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Independent Study Directions

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Title: Independent Study Directions


1
Independent Study Directions
  • Please read the following Power Point
    Presentation and answer the questions at the end.
  • View the LCLC Tools and Skills for Couples
    Intimacy video. (Your agency will provide you
    with this DVD)
  • View the Mock Group video. (Your agency will
    provide you with this DVD)
  • View Shadow of Hate video after slide 53 of
    the Power Point Presentation. (Your agency will
    provide you with this DVD)
  • Please email your answers to the test to
    bev_at_scaninc.org and to your direct supervisor.

2
Healthy Couples Healthy Families Training
3
Training
  • The purpose of this tutorial is to assist you,
    the reader, in understanding the framework behind
    the curriculum used for the Healthy
    Couples/Healthy Families groups. This is also
    sometimes referred to as the Building Strong
    Families Project.
  • The information presented derives from the
    lecture notes of Drs. John and Julie Gottman.

4
  • The purpose of this training is not to train you
    as a group facilitator but to assist your
    understanding of how this program started.
  • This is a required training for all staff who may
    potentially serve a couple who are participating
    in group.
  • If you have any questions regarding groups please
    direct those to your group facilitators.
  • Thank you

5
What is Building Strong Families?
  • National demonstration and evaluation project,
    sponsored by the U.S. Department of Health and
    Human Services.
  • Partnership between HHS (through the
    Administration of Children Families),
    Mathematica Policy Research 7 sites (Florida,
    Indiana are Healthy Families Programs).
  • Multi-site, multi-year study of marriage and
    relationship education for unwed new parents.
  • Based on Fragile Families study which says that
    children have better outcomes when they come from
    a home where there is a stable marriage.

6
FRAGILE FAMILIES CHILD WELL-BEING STUDY,
CARLSON 2002 SAYS
  • Most Unwed Parents are Romantically Involved at
    Childs Birth
  • 1. 18 Not romantic
  • 2. 5 Romantic but
  • not living together
  • 3. 47 Cohabitating

7
BUT.
  • Most dont marry and many break up.
  • Interventions to help couples improve
    relationships have been shown to be effective.
  • Unwed, low-income parents have generally not had
    access to such services.
  • SO

8
  • HFI is working with BSF to implement a program
    focused on couples that builds on the Healthy
    Families model.
  • It is called Healthy Couples/Healthy Families.
  • Because we believe that helping couples develop
    skills needed for a healthy relationship will
    improve parent and child well-being.

9
CRITERIA FOR HC/HF ELIGIBILITY
  • Couples who are eligible for Healthy Families.
  • Expecting child or have had child in last 3
    months.
  • Age 18 .
  • Allege to be biological parents of mutual child.
  • Not married (unless wed each other during
    pregnancy).
  • No domestic violence.
  • Both parents say they are romantically involved.
  • Both parents voluntarily agree to be in the study.

10
How Do Couples Become Involved ?
  • The FRS/FAW assess couples for Healthy Families.
  • Fathers are encouraged to be present at the
    assessment.
  • The FRS/FAW screens for BSF eligibility.
  • For those who are eligible
  • Introduce HC/HF to couples
  • Assess both mom and dad facilitator may help
    locate dad
  • Explain HC/HF study and obtain consent
  • Collect baseline information
  • Enter in HVTIS
  • Mathematica determines who goes to control group
    and who goes to served group. Random assignment
    is 50/50

11
WHY RANDOM ASSIGNMENT?
  • Creates two similar groups.
  • Its only way to tell if changes are due to
    HC/HF.
  • Objective and fair all eligible couples get
    equal chance.
  • Non-program (control) group gets Healthy Families
    assessment and referrals.
  • Goal is 720 couples over 2 years. Allen County,
    Lake County, Marion County and Miami County
    (meaningful sample size)
  • Half of couples will receive home visits because
    the project added money to Healthy Families for
    services.

12
What Do Services Look Like?
  • Regular HF visits
  • May go on outreach while in HC/HF group
  • Weekly outreach by HC/HF coordinator while
    waiting on group.
  • Weekly groups, focused on relationship skills,
    run by facilitators and coordinators.
  • Groups are based on Loving Couples/Loving
    Children curriculum developed at the Gottman
    Institute.
  • Support for the relationship outside group.
  • Transportation, childcare and incentives
    provided.

