Childrens grief

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Childrens grief

• Cay Camden
• Senior Social Worker
• Bereavement Program Coordinator
• The Childrens Hospital at Westmead
• Primary School Counsellor/ North Shore Cluster

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3 Questions

• What does a child need to know?
• What does a child want to know?
• What can a child understand?

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Talking to Children about Death

• Developmental Perspectives
• Other factors beyond age
• Childrens views on death
• Our language and responses
• What worries children most?
• Protecting behaviour
• How can parents help
• Light bulbs for all of us caring for children

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Developmental Lines

• 2-4 years
• Between 4-7 years
• Around 7-10
• Adolescence

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Other factors

• Emotional level of understanding
• Cognitive level of understanding
• Verbal ability
• Experiences
• Religious beliefs
• Cultural background

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Childrens views on death

• Research shows..
• How do children express themselves
• So how do we talk to children about death?

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A Childs worries about their parents

• My parents seem different
• Will mum and dad be able to handle it?

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Protecting parents

• They may try to help more
• May try to not cause more pain
• May not share feelings
• May just keep quiet!

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Parents can help

• Play
• Use creativity
• Music
• Storytelling/reading
• Writing
• Creative expression

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Light bulbs

• Listen
• Cues
• They know
• Children change
• Floating
• Safety and security
• Protect
• Denial or mutual pretence serves both the child
  and parent during the course of the illness

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Light bulbs

• Trigger points
• Fishing
• Confirm what they say and ask
• Use age-appropriate terminology
• Reactions are also age-appropriate
• Respond
• What do they understand
• The childs needs are not our needs

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Strategies for parents

• Plan ahead
• Trust yourself
• Express yourself
• Find yourself
• Link up
• Express alternative ways
• Keep an open mind
• Learn to laugh again, its ok

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References

• Andrews Funeral Services 2005
• Bluebond-Langner, Myra 2005
• Griefworks BC. Children, Teens and Grief, 2004
• Zagdanski, Doris Now That the Funeral is Over,
  2001