Raising Resilient Children

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Raising Resilient Children

• Danny Waddle, EdS, LMHC, LCAC
• Kimble Richardson, MS, LMHC, LCSW, LMFT, LCAC
• St. Vincent Stress Center
• Indianapolis, IN

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Every 9 seconds

• A high school kid drops out.

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Every 10 seconds

• A child is neglected or abused.

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Every 5 minutes

• A child is arrested for a violent crime.

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Every 4 hours

• A child is a victim of homicide.

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Every 4 hours

• A child commits suicide.

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Resiliency

• The ability to rebound from adversity while
  keeping a positive self image and view of the
  world.

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History Research

• Developmental Theories
• Humanistic Theories
• Longitudinal Studies

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History Research

• Even youth with multiple and severe
• risks in their lives can develop into
• confident, competent, and caring
• adults.
• (Werner Smith, 1992)

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Longitudinal Studies

• Between 1/2 and 2/3 of children can overcome odds
  of a life of risk
• Growth and development occur naturally in the
  presence of certain environmental circumstances

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Protective Factors

• Caring Relationships
• High Expectations
• Opportunities for Participation
• (Comer, 1984 Edmonds, 1986)

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Caring Relationships

• The presence of at least one caring person no
  matter how awful a childs behavior provides
  support for healthy development and learning.
• (Werner Smith, 1989)

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Role Models

• Aside from family, who are the most
• frequently encountered positive role
• models in the lives of resilient
• children?

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High Expectations

• Schools that have this also have
• academic success and low rates of
• Drop outs
• Teen pregnancy
• Drug abuse
• Delinquency
• (Rutter et al., 1979)

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High Expectations

• Through relationships that convey
• high expectations, students learn to
• believe in themselves and in their
• futures, developing the critical
• resilience traits.
• (Kidder, 1990)

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Opportunities for Participation

• is a fundamental human need.
• encourages youth to give back to the community
  and fosters resiliency.

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Opportunities for Participation

• In Schools
• Encourage critical thinking and dialogue
• Have more hands-on learning
• Involve students in curriculum planning
• Allow students to create governing rules of the
  classroom
• Employ peer helping, cross-age mentoring and
  cooperative learning

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What is Resilience?

• Definitions

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Definitions

• Inner Strength
• Capacity to Cope
• Confidence
• Clear and Realistic Goals
• Other and Self Respect
• Bounces back from trauma
• (Brooks Goldstein, 2003 and 2002)

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Resilient Children

• Are hopeful
• Have high self-esteem
• Feel special
• See obstacles as challenges versus stressors to
  overcome
• Focus on controllable factors
• (Brooks Goldstein, 2003 and 2002)

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Resilient Children

• Need to face adversity and challenges.

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Resilience

• is more of a process than a trait.

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Epperson Family
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Ten Guideposts
Nurturing Resilience in Our Children Robert
Brooks, PhD and Sam Goldstein, PhD, Pgs 7-9
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Ten Guideposts
Being Empathic
Identifying and Rewriting Negative Scripts
Communicating Effectively
Believing in their Worth
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Empathy

• What is it?
• Putting yourself in
• your childs shoes.

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Empathy

• Would I want anyone to speak
• to me in the way I am
• speaking to this child?

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Empathy

• Adult Obstacles
• We tend to practice what weve lived.
• Its difficult to be empathic when were angry
• Believing the childs goal in life is to make me
  angry
• Wondering if Im giving in by showing empathy

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Ten Guideposts
Being Empathic
Identifying and Rewriting Negative Scripts
Communicating Effectively
Believing in their Worth
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Rewriting Negative Scripts

• What is it?
• Helping children to
• reflect, analyze, and
• act on productive
• solutions.

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Rewriting Negative Scripts

• My children are going to outlast me. I
• better think of something else to say.

