Renewal: The Positive Resolution my Grief Journey

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Renewal The Positive Resolution my Grief Journey

• Finding meaning in Luijoes Death
• How I started The Compassionate Friends A
  Powerpoint presentation
• for the Purpose Drive Life Seminar Closing
  Activity, December 18, 2005

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My spunky 6 year old Luijoe and I had this
conversation during the Holy Week of 2000...

• Luijoe How could Jesus be alive again?
• Me He rose from the dead and on the third day
  went to heaven.
• LuijoeIf I die mama, will I be alive again ?
• Me When we die, Lui, we will live forever,
  through eternal life in heaven.

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The next day he was jumping in bed, arms wide in
exuberance.

• Luijoe When I die, I will be alive again!
• Me Yes, baby, you will live forever, but not on
  Earth . I wont see you anymore but you will have
  eternal life with God .

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.
That night while we had our usual prayers before
bedtime, he got his prayer book.

• Luijoe who is that man (pointing to the man
  beside Mother Mary)
• Me Thats St. John the Apostle
• Luijoe What is he doing?
• Me Jesus told John to take care and comfort his
  mother when he dies.

Taken from Luijoes prayer book
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Luijoe was so touched with St. Johns compassion
that he asked about him every night just before
our trip to Cebu. We also read Footprints
together and promised that we would play
footprints in the beach.
Taken from Luijoes prayer book
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Playing footprints in the sand was the last fun
activity Luijoe and I did at the beach on a
brilliant day of May 27, 2000 . That was the last
time I saw him alive.
an hour before he died. He died around 230 pm.
This was the last time I saw Luijoe alive.
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Luijoe, my beautiful and prayerful son died of
accidental drowning at the swimming pool of a
beach resort in Cebu. My world fell apart. I
felt like the earth just swallowed me up into a
deep hole. No words can describe the
excruciating pain I felt that day . Its not
the natural order of things to lose a child,
Your children are supposed to outlive you.
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Why had I not seen our conversation as a sign
that something devastating was about to happen?
Distraught and heart-broken, I became bitter and
questioned God.

• Why me? Why our family? Why Luijoe?
• Why did you take Luijoe instead of me?
• Why? Why? Why?

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I created a memorial website http//angel-luijoe.n
et soon after his burial so as to unleash my
grief into something creative. In the website, I
offered grief support and resources to bereaved
parents.
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• For the next four years, I hovered between
  acceptance and resentment over his death. I
  isolated myself from friends and relatives
  because I felt that they could never understand
  the pain that cut my heart in half. Perhaps
  well-meaning friends or relatives wanted to
  comfort me, but their words made my insides twist
  in knots. "It is God will." "You will get over
  it." "It was not meant to be."

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I couldnt just accept it as Gods will. I was
seeking for answers.

• On January 2004, I had an angiogram. I was
  suspected to have some blocked artery based on
  two stress tests. It was negative. I was
  surprised. My mind was already set for
  angioplasty.
• My sister gave me the Purpose Driven Life book
  and wrote How can a heart heal and be free of
  ills if not through Gods will?
• And since then, I have been asking myself What
  is the purpose of my life? Why did Luijoe have to
  die before me?

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Sometime October 2005, Daisy Mendoza , co-parent
council member of Ateneo handed out the
Purpose Driven Life Seminar brochure during our
board meeting. The seminar revealed itself to
me

• November 4 (Made to Last Forever)- Although I
  knew my son was in heaven, it didnt really mean
  anything to me. But after reading, This life is
  in preparation for the next, I became more
  convinced that there is eternal life. Luijoe
  was able to see it coming just before his death.
• November 25 (Transformed by Trouble)-
  Everything that happens to you has spiritual
  significance . Through my sons memorial
  website, a newly bereaved mother whose daughter
  also died of drowning emailed me on how I lived
  through all these years. Through text and email,
  I shared my experiences and how I coped. (I met
  up with her in Cebu to listen to her grief.) Was
  comforting bereaved families my ministry?, I
  reflected.
• November 27 Then a realization just hit me.
  Should I start a grief support group? I emailed
  The Compassionate Friends International Council
  if I could start a chapter in the Philippines. I
  had emailed them in 2000 but they emailed back
  that they didnt have international support.

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The Compassionate Friends (TCF)

• Founded in England in 1969 by 2 bereaved parents,
  TCF was established in the United States in 1972
  and there are now chapters in every state-
  almost 600 altogether. TCF operates as separate
  entities in nearly 30 countries around the world.
  
• An international self-help, mutual assistance
  organization offering friendship and
  understanding to bereaved parents and their
  familieswho have experienced the death of a
  child at any age, from any cause.  
• The mission of The Compassionate Friends (TCF) is
  to assist families toward the positive resolution
  of grief following the death of a child of any
  age and to provide information to help others be
  supportive.

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A thought entered my mind Starting The
Compassionate Friends in the Philippines would
ensure continuity of grief support to bereaved
families for many years to come.

• November 30- The Compassionate Friends
  International Council gave the information and
  support materials on starting a chapter. They
  added that I needed to have 3 bereaved families
  to start the chapter.
• That night I created The Compassionate Friends
  Philippines website
• http//compassionatefriends.info
• After making the website, I was wondering now
  who could be the 2 or 3 other co-founders? I
  prayed God, please lead me to my co-founders

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On December 1, 2005, The Compassionate Friends
Philippines is launched.

• I thought of contacting Cathy Babao-Guballa,
  founder of Migis Corner and columnist. I surfed
  for her email address in an article she wrote for
  The Inquirer. She doesnt know me, I thought.
  Setting my fears aside, I invited her as one of
  the co-founders.
• To my pleasant surprise, she emailed me that same
  night that she would join and even invited Alma
  Miclat, of Maningnings Foundation.
• The next day December 1, I formally invited Alma
  Miclat and mutual friend, Pia Cayetano of
  Gabriels Symphony and both were very
  enthusiastic to join.

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Everything was happening so fast. We met for the
first time on December 9 to plan on our First
Chapter meeting our special events and activities.

• The first chapter meeting was on December 17. Our
  topic was Coping with the Holidays because the
  Christmas holidays is usually a depressing season
  for newly bereaved parents.
• Each one should use whatever gift he has
  received to serve others 1 Peter 410

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How God SHAPED me for my ministry

• S Luijoe is a spiritual gift sent to our
  family in the form of an angel, a messenger of
  God. I needed to discover the meaning of the
  pre-death signs before Luijoes death and his
  death itself. Aside from validating the good news
  of Eternal Life, St. John symbolized
  compassion and in turn, I felt I needed to pass
  this comfort to newly bereaved family members.
• H Passion to help others . My father
  influenced me early in life to be of service to
  the community. I just had to search a particular
  service suited for me.
• A Abilities and interest are in the field of
  Research , Business management, Web design and
  Information Technology.
• P Basically, an introvert , not much of a
  speaker but an organizer. The other co-founders
  of my ministry compensate for my shortcomings.
• E Being comforted during my grieving
  journey. He comforts us in all our troubles so
  that we can comfort others. When others are
  troubled, we will be able to give them the same
  comfort God has given us

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Your greatest ministry will most likely come out
of your greatest hurt

• The Compassionate Friends Philippines
• In memory of my angel, Jose Luis Luijoe
  Dado. As long as I live and love, the pain and
  grief will always be there. But that pain has now
  transformed into a positive resolution.
• We are healed to help others. We are blessed to
  be a blessing. We are saved to serve, not to sit
  around and wait for heaven