Attraction and Intimacy

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Attraction and Intimacy

• Chapter 11

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Need to belong

• Everyone, to varying degrees, has a need to
  belong
• Evolutionarily adaptive
• Can be seen in components of self-esteem
• Competence
• Acceptance

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Sensitivity to ostracism online monkey in the
middle
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What attracts us to particular others?

• People are motivated to form attachments and
  relationships
• What predicts which particular people we seek
  out?
• Physical attractiveness
• What predicts this?
• Is there agreement about who is attractive?

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Agreement about physical attractiveness

• http//www.hotornot.com/
• Is there agreement with ratings?
• Why?

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Facial symmetry and attractiveness
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Average faces

• Average faces are more attractive
• Average combined across many faces
• http//www.faceresearch.org/demos/average

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Why?

• Why are symmetrical and averaged faces more
  attractive?
• Evolutionary perspective

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Who is friendlier?
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Who is more intelligent?
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Attractiveness and perceived personality

• We also think people we like are more attractive
• It goes the other way too we think that people
  who are more attractive are nicer
• Adults perceptions of adults
• Adults perceptions of children
• Childrens perceptions of adults
• Childrens perception of children
• What is beautiful is good stereotype
• What does the self-fulfilling prophesy suggest
  will happen?

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Attractiveness and personality perception

• Attractive people are given lighter sentences in
  court
• unless the crime has to do with something they
  could have used their looks for (e.g., confidence
  scams)

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So, when it comes to dating

• What should happen?
• People all want someone who is physically
  attractive
• Hatfield et al.s computer dating study
• What does happen?
• Numbers demo from psy852 everyone get a number
  and find someone so numbers make the highest sum
  total
• Wanting to date versus asking out on a date
• ? Matching phenomenon

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Matching beyond physical appearance
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Matching

• Couples end up matching, not just on physical
  attractiveness, but on all the assets that they
  bring to the relationship

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What else brings people together (in
relationships or friendship)?

• Where to live to make the most friends (Leon
  Festinger, Stanley Schachter, Kurt Lewin and Kurt
  Back study)?
• Look at a layout of a dorm floor

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Proximity

• People tend to like those in close proximity
• (AKA propinquity effect)
• Why?
• Anticipated interaction increases liking
• Mere exposure

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Mere exposure

• What is it?
• Applications
• Letters in name and favorite letter
• Picture of self versus mirror image of picture of
  self

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What else makes people more likely to get
together?

• Youre starting a match-making service
• Do you want to put similar or dissimilar people
  together? That is, do birds of a feather flock
  together, or do opposites attract?
• Arguments for each side?
• Only evidence for similarity
• Correlational research more similar couples tend
  to more satisfied
• Experimental research in a lab, people are
  assigned to a similar or less similar partner
  or lead to believe theyre interacting with
  someone whos more or less similar
• Attitude alignment over time

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What about opposites attract?

• No evidence for
• There may be perceived complementarity between
  partners
• Complementarity may also develop over time within
  a relationship

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Reciprocity

• We like those who like us
• However, its not quite this straightforward
• Hard to get research
• Change in liking over time

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What else prompts liking?

• Self-disclosure elicits
• Reciprocity in self-disclosure
• Liking
• Liking elicits self-disclosure

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Imagine you walk over
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Or
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Whats your physiological reaction?

• Whats your heart rate like, after having gone
  over each of the bridges?
• Whats your breathing rate like, after having
  gone over each of the bridges?

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Thinking about physiological reactions

• You see someone who you find attractive
• Whats your heart rate like?
• Whats your breathing rate like?

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Back to the bridges

• After walking over one of the two bridges
• You participate in a study, and a female (youre
  a male, in this situation) researcher gives you
  her number to call, if you have any questions
  about the study
• Which group of people calls the researcher?
• Two-factor theory of emotion
• Misattribution of arousal
• Implications?

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Person-level differences

• Think about which statement best describes you
• It is relatively easy for me to become
  emotionally close to others. I am comfortable
  depending on others and having others depend on
  me. I don't worry about being alone or having
  others not accept me.
• I am comfortable without close emotional
  relationships. It is very important to me to feel
  independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not
  to depend on others or have others depend on me.
• I want to be completely emotionally intimate with
  others, but I often find that others are
  reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am
  uncomfortable being without close relationships,
  but I sometimes worry that others don't value me
  as much as I value them.
• I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to
  others. I want emotionally close relationships,
  but I find it difficult to trust others
  completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes
  worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to
  become too close to others.

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Attachment style

• Captures how people feel about themselves and
  others
• Are they deserving of love?
• Yes ?
• Can others be trusted and counted on?
• Yes ? secure attachment style
• No ? dismissive attachment style
• No ?
• Can others be trusted and counted on?
• Yes ? preoccupied attachment style
• No ? fearful attachment style

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Secure attachment style

• Think theyre deserving of love
• Expect others to be there for them and think
  others can be relied on
• It is relatively easy for me to become
  emotionally close to others. I am comfortable
  depending on others and having others depend on
  me. I don't worry about being alone or having
  others not accept me.
• What might it be like to be in a relationship
  with someone like this?

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Dismissive attachment style

• Think theyre deserving of love
• Not sure others will be there for them or can be
  counted on
• I am comfortable without close emotional
  relationships. It is very important to me to feel
  independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not
  to depend on others or have others depend on me.
• What might it be like to be in a relationship
  with someone like this?

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Preoccupied attachment style

• Not sure theyre deserving of love
• However, think others could be relied on
• I want to be completely emotionally intimate with
  others, but I often find that others are
  reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am
  uncomfortable being without close relationships,
  but I sometimes worry that others don't value me
  as much as I value them.
• What might it be like to be in a relationship
  with someone like this?

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Fearful attachment style

• Not sure theyre deserving of love
• Not sure if others can be counted on or depended
  on
• I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to
  others. I want emotionally close relationships,
  but I find it difficult to trust others
  completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes
  worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to
  become too close to others.
• What might it be like to be in a relationship
  with someone like this?

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When does attachment style matter?

• Your partner tells you he or she loves you.
• How do you interpret this? Does it matter which
  attachment style you have?
• Your partner tells you he or she wants to see
  other people.
• How do you interpret this? Does it matter which
  attachment style you have?

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When attachment style matters the most

• Ambiguous behavior
• Examples of ambiguous behavior in relationships?
• you did as well as I thought you would note
  study

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Thinking about relationship satisfaction

• What does it mean to be satisfied with a
  relationship?
• How do people decide if theyre satisfied?
• Rewards
• Costs
• Comparison level of alternatives expectations of
  what should get
• Comparison level what could get in an
  alternative relationship
• Satisfaction rewards-costsgtClalt and CL
• Which of these might be related to attachment
  style?

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In love happily ever after?

• Satisfaction and stability
• Four relationship outcomes
• Which are puzzling?
• How to explain?

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What predicts stability?

• When is divorce less likely?
• First or second marriage?
• Older or younger at marriage?
• More or less educated partners?
• Stable or unstable jobs?
• Cohabitation or non-cohabitation?
• Parental divorce or no parental divorce?