CHAPTER 10

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CHAPTER 10 FAMILY LIFE CYCLE

• Instructor Wendy Crapo

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Used by permission of THE ACADEMY OF NURSING 2355
E. 3900 S. S.L.C., UT 84124 801-506-0064
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FAMILY LIFE CYLCE
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BEGINNING MARRIAGES
PREDICTION OF SUCCESS Until death do us part
Not a fact for most marriages.

• What general age is best?
• 20-25 Youthful marriages
• Up to age 25, the older you are at marriage the
  greater likelihood of marital happiness.
• Teens have higher divorce
• After age 30 higher divorces

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Prediction of Success

• Education income, insight, status
• Length of engagement
• Childhood environment relationship with family
  of origin attachment.
• Divorced parents may cause a shying away from
  marriage.
• Loving each other did not have affect on whether
  or not they fought.
• HONEYMOON EFFECT Overlooking problems

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PREDICTION OF SUCCESS FACTORS

• Communicate well
• Resolve conflict in a constructive way
• Realistic expectations of marriage
• Like each other as people (opposites attract
  doesnt work)
• Undesirable traits are magnified in marriage
• Agree on religion ethical issues
• Balance leisure activities with each other

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ENGAGEMENT (More of a ritual than a binding
commitment)

• How long should engagement be?
• The longer you are engaged the more likely you
  are to discover compatibilities.
• But it can go too long too.
• 24 are pregnant when marry.
• Purpose of engagement
• Commitment to marry (try out how it feels).
• Think about realities of married life.
• Beginning of kinship (start making ties with
  in-laws).
• Become a couple.

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Feelings during engagement

• Anxiety
• Maturation dependency
• Losses
• Question partner choice
• Gender role conflict
• Idealization disillusionment
• Get to know self (weaknesses strengths)

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WEDDING RITUAL (65 church weddings)

• Symbolized profound life transition step into
  adulthood
• Give the bride away (when father received pledge
  of money he gave bride away)
• Exchange of rings (From Egypt timelessness to
  give it back is symbolic gesture)
• Not wearing a ring is symbolic statement about
  the marriage
• Carrying bride over threshold (Greece Rome
  symbolic of abduction because bride would not
  willingly leave her fathers house)
• Eating of cake (offering made to household of
• Gods made union sacred)
• Jumping the broomstick (African tradition)
• Honeymoon (Pagan time of intoxication
• to insure fertility)
• Flower girls (carried wheat to symbolize
  fertility)

Activity
In groups brainstorm all expenses for a wedding
and estimate the cost.
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HONEYMOON

• HONEYMOON PURPOSES
• Rest and Recreation
• Time for being alone
• Initial adjustment to marriage
• GUIDELINES WHEN PLANNING
• A HONEYMOON
• Dont go into debt
• May delay to a better time
• Honeymoon not necessary for a happy marriage
• NATIONAL SURVEYS SHOW
• 50 of couples interviewed report their honeymoon
  was not happy at all.
• People most unhappy with honeymoons are young
  women who have always lived at home.

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ENDURING MARRIAGES

• Couples who are happily in love.
• Unhappy couples who continue marriage out of
  habit and fear.
• Couples in between who are neither happy nor
  unhappy and accept the situation.
• 20 were happy and 20 were unhappy.
• Little correlation between happy marriages and
  stable ones.
• In general, however, the quality of the marital
  relationship appears to show continuity over the
  years.

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HAPPILY MARRIED Whats the Secret?

• When they met they felt immediately at home with
  each other. Early on there is a strong physical
  and/or emotional attraction they feel a
  sweeping sense of connection.
• Happy couples often experience themselves as
  being the same and different. Similar
  backgrounds but each wants to embrace the others
  differentness each wanted to be more like the
  other.
• Happy couples establish and follow daily
  routines. This promotes confidence and trust.
• Happy couples usually describe their mate as
  their best friend. They like each other very
  much, above all others. They spent a lot of time
  together.
• Happy couples share a life dream. They work
  together to make the dream come true.

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HAPPILY MARRIED cont.

• Happy couples dont hold a grudge. High capacity
  to resolve conflict and move on.
• Happy couples expect each other to do their best.
  They believe in their partner.
• Happy couples roll with the changes. People do
  change and good marriages change for their
  partner and for the better.
• Happy couples agree to have or not to have
  children. They usually share a dream of creating
  a family.
• Happy couples understand the importance of sex
  romance. Friendship was more important than sex
  but sex was the strong force binding them
  together through the years.

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HAPPILY MARRIED cont.