13
Keys to Success
  • Being open-minded.
  • Commitment in involving both parents in services.
  • Focus on healthy relationship skills along with
    parenting.
  • Good communication between assessment workers and
    facilitators/coordinators.
  • Good communication between home visitors,
    supervisors, and facilitators/coordinators.

14
Your Important Role
15
  • You are the key to success of this important
    initiative.
  • The communication between you and the group
    facilitators is vital for the success of the
    family.

16

17
Meat and Potatoes of Group
  • Rules There are some general group rules i.e.
    confidentiality, respect, no violence. The group
    also states their own specific rules.
  • 6 months Group curriculum is for 6 months,
    however, groups generally run one or two months
    longer due to group outings and other issues that
    may require longer group time on a specific topic.

18
  • Educational/skill building The curriculum is
    designed to educate the parents on how to
    effectively communicate and helps build skills to
    resolve conflict and enhance the relationship.
  • Strength based The curriculum and groups are
    strength based.
  • Voluntary No couple is required to attend.
  • Perks Free childcare/transportation/
    incentives/community building/support.

19
Theoretical Framework
  • What predicts relationship breakup?

20
Two Patterns
  • Emotional Disengagement
  • Escalating Conflict

21
Early Breakup Pattern
  • There is a 5-to-1 positive to negative ratio
    during conflict in relationships that work.
  • A ratio of about 20-to-1 positive to negative in
    relationships that work when couples are not in
    conflict.

22
Early Break-up Patterns
23
The Four Horseman and their antidotes
  • Criticism- Complaining as if there is something
    defective in your partners personality.
  • Antidote Complain about what is frustrating,
    dont criticize.
  • Defensiveness- Self-protection and warding off an
    attack. Can be righteous indignation or innocent
    victimhood.
  • Antidote- Accept responsibility for the role that
    you play.

24
  • Contempt- Speaking from a superior plane.
  • Antidote- Create a culture of appreciation.
  • Stonewalling- Listener withdrawal from
    interaction.
  • Antidote- Self soothing. Take breaks.

25
Sound Relationship House Theory
  • Has three parts Conflict, Meaning and Friendship

26
Friendship Circle
  • Knowing ones partner.
  • Having a fondness and admiration system in the
    relationship.
  • Turning toward each other vs. turning away.

27
Conflict Circle
  • Many conflicts occur because of personality and
    other differences between partners that dont get
    resolved.

28
Meaning Circle
  • Looking for the dreams within the conflict for
    the couple.
  • Looking for the levels of connection within the
    couples stories, dreams, and metaphors.

29
The Real Cradle That Holds The Baby
  • The real cradle that holds the baby is the
    emotional relationship between parents.
  • How parents relate to each other in the 6th month
    of pregnancy will strongly predict the babys
    neurological development, ability to self soothe,
    focus attention, and connect emotionally with the
    parents.

30
Transition to Parenthood
  • Couples undergo major changes in the transition
    to parenthood.
  • It is important for couples to stay in touch with
    each other during these times of transition.
  • Many times, the father is pushed out and is more
    than happy to withdrawal and work more.

31
Transition to Parenthood (Contd)
  • The withdrawal of the father is neither good for
    the baby or the relationship.
  • Fathers make unique contributions to their
    children, particularly through play.
  • Relationship conflict increases the first year
    after the baby arrives.
  • Sex declines dramatically.
  • Conversation declines dramatically.

32
Transition to Parenthood (Contd)
  • Symptoms of post-partum depression increase
    significantly for both mom and dad.
  • Hostility increases between parents.
  • When conflict increases, fathers withdrawal from
    their partners and their children.
  • Babies withdraw from unhappily married fathers.

33
  • Couples need to become more of a WE than two
    MEs. This change is about becoming a better team!

34
What Every Baby Needs
  • Children have the ability to be totally in the
    moment.
  • Everything happens much more slowly for them.
  • Being able to turn off the television, phone,
    etc. and just play with your baby will greatly
    enrich your life.

35
What Every Baby Needs (Contd)
  • Face to face play with parents is extremely
    important to babies.
  • Babies learn that their world will respond to
    them and not ignore them.
  • Babies also need for the parent to respect their
    need to self-soothe when they become over
    stimulated.
  • Babies who are not given this opportunity will
    learn that the world does not respect their
    needs and the baby will withdraw.

