Batman VS Everyone

1
Batman VS Everyone

• By Nathan and Bill

2

• Batman drives into the carwash having not been
  aware of the interest the Bat-Mobile was drawing.
  It didnt matter, you were there on business and
  business alone. Your vehicle comes to a stop, and
  Batman shuts the engines down. The windshield
  slides back with a hiss and you both jump out,
  prepared for everything (including anything).
  Your Robin cape flapping in the gentle wind and
  you turn your head to see Aqua-Man! He is holding
  a gas pump and a red-tipped match.
• Holy aqua-gone-arsenic, Batman! you shout. You
  look down at his hand just in time to see him
  squeeze the trigger to the hose of gas. It sprays
  wide and far all over the Bat-Mobile. The fluid
  runs over the sides of the slick car and onto the
  ground. Then Aqua-Man takes the match and rubs it
  against his thumb, causing it to light. He roars
  with laughter as he tosses the lit match onto the
  roof of the car. It ignites with no difficulty
  and starts to blaze with a remarkable heat.
• You get very angry with Aqua-Man and his stupid
  pyromania. You burst forward and plan to wail on
  Aqua-Man, but Batman stops you, saying that a
  fight is not a good idea, and we should instead
  tail him home and strangle him in his sleep.
• Do you

A) You obey Batman and stand down.
B) Gnaw his arm and go after Aqua-Mans jugular
here and now.
C )Do something about the fire which will ,if
left unchecked, reach the gas pumps and explode
the whole city block.
3
You obey Batman and stand down.

• You stand down. And you turn to notice the car is
  still on fire. Then you remember it is going to
  explode if the fire reaches the gas tank. You
  realize it is too late to try and extinguish it,
  but you also know it has been burning for a
  while. Thats when it explodes in your face.
  Batman escapes the rubble unscathed and spits on
  your corpse.
• See you in hell he says.

THE END (BATMAN RULES)
4
Gnaw his arm and go after Aqua-Mans jugular here
and now.

• You gnaw Batmans arm with your teeth. Blood
  sprays on your cheek. You push the still-armed
  Batman away and charge towards Aqua-Man. You
  throw open you still bloody mouth and bite down
  on Aqua-Mans jugular. As his body slowly falls
  to the floor, you realize you bit too much flesh
  away and you slowly choke to death.
• Batman is still awesome.

THE END (BATMAN RULES)
5
Do something about the fire

• You are ready to tear Aqua-man a new blowhole
  when you notice that the car is still on fire.
  You try desperately to put it out with the
  various sponges and rags lying around, but its
  futile. The fire is too strong. You need
  something wet and absorbent, but dense. You look
  to your right and see Aqua-mans scaly, aquatic
  body standing there. You force Aqua-mans face
  into the inferno over his loud, coarse, bloody
  screaming his gravely voice slowly being
  devoured by the malicious flame. You watch as his
  body extinguishes the fire. He lays burnt and in
  pain. Batman grins and prepares to wail on him.
  Should you

A) Help Batman beat Aqua-man
B) Help Aqua-man and suggest that hes in bad
enough shape and not to beat him up.
6
Defend Aqua-man

• You step in front of Batman and say No! Aqua-man
  is my friend and I love him!
• Batman punches you in the face and spits on your
  writhing body. He looks down and glares.
• Any friend of Aqua-man is an enemy of mine, you
  worthless pile of scum. Batman takes out a
  Batarang and stabs you in the chest with it,
  leaning all his weight onto the sharp end. It
  plunges through you and you die a miserable
  death. The last words you hear are
• See you in hell.

THE END (BATMAN RULES!)
7
Help Batman beat up Aqua-man.

• You inch forwards towards Aqua-man as he groans
  in pain. Your fists find Aqua-mans supple
  stomach at high velocities alongside Batmans. As
  your wailing commences, an ominous figure in the
  gas station Minimart peers upon the violence and
  grimaces. Out, striding in his dusty worn boots
  walks the fedora-topped, stubble-faced man. His
  footsteps are loud and echo, and urge you and
  Batman to turn around. He says
• Stuff like this sickens me, He grabs his gun
  out of his holster, next to his whip, and twirls
  it sickly. In terror, Batman and yourself look on
  in terror. He aims his gun and plugs a bullet
  right into Aqua-mans groggy face.
• I hate that guy, says Indiana Jones. He
  holsters his gun, just as Spiderman swings in and
  kicks him in the face. From behind you, an odd
  mechanical monster lumbers. Mystery and intrigue!
  What to do!?

