Relational Leadership

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Relational Leadership
Leadership Development Institute Cleveland,
TN April 19-23, 2005
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Relational Leadership
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Mark 10 42-43

• You know that those who are regarded as rulers of
  the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high
  officials exercise authority over them. Not so
  among you. . . .

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Relational Leadership
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Relational Leadership Is

• Servanthood
• Teamwork
• Caregiving
• Mutual transparency
• Personal growth

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Relational Leadership Isnt. . .

• Power
• Prestige
• Prosperity
• Personal charisma

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Session One

• Establishes the need for relational leadership
  and defines it.

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Session Two

• Champions the need for leaders to have the
  identity of a servant.

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Session Three

• Defines servanthood in terms of being with
  those we serve prior to sending them out.

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Session Four

• Advocates that leaders adopt as their top
  priority building a caring, connected team.

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Session Five

• Identifies and helps leaders to begin resolving
  three specific hindrances to relational
  leadership

not seeing ourselves as we really are,
not prioritizing love to our near ones.
not knowing the real God,
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Session Six

• Tackles the critical process of relationally
  discerning God-centered vision within the context
  of a caring, connected team.

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Session Seven

• Addresses three important issues for implementing
  relational leadership
• unity
• love
• witness

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Session Eight

• Addresses the important need for everyone to be
  committed to personal, relational, and ministry
  growth.

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Key Questions

• When you think of leadership, what comes to mind?

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Key Questions

• What do you associate with leadership as you have
  typically seen it practiced?

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Key Questions

• How would you describe your own concept of
  effective Christian leadership?

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Key Questions

• What do you sense may be needed in Christian
  leadership today?

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Relational Leadership
The Need for Relational Leadership
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Crisis In Identity
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The Church in Acts. . .

• Had a reputation of unity.
• Shared with those in need.
• Spoke the word with boldness.
• Were of one heart and mind.

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As a result . . .

• Others took note that they had been with Jesus.
• The people held them in high esteem.

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Crises in Church Leadership
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Crises in Church Leadership

• Crises in the lives of many leaders themselves

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Crises in the Lives of Leaders

• Moral and Ethical Failures

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Crises in the Lives of Leaders

• Drivenness
• Workaholism
• Burnout

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Crises in the Lives of Leaders

• Toll of Ministry on the Family

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Crises in the Lives of Leaders

• Feeling of Being Poorly Prepared

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Crises in the Lives of Leaders

• Few Close Friends

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Strongest Attributes of Christian Leaders

• Sensitivity to Sin
• Morality
• Godly Demeanor
• Faith Maturity

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Mid-level Attributes of Christian Leaders

• Using Appropriate Speech
• Having Controlled Temper
• Teaching Ability

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Weakest Attributes of Christian Leaders

• Possessing a Loving Heart
• Modeling Servanthood
• Having Godly Wisdom

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Problems Associated with Servanthood

• No sense of responsibility to the needy
• Unwillingness to sacrifice for the good of others

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Problems Associated with Having a Loving Heart

• Unwillingness to go out of their way to help
  disadvantaged
• Fear of potential for suffering or personal
  disadvantage

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Problems Associated with Godly Wisdom

• Reliance on personal ability
• Trying to balance spiritual and worldly wisdom
• Inconsistently listening to God

Source Barna Report, January 13, 2003.
www.barna.org
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Pastors and Ministries in America

• Every month in the United States, approximately
  1,500 pastors leave the ministry.

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Pastors and Ministries in America

• 80 of American pastors believe ministry is
  negatively affecting their families.

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Pastors and Ministries in America

• 70 of pastors in America do not feel they have a
  close friend.

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Pastors and Ministries in America

• 40 of pastors say they have a serious conflict
  with a church member at least once a month.

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Pastors and Ministries in America

• 80 of pastors say the number one problem they
  face is isolation.

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Pastors and Ministries in America

• More than 90 of American churches are either
  plateaued or declining.

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Pastors and Ministries in America

• Approximately 4,000 churches in America will
  close this year.

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Crises in Church Leadership

• Crisis in our approaches to leadership

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Approaches to Leadership

• CEO model
• Classic management model
• Management by committee
• Management by imitation

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Crises in Church Leadership

• Crisis in leadership results

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• People today are more devoted to seeking
  spiritual enlightenment than at any previous time
  during the twentieth century.

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• Yet, at this moment of opportunity, Christianity
  is having less impact on peoples perspectives
  and behaviors than ever.

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• Why is that? Because a growing majority of people
  have dismissed the Christian faith as weak,
  outdated, and irrelevant.

George Barna
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The Need for Restored Identity
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John 13 34-35

• A new command I give to you Love one another. As
  I have loved you, so you must love one another.
  By this will all men know that you are my
  disciples, if you love one another.

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In John 13

• Jesus gives them a purpose
• Love one another

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In John 13

• Jesus affirms their identity
• You are the ones who have been loved by me

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In John 13

• Jesus offers His vision for them
• The world will know youre my disciples by your
  love

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Results of the Loss of Identity

• The church has largely fallen into dysfunction
  and irrelevance.