36
What Every Baby Needs (Contd)
  • Babies, through this interaction and respect
    shown by parents, begin to trust in the
    fundamental love and nurturance of their parents.
  • This is called an attachment to its mother and
    father.
  • Three month old babies of non-depressed parents
    will try to engage an adult if they look at them
    with a still face and become upset if there is no
    facial reaction to them.

37
What Every Baby Needs (Contd)
  • All babies need touch. It is essential to the
    emotional and physical development of a baby. It
    is impossible to spoil a baby by responding to
    their needs.
  • Children that feel secure with their parents
    become more independent and do so at a younger
    age. They deal better with stress, have a higher
    self-esteem, are less aggressive, less anxious
    and have better relationships with other children.

38
We Need Fathers
  • More than half of all childrens books that
    include a reference of a parent have mom as the
    only parent.
  • In TV sitcoms, fathers are selfish, cold,
    uncaring, immature, fools and primarily depicted
    as idiots.

39
We Need Fathers (Contd)
  • Fathers are stereotyped as coming home from work
    and sitting on the couch watching TV while the
    mother, who also worked a full day, works a
    second shift at home.

40
We Need Fathers (Contd)
  • Do fathers really matter? What do fathers do
    differently than moms, and does it make any
    difference to children?
  • The answer, based on research, is a resounding
    YES to both questions.

41
We Need Fathers (Contd)
  • Fathers tend to give children more freedom to
    explore, with mothers being more cautious.
  • Fathers encourage childrens independence by
    encouraging exploration.
  • The greatest difference between mothers and
    fathers is in play.

42
We Need Fathers (Contd)
  • Dads are more tactile and physical with babies.
  • Father-infant play also shifts rapidly from peaks
    of high attention and excitement to valleys of
    minimal attention.
  • 2/3 of 2 ½ year olds chose dads as play partners
    over moms.

43
We Need Fathers (Contd)
  • Do these differences really matter?
  • The answer is YES.
  • Rough and tumble play predicts self-control
    abilities.
  • The high energy positive affect play of dads with
    young children predicted how they were viewed by
    other children and how accepted the children were.

44
We Need Fathers (Contd)
  • In the Gottmans research, they have observed
    three times the variability in how fathers relate
    to their kids than is seen in moms. Basically,
    this means that some dads are terrific for their
    kids and some dads are awful for them. It is not
    just the mere presence and availability of
    fathers that matters, but exactly HOW they are
    present.

45
Emotion Coaching
  • Raising an emotionally intelligent child

46
Emotion Coaching (Contd)
  • How does conflict between parents affect kids?
  • The attentional (Mirskys theory) system.
  • Attention is the shuttle between emotion and
    cognition. It mediates how well a child can
    mobilize their IQ.
  • Physical health. Children of divorce lived an
    average of 4 years less. These children lived 8
    years less if they divorced also.
  • Affected childrens aggression, then peer
    rejection, then internalizing disorders.

47
Emotion Coaching (Contd)
  • How can kids be buffered from an ailing marriage?
  • Through working with one s meta-emotion.
  • This is how we feel about our feelings and our
    philosophy about emotional expression.

48
Emotion Coaching (Contd)Two types of parents
  • Emotion Dismissing
  • Emotion Coaching

49
Emotion Coaching (Contd)Emotion Dismissing
  • See negative emotions as toxic, prefer a cheerful
    child.
  • Are impatient with childs negativity. May
    punish the child for just being angry even if
    there is no misbehavior.
  • They see themselves as offering constructive
    criticism.
  • The child increases the number of mistakes as
    they are pointed out.
  • Parents escalate their criticism to insults.
  • Parent takes over, becomes intrusive.

50
Emotion Coaching (Contd)Emotion Coaching
  • See emotions as an opportunity for growth and
    teaching.
  • Communicate understanding and empathy.
  • Help child verbally label all emotions they may
    be feeling.
  • Specific praise and add a little more
    information.
  • Communicate the familys values.

51
Emotion Coaching (Contd)
  • There are several goals to emotion coaching.
  • Think for themselves.
  • Be compassionate human beings.
  • Moral people.
  • Treat people well.
  • Have good relationships with others.
  • Select an appropriate mate.

