Relational Aggression

1
Relational Aggression

• What is it?
• Is behavior that is intended to harm someone by
  damaging or manipulating his or her relationships
  with others (Crick and Grotpeter, 1995)?

2
What does it look like?

• Exclusion
• Malicious gossip and rumor spreading
• Taunting and name calling
• Alliance building
• Covert physical aggression
• Cyber-bullying
• Three way calling
• All the above aim to promote cruelty through the
  social networks.

3
What motivates relational aggression?

• Belonging- If I share the secret she told me
  with you , my information can get me 'in' with
  the popular group.
• Fear- I'm afraid of being rejected by my
  classmates, or that I'll be the next target, so I
  go along with it.
• Drama- I'm bored, and relational aggression
  creates drama and excitement.

4
Girl bullies don't leave black eyes, just agony!

• What 's She like?
• Typically, there are 3 groups of girls
• The Aggressors
• The Victims
• Girls in the Middle

5
The aggressors

• Often called
• the Queen Bees,
• the RMG's (Really Mean Girls) or the alpha girls
• Characteristics
• They are false. They are overconfident. They're
  loud.
• Manipulatively affectionate
• Skinny, pretty, and seemingly perfect
• Well liked by adults- Eddie Haskell
• Does well in school
• Controlling

6
The Victims

• Passive Victims
• Walk with their heads down
• Usually quiet
• Usually terrified
• Alone
• Anxiety ridden
• Provocative Victims
• Reactive
• Fight back
• Attention seek

7
Girls in the Middle

• The pivotal and largest group!
• They may be the victims or aggressors, often
  choosing to be bullies because the alternative is
  too devastating.
• They don't know the power they have be it /- .

8
What are the effects of relational aggression?

• Headaches
• Stomachaches
• Fatigue
• Trouble sleeping
• Loss of appetite
• Unexplained crying
• Drop in grades
• Anger
• Self injury
• Substance abuse
• absenteeism/truancy

9
What can parents do about it?

• Don't minimize your child's pain. Empathize and
  keep the conversations going
• Challenge your child. Acknowledge the
  pervasiveness of gossip
• If you are a parent or guardian of victim,
  encourage documentation (RA journal)
• Acknowledge that there are always two sides to a
  story! Yes, your daughter may be bullying back.
• Encourage them to effect change
• Be a good role model
• Different activities different social circles
• Talking to other parents

10
What not to do!

• Do not intervene on behalf of pre-teen unless
  absolutely necessary.
• Do not minimize the anguish.
• Do not assume their perspective is the whole
  story.
• Do not stop asking questions when their body
  language such as eye rolling occurs. Keep trying
  but be less direct.
• Be aware of your own experiences painful
  memories-it will interfere with your wisdom and
  will contribute to overreacting.
• Don't confront the bullies parents.

11
Cyber-bullying

• Using the internet or other mobile devices to
  send to post harmful or cruel text or images to
  bully others.
• -Nancy Willard, Director, Center for Safe and
  Responsible Internet Use
• Kowalski (2005) conducted a study involving 6th,
  7th, and 8th graders. He reported that Instant
  Messaging was the most common form of
  cyberbullying by children/adolescents in grades
  6-8. Kowlaski also reported that girls are about
  twice as likely to be the victims and the
  perpetrators of cyber-bullying.

12
The most common forms

• Instant messaging
• Chat rooms or discussion groups
• Web pages
• Web blogs
• E-mails
• Text or digital imaging messages

13
What can we do?

• Notify school counselor or outside counselor to
  help victim process their feelings.
• Immediately contact law enforcement if the
• cyber-bullying involves any of the following
• Threats of violence
• Extortion
• Obscene or harassing phone calls or text messages
• Harassment, stalking, or hate crimes
• Child pornography

14
Kirsten Donohue- Dean of Students

• St. Anthony Middle School's Procedure for dealing
  with Bullying, Harassment, and Relational
  Aggression

15

• Resources

16
Acknowledgments

• Many thanks to Shelley Freeman for her dedication
  and devotion to this district for the past 37
  years. Her own research and proactive programs
  are invaluable to our students and their
  families. She has had a profound impact on many
  student's lives.
• Many facts and figures for this presentation were
  taken from the Ophelia Project.