Day 2 AM Objectives

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Day 2 AM Objectives

• Purposeful communication
• Who are you talking to you and why? (internal,
  external, client, team, awareness of
  levels/hierarchy)
• Building a common terminology/vocabulary
• Conflict management at the CxO level
• Leader to leader
• Getting the behaviors that you want

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Attaining the Next Level in LeadershipCommunicati
on
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Purposeful Communication

• Who are you talking to and why?
• Why are we here?
• Law of agendas

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Skill 1 - Active Listening

• Listen Actively
• Posture
• Open-ended questions I statements
• Pause
• Integrate
• Paraphrase and Reflect
• Summarize

• Avoid Interference
• Distractions
• Closed mind
• Interrupting
• Jumping to conclusions
• Prejudice
• Thinking Speed

Noise Distractions
Know Words Non- Verbal Actions
Ideas Feelings
Hear
Poor Connections
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Skill 2 - Clear Communication

• The 5 questions, from Simplicity
• What exactly do you want me to do?
• Why is it important?
• Whats in it for me? For us?
• What tools and support are available?
• How will I be measured?

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The Contingency Model

• A Theory of Leadership Effectiveness, F. E.
  Fiedler, McGraw-Hill, 1967
• Addresses
• Leaders general behavioral tendencies
• Situations where certain leaders (or behavioral
  dispositions) may be more effective than others

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Overview

• Assumes that group performance depends on
• Leadership style, described in terms of task
  motivation and relationship motivation
• Situational favorableness, determined by three
  factors
• 1 Leader-member relations
• 2 Task structure
• 3 Position power
• High levels of these three factors give the most
  favorable situation
• Relationship- and task-motivated leaders
  effectiveness will vary according to the
  situation
• Suggests leaders change their situation vs. style

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Leader Member RelationsLeast-Preferred Coworker
Scale
Pleasant - - - - - - - - -
Unpleasant 8 7 6 5 4
3 2 1 Friendly - - - - - -
- - - Unfriendly 8 7 6
5 4 3 2 1 Accepting - - - -
- - - - - Rejecting 8
7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Interesting - -
- - - - - - - Boring
8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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LPC Results

• Low LPC Leaders
• Primarily motivated by task accomplishment
• High LPC Leaders
• Primarily motivated by personal relationships
• Leaders move to secondary level of motivation
  only after satisfying primary

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Situation Favorability
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Performance Correlations
Leader- Member Relations
Good
Poor
Task Structure
High
High
Low
Low
Position Power
Weak
Strong
Weak
Strong
Strong
Weak
Strong
Weak
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
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Low LPC
Low LPC
High LPC
Middle LPC
Predicted Effective Leadership Style
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Contingency Theoryand the Interactional Framework
Leader

• Desired Outcomes
• Effective group performance

Motivation hierarchy (LPC score)
Leader-member relations
Task structure Position Power
Followers
Situation
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1-- The Law of Agendas
Those who control the program and set the
deadlines are in the best position to influence
the path taken to achieve their goals.
When you get in the car, make sure youre sitting
behind the wheel. People who control the
program and timelines are in the best position to
influence the path taken to achieve the desired
results. Master influencers know that if you
control the agenda, you have more say over the
outcome.
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Agendas

• Action Plan (detailed steps to be taken) to
  achieve goals. Sharing your agenda with others
  can be a powerful way to influence the
  achievement of your goals. This is often a key
  factor in establishing unity and trust. This
  tends to help decrease the timeline of the
  influencing process.
• Read Operation Overlord
• The result D-Day Invasion of Normandy
• How can you use this influencing strategy to
  positively influence how meetings are run?

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Introduction to Language
The Impact of Language Throughout your life
you will be judged on your command of language,
it is imperative to understand that the better
you communicate, the more successful you will
become.
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Introduction to Language
Language Pattern Powerful communicators and
leaders understand that language usage is vital
for peak performance. Effective language usage
and grammar are the master keys to persuasion,
influence, clarity, and control of your world.
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Introduction to Language
Influencing Strategies Your
command of the English language and your skill at
conveying messages sends a message to those
around you. When you communicate clearly,
effectively, and confidently others look to you
for guidance. When you dont, people discount
your ideas and suggestions.
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Effects of Ambiguities on the Influencing Process

• Ambiguities
• In Composition
• In Context
• In Content

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Components of Communication
The pie chart below is based on research
completed by Mehrabian and Ferris 1. Albert
Mehrabian's studies on communication state that
listeners give the most weight to the speakers
facial expressions and body languageposture,
gestures, eye contact and facial expressions.
   