52
Emotion Coaching (Contd)
  • Enjoy their talents and abilities.
  • Be proud of themselves, but not boastful.
  • Have purpose and meaning in life.
  • Have interests and self-esteem.
  • Live for something beyond themselves and not be
    materialistic.
  • Care about the welfare of the world.

53
Emotion Coaching (Contd)
  • Only five steps in emotion coaching
  • Notice emotion.
  • See it as an opportunity for teaching or
    intimacy.
  • Validate.
  • Provide verbal labels for the emotions that the
    child is feeling.
  • Set limits or problem solve (children get
    aggressive if this is not done).

54
Bringing Home Baby Project
  • These were two randomized trials for couples
    undergoing the transition to parenthood.
  • These trials measured the effectiveness of
    preventive intervention on these relationships.
  • Data obtained confirmed that these were helpful
    and that a support group added to their
    effectiveness.

55
Barriers and Diversity
  • Please view the DVD Legacy of Hate at this
    time.
  • The legacy of slavery, as well as poverty, has
    created a state in which respect and honor is
    essential to all interventions designed.
  • Other problems such as inequality of education
    and employment opportunities, inequalities in the
    criminal justice system, domestic violence,
    infidelity, children by multiple partners,
    addiction, and post incarceration syndrome which
    are created by the history of slavery and poverty
    are addressed in our modules, with respect and
    honor being of central importance.

56
Overview of the Loving Couples/Loving Children
Curriculum
  • The curriculum is highly structured and didactic.
  • It teaches people the curriculum and critical
    skills needed for success as a couple and a
    family, but is spontaneous and group driven.

57
Overview of the Loving Couples/Loving Children
Curriculum (Contd)
  • This curriculum uses a module concept.
  • Every module gives something useful in a short
    time that leaves participants feeling empowered.
  • Multi-media presentations start each module with
    real couples discussing the topic for that group.

58
Suicide and Inter-Partner Violence
59
Suicidality
  • Check with your agency concerning protocol you
    should follow.
  • Ex. In Allen county we follow a No-Harm Protocol
    and use a No-Harm Agreement if necessary.
  • If home visitor or group leaders have concerns
    there needs to be communication between all
    parties.

60
Inter-Partner (Domestic) Violence
  • The following is protocol for HC/HF not HF
  • IPV includes physical, emotional, psychological
    or sexual abuse. IPV is about one person in a
    relationship using a pattern of behaviors to
    control the other person. It can happen in
    marital and non-marital relationships.

61
Signs of Abuse
  • Pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, kicking,
    biting.
  • Threats to victim, children, family members,
    friends, pets.
  • Threats of suicide to get the victim to do
    something.
  • Using or threatening with a weapon.
  • Intimidation.

62
  • Forced financial dependence.
  • Verbal put downs.
  • Forcing sex (of any kind).
  • Isolating the victim.

63
Starting Point
  • Use the Kempe Family Stress Checklist

64
  • During the initial Kempe assessment issues of IPV
    may be determined.
  • If IPV is determined the couple is not eligible
    for Healthy Couples/Healthy Families. They are,
    however, eligible for Healthy Families and
    appropriate referrals should be made.

65
Lethality
  • This is one of the issues considered when
    determining IPV.
  • If injuries were sustained, by either partner,
    that had them seek medical care or the police
    were contacted, or if weapons were used, they are
    not eligible for HC/HF.

66
Emotional Abuse
  • If either partner reports threats and controlling
    behaviors that they identify as abusive or that
    could lead to physical abuse, the couple is not
    referred to HC/HF.

67
Threats of Harm
  • If either partner has threatened to kill the
    other or their child(ren) they are not referred
    to HC/HF.

68
Threats of Taking the Children
  • If this is used as a control technique by either
    partner they are not eligible for HC/HF.

69
Threats of Suicide/Public Violence
  • If the couple uses threats of self harm/suicide
    as a way to control their partners behavior or
    if there has been any public violence between
    them, they are not eligible for HC/HF.

70
Isolation/Fear
  • If either partner describes isolation due to
    abuse or manipulation, the couple is not eligible
    for HC/HF.
  • If either partner reports being afraid of the
    other partner, they are not eligible for HC/HF.

