1
Do you have any children? No. (Laughs) Im
sure of that.

• Identity work from older childless people
• Dr Jill Reynolds BPS Social Psychology Conference
  Cambridge, September 2011

2
Research questions

• How do childless older people make sense of their
  relationships, social networks, absorbing
  interests and their social and emotional needs?
• Are patterns of sense-making of experience
  distinctive in gendered ways?

3
Qualitative data from existing datasets

• 80 interviews men and women over 65 years (UKDA
  5237, Bowling, A. Adding Quality to Quantity
  Quality of Life in Older Age, 2000-2002) of whom
  14 had no children (9F5M)
• 85 interviews men over 65 years (UKDA 6011 Arber,
  S. and Davidson, K., Older Men their Social
  Worlds and Healthy Lifestyles, 1999-2002 of whom
  15 had no children

4
Identifying a self-narrative my assumptions

• an individual's account of the relationship among
  several self relevant events across time. In
  developing a self-narrative we establish coherent
  connections among life events. (Gergen, K.J.
  1994 187)
• Not one single story waiting to be brought out.
• Narratives shaped to the purpose of that telling.
• Discontinuities, multiple pathways rather than
  developmental stages
• Canonical narratives (Bruner,1991) culturally
  available plots (Mishler, 1999)
• Talk rhetorical within the larger argumentative
  context of the culture (Billig, 1987)

5
Narratives of grandparenting

• Most respondents who were parents produced some
  self-narrative in describing life events.
• Often these focused on children or grandchildren,
  perhaps talking about frequency of visits or of
  caring help they received.
• In the all male dataset, most bring up children
  or grandchildren themselves without waiting to be
  asked.
• Co-construction of excellence of having children
  nearby.
• Many parents mention children or grandchildren in
  response to what makes them most happy, while
  nearly half refer to family on the good things
  that give life quality.

6
Patterns in narratives of non-parents women

• Most happy seeing someone, friend, brother,
  feeling well, being alive, little things
• Widows show some accounting in response to
  whether they have children
• Two widows talk of neighbours children as family
  and one of dog as my baby
• Those women who do not talk of marriage are
  likely to talk of being happy with own company

7
Variable accounts of no children 050 f

• R Yes, its the only home Ive had, married
  home, (I Mm.)
• Lived with my mum for a little while,
  (IMm-hm.) You know, cause things were hard just
  after the war, you know, you couldnt get
  anywhere, and, um, families had priority for
  council property, you see, we didnt have any
  children, didnt want any. (I Mm.) But sadly we
  never did have any children because we were
  getting settled and then he was killed, you see.
  (I Mm.) So missed out on a family.
• I OK and if we talk about your quality of
  life now,

8
Grandparenting neighbours children 021 f

• R (laughs) But I do Ill tell you one
  thing I love in life, and that is I love cats
  and dogs I love cats and dogs, and I love
  children. (I Mm.) I think the children I love
  my neighbours next door, theyve got lots of
  grandchildren and I share em. (I Oh!) Yeah,
  its lovely. I shared all their children, and,
  and the son that little girl sitting on my lap
  there is (I Uh-huh.) Is their little girl A, and
  shes a lovely little girl, she comes in every
  weekend to see me. (I Mm.) Lovely little girl.

9
Happy with own company 028 f

• I You've spoken about how you'd like someone to
  come and see you (mmhmm) A social worker, is
  there anything else which would make the quality
  of your life better?
• R No, I don't think so, I quite happy how I am.
• I Okay. (short pause) Is there anything which
  would make the quality of your life worse?
• R (short pause) Well, I suppose loneliness makes
  it worse, doesn't it, really? Although I don't
  mind my own company.

10
Patterns in narratives of non-grandparents men

• Family question meets some accounting from
  widowers, or protestations of being a bachelor
• One married man talks of being grandma and
  grandad to neighbours children
• Less self-narrative, questions often met with
  factual, abstract answers
• Co-construction of male identity as desirable
• New living together relationship of 18 months
  (70)
• Bachelors often say happy with own company
• Happiness in terms of relationships friends
  successes, marriage

11
Accounting for no children 025 m

• I Uh-huh. OK - and have you got any children?
• R No children, none at all - been married for 52
  years.
• I OK, that's fine - I won't ask you too many
  questions.
• R No, go on, you fire away, I'll be alright.
• I (laughs) OK. Um - what, what do you think of
  when you hear the words quality of life?