• Happy couples see each others best self. They
  see each other clearly as they are but also what
  they can become.
• Happy couples strongly believe in and practice
  monogamy. Fidelity was simply expected and an
  open marriage was not appealing to happily
  married couples.
• Happily married couples share a complete absence
  of power struggle. Considered each other to be
  equal and their money, especially, was always
  theirs, not mine.
• Happy couples support each other in all areas.
  Always support each others dreams, even when
  they dont agree or understand.
• Happy couples feel a great deal of faith in each
  other even when one thinks the other is wrong.
  May not think they are making the right choice
  but they give their support.

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ESCENTIAL CHARACTERISTICS

• Marriage is 1, even over the kids
• Fidelity
• Commitment
• Unselfishness
• Time spent together
• Talk listen
• Touching
• Be positive about mate marriage

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STAGE 1 - INITIAL ADJUSTMENT TO MARRIAGE

• Before marriage, you are afraid of losing each
  other.
• After marriage, you are afraid of losing
  yourself.
• Identity bargaining The process of role
  adjustments in a relationship
• Identify with a role
• Having the role validated by others
• Negotiating with the partner to make changes in
  the role
• Establishing Boundaries Adjusting the ties with
  family of origin

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Stage 1 continued MARITAL ADJUSTMENTS

• Family roles
• Emotional support to partner
• Adjust personal habits
• Negotiate gender roles
• Establish family employment priorities
• Develop communication skills
• Manage money
• Establish kin relationship (cohabitating partners
  usually never accepted as kin)
• Participate in larger community

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Stage 1 continuedIDENTITY BARGAINING

• Role adjustment in a relationship.
• Identify negotiate.
• Relationships help us discover ourselves.
• An intimate relationship requires us to define
  who we are.

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Stage 1 continuedIN-LAWS

• Daughters who are close sometimes have a problem
  letting go.
• But birth of child helps improve and change this
  relationship.
• Need to establish new boundaries with in-laws

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STAGE 2 - CHILDBEARING FAMILY

• (From the birth of the first child until that
  child is 2 ½ years old)
• Developmental Tasks
• Adjusting to increased family size
• Caring for an infant
• Providing a positive developmental environment

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STAGE 3 - FAMILIES WITH PRESCHOOLERS

• (When the oldest child is between the ages of 2 ½
  and 6)
• Developmental Tasks
• Satisfying the needs and interests of preschool
  children
• Coping with demands on energy and attention with
  less privacy at home

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STAGE 4 - FAMILIES WITH SCHOOL AGE CHILDREN

• (When the oldest child is between the ages of 6
  to 13)
• Developmental Tasks
• Promoting educational achievement
• Fitting in the community of families with
  school-age children

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STAGE 5 - FAMILIES WITH TEENAGERS

• (When the oldest child is between the ages of 13
  and 20)
• Developmental Tasks
• Allowing and helping children to become more
  independent
• Coping with their independence
• Developing new interests beyond child care

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STAGE 6 MIDDLE AGE MARRIAGES (LAUNCHING
CENTER)

• May divorce at this time without children present
  (empty nest which is not always negative).
• Boomerang generation Children return home due
  to high unemployment, housing cost, low wages,
  divorce and personal problems.

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STAGE 7 - LATER LIFE MARRIAGES (EMPTY NEST)

• (More satisfying)
• Higher income
• Although widows often have financial hardships
• But happily married widows choose to remarry more
  often
• Old age not poverty stricken or neglected
• Sandwich generation Must raise dependent
  children dependent parents.
• Intermittent extended family Take in other
  relatives in time of need.

Question
Does parenting end when children are grown
gone?
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GRANDPARENTING

• Grandparents distance is biggest factor in
  involvement
• 25 of preschool children cared for by
  grandparents
• Companionate relationships most common with
  grandchildren

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INDIVIDUAL TASK

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Developing autonomy
• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Developing intimacy
  occupational identification
• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Deciding about commitment to
  work marriage
• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Deepening commitments
  pursuing more long-range goals
• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Searching for fit between
  aspirations and environment
• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Re-stabilizing and reordering
  priorities
• State 7 (60 yrs) Dealing effectively with aging,
  illness and death wile retaining zest for life

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MARITAL TASK

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Shift from family of origin
  to new commitment
• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Provisional marital
  commitment
• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Commitment crisis
  restlessness
• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Productivity children, work,
  friends, marriage
• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Summing up success failure
  and future goals sought
• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Resolving conflicts and
  stabilizing the marriage for the long haul
• State 7 (60 yrs) Supporting enhancing each
  others struggle for productivity and fulfillment
  in face of aging

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INTIMACY

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Fragile intimacy
• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Deepening but ambivalent
  intimacy
• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Increasing distance while
  partners make up their minds about each other
• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Increase in intimacy in
  good marriages gradual distancing in bad
  marriages
• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Tenuous intimacy as fantasies
  about other increase
• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Intimacy is threatened by
  aging and boredom. Departure of children may
  increase or decrease intimacy.
• State 7 (60 yrs) Struggle to maintain intimacy
  in face or eventual separation, usually plateaus

