Raising Resilient Kids

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Raising Resilient Kids

• Resilience 101

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Little Boys

• A little boy was in a relative's wedding.
• As he was coming down the aisle, he would take
  two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd.
• While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up
  like claws and roar.
• So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR,
  all the way down the aisle.
• As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from
  laughing so hard by the time he reached the
  pulpit.
• When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed
  and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

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A Reminder

• In times of change, learners inherit the earth,
• While the learned find themselves beautifully
  equipped to deal with a world that no longer
  exists.
• Eric Hoffer

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In Order to Parent/Teach Self Reliance

• Questions
• How do you respond to crisis?

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In Order to Parent Self Reliance

• Questions
• How do you respond to crisis?
• Are you generally modeling faith? Fear? Denial?
• Are you driven internally or externally?

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Fearful Heart? Externally Driven (Victimhood)
Elder Holland If there is one lament I cannot
abide, it is the poor, pitiful, withered cry,
"Well, that's just the way I am." If you want to
talk about discouragement, that is one that
discourages me. I've heard it from too many
people who want to sin and call it psychology. 
(For Times of
Trouble)
He makes me so mad
Emotions
Circumstances
Its because the teacher hates me
Personal Limitations
Look, I cant help it. This is just the way I
am
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Why would anyone want to be Externally Controlled?
A New York City teenager says she was text
messaging while walking down the street and the
next second she was down a manhole. Alexa
Longueira was walking down a Staten Island block
and was getting ready to text message when she
fell into an open sewer manhole. Longueira
suffered mild cuts and bruises and is expected to
recover. The teen's mother says workers told her
they left the manhole open and unattended for
just seconds while they went to fetch some cones
from their truck. The Longueira family says they
plan on filing a lawsuit.

• Great Benefit Package
• No responsibility.
• (Its never my fault)
• Avoid uncomfortable situations
• (no growth)
• For most of us
• BehaviorConsequences
• For them
• Consequences are mean!

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Internally Driven
I Am

Self Concept
Childhood Resilience
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Which would help more with a childs resilience
in the midst of trial?

• Self Esteem
• I am great
• I am strong
• People love me
• I can do anything
• I can take care of myself

• Divine Esteem
• My Heavenly Father loves me
• He has a plan for me
• If I will ask Him, Ill know what I need to do
• There are those on both sides of the veil to help
  me.

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Building a Divine IdentityWho are they part
of?
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Saints Around The World
Early Pioneer Saints
Family
An LDS Child
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When you go on vacation

• Visit church history sites?
• Stop in and see the local temple?
• Make a point to visit a nearby ward when
  traveling?

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Question?

• What happens, then, when LDS role models arent
  so model?

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For Example Church Young Men Programs
Skaters Literally and/or Figuratively
Athletic Teams
Scouting

• Small Group
• Adult leaders
• Learn Problem Solving Skills

• Small Group
• Coaches
• Learn Problem Solving Skills

• Small Group
• Peer leaders
• Learn Problem Solving Skills!?

In order to Accomplish X You must do X
In order to Accomplish X You must do X
In order to Avoid X You must do X
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Helping them I Identify and CounterSkating
(Avoidance)

• Jack Mom, Mike said I was stupid for doing my
  homework.
• Mom Hmmm. Why do you think he might say that?
• Jack I dont know. Maybe because he likes to
  play his X Box more than doing math?
• Mom Probably. When he does that, is he doing his
  best on his homework?
• Jack No. He hates math!
• Mom When any of us do something like that, were
  avoiding instead of achieving
• Mom I wonder if theres something you can do to
  help Mike with his math. He may not think hes as
  good at it as you are

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I Am

Self Concept
Childhood Resilience
I Can
Capabilities and Limits
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Teaching Kids Problem Solving Skills
The Problem

• Telling

• Collaborating

• What have you thought of?
• What have you tried?
• When you pray, what are you feeling?
• What else have you thought of?

• Do this right now
• You must
• You cant
• Be quiet
• Go to bed
• Stop doing that

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Problem Solving Skills
Face a Problem
Pray for Help
Get an Answer
Recognize The Source
Follow The answer
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One Mothers Experience

• In 1968, Sister Mette Hansen, was quickly
  riding her bicycle home in her native Denmark.
  Her husband was away on business and her two
  children, 10 and 7 would be coming home from
  school. She was suddenly struck by a car and
  taken to a local hospital. While she was
  miraculously preserved, it would be 5 long hours
  before she was finally released. Unable to
  contact her young children, she prayed
  fervently. She writes
• I prayed Please tell my children Im all
  right. Let them have peace of mind so that they
  wont panic, and give them patience. Please tell
  them what to do. I felt the presence of the Holy
  Ghost, and an all-embracing peace filled my
  mind-the same feeling I prayed my children would
  receive.
• Finally, the doctor told me that except for my
  painfully bruised ribs, I was as good as new, and
  he let me go. The two policemen offered me a ride
  home, and we arrived outside my apartment
  building at 1015 that night.
• Two small, tired children walked hand in hand in
  the dark toward the police car. Mom, where have
  you been? What happened to you? How come its so
  late? Why did the police drive you home? they
  asked, as soon as we were safely in the
  apartment.
• I explained, and asked, How did you get home?
• My son said, We couldnt understand why you
  didnt come to pick us up, but we thought you
  might be late from work, so we walked home. It
  started to get dark, but we couldnt get in
  because we havent got a key.

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• I didnt know what to do, but all of a
  sudden I thought we should pray about it.
  So we knelt on the doormat while I said a
  prayer. We sat without talking for a little
  while after the prayer, as you taught us to
  do, and then a nice thing happened to me.
• I felt a big, warm hand touching the top of
  my head, and I heard a friendly voice saying,
  Your mother is well, she has been taken care of.
  It will be a while before she comes home, and it
  will be dark outside, but just stay calm. Take
  your little sister by the hand and stay near the
  apartment and play peacefully. If you do, the
  time will go by quickly until your mother is with
  you again.
• When I looked up to see who was talking to me, I
  couldnt see anybody, and no more was said. I
  felt calm.
• Over the years I have seen my son have occasional
  struggles as he has grown into adulthood. Its
  sometimes easy during difficult times to doubt
  there is a living God.
• Each time he was struggling, I would ask, Do you
  remember what happened to you the night of my
  accident?
• His features would clear, and he would say,
  Mother, its true, and I will never be able to
  deny it.
• 1987 Ensign, p. 52

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I Am

Self Concept
Childhood Resilience
I Can
I Have
Capabilities and Limits
Assets and relationships
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When we Collaborate with them

• Who might know how to help you?
• Where could you go to find out?
• What part can you do and what part will you need
  help with?
• Which part can I help
  you with?

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King Benjamins sage advice

•  For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has
  been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever
  and ever,
• unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy
  Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and
  becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ
  the Lord,
• and becometh as a child, submissive, meek,
  humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit
  to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict
  upon him, even as a child doth submit to his
  father. (Mosiah 3)