The History of Valentines

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The History of ValentinesTheories of Love
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The History of Valentine's Day

• Who is this mysterious saint and why do we
  celebrate this holiday?
• February has
  long been a month of romance.
• St. Valentine's Day contains both
• Christian and Roman tradition.
• Catholic Church recognizes
• three different saints
• named Valentine
• or Valentinus,
• all martyred.

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• One legend contends Valentine was priest who
  served during third century Rome.
• Stories suggest Valentine was killed for
  attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman
  prisons
• One legend, Valentine
  actually sent first
  'valentine' greeting himself

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• Stories certainly emphasize his appeal
  -sympathetic, heroic, and romantic figure.
• No surprise that by Middle Ages, Valentine very
  popular saint in England and France.
• Others claim that Christian church decided to
  celebrate Valentine's feast day in middle of
  February in effort to 'christianize' celebrations
  of pagan Lupercalia festival.

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• Lupercalia was fertility festival dedicated to
  Faunus, Roman god of agriculture, in honor of
  She-Wolf who suckled infant orphans, Romulus and
  Remus, founders of Rome)
• Feb 13-15

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• All young
  women in city would place their names in big urn.
  
• City's bachelors would choose a name out of urn
  and become paired for a year with his chosen
  woman.
• These matches often ended in marriage.

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Written Valentines

• Verses and greetings have been
  popular since Middle Ages
• First began to appear after 1400 AD
• Oldest known valentine was poem written by
  Charles, Duke of Orleans to wife while imprisoned
  in Tower of London following his capture at
  Battle of Agincourt. Now on display in British
  Museum. made in 1400s
• Paper valentines originated in England and later
  came to America

Roses are red
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• Americans began exchanging hand-made valentines
  in early 1700s.

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• 1840s, Esther A. Howland sold mass-produced
  valentines in America.
• Mother of the Valentine, she made elaborate
  creationsgtreal lace, ribbons,colorful pictures
  known as "scrap".
• Greeting Card Associationgtone billion valentine
  cards sent yearly, making Valentine's Day second
  largest card-sending holiday of year.
• Approximately 85 percent of all
  valentines purchased by women.

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• agape, ajgavph
• unconditional, impersonal love
• phileoo, filevw
• conditional, personal love
• theloo, qevlw
• desire or want
• Eros (èr¹òs, îr¹-) noun
• Greek Mythology. God of love, son of Aphrodite.
• 2. Psychiatry. Sexual drive libido.
• 3. Creative, often sexual yearning, love, or
  desire

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Theory of Love Types

• 1. We have all of these 6 love types in our
  relationships
• 2. What separates us is the degrees of each (each
  person is different)
• 3. Degrees can change with time
• In 10 years, 6 is largest / 4 is smallest
• 4. Every relationship may differ
• In your first relationship, you are insecure
  passionate
• (Because s/he was non-committal sexual)
• In your next, you are calm relaxed
• (Because s/he was nurturing and warm)
• Key Others make us who we are in relationships

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1
5
2
4
3
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1) Eros Love

• Highly passionate, sexual,
  intense
• Often Believe in
• Love as Magical
• Love as fate
• Love at first sight
• Very American
• Movies Titanic / Romeo and Juliet / Ghosts /
  Snow White, Sleeping Beauty Cinderella
• Hollywood loves eros love!

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2) Ludus Love

• The Players love
• Will often
• Keep their passions in check
• Avoid trouble and intensity
• Uncomfortable about commitment
• Keep secrets
• Have affairs
• Remember, we all have a little ludus in us
• When a relationship gets too intense (or is no
  longer fun), they leave
• Movie Great Expectations / St. Elmos Fire /
  Cruel Intentions / Dangerous Liaisons
• Hollywoods Formula Ludus plays with Eros--Eros
  is crushed

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3) Storge Love

• Peaceful and slow
• Not passionate and intense
• Friendship is key
• Difficult to separate from friendships
• This love . . .
• Develops over time
• Endures long periods of inactivity
  or excitement
• Lacks heat of eros and games of ludus
• Movies Harry Met Sally / The Wedding Singer /
  My Best Friends Wedding /
  Shrek / Youve Got Mail / Beauty
  and the Beast /How To Lose A Guy

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4) Pragma Love

• Practical
• Looking for types
• Parents, , race, nationality, family
• Love is logical More stable
• Not magical, but rational
• Movies Pretty Woman / Bridges of MC / As Good As
  It Gets / Shakespeare in Love / Big Fat Greek
  Wedding / Grease / Maid in Manhattan
• Hollywood Formula Woman settles for pragma love-
  -but is unhappy

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• Extreme highs and lows
• Jealousy
• Obsessive
• Self-worth from relationship
• Nothing else matters
• Movies Fatal Attraction / Something About Mary /
  American Beauty / The Crush / Memento / Taxi
  Driver / Swim Fan
• Hollywood Formula slashing tires, stalking,
  going into exile, drinking

5) Mania Love
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6) Agape Love

• This love is . . .
• Compassionate
• Selfless
• Egoless
• No concern for personal reward/gain
• Want best for the other person
• Movies Forrest Gump / Man Loves a Women / John Q
  / Casablanca /

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Which Type are You????

