What Every Parent Has to Know

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What Every ParentHas to Know

• By Mdm Masamah Ruah
• Full-time School Counsellor
• CHIJ St. Theresas Convent

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Erik Eriksons theory

• in complex society, teenagers experience an
  identity crisis a temporary period of confusion
  and distress as they experiment with alternatives
  before settling on values and goals. Adolescents
  who go through a process of inner soul-searching
  eventually arrive at a mature identity.

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Psychologist Anna Freud

• Adolescents are excessively egoistic,
  regarding themselves as the centre of the
  universe and the sole object of interest, and yet
  at no time in later life are they capable of so
  much self-sacrifice and devotion.

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Physical Growth

• Different parts of the body
• grow at different rates
• Different parts of the brain
• mature at different rates
• Likely to become aware of
• sexual orientation.

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Cognitive Growth

• Capable of formal operational
• reasoning
• Better at coordinating theory
• with evidence
• Can argue more effectively
• More self-conscious/self-
• focused
• More critical

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Social Growth

• Spends less time with parents
• and siblings
• Spends more time with peers
• Friendships are based on
• intimacy and loyalty. Cliques with
• similar values etc come together.
• Conformity to peer pressure
• increases

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Emotional Growth

• Moodiness parent-child conflict
• increase
• Highly aware of sexual feelings
• and responses

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Moral Growth

• Idealistic
• Seeks justice and fairness
• Starts questioning

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Questions Parents ask

• Why does my teenager listen to friends more than
  me?
• Who is vulnerable to negative peer pressure?
• What is my teenager refuses
• to heed my advice and continues to mix with
  the wrong company?
• I have tried everything, but nothing works.
  What should I do?

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Why does my teenager listen to friends more than
me?

• To form an identity
• - allows her to form her
• own ideas of life.
• - learn decision making
• skills
• - take personal
• responsibility

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Why does my teenager listen to friends more than
me?

• Peer groups offer
• emotional support
• - learning to live a life
• independent of her
• parents
• - seek out people who
• share her growing pains

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What if my teenageris rebellious?

• Avoid using aggressive and
• confrontational styles of
• discipline. Better be reasonable
• and willing to negotiate limits.
• Involve adolescents when rules
• are set in advance. This helps
• make the rules more acceptable
• to them

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What if my teenageris rebellious?

• When voicing disapproval, focus
• on the disapproved behaviour
• instead of attacking the
• adolescents personally.
• Phrase instructions positively,
• tell adolescents what can be done
• instead of what cannot be done.

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What if my teenageris rebellious?

• Talk to adolescents privately.
• Do not ever humiliate them in
• front of their siblings or friends.
• Do not be drawn into arguments.
• Discuss issues, but do walk away
• when discussions become
• heated. (Remember that they
• tend to be idealistic lack in
• experience in life)

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Frank A. Clarke

• Criticisms, like rain,
• should be gentle enough
• to nourish
• a childs growth
• without destroying
• his roots.

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Who is vulnerable to negativepeer pressure?

• Thinks poorly of herself
• Is not confident of herself
• Hangs around with gang
• Lacks positive values
• Is not doing well in studies
• Is losing interest in school

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Who is vulnerable to negativepeer pressure?

• Has failing relationships
• Has few friends
• Lacks supervision at home
• Is not close to key adults
• like parents
• Lacks a sense of purpose in life

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What can I do (as parents) to build a
strongfoundation in my teen to help her
resistnegative peer pressure?

• Instil right values from
• young.
• Build up her self-esteem
• - praise her strength
• - acknowledge her efforts
• - disapprove any
• misbehaviour instead of the
• person.

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Ten tips for building the self-esteem of your
teenager.

• Accept your teen as she
• is recognise and appreciate her abilities
• and talents
• Focus on her strengths.
• Create opportunities
• for her to pursue her interest develop her
  
• potential.

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Ten tips for building the self-esteem of your
teenager.

• 3. Show your trust and
• confidence in her.
• (Avoid comparing)
• Allow alternatives where
• reasonable give her
• chance to make decisions.

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Ten tips for building the self-esteem of your
teenager.

• Enhance self-acceptance by showing
• your acceptance.
• Dont overprotect your
• teen. Refrain from
• rushing to her rescue
• in every difficult
• situation.

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Ten tips for building the self-esteem of your
teenager.

• Avoid judging show
• appreciation of her effort
• regardless of the outcome.
• Be reasonable in your
• demands, be realistic
• in your expectations.

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Ten tips for building the self-esteem of your
teenager.

• Create opportunities
• for your teens to
• experience success
• Avoid extremes in
• control and love

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What can I do (as parents) to build a
strongfoundation in my teen to help her
resistnegative peer pressure?

• Build a trusting relationship with her.
• (Instead of nagging about her past mistakes,
  listen
• and talk to her.)
• Open channel of
• communication.

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What can I do (as parents) to build a
strongfoundation in my teen to help her
resistnegative peer pressure?

• Train your child to make decisions
• and solve her problems-
• - Examine the problem
• - Make her aware of her personal
• feelings
• - List out various solutions to the problem
• - Consider the pros and cons of various
• solutions
• - Choose the best solution.

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What can I do (as parents) to build a
strongfoundation in my teen to help her
resistnegative peer pressure?

• Provide strong influence
• and help them make choices on how to spend
  time out-of-school time.
• Encourage them to register for educational
  extracurricular programmes

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What can I do (as parents) to build a
strongfoundation in my teen to help her
resistnegative peer pressure?

• Develop habits within household that provide
  intellectual stimulation.
• Make reading an integral part of your home life.

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What can I do (as parents) to build a
strongfoundation in my teen to help her
resistnegative peer pressure?

• Harvard Family Research Project
• parents who had negative childhood
  experiences at school are less likely to get
  involved in their childrens academic progress,
  may feel uncomfortable contacting teachers.

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What can I do (as parents) to build a
strongfoundation in my teen to help her
resistnegative peer pressure?

• Attend parent-teacher conferences.
• Get to know your daughters teachers better.
• Volunteer for after-school activities.
• Join the parents support
• group.

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William Glasser -psychologist

• 7 connecting habits
• Caring
• Trusting
• Listening
• Supporting
• Negotiating
• Befriending
• Encouraging

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William Glasser

• 7 deadly habits
• Criticizing
• Blaming
• Complaining
• Nagging
• Threatening
• Punishing
• Rewarding to control

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How parents can help teens tosucceed in school?

• Nurture a positive attitude towards
• learning
• - provide a stimulating, supportive
• home environment.
• - encourage, challenge her to excel
• - identify your teens potentials and
• allow her opportunities to develop
• her interests.
• - foster positive attitude towards
• failure.

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Lou Holtz

• Ability is what you are
• capable of doing.
• Motivation determines what you do.
• Attitude determines how well you do it.

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Where to get HELP?

• Counselling service offered
• in school -
• Full-time School Counsellor
• Mdm Mas (64775789)
• External School Counsellor
• (Step-Up programme)
• - Family Service Centres

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prayer

• GOD, grant me the serenity
• To accept the things
• I cannot change.
• Courage to change the
• Things I can, and the
• Wisdom to know the
• difference.
• Reinhold Neibuhr, 1926

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Seek first to understandthen to
beunderstood.Stephen Covey

• Thank you and
• May God bless you.