Communicating

1
Communicating
2
Communicating

• Good communicators are successful with friends,
  family, colleagues, customers, employees and the
  opposite sex!
• Good communicators avoid unproductive
  confrontations
• Good communication skills can be learnt
• Good communicators are happier and more fulfilled

3
In order to be a good communicator you have to
understand why people behave the way they doYour
quality of life is equal to your quality of
communications
4
What makes people tick?

• Why do people behave the way they do?
• Freud
• Penfield
• Berne
• Transactional Analyses

5
Freud

• Interested in the human psyche
• We are what we are as a result of our experience
  as we develop our sexuality
• Our sexuality starts to develop around the time
  of potty training
• Our sexuality goes on developing as we identify
  with our Parents and the people around us
• Emotional problems are due to unhelpful or
  traumatic experiences as we develop our sexuality
  and personalities

6
Penfield

• Penfield was a neurosurgeon
• Whilst working on peoples brains Penfield
  discovered that the application of an electrical
  voltage, to the brain, could stimulate past
  experiences as though they were happening today
• The past experience could be from infancy
• Penfield concluded that experiences from a very
  early age stay with throughout our lives

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Berne

• The Pre social age is the most formative period
  in our lives
• A baby loved and cared for, with ample time from
  both parents, will grow up with a healthy opinion
  of himself, he will be happy, confident and
  creative
• Deprived of love and attention he will lack
  Self-Esteem
• Babies have to be fed Positive stimulus
• Baby starts to feed himself, crawl and walk can
  be Negative
• During Bernes observations he noticed three ego
  states
• The sons smile which turns to rage as father
  rebukes his theory
• The daughters transformation as she is told she
  can date the boy
• The Parent, Adult and Child ego states

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The Ego states - Diagram
Parent
Adult
Child
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Being aware of Ego states

• How far back can you remember?
• Was it fact or feeling?
• Think of a dramatic experience
• How did you feel?
• How did you react?
• Which Ego state were you in?
• Which Ego state was the other person in?

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Transactions

• The Unit of Social Intercourse
• Stimulus and Response
• Analysing which Ego State we are in
• Analysing the other persons Ego State
• Complimentary Transactions
• Complex or Ulterior Transactions

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Formal controlled
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Child
Child
12
Informative helpful
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Child
Child
13
Intimate creative
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Child
Child
14
Other Good Transactions
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Child
Child
15
Transactional Analyses

• We have looked at Complimentary Transactions now
  we will look at-
• Crossed Transactions
• Complex or Ulterior Transactions

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Crossed Transactions
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Child
Child
17
Ulterior Transactions
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Child
Child
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Analysing Transactions

• Body Language
• Facial Clues
• Gestures
• Tone of Voice
• The Words Used

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Parental Clues

• Furrowed Brow
• Eye Block
• Pursed Lips
• Pointing Finger
• Head Wagging
• Horrified looks
• Foot Tapping
• Hands on Hips
• Wringing Hands
• Crossed Arms
• Tongue Clicking
• Tutting, sighing, patting of head

• Should
• Ought
• Always
• Never
• Answer questions with a Question
• The Parent relies on memory
• Enjoins to a higher authority
• Takes a fixed position
• Makes statements, not conversation

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Child Clues

• Tears
• Quivering
• Pouting
• Temper
• Rolling eyes
• Whining
• Shrugging
• Downcast eyes
• Laughter
• Squirming
• Giggling

• Prolific use of the word I
• Otherwise less verbal
• The Child relies on feelings
• Child is centre of world
• Cannot consider other peoples position

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Adult Clues

• Eye Blink every 3 to 5 Seconds
• Facial Movement
• Slight Changes in Posture
• Occasionally the curious Child will Show

• How
• Why
• Where
• When
• Who
• Probable
• Possible
• The Adult Computes

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The Adult Ego State

• The Adult Computes the here and now
• Takes into consideration what the Parent
  remembers and how the Child feels
• Let the Adult ask of the Parent Ego state
• Is it true?
• Does it apply?
• Is it appropriate
• Where did the idea come from?
• Is it real?
• Let the Adult ask of the Child Ego state
• Are these feelings reasonable?
• What are the consequences?
• Who is responsible and for what?