71
  • This protocol only applies to HC/HF families. A
    separate protocol is used for HF. This is an
    ongoing process and group facilitators are alert
    to any potential IPV behaviors and will meet with
    couples to assess any concerns. Sometimes this
    may mean the couple must be asked to leave the
    group.

72
Cobra
73
Cobra Violence
  • This is a particularly frightening form of
    violent behavior.
  • The Gottmans identified two forms of violent
    behavior to be of most concern and that are not
    good candidates for group partner work. The
    Cobra and the Pit Bull.

74
Cobra
  • Tend to be explosive/ out of control.
  • Violence is extreme.
  • Lack insight into own behavior.
  • Blame the victim.
  • Frightening yet captivating.

75
Pit Bull
76
Pit Bull
  • Control driven by fear of abandonment.
  • Control means turning the partner into a puppet,
    stifling independence.
  • Pit Bulls deny their partners experience of
    reality.
  • Demand change in their partner while resisting
    their partners efforts to change them.

77
Cobra/Pit Bull
  • Cobra violence more severe. 38 Cobra violence
    had threatened with a weapon compared with 4 Pit
    Bulls.
  • 9 of Cobras in the study actually shot or
    stabbed their wives as compared to none from the
    Pit Bull sample.

78
  • Cobras are more emotionally abusive. They are
    generally contemptuous of others and maintain
    control even in the heat of an argument. Pit
    Bulls will start out in control and become
    increasingly heated and begin to lose control.
  • Cobras tend to come from more traumatic
    childhoods.

79
  • Women in relationships with Cobras tend to have
    more depression and fear. They showed less anger
    than women with Pit Bulls.
  • Cobras and their partners are less likely to
    divorce or separate.
  • Cobras are more likely to have violence outside
    of the marriage as well.
  • Cobras had more mental illness specifically
    antisocial personality disorder.

80
Intervention
  • Victims, children and staff safety are priority!

81
EMPOWER
  • Educate victims
  • Safety plans
  • Use resources

82
  • Victims are educated to risks and empowered to
    make own decisions.
  • Victims are educated concerning the effects on
    children.
  • Parents are educated in non-threatening way about
    CPS reporting requirements related to abuse or
    witnessing abuse.
  • Staff NEVER interfere when violence occurs. Leave
    and call 911.

83
What to do if.
  • Family is in group when DV occurs
  • Assess lethality
  • Meet with couple
  • Allow to stay based on info from HV and
    assessment/remove from group
  • Contact home visitor ASAP

84
Cont.
  • Fight in group
  • Diffuse
  • Normalize
  • Take couple aside
  • If high or using, need to leave that group
    session. Group leaders will set time to meet with
    the couple

85
Teamwork
86
Documentation
87
Perpetual Problems, Gridlock and the Existential
Solution
88
The Concept of Perpetual Problems and Gridlock
  • We use the Dreams within the conflict method of
    dealing with gridlock.
  • This puts people in touch with their feelings and
    makes them think it is okay to have these
    complaints rather than adjusting the relationship
    and ignoring ones complaints.

89
Perpetual Problem
  • Problem that is not solvable.
  • It causes continuous fighting (gridlock).
  • Feelings are often hurt, partners dont feel
    understood, feel like giving up.

90
Perpetual Problems
  • Can be about anything.
  • Examples finances, in-laws, sex, house keeping,
    recreation.
  • Its the topic that always comes up and always
    causes a fight.
  • Compromise does not work.
  • What is the cause?

91
  • These problems never seem to get solved.
  • Even when we give up on arguing about them, they
    are still there.

92
Dreams
  • When a problem seems impossible to solve, there
    is likely a hidden dream.
  • A hidden dream is the underlying feeling or value
    behind the persons position.

93
DREAMS
  • We have core values/beliefs that we dont want to
    and shouldnt have to give up.
  • These can interfere with problem-solving because
    we fear giving up who we are.
  • Often we dont even realize that these dreams
    are motivating our behavior.

94
Dreams
  • In the disagreement we only see our partners
    position, not the underlying dream.
  • We cant understand why the person wont budge.

95
Gridlock
  • Couples wait an average of six years from the
    time they realize there is a serious problem, to
    get help.
  • By then the problem transforms, changes and
    grows.
  • Becomes difficult to see underlying dream/meaning.

