Commitment: Death March or Dance of Devotion

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Commitment Death March or Dance of Devotion

• Adapted from Scott M. Stanley, Ph.D.
• University of Denver and PREP

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Two Kinds of Committment

• Constraint
• Dedication

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Constraint (what keeps people in a relationships)

• Social Pressure
• Financial Considerations
• Children
• Divorce Procedures
• Moral Factors
• Concern for Partners Welfare
• Poorer Alternative Quality

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Characteristics of Dedication

• Greater sense of a Relationship Agenda
• wanting the future, seeing the future
• Greater Couple Identity
• clear sense of us as a team (We-ness)

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• Greater Priority for the Relationship
• greater place given to the marriage and mate
• More Sacrificial Attitudes
• an understanding of deep giving

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• Less Alternative Monitoring
• a protection of the boundaries of the marriage

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Dedication Is Associated With Greater Safety in
Interaction

• Greater levels of reported self-disclosure
• Lower levels of interaction danger signs (things
  like fighting in ways that tear up the
  relationship)

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Three Paths

• Sticking the couple preserving, nurturing and
  acting on a mutual dedication to one another.
• Stuck High constraint, low dedication
• Stopped Divorce

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Re-developing Dedication

• Remembering the earlier times
• Choosing to change directions
• Doing the early things that developed the
  attachment

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The Long Term View

• Nurturing the Long Term View
• How older, happy couples get there
• The stories they tell
• Developing a positive vision for the future
• Talking and dreaming about the future together

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So, check out Scott Stanleys new book today!

• The Heart of Commitment