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Recognise Your Own PAC

• Recognise your own PAC
• Recognise the PAC in others
• Communicate positively
• In business, aim for Adult to Adult, where
  possible but never crossed transactions
• Do not play Games
• Be creative
• Recognise when Games are being played and do not
  get drawn in

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Being Successful

• Keep the Adult in charge
• Know when your Parent and Child Ego states are
  aroused
• Be good natured careful use of humour can help
• Avoid auto responses to stimuli
• Do not take fixed positions unless you have to
• If you must take fixed positions allow others to
  express their own opinions

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The Games People Play

• Lets be intimate
• Lets you and him fight
• Mine is bigger than yours
• Been there done that
• Kiss off
• Im no good at
• Court Room
• Wise old sage

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Prejudice

• Prejudice is where the Parent dominates the Adult
• Mental Block
• Use repetitive statements to reinforce mental
  block
• In isolation of the facts the statements sound
  wise they sound Parental

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Delusion
Parent

• Child dominates the Adult
• Withdrawal
• Day dreaming, fantasy
• Grounded in fear of reality

Adult
Child
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A-Moral
Parent

• Parent is detached from Adult

Adult
Child
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Workaholic
Parent

• Child is detached from Adult

Adult
Child
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Alcohol
Parent

• Parent becomes detached from Adult
• Then the Adult becomes detached
• from the Child
• The Child runs a mock

Adult
Child
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Psychotic
Parent

• Adult, Parent and Child
• are all detached or
• The Adult does not exists

Adult
Child
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Transactional Analyses - Recap

• Lets recap on last module
• Parent Ego State
• Child Ego State
• Adult Ego State
• Transactional Analyses
• Complimentary Transactions
• Experience of last week

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Aggressive Behaviour

• We go on the attack
• Our Parent speaks to the other persons Child
• We stand up for our rights at the expense of
  others
• We dont allow others to express their views
• We express ourselves inappropriately
• We make threats
• Enjoin ourselves to higher authority
• Use aggressive language verbal and body language

34
Submissive Behaviour

• We are Defensive and Defend ourselves
• Our Child speaks to their Parent
• We fail to stand up for what is just and right
• We become self effacing, even apologetic
• We see ourselves as less important
• Cannot express ourselves creatively

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Assertive Behaviour

• There is a better way Be Assertive!
• Stand up for yourself, but
• Let others stand up for their selves
• Think of examples of Aggressive, Submissive and
  Assertive Behaviour!
• When were you last Assertive?
• How did you feel?
• Will you work this week-end?

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Appropriate Behaviour

• Submissive to those we respect
• Aggressive to those we do not
• Assertive most of the time
• Express your views
• Allow other to express their views

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Self Esteem

• Ability
• Perception of Self
• As other see us
• We should like ourselves and feel we have value
• We should surround ourselves with people who like
  us who are Assertive
• Self Esteem must be in reality

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Leadership

• Listen to colleagues and customers and value what
  they say
• Consider their point of view and discuss
• Enter into agreement, action plan, etc
• Provide feedback with praise, helpful comments
  and suggestions, as appropriate
• Always ground comments in reality

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Submissive People

• Ramble
• Qualify what they say
• Use words like-
• Maybe, would you mind, I wonder, Sorry, Cant,
  hopeless, not important,
• Doesnt matter, never mind

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Aggressive People

• Use a lot of Is
• State opinions as facts
• Use threats, enjoin themselves to higher
  authorities
• Put people down, undermine their self-confidence
• Use words like-
• Ought, must, should, have to, blame, fault and
  you said

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Assertive People

• Stay in Adult mode as much as possible
• Ask open questions such as How? When? Where?
  What?
• Want to know more about the problems and how they
  affect others
• Consider other points of view
• Distinguish between facts and opinions
• Have broad shoulders and can reduce tensions
• Do not get so upset
• Can vent negative feelings in a positive way

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Good Communicators

• Think about what they are going to say before
  they say it
• Make sure they can express themselves clearly
  before they try to communicate
• Sometimes it can take more time thinking about
  how to express yourself than what you want to
  express!

