Revising Your Rough Draft

1

• Revising Your Rough Draft
• Yvonne 9410063
• Stella 9410065
• Miki 9410069

2
8a. Principles of revision 1. psychological
ex. Every writer who wishes to write well must
learn to revise his work. (sexist) ?
Every writer who wishes to write well must
learn how to revise their work. (grammar)
2. mechanical Grammatical mistakes and poor
word usage will occur to you during revision
process.
3
8a-1. Rereading your writing All revision
is based on repeated rereading of the
first draft. (three times)8a-2. Revising the
paper from biggest to smallest elements
makes the act of revision methodical
would not lose the direction for paper
4
8b. Revising the opening paragraph opening
paragraph-should draw in your reader
thesis-could not muddled or vague ex. Nearing
the diploma, most of college students still
cannot be proficient in their writing
therefore many professors are worrying
about college students quality. On the
other hand, college students have not
enough ability to reading. Students should
cultivate habits to read in the usual time.
(too many themes)
5
8b-1. Revising the introduction Opening
paragraphs consist of two sections
Introduction- making in the initial sentences
Thesis- the final sentences of the paragraph
Three strategies to boost the beginning of
paper a. Use a quotation b. Ask a
question c. Present an illustration
6
Use a quotationthe quotation should be
applicable to the topicand lead naturally to
your thesisEx. "The road to a friend's house
is never long." These words are found in the
Danish proverbs.The author told us when you face
a trouble, friends will always give you help in
that time.
7
b. Ask a question Allowing you to guide the
discussion in exactly the direction you want
to go. Ex. Would you ever try to lose weight
by diet pills? Although many girls want a
beautiful shape, pills let them have an
unhealthy body. Actually, doing moderate
exercise is beneficial to your health and it
is also the best way to lose your weight.
8
c. Present an illustration Aptly chosen, the
right anecdote or example can be an
effective introduction for research paper. Ex.
Even though Shrek is a beast that everyone
stayed away from him, his kindnesses touched
princess Flona finally in Disneys movie.
This example told us ones inner beauty is
more important than ones seeming.
9
8b-2. Check that your paragraphs
follow the sequence of topics in the
thesisThe topic sentences of paragraphs must
follow the same sequence as the points of your
thesis.Ex. Thesis Studying abroad could
enhance your foreign languages ability,
expand your view on everything and make
many friends from other countries.
10
8b-3. Revising the body paragraphs Dont make
paragraphs too compact and dense with
details. Ex. For Australian lovers of the
Starbucks version of coffee, the morning
Frappuccino will soon be that much harder to
find. It is shutting 600 stores in the United
States. The post of chief operations officer will
also be eliminates to cut costs. (too
many information in one paragraph)
11
8b-4. Check paragraph transitions Check your
paragraphs are truly coupled together rather
than simply sitting side by side.Ex. Addition-
and then, also, moreover, besidesComparison-
similarly, in the same way, likewiseContrast-
but, otherwise, though, howeverTime- then,
later, at last, meanwhile, thereafterPurpose-
so that, for the purpose, to this endPlace-
there, nearby, next to, on the other
sideResult- so, therefore, as a result,
consequently
12

• Revising sentences for variety and style
• Variety easy to distinguish and explain
• Style not easy to pinpoint
• Monotonous
• Mr. Wang was born in a poor family. he only
  graduated from elementary school. He contributed
  his all life to motivate the economy of Taiwan.
  He donated a lot of money to help poor people.
  People regard him as an excellent enterpriser in
  Taiwan.

13

• Varied
• Mr. Wang was born in a poor family. Although
  he only graduated from elementary school, he
  contributed his all life to motivate the economy
  of Taiwan. Besides, he donated a lot of money to
  help poor people. Therefore, people regard him as
  an excellent enterpriser in Taiwan.

14

• How to write a successful sentence with
  appropriate length
• Learn to juxtapose short and long
  sentences.
• Benz is the brand of car. It comes from
  German. The price of car is very high. However, a
  lot of drivers who earn more money prefer to buy
  the ideal car and represent their social status.

15

• Learn to subordinate
• Coordinate
• I arrived at Heathrow airport, and the coach
  had already left.
• Subordinate
• The coach had already left when I arrived at
  Heathrow airport.

16

• Learn to use parallel constructions
• Not parallel
• The superstar sat in the car. Then she decided
  to get off the car. Later she went to the
  supermarket to buy food.
• Parallel
• The superstar sat in the car, decided to get
  off the car and went to the supermarket to buy
  food.

17

• Revise sentences to use the active voice
• Active
• Tom drives the car.
• Positive
• the car is driven by Tom.
• Passive voice
• To make a writers contents seem to be a myth
• To protect the person responsible from an action.
• ex Two laws protecting illegal aliens were
  passed.

18

• Passive
• Who find UFO? When? How? According to
  investigations, many people have been confused by
  these news. Most information of UFO has been
  reported by medium, but it has been concluded by
  most experts today that those unreal news and
  pictures were produced in an artificial way.

19

• Active
• Who find UFO? When? How? According to
  investigations, these news have confused many
  people. Media has reported most information of
  UFO, but most experts today have concluded that
  people produced those unreal news and pictures in
  an artificial way.

20

• To avoid sexism
• The toilet was kept clean all day.
• He or she kept the toilet clean all day.

