Theology of the Body

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Theology of the Body

• Lecture 6
• Intimacy

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Intimacy

• Intimacy
• What is the first thing that comes to mind when
  we think about intimacy?
• Physical, emotion, and sexual union.
• Intimacy ? Sex
• It is more than sex
• You can have intimacy without sex
• You can have sex without intimacy
• Intimacy self-revelation (revelation of self)
• Revelation to unveil
• Example Unveiling of Bride at wedding
• To reveal something of yourself that is covered
  by a veil
• Authentic Friendship
• God
• Trinity
• Imagine intimacy between God the Father who
  reveals himself to God the Son in the Person of
  God the Holy Spirit.
• If we desire to understand and experience
  intimacy we must first try to begin to understand
  the intimacy within the Trinity.
• Imitation We must imitate this intimacy.

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What prevents us from intimacy?

• Vulnerability
• We must be willing to share our life, identity,
  story with others.
• We must be willing to listen to others share
  their life, identity, story.
• Judgmental Attitude
• Gods Eyes we need to see each other the way
  God sees us.
• Benefit of the doubt / room to change
• Myself I am different today than I was last
  year, month, even week.
• Others We dont always think it possible for
  others to change.
• Fear
• Risk I know myself, my faults, my limits, my
  anxieties, my fears.
• Fear of being rejected or not loved any more
  prevents us from intimacy.
• Pretending to be the person they want me to be.
• Real Self to experience intimacy we must be
  able to come to the point of saying, this is who
  I truly am - without fear.
• It is not freedom to pretend to be someone we are
  not.
• Do not fear who you are.

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What is necessary to reveal oneself?

• To know oneself
• Solitude self-reflection
• To be at peace with oneself
• Virtue what is good and what needs work
• To give of oneself
• Relationships are a challenge but they are also
  our salvation.
• Community God saves people in bunches

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Seven Levels of Intimacy

• Clichés
• Hey Buddy people we see in every day life.
• Hey you Whats up? How are you doing?
• We have no intention of them actually answering
  the question.
• You are not revealing anything here, nor is the
  other person.
• Facts
• Small Talk you share about factual things that
  happen.
• How was your day yesterday? How about the
  weather? Did you hear?
• Safe Dialogue you both share about something
  you are familiar with.
• It is fine to stay at this level with someone who
  is your acquaintance, but not for an authentic
  friendship or spouse.
• Opinions
• Dangerous you share an opinion that the other
  might not agree with.
• I think that is wrong. It would be best if we
• Vulnerability must put yourself on the line.
  What if they disagree?
• Intimacy
• Is Not you must agree with the other person
  before you can move on / grow.
• Is you must learn how to respond when you
  disagree with your friend.

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Seven Levels of Intimacy

• Hopes and Dreams
• Participation when you share your hopes /
  dreams with another you make them part of it,
  they now participate in your future.
• I would like to travel the world. When I get
  married I want to have children.
• There is a tremendous potential to build intimacy
  here.
• Vulnerability what if the other person does not
  share your dreams?
• Spouse it is imperative that spouses share
  their hopes and dreams.
• Can be a cause of division.
• Feelings
• Personhood to know the reality - how the person
  is feeling in the present moment.
• How do you feel? Why are you so happy? Why are
  you crying?
• Vulnerability we share something that we do not
  always understand or have control over.
• It is what is going on in our heart, our mind,
  our body.
• Men and Women there is a huge difference
  between the way men experience and share feelings
  and the way women do.
• Mistake to think the other person thinks, acts,
  and feels the very same way we do.
• It is one thing to know this and another to act
  on it.

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Different Modes of Feeling

• Women
• Relationship Driven
• Tend to be much more emotional than men.
• Tend to emotionalize.
• Example
• When a woman has a problem she just wants to
  share her emotions with her man.

• Men
• Achievement Driven
• Tend to be much more rational than women.
• Tend to rationalize.
• Example
• When a man hears the womans problem he wants to
  fix it immediately.

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Situation coming home from bad day at work

• Women
• Example
• Wife complaining to husband about her boss doing
  x, y, z.
• Husband responds, well honey, you should do this
  or that, this is a simple problem.
• Wife probably already knows this! She just
  wanted her husband to be there for her.
• Husband should
• Listen to her. Comfort her. Ask what he can do
  to help.
• Problem
• The man is trying to do what he would want her to
  do for him, but she is not a man!

• Men
• Example
• Husband comes home after a hard day of work. He
  doesnt say anything but the wife can sense he is
  troubled because she is very sensitive.
• Wife says, honey come here, we need to talk,
  tell me what is going on.
• Maybe he still needs to process it / doesnt want
  to talk about it. She is trying to fix the
  problem just like the man, just in a different
  manner.
• Wife should
• Give him space. Allow him to process it. Be
  there when he is ready.
• Problem
• The woman is thinking, I would want a
  relationship right now, why doesnt he? She is
  trying to do what she would want him to do for
  her, but he is not a woman!

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Seven Levels of Intimacy

• Faults, Fears, and Failures
• Most Difficult We must humble ourselves and
  reveal our faults.
• I struggle with this. I was wrong. I messed
  up.
• Vulnerability now the other person knows our
  greatest weaknesses.
• Trust it is imperative that spouses share their
  weaknesses.
• Think of when someone has enough confidence in
  you to reveal their faults
• The esteem and appreciation you have for them
  grows.
• When you reveal your faults you are giving a gift
  to the other person.
• You are making yourself known as you really are.
• Legitimate Needs
• Personhood to depend on the other to achieve
  your greatest good.
• I need you to help me with this. I need you to
  hold me accountable for that.
• Vulnerability we depend on the other person for
  their support.
• Not because you are demanding and needy.
• Is you know what you need to be the best
  version of yourself. You are asking the other
  person to help you in this endeavor.
• Fraternal Correction correcting the other for
  their good.
• Not because you find them annoying or because it
  would benefit you in some way.

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Process

• Jesus
• John 1515 I now call you friends because I
  have revealed everything to you.
• Jesus was with the Apostles about 3 years before
  he said this to them.
• He did not reveal everything to the apostles on
  the first day.
• Divine Pedagogy
• Us
• Proper we need to go through this process to
  reach true intimacy.
• Improper to try to go straight to the 5th, 6th,
  or 7th level would be disordered.
• Physical over-affectionate psychologist
• The physical intimacy does not reflect the
  reality of the relationship.
• Emotional over-affectionate date
• The emotional intimacy does not reflect the
  reality of the relationship.
• Projection
• Imagining a future with another person beyond
  reality.

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