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Successful People

• Enjoy life, work, friends and family
• Are more confident in themselves and others
• Like themselves
• Keep in control
• Can handle responsibility
• Are Team players
• Save time, energy and frustration
• Can relax and have a sense of humour!

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Support Calls

• Ask for name of person and company first
• Always log on the support system, if down keep
  notes
• Support system-
• prompts for questions you might forget
• analyses calls and problems
• provides statistical feedback and customer
  reports
• Gives account status
• Dont get flustered say you have to follow a
  procedure
• Convention has it that who made the call, remakes
  it if the line is broken

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Should you take the call?

• Is the customer on a valid contract?
• Are you the best person to help?
• Do they have a support problem or should they buy
  an upgrade, more storage, training or
  consultancy?
• Have you got the tools to do the job?

46
Dont get flustered!

• People are more likely to be Aggressive if-
• They know they have made an error
• They want to hide their error
• There is no valid Support Contract
• They know you cannot solve the problem
• Line or supply problem, hardware or network down
• They have had problems getting through
• Stay calm, breath properly, say you have to
  follow the company procedures
• Listen and be patient with the customer as this
  reduces the tension and heat dont interrupt!
• Say you are sorry they are frustrated, angry etc
  this is not the same as apologising because you
  are in the wrong!

47
Customers dont tell the truth!

• Always reflect their problem
• RASP Re-iterate, analyse, summarise, priorities
• Reflect the problem in different ways
• Make sure you fully understand the problem before
  giving a solution

48
Improve your hit rate

• Do not give a solution to test your understanding
  of their problem you will loose credibility!
• Check the Support system for similar problems and
  solutions
• If you must test your understanding of the
  problem try Our diagnostics tell me you should
  try..
• Try to avoid standard answers
• Practice improving your hit rate

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Ambiguous problems

• Ask the Customer What would you like me to do
  for you?
• How would you like to have this resolved?
• The Customer might want less than you would have
  offered!
• Think about Customers solution it might be
  better than yours!
• The Customer might work out how to solve his own
  problem
• Is the solution on offer sensible, practical,
  safe?

50
Difficult problems

• Reduce support problems by selling-
• Consultancy
• Training
• Upgrades
• Tools
• Other products and services

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Be positive

• Only say what you can do
• Only promise you will do your best or you will
  call them back by.
• Record all promises made with time and date
• Record all sales opportunities send info
• Dont say what you cannot do say what you can
  do and balance that with what you cant do
• Ask them Is that helpful?
• If possible, get their commitment to the solution

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Be in control

• You are obliged to know what you are doing your
  customer is not so-
• Have a friendly manner
• Be slightly more formal in difficult situations
• Give the impression you are
• In control
• You care
• You are pleased to help
• Remember tone of voice and body language are
  just as important, if not more important, than
  the words you used

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Be professional

• Keep to central issues
• Stick to the facts
• Keep one eye on problem and one on upgrades
• Priorities
• Close are calls as soon as reasonable
• Never hang up first
• Try not to offer favours they backfire!
• Be formal and friendly
• Never be familiar matey!

54
Managing Stress

• What is stress?
• Is stress good or bad?
• Positive stress
• Negative stress
• Everyone is different

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Stress Awareness

• What stresses you?
• How does stress affect you?
• Strength and duration of stress?
• Symptoms of stress
• Short term
• Breathing, heart beat, blood pressure, tensing,
  back ache
• Long term
• Headaches, days off, low well being, depression,
  insomnia

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How to handle stress

• Keep fit, get regular exercise, walks
• Improve your diet
• Get a hobby or outside interest you can look
  forward to
• Try to reduce stress in your private life
• Book a holiday or other break

57
Stress at work - 1

• Pace yourself
• Prioritise jobs for the day and write them down
• Tick jobs off as they are completed
• Set rest periods and lunch breaks
• Try to work on one problem at a time
• Learn to takes breaks
• Get someone to cover for you
• Tell reception you need a break
• Go for a walk and breath properly
• Tidy your desk before you go

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Stress at work 2

• Prioritise jobs by urgency and importance
• Allow for interruptions
• Organise your desk so you can always find things
• Change your seating posture regularly
• Regulate getting up to see colleagues

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Stress at work - 3

• Stress often comes from trying to help when you
  not have the-
• Skills, tools or equipment
• Authority
• Time
• Support of your colleagues or boss
• Stress can come from always wanting to be in
  control, ask yourself-
• Is it my responsibility?
• Why do I want to help?
• Do I want to help for ulterior reasons?
• Why cant others learn for themselves?

