More attraction and intimacy

1
More attraction and intimacy

• Chapter 11 part 2

2
Biggest question in relationships

• Why do they end?
• Why is this such a big question?
• Think about social cognition
• Confirmation bias
• Self perception theory
• Etc
• People are great at believing what they want, and
  finding support for it

3
Biggest question in relationships

• What do people want to believe about their
  partners?
• That theyre mean people?
• That they should leave them?
• People want to believe that their partners are
  great
• Theyre motivated to believe that their partners
  are great

4
Relationship stability and satisfaction

• Two big questions
• Why do people divorce?
• Why do people become unhappy in their
  relationships?
• Given everything we know about social cognition,
  these are huge questions.

5
Possible answers

• What factors might be related to change in
  satisfaction and stability over time?
• Are the same factors that bring people together
  responsible for keeping them together?
• Will discuss 5 possibilities

6
Social exchange theory

• Main idea people make relationship decisions in
  a rational way, by weighing the rewards of the
  relationship, the costs of the relationship, and
  the attractiveness of the available alternatives.

7
Social exchange theory

• Rewards of relationships?
• Costs of relationships?
• ? if rewards gt costs, people happy
• Is this it, though?
• What else might play a role?

8
Social exchange theory

• Some people have really high expectations of
  relationships others dont
• Two people have same rewards, same costs, but
  different relationship expectations whos
  happier?
• The one with lower expectations
• Why?
• Comparison level

9
Social exchange theory

• Other factors
• Two people have the same rewards, the same costs,
  the same comparison level one is surrounded by
  other alternative partners the other is not
• Whos happier in the relationship?
• The one with fewer alternatives
• Why?
• ? comparison level for alternatives also plays a
  role

10
Social exchange theory

• Four types of relationships possible

High sat Low stability
High sat High stability
Low sat Low stability
High sat Low stability
11
Social exchange theory

• Implications of distinguishing between
  satisfaction and stability a relationship can
  be low quality but still stay together, can be
  relatively high quality and still break up.
• How do relationships go from one quadrant to
  another? How do rewards and costs change over
  time?
• Theory does not address change
• Rewards, costs, and alternatives all related to
  perceptions
• Theory does not address

12
Attachment theory

• Some people may be more likely to have high
  relationship expectations
• Some people may be more likely to perceive that
  they have many alternative partners
• ? attachment theory addresses this

13
Attachment theory

• Main idea in infancy, people develop models of
  what close relationships are supposed to be like,
  based on their relationship with their primary
  caregivers, usually their mothers.
• Schemas

14
Attachment theory

• Which of the following best describes your
  feelings about close relationships? Please check
  one.
• ______ I find it relatively easy to get close to
  others and am comfortable depending on them and
  having them depend on me. I dont often worry
  about being abandoned or about someone getting
  close to me.

15
Attachment theory

• Which of the following best describes your
  feelings about close relationships? Please check
  one.
• ______ I am somewhat uncomfortable being close
  to others I find it difficult to trust them
  completely, difficult to allow myself to depend
  on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too
  close, and often, love partners want me to be
  more intimate than I feel comfortable being.

16
Attachment theory

• Which of the following best describes your
  feelings about close relationships? Please check
  one.
• ______ I find that others are reluctant to get as
  close as I would like. I often worry that my
  partner doesnt really love me or wont want to
  stay with me. I want to merge completely with
  another person, and this desire sometimes scares
  people away.

17
Attachment style

• Attachment style may be related to how much
  expect from relationship, and even what interpret
  as positive or negative
• Feeney Collins supportive/ambiguous notes study

18
Attachment style

• Why do securely attached people ever break up?
• Theory addresses peoples perceptions, but not
  changes in relationships over time

19
Behavioral theory

• Main idea people learn from each interaction
  with their partner whether or not they are in a
  satisfying relationship. Each negative
  interaction chips away at initial satisfaction,
  each positive one reinforces it.

20
Behavioral theory

• Why do people become unsatisfied with their
  relationships?
• They have negative interactions
• Where do negative interactions come from?
• Theory does not address

21
Crisis theory

• Main idea families and relationships must
  respond to stressful events
• ABCX
• Aevent
• Bresources
• Cinterpretation
• Xcrisis

22
Crisis theory

• Double ABCX with pile-ups
• Addresses question of when relationships are
  likely to end -- when there are stresses that
  resources cannot handle
• Where do resources come from? How do they change
  with time?
• Theory does not address

23
Stress-vulnerability-adaptation model

• Ingredients
• enduring traits of each partner
• adaptive processes
• external circumstances

24
SVA model
Enduring vulnerabilities
Marital quality
Marital stability
Adaptive processes
Stressful events
25
Where does this leave us?

• Role of person
• Role of situation
• ? Lewins Bf(P,E) also has something to say
  about love and marriage