Advanced Empathy, Validation, Immediacy

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Advanced Empathy, Validation, Immediacy

• Week Five

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Fixing vs. Exploring Probes

• Fixing is our natural response when given a
  problem
• Goals of stage 1 probes
• Clarifying better understanding the issue
• Making a better empathy statement
• Avoiding assumptions
• Assumptions check list Do you understand
• The situation?
• The feeling?
• The meaning?
• The connections between the three?

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Oh god not the triangle again

• Stage II Goals
• Identify common themes and underlying issues
• Go deeper
• Help the individual obtain a new perspective
• Focus on the particular areas of concern
• Allows counselor to use intuition

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Matching Game

• (Feeling words are so cool.)

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Advanced Empathy

• What is it?
• Hunch with evidence
• Why use it?
• Provides insight, deeper understanding, clarity
  and focus
• Moves session forward
• Identifies themes
• Connects islands of thought
• Makes the implied explicit

A hunch ?
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still advanced empathy

• When?
• After established rapport
• Underlying feelings present.
• Ask yourself
• What is the person only half saying or saying in
  a confused way?
• What is the person hinting at?
• What implicit messages your do you hear?
• How do you use it?
• Empathy formula
• Evidence

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still advanced empathy

• Remember
• Dont just use a different word for what is
  already implied by session
• Allow the risk!

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Still advanced empathy

• Advanced empathy insurance! You can try some of
  these

• Correct me if Im wrong, but it sounds like
• Im getting the impression that
• Just to make sure were on the same page
• This may be a long shot but
• This is what Im hearing you saying is that
  correct?

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What feelings could she be having?

• I hear so many different things from people I
  care about. I have a few friends who are lesbian
  or bisexual. Ive talked to some of them and they
  are really supportive so are some of my straight
  friends. However, my parents believe that
  homosexuality is unnatural and they are very
  vocal about their dislike of lesbian, gay, or
  bisexual people. Then, I hear all kinds of mean
  and hurtful comments from other people that I
  hang out with. I wonder what all of these people
  would think if I told them that I was a lesbian.
  Would some like me or not like me dependent on
  whether or not I identify myself as a lesbian? I
  dont want to lose any of my friends but are
  they really my friends if they would no longer
  like me solely because I am a lesbian.

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Validation

• What?
• Its okay to feel that way!
• Why?
• Acceptance of feelings
• Affirms feelings arent wrong
• When?
• Guilt
• Conflicted
• I shouldnt feel this way

(a little corny)
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More Validation

• How?
• It makes sense that you feel _______.
• Examples
• From what youve been saying, it makes sense
  that youre angry.
• Weve been talking for awhile about how
  difficult it has been for you to accept your
  fathers drinking problems. It seems very
  understandable that youd feel uncomfortable
  going home for breaks.
• I know this isnt easy to talk about, but you
  did call and that takes courage.

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More Validation

• Remember
• Use only when needed too much use can sound
  minimizing.
• Use with confidence!
• Validate FEELINGS rather than ACTIONS!

Actions
Feelings
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Immediacy

• What?
• Focus on the here and now
• Focus on issue giver
• Why?
• Current feelings

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Immediacy Continued

• How?
• Need these
• Here and now of issue
• Focus on issue giver not others involved
• Use if necessary
• Here and now of counseling session
• Process of session
• Physical behavior
• How the session is going
• You as a counselor

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Demos from you!

• Ayellet Courtney Validation
• David Maxine Immediacy
• Maryam Kate Advanced Empathy
• Danielle Nayla Probes