Family Life Certification

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Family Life Certification

• Module 3
• The Family as a System

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Biblical Model of the Church Family

• Eph 411-13
• It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to
  be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to
  be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people
  for works of service, so that the body of Christ
  may be built up until we all reach unity in the
  faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and
  become mature, attaining to the whole measure of
  the fullness of Christ. NIV

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Biblical Model of Family

• Eph 415-16
• Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in
  all things grow up into him who is the Head, that
  is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined
  and held together by every supporting ligament,
  grows and builds itself up in love, as each part
  does its work. NIV

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The Linear Model of Family Relationships
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The Linear Model of Family Relationships

• Highly focused on individual roles
• Optimal when everyone submits and follows without
  questioning
• Father usually dictates the direction for
  everyone.
• Change only occurs when father sees the need for
  change.

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The Linear Model of Family Relationships

• Natural outcomes
• Frustration, blaming and faultfinding from those
  lower in the hierarchy toward those at the upper
  levels
• Lower members resort to manipulation, nagging and
  other behaviors to get attention and to assert
  their influence.

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The Systems Model
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Family as a System

• Each person is a part of a larger system but each
  is a complex system of systems and is influenced
  from below as well as above.

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Homeostasis (Balance)

• Systems seek stability, equilibrium, a resting
  state.
• Homeostasis is the internal interactional process
  that helps maintain family balance whenever that
  balance is disrupted.
• When anxiety levels increase, family members
  attempt first aid, seek to comfort the injured
  and provide reassurance to each other.
• Homeostasis is sought even when behavior or
  events deviate from acceptable norms

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Homeostasis (Balance)The Positive Side

• Homeostasis helps families maintain a steady
  state in the presence of significant internal and
  external pressures and function effectively in
  stressful situations. (Blevins, 1993, p. 27)
• Stable families bring stability to the church and
  to the community

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Homeostasis (Balance)The Downside

• Families may go to great lengths to cover up any
  unsettledness and deny any need for adjustment
  because the system is not willing to change
• Families can maintain homeostasis but be in a
  very dysfunctional state
• Managing to cope
• Hurting inside
• Dont enjoy optimal emotional, social or
  spiritual health.
• Homeostasis healthy family functioning

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Challenges to Family Ministries

• Most families do not seek to disturb the status
  quo
• It is the work of family ministries to stir
  things up so people will wake up to the need for
  change in order to live the abundant life
  promised in the Bible.

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Family Subsystems
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Boundaries Differentiation
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Boundaries
Semi-permeable
Impermeable
Permeable
Togetherness
Individuality
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Types of Boundaries

• Permeable
• Open
• Diffuse
• Semipermeable
• Flexible
• Porous
• Impermeable
• Closed
• Rigid

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Boundaries
Semi-permeable
Impermeable
Permeable
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Triangulation
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Advice Against Triangulation

• Matthew 1815
• Go and tell him his fault between you and him
  alone.

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Some System Roles

• Caretakers
• Takes care of everything from meals to listening,
  peacemaking
• Often taken for granted
• Assume responsibilities for others to the neglect
  of their own emotional needs
• Feel guilty if they are doing something
• for themselves
• Over time, they experience frustration,
• fatigue and chronic anger

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Some System Roles

• Hero
• People pleaser and overachiever
• Ensures that the family looks good
• Feels good only when they live up to others
  expectations
• Neglect their own needs and ambitions in order to
  give
• Feel guilty and depressed when they fail at some
  task

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Some System Roles

• Mascots
• The family clown
• Seeks to mask pain by joking and entertaining
• Have difficulty expressing their own feelings
• Anger and unhappiness is masked with humor
• Often the center of attention but incapable of
  asking for help to meet personal needs

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Some System Roles

• The Scapegoat
• Takes the blame for system breakdowns
• Suffer from personal worthlessness
• Carries a profound sense of guilt and shame
• Vulnerable to substance abuse, compulsions
• Usually anti-social

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Some System Roles

• The Lost Child
• Copes by avoidance
• Withdraws from crisis and shuts down emotionally
• As children, they are quiet, mild-mannered and
  inconspicuous
• As adults, they may be isolated and unattached
• Hesitates to express emotions or disagree with
  others

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Implications for Family Ministries

• Understanding the family as a system helps us to
  understand people and their behaviors
• Helps us to realize that in family ministries,
  the primary target is the entire family with its
  complex relationships
• Points to the need for programs that engages the
  family as a whole or at least addresses its
  subsystems
• Systems thinking helps us to understand the role
  of affirmation, to help families build on their
  strengths as they recognize their resistance to
  change and growth

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Implications for Family Ministries

• Leads us to resources that can be helpful to
  families in coping with crisis and change
• Helps us to realize the strength and benefits
  found in the family system as opposed to emphasis
  on individualism
• Wakes us up to a re-emphasis on the family as the
  basis system within which individuals can grow
• Helps us to see the larger picture of an
  individual in a system
• Helps us to appreciate the benefits and blessings
  of the family system as the primary setting for
  living

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References Bibliography

• Taken from NAD Curriculum for Family Life
  Certification, 2005 references on pp 56, 57