12
Accounting for singleness 045 m

• I OK what would make the quality of your life
  better?
• R (pause) Well of course Im a single chap and
  Im too old for it, for getting married sort of
  now to make it better, you see, but Ive got,
  cause Ive got friends, lady friends and that.
  (Mm-hm.) So I cant, I cant go much further I
  cant really expect to (laughs) well at 83, or 84
  now. (Mm-hm.) (pause) Yeah, I suppose being a,
  being a traveller I missed a lot in my life, but
  I couldnt help it because I, I mean I started
  off at B, wasnt the work, so it made me go to L
  for work, and that started my travelling you
  know, and I got to like travelling around
  (laughs).
• I So what did you miss because of your
  travelling?
• R Well of course home life, yeah, missed the
  home life, had to come away from that.

13
Neighbours kids 025 m (1)

• R(pause) Well I'm not too sure I understand -
  life quality to me is the simple things of life
  we've got. (Mm.) I've got me own things to do,
  watercolours, painting. (Uh-huh.) The kids live
  all the way round here, (laughs) we've got a load
  of them (clock starts to chime). No, but up until
  now I've got no problems, we've got our own
  little caravan in K, we go down to there, we've
  got a car, we get out and about. (Mm.) But I
  can't think of anything else that - you know,
  it's simple enough but it's happy enough. (Yeah,
  yeah.) It's my way of life. (Yeah) Er we've had
  no beefs about it, er as I say we've got good
  neighbours around here, very good neighbours we
  have a lot of fun with them. We're the grandma
  and granddad round here. (laughs) Er

14
Neighbours kids (2)

• I OK - and (pause) has your life changed a lot
  since you retired?
• R Oh, yes - work a lot harder since we retired.
  Er (pause)....Well decorating is the small
  part of it, but we've all just got a very big
  garden out the back, that has to be looked after,
  though I'm not allowed to do much in. er - and
  I've got my own hobbies, watercolours. (pause)
  And this time of the year, cause we've got quite
  a lot to do for - not got to do, we've got -
  there is quite a lot to do for the children, we
  make them Christmas cards, things like that.
  (Mm.) They've got used to it now and expect it.
  Er - there seems to get one more every year. So
  this time of the year - well, I say this time of
  the year, I didn't, I started doing these way
  back in August, so...

15
Identity work as desirable still

• Interviewer Have you ever been engaged.
  Subject No.
• Interviewer Or ever wanted to marry.
• Subject No. I have been chased twice but that is
  all. LAUGHS
• Interviewer Why didn't you leap what was wrong.
• Subject One was over religious and the other one
  was married.
• Interviewer Was that recently.
• Subject And I was very interested in her.
  LAUGHS
• Interviewer And you would never think of
  marrying.
• Subject Not now no, it is too late, I value my
  freedom as it were

16
New relationships 29

• Interviewer Is this your first stable
  relationship?
• Subject Yes, it is, amazingly enough, at my age!
• Interviewer May I ask how you met her, the lady?
• Subject Yes. We met quite by chance. We were on
  holiday in Jersey and it was a quite amazing
  meeting. It was a SAGA singles holiday and she'd
  been widowed and it was her first holiday for
  some years and she went rather reluctantly on
  holiday. She was persuaded to go by her daughter
  and never regretted it! (Laughter) So, I think
  that's reasonably unique at this sort of age.
• Interviewer Yes, it's very gratifying.
• Subject Very gratifying, yes.

17
Attitude concerning children 29

• Naturally, if I'd had children, I'd have wanted a
  larger house, yes.
• Interviewer The fact that you didn't have
  children, is that something which doesn't
  concerns you?
• Subject I would have liked to, yes, looking back
  on it. I suppose that's my main regret that I
  didn't have anyone to follow me, but there you
  are.
• Interviewer Your partner has children?
• Subject She has a daughter.
• Interviewer And do you feel that she's part of
  your family?
• Subject Yes. We haven't know one another all
  that long, but we get on very well, and there is
  a closeness which is building up.

18
Happiness as relationships

• Interviewer What especially makes you happy now?
• Subject Well the family has got it all together
  really you know all the families are doing well
  thats always nice
• Interviewer When you say families thats
• Subject From hers and mine are reasonably
  together and we have lost my sister which of
  course is that groups mother but the B side
  is all right
• Interviewer Nephews and nieces youre
• Subject Yes they are all reasonably near and
  they contact me so they are another

19
Conclusions

• Research exploring quality or social worlds
  appears likely to draw on talk of close
  relationships, and having children close by is
  often constructed as advantage
• Accounting for no children is evident in these
  data from both men and women, but more likely to
  occur when the participant has been married
• Family is a resource that can be drawn on
  flexibly by all participants it doesnt just
  mean own children or grandchildren, identity work
  draws on close relationships.
• There is some evidence of gendered presumptions
  regarding the social capital (relationships) of
  men.
• There is a gap in literature on ageing regarding
  the experiences and strategies of those without
  children

20
Jill ReynoldsFaculty of Health Social CareThe
Open UniversityWalton HallMilton KeynesMK7 6AA

• www.open.ac.uk
• j.c.reynolds_at_open.ac.uk