
competition cycles, even violence - Mutually-satisfying outcomes unlikely
- Nurturing conflict climate
- Balance of power, openness, trust, assertiveness,
collaboration and cooperation - Mutually-satisfying outcomes more likely
114_at_Conflict Climate
- Power abuse
- Power the ability to influence or control
events - Common to feel but I earned my power!
- Consider again what is your goal in the
interaction? - To remind others of your power?
- To win in the short term?
- To find a mutually-satisfying outcome?
- Not all power differentials are abusive
- Judge, doctor, parents, police, etc.
- Abusive when power is perceived as threatening
115Conflict Climate
- Some behaviors contribute to power abuse
- Threats link the other persons noncompliance
with negative outcomes - Thromise sounds like a promise but operates like
a threat - Penalty associated with noncompliance
- Powerful speech verbal and nonverbal messages
used to dominate and control others - Powerless speech talking up to others requests
or questions (Im in need or I dont know)
speaking softly and sounding tentative,
uncertain, or unsure, etc. - Think or assertive communication as between
these two ends of a continuum
116Conflict Climate
- To decrease the potential for power abuse
- Neutral speech
- Do not talk down or talk up to the others
- Treat them as equals
- Use objective language (behavioral)
- Use concrete language
- Use reason and logic separate the person from
the argument - Minimize exaggerations
- Dont judge, or tell the other what he/she thinks
117Conflict Climate
- Share power
- Give up some power and symbols of authority
- Avoid the yes men paradigm feels good but
works against the mutually satisfying outcome - Clothing, location, desk, podium,
- Focus on the task, not the preservation of power
- Make power resources accessible to everyone in
the group - Lower power show greater interest to increase
power - High power give power to the relationship (the
third person) - Acknowledging it, make commitments to it, take it
into consideration as you behave
118Conflict Climate
- The Threat of Competition
- When the parties are opponents
- When emphasis is on winning
- Outcomes are framed as winlose
- Cooperation
- Greater emphasis on the quality of interpersonal
relationships than on the specific outcome
119Conflict Climate
- The Threat of Distrust
- Trust perception that the other is
- Kind, honest, caring that transcends direct
benefits the other receives as a result of caring - Distrust little confidence in the other
suspicion - Inflexible, rigid, and consistent in actions
- Unhealthy trust pathological trust
- Not situational results in gullibility
confusing risk-taking and trusting situations,
overestimating the positive or underestimating
the negative consequences
120Minimize Defensiveness
- High defensiveness versus low defensiveness
- Evaluative versus descriptive language
- Control versus problem orientation
- Strategic intent versus spontaneity
- Neutrality versus empathy
- Superiority versus equality
- Certainty versus provisionalism
121Minimize Defensiveness
- Avoid
- It language
- It isnt professional to send private email
from work - Absolutes
- You always, you never, thats the worst, I
know whats best, you show no effort, etc. - We language
- We dont feel it is productive for you to
- Dont tell people what they think, like, or feel
- Even when youre certain youre right
122Conflict Climate
- Healthy trust is always earned
- Ways to build trust
- Begin by trusting others
- Perform cooperative actions
- Avoid suspicious activity
- Reciprocate in trusting ways
- Prisoners Dilemma (PD)
- Demonstrates mixed motive situations
- Cooperate or compete
123The Threat of Defensive Behavior
- Defensive behaviors messages that create
uncertain, anxiety, and or confusion for the
other person. - Supportive behaviors are messages that put the
other person more at ease. - Defensive and supportive behaviors are contrasts
124The Threat of Defensive Behavior
- Contrasts
- Evaluation praise and blame
- Nonjudgmental description does not threaten the
others self-esteem. - Control attempts to dominate anothers behavior
- Problem orientation focus on the issue rather
than power over the other - Strategy suggests motives and agendas
- Spontaneity straightforward, unplanned, captures
the spirit of the moment
125The Threat of Defensive Behavior
- Contrasts
- Neutrality lack of concern for the welfare of
others (i.e., that is not my problem) - Empathy genuine interest in others.
- Superiority pulling rank on others
- Equality expresses a desire to cooperate
invites participation. - Certainty appears dogmatic because it refers to
statements that consist of all or every - Provisionalism suggests tentativeness, a desire
to withhold judgment until all the facts are in
126Stress a force to manage, not eliminate or
resolve
127Managing Stress
- What is Stress?
