Overview

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Overview

• Communication Skills
• Nonverbal communication
• Oral communication
• Written communication
• Interpersonal Applications
• Business Applications

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Why Study Communication?

• The Only Completely Portable Skill
• You will use it in every relationship
• You will need it regardless of your career path
• The Information Age
• The history of civilization is the history of
  information
• Language and written documents facilitate the
  transfer of information and knowledge through
  time and space

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Why Study Communication?

• Your Quality of Life Depends Primarily on Your
  Communication Skills
• You Cannot Be Too Good at Communication
• People Overestimate Their Own Communication Skills

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We Want Others to Change
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What Is Communication?

• Transfer of MeaningNo
• Influence of Mental MapsYes
• Redundant
• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthestic
• Energetic

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What Is Communication?

• Conscious and Intentional
• Nonverbal
• Verbal
• Unconscious and Unintentional
• Nonverbal
• Verbal

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Unconscious Processing

• Conscious Processing 72/Second
• Unconscious Processing 200,000,000/Sec.
• Short-term Memory
• Long-term Memory
• Habits
• Physical
• Mental

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Habits

• Learned Behavior
• Established Over Time
• Practice
• Self-talk
• Change

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Learning

• Unconscious Incompetence
• Conscious Incompetence
• Conscious Competence
• Unconscious Competence
• Mastery

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External Reality

• The Map is Not the Territory
• We delete information
• We distort information
• We generalize
• We assign meaning
• Models of the World

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Sensory Data

• The Building Blocks of Subjective Experience
• What we see
• What we hear
• What we touch, taste, and smell
• The Four-tuple
• Meanings and Memories

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Filtering Experience

• Primary Mediation
• Secondary Mediation
• Genetic predisposition
• Conditioning
• Personal profiles of behavioral type
• Beliefs, values, core questions, and core
  metaphors
• Physical and mental state

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Perception Can Be Tricky
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The Communication Process
Message
Decision- Making
Decision- Making
Filters Beliefs Values Questions
Metaphors Beh. Type State
Filters Beliefs Values Questions
Metaphors Beh. Type State
Sensory Data
Meaning
Meaning
Sensory Data
Encoding
Encoding
Sender
Receiver
Channel
The Bowman Communication Model, 1992-2003
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Metaphor The Language of Perception

• Metaphors and Similes
• My love is a flower.
• My love is like a flower.
• Core Metaphors
• Argument is war
• Business is war
• Business is a sport or a game
• Business is a building

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Core Metaphors

• Metaphors, Similes, and Analogies
• Perceptual Filters
• Common Operational Metaphors
• Time is
• Learning is
• Men/Women are
• Success is...
• Life is

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Experience, Language, and Meaning
Language
Meaning
Mental Maps
Sensory Data
Experience
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Symbol Systems

• Language
• Words and sentences
• Meaning and labels
• Mathematics
• Money

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History of Communication

• Nonverbal 150,000 years
• Oral 55,000 years
• Written 6,000 years
• Early writing 4000 BC
• Egyptian hieroglyphics 3000 BC
• Phoenician alphabet 1500 to 2000 BC
• Book printing in China 600 BC
• Book printing in Europe 1400 AD

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Communicating Meaning

• Physiology and Appearance 55 percent
• Paralanguage 38 percent
• Language 7 percent

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Sensory Data and Mental Maps

• Bridge Between Internal and External
• Internal and External Processing
• Internal Processing
• Posture and breathing
• Language and paralanguage
• Eye accessing cues

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Sensory Modalities

• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthetic
• Touch
• Taste
• Smell
• Emotional responses (feelings)

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Preferred Sensory Modalities

• People Use All Their Available Senses
• Some Prefer Visual
• Some Prefer Auditory
• Some Prefer the Kinesthetic Cluster
• Senses of touch, taste, and smell
• Associated emotional responses
• Some Prefer Digital Processing

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Visuals

• Vocabulary
• I see what you mean.
• It looks good to me.
• Lets stay focused on the problem.
• She has a bright future.
• Hes always in a fog.
• Physiology and Appearance
• Paralanguage

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Auditories

• Vocabulary
• I hear what you are saying.
• It sounds good to me.
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• Thats music to my ears.
• Hes always blowing his own horn.
• Physiology and Appearance
• Paralanguage

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Kinesthetics (Kinos)

• Vocabulary
• I can grasp the concept, and it feels right to
  me.
• It smells fishy to me.
• It left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
• Shes still rough around the edges.
• Hes a smooth operator.
• Physiology and Appearance
• Paralanguage

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Eye Accessing Cues
Vr
Vc
Ar
Ac
Ai
K
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Exercise Observing Eye Movements

• Ask questions that require internal processing.
• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthetic
• Taste or smell
• Touch
• Emotions

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Exercise Flexibility

• Determine your preferred system.
• What are you doing when you think?
• Speak for two minutes using predicates from one
  sensory modality, then do the the same for each
  of the other two.
• Work in groups and take turns speaking using
  sense-based predicates in a systematic way.

