First Peer Review of Senior Year. Huzzah!

1
College Application Essay Workshop

• First Peer Review of Senior Year. Huzzah!

2
Next Step

• Make sure your name is on your essay.
• Make sure your prompt is the title (and you have
  a word count).
• Put the papers from your group into a stack.
• Take a yellow sticky and put your group number on
  it.
• Place the yellow sticky on the front of the stack
  of papers.
• Front Row (Left to Right/facing the board) 1, 2,
  3
• Middle Row () 4, 5, 6
• Back Row () 7, 8, 9
• Have one person from the group get pink, yellow,
  and green highlighters from the cabinet.

3
Switching Papers

• Take your groups stack of papers and send it to
  the group sitting behind you.
• Back row, bring your stack to the front.
• Group 3 would go to Group 6.
• Group 6 would go to Group 9.
• Group 9 would go to Group 3.
• Now, send the new group of papers to the right,
  if you are facing the board.
• Group 1 would go to Group 2.
• Group 2 would go to Group 3.
• Group 3 would go to Group 1.

4
Labeling

• Write your name at the top of the essay you will
  be revising.
• Make a key at the top of the persons paper using
  your highlighters
• GreenConnection to the big idea (abstract
  words/ideas)
• YellowTelling (background, explaining)
• PinkShowing (you can imagine yourself there)
• concrete/vivid details

5
Prompt and Essay

• Look at the prompt. Is it written at the top of
  the paper?
• If not, write a note asking them to do so.
• Read the entire essay.
• Pencils down.
• Do not comment on it yet, just read it.
• Does the essay answer every aspect of the prompt?
• Check the word count Is the essay within the
  word count?
• If there is no word count, is the essay at least
  3 paragraphs?

6
Anecdote Review

• Read the ANECDOTE again
• What sense do you get from the story (positive,
  negative)?
• Write your answer on the essay.
• Are you getting a sense of any green concepts?
• What are the green Big Idea words, you think
  the author is writing about?
• Write those words at the top of the essay.
• Are you IN the story, or is it just ABOUT a time?
• Write your initial thoughts on the essay.
• Could the author include dialog?
• USE COMPLETE SENTENCES.

7
Anecdote Review

• Do you feel like you are sitting with the person?
• Can you feel the sun on your face/hear the roar
  of the crowd?
• Highlight papers for showing vs. telling now
• Showing using vivid details, staying in the
  moment
• Put a hashtag () next to areas where the author
  told instead of showed.
• EX for SHOW The sting shot pain all the way to
  my elbow, causing me to marvel at how much
  punishment a minuscule creature can inflict
  (Kidd 167).

8
Anecdote Review

• Are the green words supported by the anecdote?
• Go back through the anecdote. Has the author
  CLEARLY SHOWN these green words?
• If not, write which green words need to be more
  clear.
• If so, give an example how the author showed the
  green word in the anecdote.

9
Anecdote Review

• Check for clichés
• Quiet as a mouse bored to tears bright as
  the sun
• Circle all clichés and write a different way to
  phrase it next to each
• Is it vague?
• You can easily answer this by looking at what you
  highlighted.
• If you highlighted more SHOWING than telling,
  then the story is probably clear.
• Do you get a clear picture of the story the
  writer is telling?
• If no, write a note at the end of their paper
  about this.
• If yes, write how they achieved this.
• Is it written in the appropriate register?
• Casual includes I, but not slang.

10
Thesis Check

• Does the writer have an effective thesis
  statement?
• Circle the green word, in green.
• Circle the reference to the anecdote (implied or
  direct) in yellow.
• Circle the answer to the prompt in pink.
• If the thesis statement is missing, write that in
  the margins.
• Include how/where a thesis statement might fit.

11
Is it Connected to the Prompt?

• Look at the commentary
• Highlight areas that connect the anecdote to the
  prompt (commentary/character).
• EX for Commentary/Character Im prideful enough
  to say I didnt complain. After you get stung,
  you cant get unstung no matter how much you
  whine about it (Kidd 167).
• Re-read the prompt
• Has the writer addressed what the prompt is
  asking for?
• If yes, write fulfilled prompt next to the
  prompt.
• If no, write didnt address the prompt or
  missing part of the question next to the
  prompt.
• Circle any parts of the prompt that the writer
  has not addressed.

12
Tying Everything Together

• Underline everything that directly or indirectly
  refers to the green word (in green).
• Star everything that seems misplaced, off topic,
  or random.
• Include grammar, punctuation, or spelling
  mistakes.
• If you know the correction that needs to be made,
  write it next to the error.
• If you do not know the correction, just leave the
  star next to the error.

13
Cut the Fluff

• Read the paper again.
• Cross out anything that doesnt add value to the
  essay (can be extra words, phrases, clauses, or
  whole sentences).
• Put an X next to anything that seems awkward.
• Cross out every example of you and your
  UNLESS it is part of dialogue in the anecdote.
• Remember the anecdote is supposed to be about I.

14
Wonderful/Things to Consider

• At the end of your partners paper, write TWO
  things that they did well.
• Be specific.
• Everyone does at least two things right in every
  essay.
• Write TWO things that they need to improve.
• Be specific.
• Offer suggestions to fix it.
• Always assume they made an error because they
  dont know how to do it.

15

• Put the papers back into a stack with the sticky
  note.
• Send one person from your group to return the
  stack of papers to the original group.
• Look at your own rough draft.
• Check out the notes and corrections.
• Do you have enough pink details?
• Is there a thesis statement?
• These are corrections that need to be made
  tonight!

16
For tomorrow

• You must turn in ALL of the following to be
  considered complete and on-time.
• Final draft with prompt as the title (with the
  word count).
• MLA format
• Turnitin.com receipt/confirmation
• P1 10574406/anecdote
• P2 10574412/anecdote2
• P3 10574419/anecdote3
• P5 10574425/anecdote5
• P6 10574435/anecdote6
• The password is all lower case with no spaces.
• Work-shopped draft
• I will check to make sure changes were made.
• Original handwritten anecdote with notes.