- Subjective reactions to real or imagined forces
- Creates biochemical changes fight or flight
- Positive or negative
- Stress does not cause this reaction it is the
reaction. - Stress often erupts into conflict
- Stress is like an escalator in a conflict
situation - How do we deal with it? Drugs, pain medicine,
alcohol, smoking, eating, etc. - Often make it worse feeds a destructive cycle
128Managing Stress
- Types of Stress
- Eustress and Hypostress
- Eustress good, short-term stress motivates
- Hypostress (underload) stress is too low bored,
unchallenged, unmotivates
129Managing Stress
- Hyperstress
- Overload of tasks and responsibilities pile
- Unable to adapt
- Negative and positive (marriage, baby, etc.)
events may lead to hyperstress - Hyperstress can amplify conflict, (when we
exaggerate our reactions in conflict situations) - Source is identifiable remove source, remove
stress
130Managing Stress
- Hyperstress has stages
- Alarm heart rate, sweat, alertness
- Fight or flight mode
- Resistance hormones are released (e.g.
adrenalin) - Effect us physically, mentally, and emotionally
- Exhaustion
- Resistance to illnesses drops, mentally fatigued,
less able to handle additional stress can lead
to overblown conflict - Focal point (trigger) is usually unimportant,
minor, not particularly relevant
131Managing Stress
- Managing hyperstress
- Exercise
- Relaxing hobbies
- Talking with other we like that support us
- Avoiding unnecessary competition
- Dealing with the more difficult tasks first
- And experiencing the reward
- Tend and befriend (typically a female response)
- Males fight or flight
- Giving to others
132Managing Stress
- Distress stress from lack control over the
situation and/or when the source of stress is
unclear - More general less situational
- Personality-related
- Subject to self-fulfilling prophecies
- Leads to conflict proneness
133Managing Stress
- Conflict pronenessresult of distress
- When people
- Take themselves too seriously, dont enjoy what
they are doing, believe they are too far behind
their goals, fail to see the humor or the lighter
side of normal activities, too focused on
winning - Leads to general unhappiness
- Can make the person appear unpleasant to others
134Managing Stress
- Conflict proneness
- Money issues can be a problem
- Lack of work satisfaction is even more likely
- Self-respect, pointlessness, lack of
appreciation, guilt - Those prone to distress are prone to
- Abuse of alcohol, nicotine, and other drugs
- Addictive personality (good and bad habits)
- Compulsive spending
- Handle conflicts poorly (hence the name)
135Managing Stress
- Conflict proneness
- Avoid
- Fly off the handle
- Verbally and/or physically abusive
- Leads to failed relationships
- Which increases the distress conflict proneness
failed relationships, etc. - Downward spiral
136Managing Stress
- How to manage distress
- Develop a playful spirit (mostly internal)
- Dont blame yourself for everything that goes
wrong or doesnt pan out. - Learn to accept rather than fight against some
things - See irony and humor in problematic situations.
- Visualize absurdities. Make a joke to yourself of
something negative - However, inappropriate humor can work against
conflict situations
137Managing Stress
- Develop a playful spirit
- Ask yourself What can I do now to be happier?
- Identify what happy will mean for you
(difficult) - Learn to say No without guilt
- Take on new more enjoyable roles
- Do something you can succeed at
- Make a clear distinction between work and play
- In short change the way you look at the world
138Managing Stress
- Most important integration
- Understand that joy and pain are part of the same
whole - One exists only in contrast to the other
- No pain no joy
- No pain no growth no change no joy
139Managing Stress
- Sources of Hyperstress and Distress (stressors)
- Conflict between who we believe we are and what
we do - Anticipated life events (e.g., graduation, aging)
- Unexpected life events (e.g., deaths, job loss,
too much happening, at once, etc.) - Need to make tough decisions (e.g., Marry him?
Divorce? Move? Quit? Grad school?) - Struggle with how much time and attention we
should give to our many roles
140Managing Stress
- Constructive Thoughts/Beliefs as Responses to
Hyperstress and Distress - How we interpret a stressor is much more
important than the specific qualities, relative
strength, or specific attributes of the stressor - We can control how we interpret, so we can
control the stress - We must choose to control the stress, or it
controls us
141Managing Stress
- ABC approach
- A the activating event or stressor
- Control we can change the environment, o