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Rewriting Negative Scripts

• Principles of Change
• Accept the adult side of the change
• Define the problem
• Evaluate your current script
• Every problem has a positive solution
• Try, try again

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Ten Guideposts
Being Empathic
Identifying and Rewriting Negative Scripts
Communicating Effectively
Believing in their Worth
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Communicating Effectively

• What is it?
• Active Listening
• Undivided attention
• Time for real discussion
• Family meetings

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Communicating Effectively

• So what I understand you saying is

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Ten Guideposts
Being Empathic
Identifying and Rewriting Negative Scripts
Communicating Effectively
Believing in their Worth
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Believing in their Worth

• What is it?
• The most basic guidepost.
• Feeling special and appreciated.
• Believing in a childs value.

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Believing in their Worth

• Principles
• Let positive childhood memories guide you.
• Create traditions and special times.
• Dont miss important occasions in your childs
  life.
• Build up, dont chip away.
• Accept them for who they are vs. what you want
  them to be.

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Ten Guideposts
Being Accepting
Viewing Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
Focusing on Strengths
Building Self-Esteem
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Being Accepting

• What is it?
• Accepting children for who they are.
• Builds a less tense parent/child dynamic.

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Ten Guideposts
Being Accepting
Viewing Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
Focusing on Strengths
Building Self-Esteem
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Mistakes as Learning Opportunities

• What is it?
• Helping children develop problem solving and
  critical thinking skills
• The learn to swim mindset

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Mistakes as Learning Opportunities

• Principles to Consider
• What were your parents responses to mistakes you
  made?
• When you make a mistake notice what you say and
  doyour children will.

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Ten Guideposts
Being Accepting
Viewing Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
Focusing on Strengths
Building Self-Esteem
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Focusing on Strengths

• What is it?
• Emphasizing strengths vs. playing up the
  negatives
• Notice various types and levels of talents

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Ten Guideposts
Being Accepting
Viewing Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
Focusing on Strengths
Building Self-Esteem
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Building Self-Esteem

• What is it?
• An internal sense of
• control, self-advocacy,
• problem solving, and
• decision making that is
• nurtured by others.

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Ten Guideposts
Fostering a Sense of Responsibility
Using Discipline to Teach
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Sense of Responsibility

• What is it?
• Encouraging children to make a
• contribution at school, home and/or
• community.

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Ten Guideposts
Fostering a Sense of Responsibility
Using Discipline to Teach
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Using Discipline to Teach

• What is it?
• Promoting self-discipline and control
• Parents working as a team
• Primarily using positive reinforcement

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Using Discipline to Teach

• Principles
• Loving relationships
• Select your battles
• Check for unrealistic expectations

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Incident
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Wrap-Up
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Questions??????

• And maybe some answers

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Hope Courage
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References

• Brooks, R. Goldstein, S. (2003). The Power of
  Resilience Achieving Balance, Confidence, and
  Personal Strength in Your Life. New York The
  McGraw-Hill Companies.
• Brooks, R. Goldstein, S. (2002). Nurturing
  Resilience in Our Children. Answers to the Most
  Important Parenting Questions. New York The
  McGraw-Hill Companies.
• Brooks, R. Goldstein, S. (2002). Raising
  Resilient Children Fostering Strength, Hope and
  Optimism in Your Child. New York McGraw-Hill
  Companies.
• Comer, J. (1984). Home-School relationships as
  they affect the academic success of children.
  Education and Urban Society, 16, pp. 323-337.

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References

• Edmonds, R. (1986). Characteristics of effective
  schools. In U. Neisser, Ed., The School
  Achievement of Minority Children New
  perspectives (pp. 93-104). Hillsdale, NH
  Lawrence Erlbaum.
• Everly, G. (2009). The Resilient Child. New
  York DiaMedica Publishing.
• Goldstein, S. Brooks, R. (2005). Handbook of
  Resilience in children. Boston Springer.
• Kidder, T. (1990). Among School Children. New
  York Avon.
• Rutter, M., Maughan, B. Mortimore, P., Ouston,
  J., Smith, A. (1979). Fifteen Thousand Hours.
  Cambridge, MA Harvard University Press.
• Werner, E., Smith, R. (1992). Overcoming the
  Odds High-Risk children from Birth to
  Adulthood. New York Cornell University Press.

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• Danny Waddle, EdS,
• LMHC, LCAC
• St. Vincent Stress Center
• [phone]
• Kimble Richardson, M.S.
• LMHC, LCSW, LMFT
• St. Vincent Stress Center
• [phone]