96
5 Stages
  • Dreams in Opposition
  • Entrenchment of Position
  • Fear Accepting Influence
  • Vilification
  • Emotional Disengagement

97
Reversing the Process
  • We need to take the time to understand our
    partners and our underlying dream.
  • Why is this issue so important?
  • What am I afraid of?

98
Reversing the Process
  • The relationship must feel safe in order for
    dreams to emerge.
  • You have to feel like you can talk to your
    partner about your history and vision of the
    future without judgment.

99
Reverse the Process
  • Dialogue must occur.
  • Use open-ended questions to find out more.
  • Use empathy to understand the others point of
    view.
  • Really listen to what your partner has to say.
  • Both share dreams.

100
Reverse the Process
  • Dreams must be supported.
  • What does this dream mean to you?
  • How does your dream relate to the problem?
  • How can we solve this problem without giving up
    our dreams?

101
Reverse the Process
  • Remember why we got into this relationship in the
    first place.
  • We are a team, not competitors.

102
Physiological Arousal in Combat, Deadly Force,
Police Encounters, and Relationship Arguments
that Escalate
103
Physiological arousal in combat, deadly force,
police encounters, and relationship arguments
that escalate
  • We are living in a suspicion-filled, fearful,
    anti-terrorist world, where we are hyper-vigilant
    to dangers.
  • When we sense danger, our empathy for others is
    gone. This leaves us unable to feel or sense our
    partners pain in many cases.

104
Domestic Violence is everyones fault it
is no surprise that our society has become more
violent.
105
Leads to
  • NO EMPATHY
  • Which leaves us vulnerable to not being able to
    feel or see our partners pain. a dangerous
    place to be.

106
Diffuse Physiological Arousal
  • DPA

107
Chronic DPA Leads To
  • Heart rate increases, nervous system shuts off
    ability to clam self
  • Tunnel vision, compromised hearing, inability to
    focus on anything except the danger
  • Cognitive distortions
  • Not capable of empathy
  • You may become psychologically abusive
  • You may become physically violent

108
Chronic DPA in Relationships
  • Post Traumatic Stress
  • Confused thinking
  • Hopelessness
  • Weight gain or loss
  • Fatigue
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Obsessive thoughts (extreme jealousy)

109
Many people descend in DPA without even knowing
it. When people are in this state of mind they
become flypaper for any emotion. They can easily
become more angry and escalate.
110
The major culprit, other than violence, in a
relationship that leads people to be afraid of
their partner is contempt. The communication of
disrespect.
111
When there is a sense of danger, slow things
down. It that fails, leave. The best time to
stop things from getting out of hand is before
they really get started.
112
Shirley Glass and Infidelity
  • The way that affairs happen is that people give
    themselves permission to cross small or large
    boundaries.
  • Sometimes you may have a conversation with
    someone and you may think that you should tell
    your partner about that conversation. Once you
    dont share that, you and this person have a
    secret.

113
There is a wall that is created between you and
your partner. If you become unhappy in your
relationship and talk to someone else about it,
then that person has a window into your
relationship.
114
Walls and windows have been reversed. In a
close relationship there are walls keeping it
safe from the outside, and you and your partner
have a window through which you both look at the
world together.
115
The End
  • Please complete the post test and send one to BSF
    Administrative Assistant at SCAN and one to your
    supervisor for your training book.
  • Thank you for all of your hard work and
    dedication to helping this program thrive!

116
Post Test
  • 1. Name 5 criteria for couples to be eligible for
    Healthy Couples/Healthy Families.

117
  • 2. How do couples become involved in Healthy
    Couples/Healthy Families?

118
  • 3. Once a couple is enrolled in HC/HF, what do
    their services look like?

119
  • 4. What is Cobra violence?

120
  • 5. What is a perpetual problem, and name one way
    we can begin to reverse the process of staying in
    the problem and moving toward solutions.

121
  • 6. If Domestic Violence occurs after a couple is
    in group what are the steps taken?

122
  • 7. what are two positive roles Fathers play in
    their childs life?

123
  • 8. If a couple is not eligible for Healthy
    Couples can they receive Healthy Families?
  • Yes or No

124
  • 9. What is the purpose of random assignment?

125
  • 10. What are the keys to success for Healthy
    Couples/Healthy Families?
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