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Stress is catching

• Control stress in yourself
• Recognise stress in others
• Support your colleagues
• Leadership is the ability to structure time
• So, structure your time and help others structure
  their time they will appreciate it!

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Analysing stress

• In moments of stress use your adult to analyse-
• What is stressing you?
• How do you feel?
• Is it reasonable to feel this way?
• Try to understand the cause of stress and put
  right as much as you can
• Dissipate the remaining stress by-
• Going for a walk
• Dig the garden
• Switching off

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Long term solutions

• Think about-
• Your job description
• Learning new skills
• Discuss training with your supervisor
• Changing your attitudes
• Learning more about yourself

63
Balance

• Always ask yourself-
• Am I getting to worked up?
• Am I being wound up?
• Am I looking at this from the wrong point of
  view?
• Always try to-
• Reduce negative feelings and irrational thoughts
• Try not to fantasize

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Your Target

• Get physically fit-
• Diet, exercise, glasses, pace yourself, breath
  properly, sleep well
• Get mentally fit-
• Know yourself, strengths and weaknesses
• Know your past, present and future have plans
• Book a holiday
• Stimulate the brain, read, hobbies, games, etc
• Get spiritually fit-
• Feel good about yourself
• Feel good about others
• Be a good colleague, friend, partner, lover!
• See the good in everything!
• Be successful! That is your target!

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Managing Time

• Self starting
• Sorting priorities
• Planning ahead
• Managing time
• Time is what you make it
• Interruptions
• Recording time

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Self Starting

• Develop the ability to structure time
• Help others structure their time
• Fear of starting can be biggest problem
• Start on easiest or most enjoyable job to get you
  going
• Build up to difficult jobs
• You do need some discipline in life!

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Prioritising

• Keep a list of jobs to be done
• Sort jobs by priority and urgency
• As jobs are done, tick them off!
• Do not work on easy jobs to avoid the difficult
  jobs
• Do not take on to much work
• Recognise when you have to little work

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Planning Ahead

• Plan journeys so you complete the longest leg
  first
• Plan journeys in advance so you can combine the
  most visits
• Think about jobs well in advance and plan them in
  advance
• The One Minute Manager

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Managing time

• Use it or waste it
• Build in breaks and relaxation
• Vary the type of work you do
• Get up regularly
• Alternate keyboard time with other tasks
• Try to leave your desk tidy
• Keep your jobs list up to date
• The ability to structure time is important
• Help others structure their time if you can

70
Time is what you make it

• Exciting or boring
• Pace and control time
• Review your Jobs list and reflect on what you
  have done
• Reorganise what you have not done
• Keep one eye on the present and one on the future

71
Interruptions

• Plan for time and leave time for interruptions
• Interruptions can make life interesting
• Stand if you are under pressure on time
• Sit and discuss if you-
• Have the time
• It is important to the other person
• If you interrupt, use the persons name
• Dont procrastinate

72
Recording Time

• Time recording can be about-
• Costing a project
• Analysing how you spend your time
• Analyse your time for a day or a week
• Record activities as you do them or you will
  forget
• Include the time you spend chatting socially

73
Code Activities 1

• Work-
• W1 Computer time
• W2 Customer support
• W3 Productive time
• W4 Reading Manuals
• W5 Meetings
• W6 Paper work

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Coding Activities 2

• Social-
• S1 Customers
• S2 Colleagues
• S3 The Boss
• S4 Suppliers

75
Coding Activities 3

• Breaks-
• B1 Coffee
• B2 Loo
• B3 Go to shops
• B4 Smoking

76
Coding Activities 4

• Meetings-
• M1 Boss
• M2 Customers
• M3 Suppliers
• M4 Colleagues
• Learn and improve!
• Successful people never stop learning!