21

• Revise to use an appropriate point of view
• First-person point of view
• In my research I found that a lot of singers
  took drugs before performance because drugs can
  make their emotions become excited.
• Objective point of view
• research indicates that a lot of singers took
  drugs before performance because drugs can make
  their emotions become excited.

22

• Should you ever use the first person point of
  view ( i or we ) in your research papers, and
  if so, when?
• To use the first-person point of view to
  express your personal comments, judgments or
  experiences

23

• Revise sexist language
• Every racing driver should train his fitness
  everyday.
• --to reflect the values and prejudice of a
  male- dominated society
• --to make a sexist assumption
• .

24

• To use sex-neutral and pronouns
• Racing drivers should train their fitness
  everyday.
• Racing driver should train his or her fitness
  everyday.

25

• Nonsexist pronoun, thon means that one
• --- to be used to replace he or him when the
  persons gender is not identified.
• racing driver should train his fitness everyday.
• racing driver should train thon fitness everyday.

26
Revising words-Diction

• Diction Chose a vocabulary to express
• ones opinion.

27
Revise diction for accuracy and exactness

• Inexact
• Settling into a new culture can be very
  difficult. Although some culture shock is
  inevitable, there are many ways to make living
  abroad easier.

28

• More exact
• People move overseas to live, study or work for
  many different reasons. Although this can be a
  very positive experience there will often be
  difficulties to overcome. These problems might
  include getting used to living in a different
  culture, not knowing the language or simply
  missing friends and family.

29
Revise the overuse of phrases for subjects
instead of single nouns

• Ex
• The opinion of the working group.
• The working group's opinion.The obvious
  effect of such a range of reference is to
  assure the audience of the author's range of
  learning and intellect.
• The wide-ranging references in this talk
  assure the audience that the author is
  intelligent and well read.

30
Revise redundant expressions

• Ex
• It was an unexpected surprise when a pair of
  baby twins was born at 12 midnight.
• It was a surprise when twins were born at
  midnight.

31
Revise meaningless words and phrases

• The wound was of a serious nature.
• (The wound was serious.)
• The rock is red in color.
• (The rock is red.)
• We repeated the experiment again and again.
• (We repeated the experiment.)

32
Revise snobbish diction

• NOT
• Pursuant to your request, enclosed you will
  find our quarterly report.
• Good
• As you asked, I have enclosed our quarterly
  report.

33

• Rules for writers. Not
• Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
• Wrong
• A student has the right to request a formal
  review of their grades.
• Correct
• Students have the right to request a formal
  review of their grades.

34

• 2. Prepositions are not words to end
• sentences with.
• Not I do what I want to.
• RIGHT I do what I want to do. /I do what I
  want.
• 3. Dont start a sentence with a conjunction.
• Not She was a pretty girl. And smart too.
• 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
• Not I plan really enjoy to the party.

35

• 5. Avoid clichés like the plague.
• 6. Avoid annoying alliteration.
• Ex Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled
• peppers.
• 7. Be more or less specific.
• 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are
  (usually) unnecessary.

36

• 9. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
• 10. No sentence fragments.
• Not John working extra hard on his
• research paper lately.
• 11. Contractions arent necessary and shouldnt
• be used.
• NOT I'm-I am
• We've- we have
• She'll- she will

37

• 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
• Not The opinion is passé.
• 13. Do not be redundant its highly superfluous.
• 14.One should never generalize.
• 15. Dont use no double negatives.
• NOT They didn't hardly have enough food
• left. Good They hardly have
  enough food left.

38

• 16. Eschew ampersands abbreviations, etc.
• EX i.e., e.g.
• 17.One-word sentences? Eliminate.
• 18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a
• snake.
• 19. The passive voice should never be used.

39

• 20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
• Parenthetical words however should be
• enclosed in commas.
• EX "The Founders Bridge, which spans the
• Connecticut River, is falling
  down."
• 21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one
• would suffice.
• 22. Do not use exclamation points and all caps
• to emphasize.
• Ex No, I do not want to go there.
• No! I dont want to go there.

40

• 23. Use words correctly, regardless of how
• others use them.
• 24. Understatement is always the absolute best
• way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
• 25. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and
• omit it when its not needed. Ex to
  create possessives- the mayors car
• to show contractions- Im
• to create some plural forms
• - the travelers

41

• 26. Resist hyperbole not one writer in a million
  
• can use it correctly.
• 27. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
• 28. Go around the barn at high noon to
• avoid colloquialisms.
• EX Nuts meaning mad is a colloquialisms.

42

• 29. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be
• derailed. Ex the dog pulled in its
  horns.
• 30. Who needs rhetorical questions?
• EX You don't expect me to go along with
• that crazy scheme, do you?
• 31. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than
• understatement.

43

• 32. Do not put statements in the negative form.
• 33. A writer must not shifty your point of view.
• 34. Place pronouns as close as possible, in long
• sentences of ten or more words to
  antecedents.
• 35. Dangling participles must be avoided.
• EX Entering the room, the light was turned
  on.
• When he entered the room, the light
  was
• turned on.

44

• 36. If any words is improper at the end of a
• sentence, a linking verb is.
• 37. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing
• metaphors.
• 38. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
• 39. Be careful to use a singular pronoun with
• singular nouns in their writing.
• 40. Always pick on the correct idiom.

45

• 41. The adverb always follows the verb.
• Ex She moved slowly and spoke quietly.
• 42. Be careful to use the rite homonym. EX
  bear
• 43. Proofread carefully to see if you any words
• out.