A) Help the now disarmed Indiana Jones fight
Spiderman
B) Leave Dr. Jones to himself and fight the odd
robot monster.
8
Help Indiana Jones

• Did you just do what I thought you did? Indiana
  Jones said. You take out your grappling hook and
  aim towards the pitiful red and blue boy. You
  fire and watch the cord and blade cut through the
  air. It strikes Spider-Man in the toe. He starts
  to cry.
• WAHHHH!!! Cries Spider-man with a moan of pain.
  Indiana Jones dusts off his fedora. He un-coils
  his whip and whips Spider-Man.
• This is more fun then uncovering the lost Ark.
  Laughs Dr. Jones.
• Then all of a sudden, the robot evil Batman
  starts to laugh with a mechanical snicker. And
  kills everyone with his laser eyes.

THE END! (Batman Rules)
9
Help Batman.

• You pirouette and rush towards Batman, who is
  staring at the glowing red eyes of a scary robot,
  with large upturning ears and a black paint.
  Behind him whips a silky black cape and it
  becomes obvious what has happenedPeter Parker
  has constructed a ROBOT Batman. Batman sheds a
  small tear at the horror of the situation, but
  you rush forward and jump onto the face of the
  robot. In blind confusion, he flails his rusty
  mechanical manipulators and shreeks in a shrill
  monotone. You take out your grappling hook and
  grappling his face. He screams
• Peter, help help help help help
• Dont use my real name, you idiot! said
  Spider-man as a fist cracked his jaw. Indiana
  Jones stomped his face and threw his limp body at
  Robot Batman, throwing the beast off balance. He
  hit the ground and his eyes shone yellow.
• Self destruct initiated. In 10, 9, 8 Do you

A) Get in the Batmobile and get out of there
B) Help the innocent citizens and deal with Robot
Batman.
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Help the innocent citizens

• Holy human empathy, Batman! you cry as you
  watch a toddler scream at the flailing,
  frightening Robot Batman. We need to save all
  these people!
• Screw off, kid. The only people I care about are
  myself, Alfred, and Bruce Wayne.
• But Batman
• SHUT UP. YOU HEARD ME!
• Batman, I dont like fighting like this.
  Sometimes I dont know if you really care. II
  love you. I just
• SHUT UP. I HATE YOU.
• So does this mean the wedding is off?
• YES.
• As you bicker, the Robots bomb goes off,
  engulfing you and your beloved in flame. You
  whither away quickly and burn in hell together
  forever.

THE END! (BATMAN RULES!)
11
Get in the Batmobile

• Holy human apathy, Batman! you cry as you watch
  the Robot flail in a self-exterminating fit. We
  ought get outta here before we might become burnt
  up maybe.
• Your right, screw everyone here. Batman grabs
  Indiana Jones and tosses him in the trunk. You
  run towards the now extra-crispy Car and jump in.
  
• Come on, Batman You yell with a bit of fright
  in your voice.
• 6, 5, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4,
• There seems to be a glitch Robin, but lets get
  out of here anyway
• Batman pushes the gas with his foot and you zoom
  off onto Gothams streets. YAY! But then
  Spider-man flies out of nowhere and lands on the
  Bat-Mobile. Do you

A) Scream like a school girl and abandon ship.
B) Open the wind-shield and fight Spider-Man.
12
Scream like a school girl

• AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111shiftplusone
  you scream. You jump out of the Bat-Mobile and
  die on impact of hitting the ground.

THE END!! (Batman Rules!)
13
Fight Spider-Man

• Batman presses a blinking button which opens the
  windshield. A rush of air gropes your face, and
  Batman takes your collar and throws you out. Now
  on the cover, you grapple with Spider-man. He
  kicks at you and you take the hit 100. Your
  bloody beaten body is about to buckle when
  Indiana Jones jumps out. He takes his whip and
  begins strangling Spider-man when suddenly and
  without warning, the Batmobile begins running
  over many bumps, and a rush of sallow brown
  passes your eyes. You ran into something, and
  moreover, youre still running into something.
  Something weak and easily killed. Jones glares
  with wisdom and whispers ominously.
• Zombies! Why did it have to be zombies?!
  Spiderman chuckles and prepares to take off when
  a zombie grabs his head and eats his brains. Do
  you

A) Call out Batman, hope the Batmobile doesnt
crash and fight!
B) Give up on life, throw yourself to the zombies
and fight Batman.
14
Throw yourself to the zombies.

• You throw your young, delicious body to the
  zombies, who grope at it with intent to devour.
  They suck your brains out and sigh with
  satisfaction.
• You look around, your zombie eyes just beginning
  to adjust, and you see the following figures
• Godzilla, Darth Vader, George Clooney
  nonzombie, George Clooney zombie, Curious
  George, the Teletubbies, Bill Clinton with ZOMBIE
  LEWINSKY, Roger MONSTAH, Kaptain Kiwi, a random
  man eating skittles, Santa Claus, Kirby, Truman
  Capote, Pacman, that guy from that one commercial
  about breath mints, a large, horrible gelatinous
  blob, Jesus Christ (Lord and Saviour), Jesus
  Christ (accountant from New Jersey), Pacman
  again, a random, clean-looking hitchhiker with a
  towel, a large black Monolith, a walking
  Soup-of-the-Day board, a walking Day-of-the-Soup
  board, a dinosaur, Dr. Zombie, a small black
  kitty cat demonically purring, that moon from
  Majoras Mask that was really creepy, and Super
  Mario. And then you die.