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Delegation

• Delegation is a way of saving time
• You can-
• Ask, hint, suggest, discuss, tell,
• Or you can Involve-
• Identify together what needs to be done
• Sort activities by importance and urgency
• Discuss who does what
• Be assertive
• Let others be assertive

78
Understand and Review

• Objectives
• Methods
• Authority
• Standards
• Criteria for success
• Reporting requirements

79
Delegation Summary

• Delegating is-
• Another pair of hands
• Help
• Saving time
• Being effective
• Being efficient
• Delegating is not-
• Abdication
• Passing the buck
• Getting out of or avoiding situations
• Authority can be delegated but not responsibility

80
Delegation Feedback

• You need feedback to learn and compare
• The Boss can provide feedback with a pat on the
  back or by saying well done
• The Worker can provide feedback if the Boss
  asks-
• Did you enjoy the work
• Was it interesting
• Did you learn from the job
• What did you dislike about the job
• What support would you like
• What training would help?
• It is all about team work and building a team!

81
Account Management for Support Staff

• Reduce support calls from difficult users
• Support problems are someone's else's
  opportunities Make them yours!
• Reduce work on out of date systems
• Increase revenues for the Company
• Become a profit centre
• Get bonuses on sales

82
The role of Support Staff 1

• Do you feel you are the only person who can help?
• Do you feel only you knows best?
• How many approaches are there to solving the
  users particular problem?
• Training, Consultancy, Sales
• What are the pros and cons of each approach?

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The role of Support Staff 2

• Keep on eye on today and the other on the future
• Help the User manage their site
• Know your Users business needs
• Know your Users future needs before they do!
• Feed information to your User so when they have a
  problem they think of you
• Should the User upgrade hardware, software,
  systems, network, server, storage?

84
Types of Problems

• Difficult Users
• Difficult problems
• Ambiguous problems
• Poor installation, training or consultancy
• The answer might not be Support It might be
  sell more!

85
Who is the User

• Is there a Key Operator?
• What issues do they have?
• What motivates them?
• How many Users are there?
• What issues do they have?
• What motivates them?

86
Who is the Decision Maker?

• You know your Users future needs but who is-
• The Decision Maker?
• What motivates them?
• What is the benefit to the Decision Maker?
• Who influences the Decision maker?

87
The Decision Making Unit

• There are others in the Decision Making unit-
• Managing Director
• Financial Director
• Technical Director
• IT Director/Manager
• Sales Director
• Operations Director
• What issues do they have?
• What motivates them?

88
Anticipating Problems

• Try to anticipate problems be analytical
• Feed Users and Decision Makers with information
• Send sales information regularly
• Keep the Sales Department informed
• Use the Sales Department to solve your problems
• Fax details so the information is available at
  the time of the problem not 2 weeks later!

89
Things to consider

• Try saying You know if you had Version ?? -
  This would not be a problem
• You know you ought to be thinking about more
  memory, a bigger server, more storage, etc.
• Always justify what you say with a benefit
• Try Does your Supervisor know how hard you have
  to work to keep this version working?
• Speak with authority Tell them!
• Always warn Users of problems in advance try
  helping them manage their site

90
Training the Trainers

• Who are the interested parties-
• Managers, Trainees, Supervisors
• Establish what each party wants, needs and
  expects from the training
• Over what time scales and with what resources?
• Establish what the Trainee-
• Knows
• Does not know
• Needs to know
• Would like to know

91
What can be Agreed?

• Agree criteria for judging whether the training
  has been successful
• Set targets which challenging and interesting,
  not off putting agree targets with Trainee
• Plan the training and agree which things are-
• Important and which are urgent
• Where, when and how should the training be
  delivered?
• What must the Trainee undertake to do?

92
How is the Training Going?

• Measure ability before and after training so the
  benefit becomes tangible
• Is the Trainees perspective of progress in
  reality?
• Does the Trainee feel comfortable?
• Is the Trainee thriving? (Body language clues)
• If not, consider altering the approach, speed,
  content or rest breaks

93
Summary

• At the end of each training session-
• Summarise what you have covered and what they
  should have learnt
• Get them to agree what went well
• Get them to agree to do some reading, research,
  practice, before the next Training session

94
The End of Training

• Encourage the Trainee to see their Training as
  part of a continuous process
• Identify what Training they should consider next
• Identify where extra Training might be required,
  what books or articles to read
• End Training on a high!