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Rapport

• Finding Commonalities
• Values
• Vocabulary and paralanguage
• Physiology and appearance
• Matching and Mirroring
• Cross-over Matching

People who are like each other, like each other.
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Developing Rapport

• Nonverbal (what you see and do)
• Physiology
• Appearance
• Congruence
• Verbal (what you hear and say)
• Sense-based predicates
• Values, beliefs, and criteria
• Voice tone and rate of speech

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Reading Nonverbal Messages

• Sensory Acuity
• Agree and Disagree
• Posture and Movement
• Associated or dissociated
• Bodily response

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Exercises Rapport

• Matching and Mirroring
• Observing others
• Practicing
• Calibration
• Like/dislike
• Yes/no

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Congruence

• Physiology
• Left/right body
• Left/right brain
• Nonverbal and Verbal Messages
• Parts
• Groups

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Strategies

• The Structure of Subjective Experience
• Four-tuples
• Syntax
• Learned Behavior
• TOTE (Test, Operate, Test, Exit)
• Habits
• Skills

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Common Strategies

• Spelling
• Auditory (spell phonics phonetically)
• Visual
• Making Decisions
• Communicating
• Listening and speaking
• Writing

Accommodate
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Decision-making Strategies

• Purchasing
• An inexpensive product
• Dinner in a nice restaurant
• An expensive product or service
• Relationships
• Career Choices

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Communication Strategy, 1 2

• Pace
• Match (nonverbally and verbally)
• Meet expectations
• Lead
• Set direction
• Maintain interest
• Maintain rapport

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Communication Strategy, 3 4

• Blend Outcomes
• Understand objectives and desires
• Create win-win solutions
• Motivate
• Clarify who does what next
• Future-pace possibilities
• Presuppose positive results

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Exercise Eliciting Strategies

• Ordering a Meal in a Restaurant
• Learning Something New
• Teaching Something for the First Time

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Personal Profiles

• Achiever
• Communicator
• Specialist
• Perfectionist

C
A
S
P
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Profile Characteristics

• Achiever
• Likes to set goals, challenge the environment and
  win.
• Sees life as a competition.
• Communicator
• Likes to achieve results by working with and
  through people.
• Finds more enjoyment in the process than in the
  results.
• Specialist
• Likes to plan work and relationships.
• Finds enjoyment in knowing what to expect.
• Perfectionist
• Enjoys jobs requiring attention to detail.
• Complies with authority and tries to provide the
  right answer.

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Metaprograms

• Action Initiate or Respond
• Direction Toward or Away From
• Source Internal or External
• Conduct Rule Follower or Breaker

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More Metaprograms

• Response Match or Mismatch
• Scope Global or Specific
• Cognitive Style Thinking or Feeling
• Confirmation VAK and Times

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Exercise Eliciting Metaprograms

• Metaprograms are revealed by
• Nonverbal messages
• Language
• Question s
• What do you mean?
• How do you know?
• Whats important to you about that?

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Changing Behavior

• Patterns and Pattern Interrupts
• Anchors and Anchoring
• Stimulus-response conditioning
• Visual, auditory, and kinesthetic anchors
• Advanced Language Patterns
• The Metamodel
• The Milton Model

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Exercise Anchoring

• Setting Anchors
• Kinesthetic
• Visual
• Auditory
• Stacking Anchors
• Collapsing Anchors
• Using Sliding Anchors

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The Structure of Subjective Experience

• Sorting for Time
• Past, present, and future
• Timelines
• Sorting for Like and Dislike
• Creating and Changing Meaning

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Modalities and Submodalities

• Visual Submodalities
• Location, size, distance, brightness, point of
  view
• Color or black white, moving or still
• Auditory Submodalities
• Location, tone, rate, pitch, inflection, rhythm
• Language, voice (your voice, the voice of a
  parent)
• Kinesthetic Submodalities
• Location, strength, duration, movement
• Quality (warm, cold, tingly, etc.)

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Exercise Changing Submodalities

• Select something, someone, or an activity you
  want to like better.
• Elicit submodalities for
• Things you like.
• Things you dislike.
• Change the submodalities with which you represent
  the thing, person, or activity.

