PARENTING

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PARENTINGThe Second Time Around

• A Cornell Cooperative Extension Workshop Series
  For Grandparents, Relatives and OthersWho are
  Parenting AGAIN!
• by
• Jennifer Birckmayer
• Isabelle Doran Jensen
• Denyse A.Variano
• With Gerard Wallace
• For more information
• Denyse Variano
• Cornell Cooperative Extension Orange County
• [phone]
• dav4_at_cornell.edu

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Parenting the Second Time Around (PASTA)

• PASTA was designed specifically to meet the needs
  of grandparents, relatives and other non-parental
  caregivers who are parenting related (and
  non-related) children.
• The 16-hour curriculum is presented in 8
• workshops planned for a 2-hour block of time.
  
• Topics include child and adolescent
  development, discipline and guidance,
  acknowledgement of ambivalent feelings,
  rebuilding a family, living with teens, legal
  issues and advocacy.

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• What makes this training module different from
  other parenting curricula?
• PASTA was developed specifically for kinship
  caregivers.
• It incorporates humor, lightness and joy into
  a very difficult situation.
• It relies on an active learning process.

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Parenting the Second Time Around

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• Who are relative caregivers?
• A relative caregiver is a grandparent or other
  adult relative over the age of 18 who has taken
  on the role of primary caregiver for a related
  child 18 years of age or younger.
• How many people here today know a relative
  caregiver?

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Relative Caregivers in the U.S.(Murray, Macomber
and Geen, 2004)
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Caregiver CharacteristicsHudson Valley, NY

• Average age 55 years
• 84 grandparents
• 86 female
• 50 employed
• 24 used emergency food sources in past year
• 56 married
• 72 white
• Compared to 38 nationally

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Reasons child is not living with parent

• Drinking or drug problem49
• Mental or emotional problem42
• Neglect or abuse34
• Parent had to go to jail32
• Deceased17
• Homeless17
• Not enough money to raise child15

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Will child live with you until adulthood?

• 78 say yes
• 3 say no
• 19 dont know

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Clearly we can see
Relative caregivers are the unsung heroes of
the 21st century. Without them, many of the
children whose parents are unwilling or unable
to care for them would be away from
families and in the foster care system.
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Why are research and extension activities focused
on relative caregivers important?

• Relative caregivers playing an important role,
  and need special attention as a family unit.
• They have their own special needs and strengths.
• We can use research to gather detailed
  information and create targeted services.
• Inform policies and programs.

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• Regardless of a caregivers age, race/ethnicity,
  gender, living situation and SES, all relative
  caregivers have one need in common parenting
  education and support.
• The world has changed significantly since they
  last parented. HOW?
• Our knowledge of best parenting practices has
  changed.
• The children in their care often have special
  needs.
• They need support to be the best caregiver they
  can be!

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• Parenting this population is very difficult, the
  challenges can be almost overwhelming.
• Few adults plan to be caring for related
  children, some of whom may be traumatized, deeply
  unhappy or have chronic health conditions, while
  they themselves are experiencing the more
  difficult aspects of growing older.
• Plans for their retirement years are replaced
  with play dates and PTA meetings.

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• Which brings us to our first workshop
  session
• It Wasnt Suppose to be Like This.
• This workshop explores the many feelings
  relative caregivers experience when parenting the
  second time around, and allows them to
  acknowledge the challenges as well as the joys
  they face when parenting again

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• The objectives in the first workshop set the tone
  for the series
• To create a friendly and safe environment for
  learning and discussion, and help caregivers know
  that they are not alone.
• To identify the many (and often conflicted)
  feelings of caregivers in their role as parenting
  relatives, and learn how to express and accept
  these feelings.
• To find sources of strength and help for
  themselves and the children in their care.

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• Introductory Activity Making a Paper Hat
• Non-threatening and fun activity
• Helps participants with introductions
• Acknowledges the many hats caregivers wear
• Brings up the importance of confidentiality - We
  will keep everything we hear under our hats
• Models an activity they can do at home with
  children.

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• Reading of Poem I Just Wanted to be a
  Grandma, anonymous.
• Feelings Handout most people have very strong
  feelings when they change hats from being
  grandma or grandpa to being mommy or daddy. Has
  anyone heard a grandparent say, or as a relative
  caregiver, do you feel

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• Regardless if caregivers check one feeling or
  every feeling, all can agree that parenting
  relative children brings up strong emotional
  responses, and each response is legitimate, even
  those perceived as negative.

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• Parenting is hard work Grandparenting is even
  harder
• Grandparenting a child whos come out of a crisis
  is harder still
• Grandparenting when you have less energy than you
  used to doesnt help
• What can you do to make your life less stressful?
  Family and Community Resources

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• Bed time stories ie. Love is a Family by Roma
  Downey
• Literacy focus lending library for caregivers,
  with a special focus on books to share with their
  children.
• Journaling as a tool to help caregivers have a
  safe place to express themselves, as well as to
  document milestones, important conversations and
  medical and legal information.

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2009 - A NEW Third Edition

• More than 200 caregivers and educators completed
  a survey consisting of 25 relevant topics to
  decide what to include in the revised edition of
  PASTA.
• Overwhelmingly, the issues involving the
  challenges of raising teenagers and the legal
  concerns relative caregivers face were the topics
  requested.

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• Two added workshops
• (Piloted in 2009 - NY, Washington, Florida)
• Grandparents and Teens Living Together - teen
  development, why teens act the way they do?,
• communication and limits.
• Living With Teens Can be Challenging -
  identifying realistic risks (alcohol, drugs),
  keeping teens safe, media and internet use

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Now, a sneak preview

• What do you know about adolescent development???
• Understanding new media - making a MySpace
  profile.

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Working Toward Happiness

• Share three happiness notesor gratitudes with
  your neighbor about KNOWING MORE ABOUT, BEING or
  WORKING WITH relative caregivers !

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Parenting the Second Time Around

• Future Plans
• Training for PASTA facilitators will be available
  this Fall in New York City and in January 2009 at
  Cornell University, Ithaca, NY. If interested in
  becoming a workshop leader, contact Denyse
  Variano at Cornell Cooperative Extension in
  Orange County at 845-344-1234 or Toni Nekvapil at
  Orange County Office for the Aging at
  845-615-3721.
• Training can be brought to other states and
  agencies for a nominal fee.
• Washington State Aging Services is hoping to work
  on a Spanish version of PASTA in 2009.

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PARENTINGThe Second Time Around

• A Cornell Cooperative Extension Workshop Series
  For Grandparents, Relatives and OthersWho are
  Parenting AGAIN!
• by
• Jennifer Birckmayer
• Isabelle Doran Jensen
• Denyse A.Variano
• With Gerard Wallace
• For more information
• Denyse Variano
• Cornell Cooperative Extension Orange County
• [phone]
• dav4_at_cornell.edu