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Results of the Loss of Identity

• The lives and ministries of Christian leaders
  have been ravaged by their attempts to be
  successful.

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Results of the Loss of Identity

• The world has often been unable to see we are His
  disciples, because we have not always loved very
  well.

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Relational Leadership

• Serving others to build a caring and connected
  team, which accomplishes significant and lasting
  objectives, as all are sacrificially committed to
  growth in love.

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Four Components

• A person
• A team
• A vision
• A commitment to, and plan for, growth

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Our Identity as Servants
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• As relational leaders, we are called by God to
  serve.

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Luke 22

• Taking bread, he thanked God for it, broke it
  into pieces, and gave it to the disciples,
  saying, This is my body, given for you. Eat it
  in my memory.

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Luke 22

• He did the same with the cup of wine after
  supper, saying, This wine is the new covenant
  written in my blood, blood poured out for you. .
  . .

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Luke 22

• Within minutes they were bickering over who of
  them would end up greatest in the Kingdom. But
  Jesus intervened and told them

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Luke 22

• Kings like to throw their weight around and
  people in authority like to give themselves fancy
  titles.

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Luke 22

• But its not going to be that way with you. Let
  the senior among you become like the junior let
  the leader act the part of the servant.

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Luke 22

• Normally the master sits at the table and is
  served by his servants. But not here! For Ive
  taken my place among you as the one who serves.

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Consequences of Striving to Become a Leader
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Consequences of Striving to Become a Leader

• Pride
• Defensiveness
• Ungratefulness

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Deuteronomy 817-18

• You may say to yourself, My power and the
  strength of my hands have produced this wealth.
  But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who
  gives you the ability to produce wealth.

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Characteristics of Servant Leaders

• Humility

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Philippians 23

• In humility, consider others better than
  yourselves.

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Characteristics of Servant Leaders

• Humility
• Faith

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II Chronicles 2012

• We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on
  you.

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Characteristics of Servant Leaders

• Humility
• Faith
• Gratitude

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Startling Jesus With Our Love

• Humility (Luke 21)
• Faith (Luke 7)
• Gratitude (Luke 17)

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Matthew 2540

• Whatever you did for one of the least of these,
  you did for me.

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The Importance of Being With Others
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Mark 313-15

• And he (Jesus) goeth up into a mountain, and
  calleth unto him whom he would and they came
  unto him.

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Mark 313-15

• And he ordained twelve that he might send them
  forth to preach, and to have power to heal
  sicknesses, and to cast out devils. . .

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Mark 313-15

• And he ordained twelve
• that they should be with him.

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• Before they became apostles. . .
• ones who are sent out

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• . . . they first spent two years being disciples.
• learners, apprentices

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Jesus Modeled Being With

• He chose to be with little children when everyone
  else said, Go away, Hes too busy.

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Jesus Modeled Being With

• He chose to be with Zaccheus when everyone else
  said, Why are you wasting time on a sinner like
  Him?

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Jesus Modeled Being With

• When Mary of Bethany chose to be with Him instead
  of working for Him, He affirmed her decision.

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I Thessalonians 28

• We loved you so much that we were delighted to
  share with you not only the gospel of God but our
  lives as well.

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Three Hindrances to Being With

• Selfishness
• I dont want to waste time being with people.

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Three Hindrances to Being With

• Self-Reliance
• I dont need to be with other people.

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Three Hindrances to Being With

• Self-Condemnation
• I dont think anyone would want to be with me.

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Why Is Being With Important?
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The First Crisis of Creation
Adam and Eves Fall Into Sin in Genesis 3
Adams Aloneness in Genesis 2
Cains Murder of Abel in Genesis 4
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Humanitys Two Fundamental Problems

• Fallenness
• Aloneness

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Gods Provision

• He sent His Son to deliver us from fallenness.
• He created relational structures to deliver us
  from aloneness.

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Signs and Symptoms of Not Being With
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Symptoms of Not Being With

• A Focus on the Temporal Instead of the Eternal

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Symptoms of Not Being With

• A Focus on Competition and Comparison Instead of
  Unity and Servanthood

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John 17 23

• May they be brought to complete unity to let the
  world know that you sent me and have loved then
  even as you have love me.

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Symptoms of Not Being With

• A Focus on Autonomy and Self-Righteousness
  Instead of Interdependence and Love

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Servants Give First
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Building a Team Genuine Fellowship and Community
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Acts 242

• They devoted themselves to the apostles teaching
  and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and
  to prayer.

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Has church been a place where you were encouraged
to get to know one another more intimately?
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Has church been a place of safety where you could
be honest about your struggles without having to
put on masks of respectability?
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Has church been a place where loving community
has been emphasized as an important part of your
spiritual life, not just something to be
relegated to the foyer or fellowship hall?
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koinonia
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John 10 14-15

• Jesus said
• I know my sheep
• My sheep know me
• I lay down my life for the sheep

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As Relational Leaders . . .

• We need to know our team.
• We need to allow our team to know us.
• We need to be deeply and caringly involved in
  their lives.

