Raising Authentically Successful Children: Resilience in Action

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Raising Authentically Successful Children
Resilience in Action

• Ken Ginsburg MD, MS Ed
• The Childrens Hospital of Philadelphia

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What should childhood look like?
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And . . . who is childhood for???
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(No Transcript)
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How do we define success?
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Do we have to make a choice between success and
happiness?
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Resilience

• The Ability To Overcome Adversity
• The Capacity to Bounce Back

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Resilience

• is
• NOT
• Invulnerability

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Resilienceis NOTa character trait.

• It is affected by supports and circumstances!!!

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The Bottom Line

• Young People will be more resilient if the
  important adults in their lives believe in them
  unconditionally and hold them to high
  expectations
• Young People live up or down to the expectations
  we set for them

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The 7 Cs of Resilience

• Confidence
• Competence
• Connection
• Character
• Contribution
• Coping
• Control

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The importance of Connection can not be
overstated. . .

• Family
• School
• Community
• . . . and sometimes, the health clinician

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Connection 101
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Why does it feel like our connection is
challenged during adolescence?
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Listening
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Connection 101 (contd)Perfectionism Prevention
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What is perfectionism?

• And . . . why isnt it a good thing?

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Just try your best

• Victims of a toxic society
• What do we praise . . . or notice?
• Desire to spare us
• Fear of becoming the target of anger

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Not all perfectionists are perfect
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Finding Competence . . . . . . Building
Confidence


X
X
X
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Learning Not to Undermine Competence

• Letting young people make their own mistakes
• Praising the process of trying, rather than just
  the results
• And not over-praising . . .this is not self
  esteem!

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Learning Not to Undermine Competence

• Talking in a way young people understand
• Recognizing the cognitive development of
  adolescence
• No more lectures!!!!!!
• The Cognitive AHA experience

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Building Competence

• Skills

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How Much Control?
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Resilience

• Is about learning to cope, in a positive way with
  lifes inevitable stressors
• We might do our greatest good by raising youth
  with a wide repertoire of positive coping
  strategies

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Relief
Relief
Positive Coping Strategies
You Feel Awful!!!
You Feel Awful!!!
You Feel Awful!!!
Stress
Discomfort
Discomfort
Negative Coping Strategies
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Relief
Relief
Positive Coping Strategies
You Feel Awful!!!
You Feel Awful!!!
You Feel Awful!!!
Stress
Discomfort
Discomfort
Negative Coping Strategies
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Coping

• Engagement vs. Disengagement
• Emotion Focused vs. Problem Focused

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A Stress Management Plan for Teens

• (It Might Just Work for you)
• Shhhhh . . . It is a Great Way to Build a College
  Resume

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Stress Management Tackling The Problem

1. Making the problem manageable
2. Active Avoidance
3. Let Some things go

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Serenity Prayer

• Grant me the serenity to accept the things I
  cannot change courage to change the things I
  can and wisdom to know the difference

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Stress Management Taking Care of My Body

• Exercise
• Fear
• Anger

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Stress Management Taking Care of My Body

• Relaxation
• Nutrition

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Stress Management Taking Care of My Body

• 7) Sleep
• Stimulation
• Cool Down
• Exercise
• Shower
• Release emotion

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Stress Management Managing Emotions

1. Instant Vacations
2. Releasing Emotions

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Stress Management Plan Making the World Better

• Contributing to the world

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When Resilience Reaches Its Limits

• Physical symptoms
• Fatigue
• Disinterest
• Dropping grades
• Sad mood
• Irritability/anger
• Substance use

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When Your Tolerance Reaches Its Limits

• Falling Back In Love
• Catching Your Kid Being Good
• Holding to the Highest Expectation
• Honoring Your Spouse/Partner

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The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Child