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POWER

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Testing of power
• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Establish pattern of
  conflict resolution
• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Sharp vying for power and
  dominance
• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Establish patterns of
  decision making and dominance
• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Power in outside world is
  tested via power in the marriage
• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Conflicts often increase when
  children leave and security appears threatened
• State 7 (60 yrs) Survival fears stir up needs
  for control and dominance

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MARITAL BOUNDARIES

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Conflicts over in-laws
• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Friends and potential lovers
  work versus family
• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Temporary disruptions
  including extramarital sex or reactive fortress
  building
• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Nuclear family closes
  boundaries
• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Disruption due to
  reevaluation drive versus re-stabilization
• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Boundaries are usually fixed
  except in crisis
• State 7 (60 yrs) Loss of family friends leads
  to closing in of boundaries, important to
  maintain ties with outside world

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INDIVIDUAL STAGE

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Develop roots
• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Provisional adulthood
• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Transition at age 30
• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Settling down
• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Midlife transition
• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Middle adulthood
• State 7 (60 yrs) Old age

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RETIREMENT

• Earlier 75 choose to retire before age 65
  (WHY?)
• More egalitarian marriages
• Highest degree of marital satisfaction since
  early marriage
• Improved health

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Read Ann Landers Old folks are worth a fortune
Activity
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CARING FOR AGED
How could an over abundance of support do more
harm than good? Can chronic illness help with
family cohesiveness?
Question

• Caregiver Conflict
• Earlier unresolved antagonisms and conflicts.
• Caregivers inability to accept the relatives
  increasing dependence.
• Conflicting loyalties between spouse or children
  and caring for the elderly.
• Resentment towards the elderly relative for
  disrupting family routines.
• Resentment of lack of involvement by other family
  members.
• Anger if elderly relative tries to manipulate
  others.
• Conflicts over money and inheritance.

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COPING STRATEGIES

• Plan for legal and financial incapacities
• Manage income and expenses
• Arrange for long term care
• Assess capabilities of whole family unit
• Divide responsibilities among whole family unit
• Determine community backup services

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Most common diseasesand causes of death
Question
What are the most common chronic diseases of
people over 75?

• 1. Arthritis
• 2. Hypertension
• 3. Hearing impairment
• 4. Heart disease
• 5. Cataracts
• 6. Deformity orthopedic impairment
• 7. Diabetes

Question
What are the most common causes of death of
people over 75?
1. Heart disease 2. Cancer 3. Stroke 4. Lung
disease
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CARING FOR FAMILY MEMBER WITH CHRONIC ILLNESSS

• Strained family relations
• Modifications in family activities and goals
• Increased tasks and time commitments
• Increased financial costs
• Special housing requirements
• Social isolation
• Medical concerns
• Grieving over disabilities,
• limitations and restricted life opportunity

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COPING STATEGIES

• Make a place for the illness, and keep balance in
  life.
• Keep communication open.
• Cultivate sources of support.
• Develop good working relationship with healthcare
  professionals.

Discuss in groups Should a health care
professional be detached? Do families interfere
with the efforts of practitioners to help
patients? Should healthcare professionals address
things beyond the physical such as economical,
emotional, psychological and spiritual issues?
Activity
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DEATHWHY STUDY ABOUT DEATH?

• Our society is unusual, we shut death in a closet
• Death is a natural part of life
• Death is often emotional and unpleasant
• Death must be faced
• Part of our society
• We used to be more open about death
• People used to die at home more often
• Funerals and viewings were at home
• Friends and family were there at moment of death
• Illnesses were short

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DEATH

• DENIAL remove dead from home, not telling
  children.
• EXPLOITATION Desensitized and deny the
  realities of death
• ROMANITCIZATION Those lead to think of death as
  beautiful can be disillusioned.
• Fear Fear of death keeps us alive.
• Denial healthy, it keeps us from
• dwelling on morbidity of death.
• Acknowledging that death exists can
• help us prioritize appreciate.

Activity
Do handout Will you live to be 100?
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STAGES OF DEATH

• A dying person should not be expected to behave
  in a certain manner, only his/her own way.
• Denial isolation
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

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GRIEVING PROCESS

• Guilt is common, 1st year is hard at holidays.
• Consoling Listen, dont avoid, give practical
  support.
• Needs Death with dignity (respect as human
  being).
• Hospice can help.