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Belief Systems

• Cultural
• Parental
• Group
• Individual

• Global (Identity)
• Cause-effect
• If X, then Y
• If I study, then I will...
• Rules
• Can/cant
• Must/must not
• Should/should not

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Values

• A Type of Belief
• Hierarchical
• Either Positive or Negative
• Something desired
• Something to avoid
• Congruent or Incongruent

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Core Questions

• Remain Out of Conscious Awareness
• Focus Attention
• Influence Interpretation of Events
• Influence Psychological State
• Influence the Range of Possibilities

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Exercise Belief and Disbelief

• Elicit the submodalities of something you believe
  absolutely.
• Elicit the submodalities of something you doubt.
• Elicit the submodalities of something you
  disbelieve.
• Select a limiting belief and change its
  submodalities.

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Frames and Reframes

• The Filters That Determine Meaning
• Influence State and Behavior
• Creating and Changing Frames
• Anchoring
• Reframing Context
• Reframing Content

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Reframing Context

• Key Questions
• Where would the characteristic or behavior be
  useful?
• When would the characteristic or behavior be
  useful?
• What would have to be true for this to be useful?
• Common Context Reframes
• Rudolphs red nose
• Oil
• Procrastination

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Reframing Content

• Key Questions
• What else could this mean (or be)?
• What am I missing here?
• How can he or she believe that?
• How could this mean the opposite of what I
  thought?
• Common Content Reframes
• The ugly duckling
• Plastic or sawdust
• Failure

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The Metamodel

• Used to Understand Anothers Mental Maps
• Used to Recover Lost Information
• Used to Help Correct Distortions
• Universal Metamodel Questions
• What, who, or how specifically?
• What do you mean?
• How do you know?
• What would happen if you did (or didnt)?

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Metamodel Violations

• Unspecified Nouns
• Abstract nouns (a student, teachers)
• Nominalizations (freedom, justice)
• Unspecified or Missing Pronouns
• Someone you know. . . .
• Its wrong to think that.

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Metamodel Violations

• Unspecified Verbs
• You have to learn this.
• You will solve your problems.
• Unwarranted Generalizations
• You never want to do anything.
• Politicians are crooks.

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Metamodel Violations

• Unwarranted Comparisons
• Brand X gives you more.
• Sally is the best.
• Unwarranted Rules
• You cant do that on television.
• Clean your plate.
• No pain, no gain.

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The Milton Model

• Used to Change Anothers Mental Maps
• Used to Create New Possibilities
• Used to Influence

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Milton Model Techniques

• Metamodel Violations
• Unspecified nouns, pronouns, and verbs.
• Generalizations
• Comparisons
• Shifts in referential index

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More Milton Model Techniques

• Presuppositions
• Embedded Questions
• Embedded Commands
• Negative Commands
• Metaphors
• Quotes
• Ambiguities

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Basic Language Skills

• My automobile prefers to warm up slowly.
• The organization is in excellent shape. For
  example, the record profits last year.
• The company has decided to purchase new
  furniture.
• While busy working at the computer all day was no
  doubt the cause of her eye strain and stiff neck.

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More Basic Language Skills

• Not only will Alex need to justify his behavior
  to his boss, but also to the company president.
• The data is from Service Is the Key, by Eileen
  Johnson in the May issue of The Journal of
  Customer Relations.

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Language Skills for Case 1

• As an employee of Con-U-Tel, it is my
  responsibility to set up our companies annual
  convention.
• I am writing this letter to inquire about your
  hotels accommodations.
• How many people can your hotel accommodate at one
  time?

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More Language Skills for Case 1

• Does your hotel have banquet facilities?
• How many conference rooms does your hotel have
  with audio/visual equipment?
• I must have your answer by July 10th so that I
  can make a decision.
• Thank you in advance for sending this and other
  helpful information.

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Block Format andMixed Punctuation

• Date goes on left margin
• 5 January 2004
• January 5, 2004
• NOT 1/5/2004 or 5.1.2004
• Inside address includes the following
• Name of the individual with courtesy title
• Professional title and/or office or department
• Organization plus mail stop information
• City, state, and ZIP code information

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Block Format andMixed PunctuationPart 2

• Salutation
• Dear Ms. Goldman
• Dear Director
• Ladies and Gentlemen
• The signature block includes the following
• An appropriate complimentary close (Sincerely,
  Cordially, Best Wishes)
• The signature of the person who wrote the letter
• The typed/printed name of the writer

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Message Structure for Case 1

• Ask the most important question.
• What is the make-or-break question?
• Why are convention facilities more important than
  guest rooms?
• Why is it important to include the dates in the
  opening question?
• Explain your needs.
• What does she need to know to help you?
• What does she not need to know?
• What is required for transition to the list of
  secondary questions?

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More Structure for Case 1

• Ask your secondary questions.
• What is implied by the numbered list?
• How do you ensure that the information you
  receive will help you make a decision?
• Set and justify an end-date.
• Is it possible that she can help you in ways you
  havent asked about?
• Why do you need a time index to justify a
  specific end-date?