Is Our Family Dysfunctional ?

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Is Our Family Dysfunctional ?

• Reflecting on the Biblical
• Wisdom of Proverbs

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Proverbs 11-7 The Message
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• These are the wise sayings of Solomon,
• Davids son, Israels king
• Written down so well know how to live well and
  right,
• To understand what life means and where its
  going
• A manual for living
• For learning whats right and just and fair

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• To teach the inexperienced the ropes and give our
  young people a grasp on reality.
• Theres something here also for seasoned men and
  women,
• Still a thing of two for the experienced to
  learnFresh wisdom to probe and penetrate, the
  rhymes and reasons of wise men and women.

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• Start with GODthe first step in learning is
  bowing down to GOD
• Only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and
  learning.

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EIGHT CHARACTERISTICS OF A DYSFUNTIONAL FAMILY

• Associated Content
• Web content by Sam Zolin (19 years of age!), an
  aspiring medical school student from York, PA.

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• 1. ADDICTION
• 2. CONTROL
• 3. UNPREDICTABILITY AND FEAR
• 4. CONFLICT
• 5. ABUSE
• 6. PERFECTIONISM
• 7. POOR COMMUNICATION
• 8. LACK OF DIVERSITY

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Cascading

• Dysfunctional families also often exhibit a
  cascading, or progressively more complex series
  of unhealthy characteristics.
• Like small falls that may combine to become white
  water, everyday communication patterns have the
  potential for becoming
• hurtful to family relationships.

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Characteristics of Dysfunctional FamiliesPhilip
Ellis, Ph.D. Pine Rest Psychologist

• Belittling, criticizing, or degrading
• Breaking promises
• Disallowing feelings
• Discrediting or minimizing accomplishments,
  feelings or needs
• Keeping family secrets

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Characteristics of Dysfunctional Families

• Experiencing emotional, physical, or sexual abuse
• Inflicting guilt or blame
• Intimidating, threatening, or inflicting fear
• Responding inconsistently
• Shaming and withholding love
• Operating on a should or shouldnt system
  without explanation or rationale

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ProverbsDerek Kidner

• Its (Proverbs) function in Scripture is to put
  godliness into working clothes.

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Healthy Families

• demonstrate an intense passion for teaching
  children to make wise choices.

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Proverbs 21

• My son, if you accept my words        and store
  up my commands within you,
•     indeed, if you call out for insight       
  and cry aloud for understanding,
•     and if you look for it as for silver       
  and search for it as for hidden treasure,
•     then you will understand the fear of the LORD
         and find the knowledge of God.

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Proverbs 43-4

• When I was a boy in my father's house,       
  still tender, and an only child of my mother,
• he taught me and said,        "Lay hold of my
  words with all your heart        keep my
  commands and you will live.

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Proverbs 47

• The beginning of wisdom is this Get wisdom.
• Though it cost you all you have, get
  understanding.

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Healthy Families

• are dependant on the faithful preservation of
  marriage promises.

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Proverbs 514-16

• I have come to the brink of utter ruin        in
  the midst of the whole assembly."
• Drink water from your own cistern,       
  running water from your own well.
• Should your springs overflow in the streets,
         your streams of water in the public
  squares?

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Proverbs 517-18

• Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with
  strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may
  you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
• A loving doe, a graceful deermay her breasts
  satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated
  with her love.

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Proverbs 520-21

• Why, my son, be intoxicated with another mans
  wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?
• For your ways are in full view of the LORD,
• And he examines all your paths.

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Proverbs 625-29

• Do not lust in your heart after her beauty
         or let her captivate you with her eyes,
• for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of
  bread,        and the adulteress preys upon your
  very life.
• Can a man scoop fire into his lap       
  without his clothes being burned?
• Can a man walk on hot coals        without his
  feet being scorched?
• So is he who sleeps with another man's wife
         no one who touches her will go
  unpunished.

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Healthy Families

• insist on childrens respect for parents

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Proverbs 1926

• He who robs his father and drives out his mother
  is a son who brings shame and disgrace.

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Proverbs 2020

• If a man curses his father or mother, his lamp
  will be snuffed out in pitch darkness.

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Proverbs 226

• Start children off on the way they should go, and
  even when the are old they will not turn from it.

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Healthy Families

• expend time and energy for necessary discipline.

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Proverbs 1324

• He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who
  loves him is careful to discipline him

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Proverbs 2917

• Discipline your children, and they will give you
  peace they will bring you the delights you
  desire.

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Healthy Families

• model integrity

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Proverbs 109

• The man of integrity walks securely, but he who
  takes crooked paths will be found out.

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Proverbs 111

• The LORD abhors dishonest scales, but accurate
  weights are his delight.

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Healthy Families

• safeguard against explosions of anger.

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Proverbs 1416
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Proverbs 1518

• The hot-tempered stir up dissension, but those
  who are patient calm a quarrel.

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Proverbs 151

• A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh
  word stirs up anger.

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Healthy Families

• seek ways to show compassion to the poor and
  needy.

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Proverbs 1431

• Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for
  their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy
  honors God.

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Healthy Families

• practice infinite encouragement.

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Proverbs 2511

• A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in
  settings of silver.

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Proverbs 154

• The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life,
  but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit

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Healthy Families

• ...are discerning about friendships.

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Proverbs 1226

• A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but
  the way of the wicked leads them astray.

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Proverbs 2717

• As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens
  another.

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Healthy Families

• face addictions honestly.

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Proverbs 201

• Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler whoever is
  led astray by them is not wise.

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Proverbs 2329

• Who has woe? Who has sorrow?        Who has
  strife? Who has complaints?        Who has
  needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes?
• Those who linger over wine, who go to sample
  bowls of mixed wine.

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Healthy Families

• know the right response to relational wrongs.

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Proverbs 1012

• Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all
  wrongs.

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Healthy Familiesabove all

• depend on humbly guarded hearts.

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Proverbs 162

• People may think all their ways are pure, but
  motives are weighed by the Lord.

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Proverbs 1618

• Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit
  before a fall.

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Proverbs 423

• Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the
  wellspring of life.