THE END (GREEN LANTERN RULES!)
15
Call out Batman

• Batman! Jump out of the car! You yell, and you
  both take out your grappling hooks and fire
  upwards. The hooks fly through the air and attach
  to something overhead. They lift out of the
  Bat-Mobile and ascend into the air. You look up
  and see that your grappling hook has implanted
  itself into a zombie. You look to see Batmans is
  attached to Jim Carreys leg, how did he get
  there? Unfortunately the zombie was a little
  turd and had to fall off the edge of the
  building. Batman grabs your arm and you both
  continue upward. When you get to the top you
  detach the hook from Jim Carrey and compliment
  him about that funny movie that just came out.
  The one where all the people died. But also The
  Mask. Do you

A) Take Jim with you to go save the almost
forgotten Indiana Jones.
B) Kill Jim Carrey and try to fly off the edge of
the building.
16
Kill Jim Carrey and try to fly.

• Jim Carrey, I love you. Have my babies! You were
  wonderful in The Mask and that other movie that I
  never saw but heard about! And I especially loved
  Ace Ventura Murder Detective or whatever it was.
  I never saw that one either. But one thing is for
  sure I want to conceive an infant with you.
• Then you take out a batarang and slit his throat
  open.
• ..WHAT HAVE I DONE?!
• You stab him several more times and weep over his
  horrible corpse. You notice all the zombies die
  and you infer that he was the Zombie Queen. You
  get up and look at Batman.
• Looks like things will be okay.
• Then you jump off the edge of the building and
  fall quickly to a horribly painful death. Batman,
  however, lands on a conveniently placed mattress
  and looks down at your twisted corpse. He spits
  on it.
• See you in hell.

THE END (BATMAN RULES!)
17
Go save Doctor Jones

• You decide to take Jim with you cause you like
  to laugh. You remember Dr. Jones is still in the
  Bat-Mobile which is zooming towards the zombie
  armies.Army.Armies..Army (there is only one).
• INDIANA! You jump off the rooftop and your cape
  flaps out behind you. Ill save you! Then you
  realize your grappling hook is jammed and you
  land in the middle of the zombie army. Before the
  zombie bodies invade you, Batman flies down and
  picks you up. You then go to the now smashed
  Bat-Mobile. When you reach the Bat-Mobile, you
  see a fedora resting in the cockpit. Well, at
  least he is in a better place
• (Cuts to Hawaii, Indiana Jones is sitting at a
  bar surrounded by several women).
• Lets get out of here, the Zombies will attach
  any minute. Says Indiana Jones. Then with
  warning, and zombie jumps up and grabs Indiana
  Jones body. But then Jim Carrey pulls out a
  toaster and bashes the zombies head. Do you

A) Put the zombie brains in the toaster and have
a cook out.
B) Do a victory dance.
18
Have a cook out.

• You take some of the fresh zombie brains from the
  corpse and apply it to the inside of the toaster.
  What you didnt know is that zombie brains
  explode when in contact of extreme heat. You find
  yourself engulfed in flame. You slowly sink to
  the floor and look up to Batman.
• See you in hell He says then spits on your
  crisp body.

THE END! (Batman Rules.
19
Do a victory dance!

• Oh yeah! You shake your butt, and throw your
  arms up in the air. Lets party! Batman then
  takes a step towards you and backhands you across
  the face.
• Your pathetic. He whispers to himself. You look
  to the ground with disgrace. The zombies have all
  suddenly died for no reason at all. Do you

A) Hit Batman back
B) Cry like a school girl.
20
Cry like a school girl

• WAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWWWAAA
  AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Im sick of this Batman says as he pulls out a
  batarang and slits your neck. You slowly fall to
  the ground and die crying.

THE END!! (BATMAN RULES!!!)
21
Hit Batman back.

• You squeeze your hand into a fist and throw it
  through the air towards Batmans strong looking
  chin. He raises his hand into the air and catches
  you fist. Hmm, that took guts kid.
• What? You ask in confusion.
• I like that kid, maybe I should give you more of
  a chance to run the Bat-Cave.
• You serious?
• No, Im just playing. Batman punches you in the
  face and your knees buckle. He drags you to the
  Bat-Mobile, and you both drive home. Just another
  day on the job.

THE END! (Batman and
Robin RULE!)