Interpersonal Relationships versus Attraction

1
Interpersonal Relationships versus Attraction

• Attraction
• Interpersonal Relationships

• how much/why two people like each other
• ongoing continuous relationships
• characterized by interdependence

2
Why do we have friends?

• Costs of Sociality
• competition for food
• competition for home sites/scarce resources
• risk of contagious disease/parasites
• people lie, cheat, steal, and kill one another

• So, broadly speaking, why do we affiliate with
  others??

3
Goals of Affiliative behavior

• Global perspective
• Byrne Clore (1970) the reinforcement-affect
  model

• Domain Specific Perspective
• McAdams (1985) motivational model

4
Determinants of the need for affiliation

• Individual Differences
• Different people have different reasons for
  affiliation
• Positive stimulation
• Social support
• Attention
• Social comparison
• High need for affiliation high social
  responsiveness
• Situational Determinants
• examples
• Disasters/accidents/storms/fear
• Need for social comparison
• Cognitive clarity
• emotional clarity

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Defining our Experiences

• What is a Friend?
• How do you define the term?
• What characteristics does a friend possess?

• Characteristics of Friendship?
• Interact as equals, enjoy company, trust,
  help, accept, respect, honest, understand,
  confide , share similar interests

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Making Friendships work for you
When is someone not being a friend?

• There must be rewards for your efforts
• Implicit exchange of goods between people in
  any relationship
• idea of social exchange
• Social exchange must be beneficial to all

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Typology of Social Exchange
Relationships
Exchange
Communal
Equity
Exchange
Equality
8
Models of Social Exchange I
Relationships
Exchange
Communal
Equity
Exchange
Equality
Family Relationships
Communal Sharing
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Models of Social Exchange II
Relationships
Exchange
Communal
Equity
Exchange
Equality
Preschool Play Room
Equality Matching
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Models of Social Exchange III
Relationships
Exchange
Communal
Equity
Exchange
Equality
Military Relationships
Authority Ranking
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Models of Social Exchange IV
Relationships
Exchange
Communal
Equity
Exchange
Equality
Capitalist Relationships
Market Pricing
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Cultural differences in social exchange

• Cultural differences in
• Freedom in relationship choice
• Permanence of relationships
• Relationships between selves differ

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When dont Friendships work?

• Which is more important to you in a personal
  relationship
• Equality or Equity?
• Self-disclosure or Reinforcement ?
• Consistency or Spontaneity?
• Similarity or Ultimate beauty?
• In terms of social exchange
• What model of exchange is being used?
• What is the value of goods?
• Which goods are benefits and which are costs?

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Factors predicting Liking

• Proximity
• Exposure / Interaction with other
• Familiarity
• mere exposure hypothesis

15
Factors predicting Liking

• Similarity
• Birds of a feather flock together?

Balance Theory Fritz Heider (1958) Why
similarity influences attraction?
In every triad, balance
J
J
J



-
-

g
g
g
N
N
N
-


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Factors predicting Liking

• Attractiveness
• Halo effect
• Matching hypothesis

• Reciprocity

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What about attraction and affect/emotion?
Affect-Centered Model of Attraction (Byrne, 1992)

• music
• aroma

• positive
• negative

• attraction
• like/dislike

Environment
Evaluative Response
Affective Processes

• attractiveness
• aroma

• schemas, stereotypes
• attitudes, expectancies

• approach
• avoidance

Person
Cognitive Processes
Behavioral Response
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Attraction

• To whom are you attracted?
• Why are you attracted to some, but not others?
• What is it about people that makes them
  attractive to you?
• Same reasons you chose certain friends?

FEATURES of LOVE
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Components of Love
Intimacy
Commitment
Passion
FEATURES of LOVE Caring, happiness, wanting to
be with the other, friendship, openness, warm
feelings, acceptance, trust, commitment,
sharing, think about other constantly,
sacrifice, understanding, honesty, respect,
contentment, euphoria, sexual passion,
closeness
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Types of Love II Sternbergs Triangular Theory
Intimacy
Commitment
Passion
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Types of Love II Sternbergs Triangular Theory
Intimacy and Commitment
Companionate Love
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Types of Love II Sternbergs Triangular Theory
Intimacy and Passion
Romantic Love
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Types of Love II Sternbergs Triangular Theory
Passion and Commitment
Fatuous Love
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Types of Love II Sternbergs Triangular Theory
Consummate Love
Intimacy, Passion and Commitment
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Types of Love
Intimacy
Commitment
Passion
Types of LOVE
Friendship Maternal Brotherly Passionate
Puppy-love Romantic
PASSIONATE LOVE
COMPANIONATE LOVE
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Goals of Love I
Goals of Love
Sexual Satisfaction
Resources and Status
Family Bonds
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Goals of Love I
Goals of Love
Sexual Satisfaction
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Gender Differences I

• What is the lowest level of intelligence you
  would accept in
• a single date, a sexual partner, a steady date,
  and a spouse?

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Gender Differences II

• Attractive stranger will you go out with me
  tonight?

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Goals of Love II
Goals of Love
Family Bonds
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Goals of Love III
Goals of Love
Resources and Status
Female ratings of men
Male ratings of women
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Arousal in making Love

• Dutton Aron (1974)
• increased arousal increased attraction
• function for love ???
• Two-factor theory of Love (Berscheid Walster,
  1974)
• general physiological arousal is labeled as
  love
• Arousal-facilitation theory (Allen et al., 1989)
• physiological arousal adds to present feelings

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Arousal in making Love

• Dutton Aron (1974)
• increased arousal increased attraction

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Consequences of Love

• Issues of Attachment with that someone
• becoming more Companionate Love
• Competition with others
• perceptions, value of other alternatives
• Self-identity can change
• Inclusion-of-Other in Self (Aron Aron, 1986)
• Personality changes
• less risk taking
• more communally oriented

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What do these tell us about love?

• To whom are people attracted?
• Who should you date?
• Who will you marry?
• Who will people love?
• When will relationships persist?
• Currently, divorce rate is about 50 in U.S.