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WHAT NOT TO SAY TO THE BEREAVED

• Cheer up
• Time to heal all wounds
• Come on, you need to get over this
• We want the old you back
• Ill help you get rid of their things
• Theyre better off
• It was Gods will
• Call me if you need me

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WHAT TO SAY TO THE BEREAVED

• Its OK to cry
• I want you to know Im thinking about you
• Im sad for you
• I care about you
• Im here if you want to talk
• You dont have to be strong or apologize for
  crying.
• Do accept them and their feelings
• Let them cry when they want to
• Let them talk about the dead person (They are in
  their thoughts often)

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DEFINITIONS OF DEATH

• LEGAL DEATH Court says it has irreversible
  cessation to total brain function
• THEOLOGICAL DEATH Occurs when soul leaves the
  body
• MEDICAL DEATH Occurs when functions of human
  life stop
• UNRECEPTIVITY UNRESPONSIVITY Irreversible coma

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DEFINITIONS OF DEATHcontinued

• NO MOVEMENTS OR BREATHING No muscle movement or
  respiration for at least 1 hour
• NO REFLEXES Pupils fixed and dilated will not
  respond to bright lights
• FLAT ELECTROENCE PHALGRAM EEG no brain waves
  for a period of time

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DEATH VOCABULARY

• AUTOPSY Post mortem exam
• BEREAVEMENT Being grieved by the loss of a
  loved one.
• CASKET Small chest or box (coffin)
• COFFIN A box or chest for burying a corpse
• CREMATION To reduce a dead body to ashes by
  burning
• CREMATORIUM A furnace for cremation

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DEATH VOCABULARYcontinued

• CRYPT A chamber or vault wholly or partly
  underground, a vault under the main floor of a
  church
• DEATH CERTIFICATE A certificate that certifies
  the death of a person
• DECEASED No longer living
• EMBALM To treat a dead body so as to protect
  from decay
• EPITAPH An inscription on or at a tomb or grave
  in memory of the one buried there

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DEATH VOCABULARYcontinued

• EULOGY A commendatory formal statement or set
  oration
• EUTHANASIA The act or practice of killing
  individuals that are hopelessly sick or injured
  for reasons of mercy.
• FUNERAL HOME An establishment with facilities
  for the preparation of the dead for burial or
  cremation, for the viewing of the body and for
  funerals.
• HEARSE A vehicle for conveying the dead to the
  grave
• INHERITANCE The act of coming into possession
  of something
• INTERMENT The act or ceremony of depositing the
  dead body in the earth or the tomb.

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DEATH VOCABULARYcontinued

• MAUSOLEUM Large tomb usually a stone building
  for places of entombment for dead above the
  ground.
• MORGUE A place where the bodies of persons
  found dead are kept until identified and claimed
  by relatives or are released for burial.
• MORTICIAN Undertaker
• MORTUARY Relating to the burial of the dead

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DEATH VOCABULARYcontinued

• OBITUARY A notice of a persons death with a
  short biographical account
• PALLBEARERS People who help to carry the coffin
  at a funeral
• PYRE A combustible heap for burning a dead body
  as a funeral vile
• REINCARNATION Rebirth in new bodies or forms of
  life
• SARCOPHAGUS A stone coffin

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DEATH VOCABULARYcontinued

• TOMB An excavation in which a corpse is buried
• URN A vessel that is particularly an ornamental
  vase on a pedestal to preserve the ashes after
  cremation
• VAULT A burial chamber
• WAKE The watch held over the body of a dread
  person prior to burial and sometimes accompanied
  by festivity

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CULTURES

• Jewish 7 days of restrictions like shaving,
  working, sex, 11 months pray for parent daily
• Mexico Dead honored with gifts of food, prayer,
  nightly vigils

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VOCABULARY

• 1. Bereavement The response to a loved ones
  death, including customs, and the grieving
  process.
• 2. Boomerang Generation Adults who return to
  family home and live with parents.
• 3. Caregiver role The one who provides the most
  physical care and decision making.
• 4. Duration of Marriage Effect Accumulation
  over time of negative factors that affect marital
  satisfaction.
• 5. Empty Nest When last grown child has left
  home, usually not associated with mothers
  depression.

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VOCABULARY contd

• 6. Family Life Cycle The families changing
  roles and relationships at various stages,
  beginning with marriage and ending with death of
  a spouse.
• 7. Honeymoon Effect Tendency of newly married
  couples to overlook problems.
• 8. Hospice A place or program caring for
  terminally ill, emphasizing patient care and
  family support.
• 9. Identity Bargaining The process of roles
  adjustments in a relationship, involving
  identifying with a role, role validated by
  others, negotiated with partner

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VOCABULARY contd

• 10. Intermittent Extended Family Taking into
  the family other relatives in times of need
• 11. Sandwich Generation Individuals who care
  for both their own children and aging parents at
  the same time.