Love and Communication in Intimate Relationships

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Love and Communication in Intimate Relationships
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What is Love?

• Difficult to define
• Special attitude with behavioral and emotional
  components
• Different things to different people
• Difficult to measure

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Rubins Love Scale

• 13-item questionnaire
• 3 components of love
• Attachment
• Caring
• Intimacy

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Types of Love Passionate Love

• Passionate Love
• Also known as romantic love or infatuation
• Intense psychological feelings
• Generalized physiological arousal
• Strong sexual desire
• Avoid conflict
• Feelings of completeness
• Short-lived

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Types of Love Companionate Love

• Companionate Love
• Less intense than passionate love
• Friendly affection deep attachment
• Familiarity tolerance for short-comings
• More enduring than passionate love

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Sternbergs Triangular Theory
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Sternbergs Triangular Theory

• Passion, Intimacy, Commitment are the three
  love components
• Passion builds then fades
• Intimacy Commitment continue to build
• Variations in components yield different kinds of
  love
• Intimacy alone friendship
• Passion alone infatuation
• Commitment alone empty love

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Lees Styles of Loving

• Romantic (eros)
• Game-playing (ludus)
• Possessive (mania)
• Compassionate (storge)
• Altruistic (agape)
• Pragmatic (pragma)

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Lees Styles of Loving
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Falling in Love

• The chemistry of love
• Neurotransmitters
• Norepinephrine
• Dopamine
• Phenylethylamine (PEA)
• Oxytocin
• Endorphins
• Loss of romantic love and neurotransmitter
  withdrawal

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Falling in Love Proximity

• Proximity
• Mere exposure effect
• Familiarity breeds predictability which leads to
  greater comfort
• Greater proximity often reflects shared interests

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Falling in Love Similarity

• Similarity
• Level of physical attractiveness
• Age, educational status, and religion
• Race and ethnicity
• Why Similarity?
• Share similar interests activities
• Communicate better
• Confirm own views experiences
• Supportive of values beliefs

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Role of Similarity in Relationships
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Role of Similarity in Relationships
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Falling in Love Reciprocity

• Reciprocity
• When someone shows they like us, we tend to like
  them back
• Increases in self-esteem
• Increases likelihood of relationship enduring

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Falling in Love Physical Attractiveness

• Physical Attractiveness
• Belief that Whats beautiful is good
• Status by association
• Most important in early stages
• May be an indicator of physical health
• Heterosexual males place greater emphasis on
  physical attractiveness

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Falling in Love How willing are you. . .?
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Attachment

• Attachment Intense emotional tie
• Adult attachments are influenced by our
  attachment to caregiver in infancy
• Attachment Style (Ainsworth)
• Secure attachment
• Insecure attachment
• Anxious-Ambivalent attachment

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Attachment

• Attachment styles in Adulthood
• Paired couples often are similar in their
  attachment styles
• Attachment style affects interaction in
  relationship

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Attachment Styles and Relationships
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Issues in Loving Relationships

• Relationship between love sex
• Relationship between the two is not always clear
• Consider hook-ups and friends with benefits
• Questions to ask
• Does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship?
• Do men and women have different views of sex
  love?

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Sexual Orientation and Attitudes about Love Sex

• Many people stereotype same-sex relationships as
  primarily sexual
• However, lesbians and gay men generally seek
  loving, trusting, caring relationships that
  embrace many dimensions of sharing
• Sex differences among lesbians and gay men are
  consistent with general sex difference in
  attitudes toward love and sex
• Gay men are more likely than lesbians to separate
  love from sex
• Lesbians more likely to postpone sex until
  intimacy has been established

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Jealousy in Relationships

• Jealousy-prone person
• Low self-esteem
• High value on wealth and popularity
• Negative consequences
• Precipitates partner violence
• Stifles relationship development
• Raises anxiety, depression, anger
• Sex differences

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Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction

• Ingredients in a lasting love relationship
• Self-acceptance
• Appreciation of each others qualities
• Commitment
• Good communication, realistic expectations and
  shared interests
• Ability to face and deal with conflict

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Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction

• Characteristics of high quality relationships
• Supportive communication
• Companionship
• Sexual expression and variety
• Seeing partner as best friend
• Maintaining frequent positive interaction

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Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction

• Individual and relationship growth
• Growth and change maintain relationship
• Overcome obstacles
• View problems as challenges
• Negotiate and renegotiate wants
• Accept each other as unique

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Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction

• Sexual Variety
• Communication is critical
• Be spontaneous
• Plan for intimate time
• Dont worry about frequency standards