• 1) My love and I have the perfect physical
  chemistry between us
• 2) I feel that my love and I were truly meant
  for each other (fate)
• 3) My love and I really understand each
  other (soul mates)
• 4) My love fits my ideal standards of physical
  beauty (my idea of a 10)
• 5) I try to keep my love a little uncertain about
  my commitment to him/her
• 6) I believe that what my love doesnt know about
  me wont hurt him/her (I keep secrets)

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• 7) It is important that our relationship is fun
  and exciting
• 8) When my love gets too dependent on me, I want
  them to back off
• 9) To be genuine, love must develop over time
  (not an over-night thing)
• 10) I expect to always be friends with my love
• 11) Our love is really a deep friendship, not a
  mysterious, mystical emotion
• 12) Our love is the most satisfying because it
  developed from, and is based on, a deep caring
  relationship

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• 13) In choosing my love, I believed it was best
  to love someone with a similar background
• 14) A main consideration in choosing my love was
  whether my family would approve
• 15) An important factor in choosing a partner is
  whether or not he/she would be a good parent
• 16) One consideration in choosing my love was
  what career he/she selected
• 17) When things arent right with my love and me,
  my stomach gets upset
• 18) Sometimes I get so excited about being in
  love with my love that I cant sleep

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• 19) When my love doesnt pay attention to me, I
  feel sick all over (emotionally, physically,
  etc.)
• 20) I cannot relax if I suspect that my love is
  with someone else
• 21) I try to always help my love through
  difficult times
• 22) I would rather suffer myself than let my love
  suffer
• 23) When my love gets angry with me, I still love
  him/her fully and unconditionally
• 24) I would endure all things for the
  sake of my love

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Calculating the Results

• Statements
• 1-4 are Eros
• 5-8 are Ludus
• 9-12 are Storge
• 13-16 are Pragma
• 17-20 are Manic
• 21-24 are Agape
• Highlight your high and low brackets
• 3 to 4 Trues or Falses are Markers

Not All Love Is Healthy Love
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General Findings

• I. National Findings on Love Test
• A. Men Eros and Luduc
• B. Women Manic, Pragma, and Stroge
• C. Age and Evolution
• Eros and Mania are young loves
• In time, couples grow into Stroge and Agape love

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General Research

• III. Romantic Love (believe it or not)
• A. Married men have more romantic concept of love
  than their wives
• Men believe in love at first sight more
• More men believe love can overcome anything
• B. Twice as many women would marry for reasons
  other than love
• In 1965, 75 of women said they would marry a man
  they did not love if he fit the bill in other
  ways
• Today, only about 10 of American women say they
  would (Whitehead, 2003)
• 49 in Indians
• 51 in Pakistan

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• C. After divorce, Men more likely to remarry
• And sooner
• D. Married men are psychologically and physically
  healthier, but not so for women
• Reason 1 Without their wives, most men have no
  support system and no one to talk to about lifes
  stresses
• Men are 8 times more likely to commit suicide
  after divorce
• Reason 2 Women do most of work in most
  relationships (even when both are working outside
  home)

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General Findings

• IV. Age, Love, and Sex (1999 AARP Survey)
• 60 of couples 45-60 years old report having sex
  once a week (the average for all couples)
• 20 over 75 report having sex once a week
• After 50 years of age, men become more romantic
  women become more sexually assertive
• Majority of couples over 55 report finding their
  significant other more romantic and attractive

Your Grandparents
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Love Triangles - Robert Sternberg

• Passion sexual desire and physical attraction
  part of romantic love
• Intimacy connection and feelings of closeness
  emotional investment
• Commitment to love in short term
  maintain that love in long term
• 8 types of love can be defined by model
• Nonlove, Liking, Infatuation
• Empty, Romantic, Companionate Love
• Fatuous Love, and Consummate Love

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R.Sternberg Model of Love
Intimacy
Commitment
Passion
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• Companionate love passion has died down between
  2 people commitment and intimacy with no passion
• Fatuous love associated with whirlwind romances
  and quicky marriages passion and commitment with
  no intimacy
• Consummate love complete measure of love
  involving combination in equally extreme amounts
  of passion, commitment and intimacy
• goal to shoot for in lasting relationship ideal
  marriage 80 year olds that are still madly in
  love with each other