Letter to Kim (Suicide is not the Answer)

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Letter to Kim (Suicide is not the Answer)
To my client as well and my friend, Kim
Dieska, I never criticized you Kim. And you know
I could have. After your house fire, you signed
that stupid contract with that restoration
contractor that gave ALL of your insurance
proceeds to him and left you nothing. Many people
make that mistake signing agreements with
contractors after their fire and when they are
under duress. But you also got yourself in
trouble with the I.R.S., violating your own rules
as a certified financial planer with a good
education. I never criticized that either.
When your insurance claim went down hill, you
came to me. I went outside that awful
contractors agreement to get you money from your
insurer. Thank God that your contractor hadnt
duped you into signing a release which would
prevent me from getting you more money. We found
coverage for things in your policy that had
fallen through the cracks or for what the
contractor did not know existed. It is
outrageous that the contractor you retained would
get you to pay a fee to prepare an inventory
when Brown OHaver would do that as part of our
services, for half the price. My wife, Rae Beth
and my assistant, Kelly worked hard on your
personal property claim and there are two checks
in the office for you right now. I know these
checks are not enough to pay off that credit card
debt you accumulated
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trying to keep your life together after your fire
and I lament what would have happened if only I
could have been involved in your claim earlier. I
could have helped so much. Our relationship was
much than one of public adjuster helping an
insured with an insurance claim. When the
contractor did not pay one of his sub contractors
and they came after you, I wrote a dozen letters
to the insurer with a theory as to why they
should pay even after the contractor took your
policy limits. Your insurance company eventually
coughed up more money and I was joyful but you
were not because there was still a balance the
contractor wanted paid. I lined up an attorney
to sue your insurer because your insurance
company had given the power of adjustment to
your contractor. I lined up a second contractor
to prepare a checklist of what your contractor
did not finish so as to help your attorney make
your case. Unfortunately your case wont go
forward now. It cant. I know, trauma from your
fire never goes away completely. It aligns itself
to other trauma in your life. I tried to help in
those areas, too. While working on your claim, I
helped you with someone to assist you with your
taxes. I lined up a mechanic to fix your car and
eventually offered you an older car that I own
for you to drive. You told me that I was the
best friend you had. You praised me because,
unlike others you said, I never tried to take
advantage of you. We spent hours on the phone
and you told me secrets that a person would only
share with a trusted friend. We talked about my
orchard. We talked about your ex-marriage. We
talked about Christmas. We talked about your
health and how you were losing weight and the
reasons why. Some of the secrets you shared with
me were very personal and touched my heart. I
felt a kinship with you. But there were troubling
things you told me as well like giving me the
power to your liquidate your estate which
prompted me to contact mental health authorities.
Two of my daughters helped you with this. In
all, I honored our friendship and respected
you. Its been three days since your brothers
widow called me to tell me that you had taken
your own life. I am still upset. I have had
difficulty sleeping. Its true I never criticized
you and yet, maybe criticizing you now will make
the pain go away. Instead of criticizing you I
have been criticizing myself. Could I have been a
better friend? Could I have done more? What does
it feel like to want to die? I saw value in your
life, why couldnt I share that value with you?
How am I going to finish your claim without you?
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Your suicide made your pain go away but what
about me? Why did you do this? I wish everyone
who has made suicide an option would consider how
devastated those left behind feel. I miss you,
Kim. May God be with you. May you find the peace
that you were searching for. May you find people
in heaven you can trust. May you be comforted.
May you realize how you have touched others.