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Knowing Our Team
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Knowing Our Team

• By Entering Their World of Relationships

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Knowing Our Team

• By Entering Their World of Activities and
  Interests

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Knowing Our Team

• By Entering Their World of Celebrations and
  Struggles

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Knowing Our Team

• By Understanding Their Relational Needs

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Top Ten Relational Needs

• Acceptance
• Affection
• Appreciation
• Approval
• Attention

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Top Ten Relational Needs

• Comfort
• Encouragement
• Respect
• Security
• Support

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Allowing Our Team to Know Us
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Allowing Our Team to Know Us

• Being Vulnerable With Our Compassion

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Allowing Our Team to Know Us

• Being Vulnerable With Our Dependency

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Allowing Our Team to Know Us

• Being Vulnerable With Our Need for Support

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Allowing Our Team to Know Us

• Being Vulnerable With Our Pain

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II Corinthians 13-4

• Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus
  Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of
  all comfort,

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II Corinthians 13-4

• Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we
  can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort
  we ourselves have received from God.

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Being Caringly Involved With One Another
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Gaining Freedom to Lead
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Having an Accurate View of God
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Some False Views of God

• Inspecting
• Disappointed
• Distant

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If we see God as inspecting

• we may become controlling, inspecting leaders.

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If we see God as disappointed

• it may be difficult for us to ever be fully
  pleased with, and complimentary of, peoples
  efforts.

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If we see God as distant

• it may be easy for us to remain aloof and
  disconnected from the lives of our team members.

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I John 412

• No one has ever seen God, but if we love one
  another, God lives in us and his love is made
  complete in us.

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Having an Accurate View of Ourselves as the
Beloved of God
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Romans 58

• But God demonstrates His own love for us in this
  that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for
  us.

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Expressing Love to Our Near Ones
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John 13 34-35

• A new command I give to you Love one another. As
  I have loved you, so must you love one another.

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John 13 34-35

• By this all men will know that you are my
  disciples, if you love one another.

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Relationally Discerning Vision
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Proverbs 2918

• Where there is no vision, the people perish.

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Fundamentals of Discerning VisionThree Key
Questions
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Three Key Questions

• Where is God leading?

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Psalm 1037

• He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto
  the children of Israel.

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Psalm 1037

• He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto
  the children of Israel.

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Psalm 1037

• He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto
  the children of Israel.

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Three Key Questions

• Where is God leading?
• Why would God lead us there?
• Does our vision address eternal concerns?

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Vision Focused on Eternity

• Our vision must bring glory and honor to God.

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Vision Focused on Eternity

• Our vision must align with Gods eternal Word.

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Vision Focused on Eternity

• Our vision must have a positive impact in the
  lives of people.

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Typical Vision Continuum
Someone else has all the vision
You have all the vision
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Relational Vision Continuum
Someone is served with vision
Others courageously and creatively contribute to
the vision
All resourcefully and respectfully incorporate
others vision
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Benefits of a Relational Vision
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Benefits of Relational Vision

• Instills hope
• Brings security
• Builds ownership
• Stimulates discipline

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Implementing Vision to Achieve Eternal Objectives
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Three Eternal Objectives
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Unity

• I am part of you.
• I need you.
• We care about each other.

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Love
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Love grows cold when. . .

• we exalt self-reliance instead of humble
  dependence on one another.

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Love grows cold when. . .

• we focus on peoples sin and rarely give
  attention to their loneliness.

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Love grows cold when. . .

• we label people as weak for being vulnerable
  with their needs.

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Love grows cold when. . .

• our message to a lost world is You need God,
  rather than We all need God and one another.

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Witness
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Witness to. . .

• a need-meeting God.

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Witness to. . .

• the priority of relationships.

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Concentric Circles of Great Commandment Love
Household of Faith
Nearest Ones
All the World
Self
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Witness through. . .

• sharing the gospel and our lives.

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I Thessalonians 27-8

• . . . but we were gentle among you, like a mother
  caring for her little children.

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I Thessalonians 27-8

• We loved you so much that we were delighted to
  share with you not only the gospel of God but our
  lives as well, because you had become so dear to
  us.

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Commitment to Growth
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Priorities Governing Growth
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Growth Will Be. . .

• sacrificial.

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Growth Will Be. . .

• sacrificial.
• mutual.
• empowered by gratitude.

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Key Areas of Growth
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Personal Growth

• Being With Our Team
• Going Before the Lord on Behalf of Our Team
• Entrusting Ministry to Other People

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Growth of Others

• In Doing Tasks
• In Managing Tasks
• In Shepherding Others
• In Equipping Other Shepherds

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Equipping Others to Grow

• Relational Investing
• Relational Encouragement
• Relational Intervention

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Ministry Growth
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Ministry Growth Points
Point One
Point Two
Point Four
Point Three
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Growth Point One

• Our Ministry Will Grow as We Care for One Another

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Growth Point Two

• Our Ministry Will Grow as We Trust One Another

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Growth Point Three

• Our Ministry Will Grow as We Support One Another

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Growth Point Four

• Our Ministry Will Grow as We Love One Another

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