You have Two Cows

1
Cow Economics

• You have Two Cows

Compiled by James Garritson
2
COMMUNISM

• You have two cows. The government takes both of
  the cows and may give you some of the milk.

3
True Communism

• You have two cows. Technically, everyone owns all
  the cows and everyone is equal. If you happen to
  be in charge of everyone and their cows, you own
  more of the cows than everyone else because you
  are more equal than they are.

4
Communism II

• You have two cows. The government seizes both and
  provides you with milk. You wait in line for
  hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

5
PURE COMMUNISM

• You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take
  care of them and you all share the milk.

6
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM

• You have two cows. You have to take care of them,
  but the government takes all the milk.

7
TOTALITARIANISM

• You have two cows. The government takes them and
  denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

8
CAPITALISM

• You have two cows. You sell one cow and buy a
  bull.

9
CAPITALISM II

• You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and
  build a herd of cows.

10
SOCIALISM

• You have two cows. You give one cow to your
  neighbor.

11
True SOCIALISM

• You have two cows. The government takes them and
  puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows.
  You have to take care of all the cows. The
  government gives you as much milk as current
  regulations allow.

12
FACISM

• You have two cows. You give all of the milk to
  the government and they sell it back to you.

13
FASCISM II

• You have two cows. The government seizes both and
  sells you the milk. You join the underground and
  start a campaign of sabotage.

14
NAZIISM

• You have two cows. The government shoots you and
  takes both cows to give to those more worthy.

15
FEUDALISM

• You have two cows. Your lord takes most of the
  milk.

16
FEUDALISM II

• You have two cows. The lord of the manor takes
  some of the milk and all the cream.

17
FEUDALISM III

• You have two cows. Your lord takes most of the
  milk. The Church takes most of the rest of the
  milk.

18
ENVIRONMENTALISM

• You have two cows. The government bans you from
  milking them or killing them.

19
PURE DEMOCRACY

• You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets
  the milk.

20
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY

• You have two cows. Your neighbors elect someone
  to tell you who gets the milk.

21
BUREAUCRACY

• You have two cows. At first the government
  regulates what you can feed them and when you can
  milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.
  After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the
  other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it
  requires you to fill out 27 forms accounting for
  the missing cows.

22
DICTATORSHIP

• You have two cows. The government takes both cows
  and shoots you.

23
ANARCHY

• You have two cows. Keep both of the cows, shoot
  the government agent, and steal another cow.

24
ANARCHY II

• You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a
  fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and
  take the cows.

25
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY

• You have two cows. The government taxes you to
  the point you have to sell both to support a man
  in a foreign country who has only one cow, which
  was a gift from your government.

26
PURE DEMOCRACY

• You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets
  the milk.

27
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY

• You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to
  tell you who gets the milk.

28
REPUBLICANS

• You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So
  what?

29
DEMOCRATS

• You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You
  feel guilty for being successful. You vote people
  into office who tax your cows, forcing you to
  sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The
  people you voted for then take the tax money and
  buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel
  righteous.

30
HONG KONG CAPITALISM

• You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
  public listed company using letters of credit
  opened by your brother in law at the bank, then
  execute a debt/equity swap with associated
  general offers so that you can get all four cows
  back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
  The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a
  Panamanian intermediary to a Caymen Islands
  company secretly owned by the majority
  shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven
  cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual
  report says the company owns eight cows with an
  option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two
  cows because the Feng Shui is bad.

31
SURREALISM

• You have two giraffes. The government requires
  you to take harmonica lessons.