The chart shows that next most important aspect
in the communication loop is the vocal quality of
the message (voice pitch and the speed (pace or
tempo) of the delivery).
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Body Language and Rapport
  RAPPORT TRUST Body Language and
Rapport   We trust people who are like
ourselves.   We emulate people we respect and
trust. We act in a similar manner to people we
like to do business with and expect certain
behavior patterns to be adhered to in business
situations. Body language and rapport are
predominant factors in decision making in most
business situations.     "Studies show that the
first person to be hired in a company is the one
most like the boss and the first one that will be
terminated is the one least like the boss."
Harvard Business
Journal   Building trust and rapport is of
paramount importance during the communication
loop.
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Trust Building Techniques

• Mirroring, Matching Cross-over Pacing
• Body language may not mean the same thing to
  everyone. Pay close attention to the message you
  are sending.
• Be aware that you may incorrectly interpret other
  people's body language
• You may incorrectly receive the messages they
  wish to send because of your history in reading
  another person's body language signals.

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RAPPORT
Pick up rapport signals quickly so that you have
time to change tactics before they lose interest.
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Mirroring and Matching

• Rapport is based on mirroring and matching a
  person's behavior, both verbally and
  non-verbally. In order to gain the strongest
  rapport possible, one should act like the other
  person, speak like they do, breathe
  simultaneously and use similar movements or
  gestures.
• The goal of mirroring and matching is to make it
  a habit during situations and to become
  consciously aware when something changes or when
  you create disharmony.

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Mirroring
Doing what the other person is doing so that
it appears as though they are looking in a
mirror.
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Matching

Doing what the other person is doing but with
the opposite side of your body (if they move
their right hand, you move your right hand). 
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Mirror and Match using Vocal Qualities

• What are some of the methods employed to build
  trust and rapport with tonality? Pitch? Jargon?
  Tempo? Pay close attention to the message you are
  sending. Could you seem patronizing if you slip
  into a colloquial accent when others know you
  have never lived there. In research, the most
  common Southern accent is very easy to emulate.
  
• Be aware that you may incorrectly interpret other
  people's vocal quality signals. Have you ever
  been annoyed by someones vocal qualities? Which
  ones are most annoying? Why?
• You may incorrectly receive the messages they
  wish to send because of your history in reading
  another person's vocal qualities. Did your worst
  enemy in high school have a British accent? Does
  a high pitched voice remind you of an annoying
  person? Why should you question your read?

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Cross Over Pacing
Using a different channel altogether than the
one they are using. Crossover pacing is more
covert and harder to detect than mirroring and
matching.
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50/50 Rule for Rapport
To attain physiological rapport quickly, 50 of
your body should be in harmony- mirroring and
matching or crossover pacing the other person 50
of the time.
FAQ -- Won't the other person realize what you
are doing and think that you are doing something
funny?" FAQ -- Often, you are in a room with more
than one person. How would you use these
techniques to gain rapport?
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Pacing

• The art of gaining rapport.
• Establishing the bridge through rapport and
  respect into another persons model of the world.
• The word we use to combine the technique of
  mirroring, matching and crossover pacing.
• Talking about or doing something that is the same
  as the other person/people is/are doing OR
  relating something that is verifiably true in a
  person's ongoing sensory experience.

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Leading

• Doing something different from the other person
  in the communication loop.
• Talking about or relating to something that the
  other person does not believe to be true and/or
  has not had experience with in their world.
• Note The goal of leading is to change your
  behavior so that the other person in the
  communication loop follows.

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Pacing and Leading
By combining pacing and leading, you will
effectively control the level of rapport during
the meeting. By controlling the level of rapport,
you effectively control the tension level.
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Rapport Builds Bridges
If rapport allows you to build a bridge into
another persons model of the world, at some
point during the communication loop you will
cross over into their world and over to the other
persons point of understanding. You have
established contact with their world.
With rapport established, you can start to change
your behavior so they will follow you into your
world. The bridge goes both ways. You can lead
them in another direction by entering your world
and bringing them across the bridge you have
built when trust and rapport are high.
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Testing for Rapport Through Leading
Pace (mirror/match/cross-over pace) until you
instinctively feel that you can start to lead (do
something different with your body language) if
your subject of influence follows your movements,
you have attained rapport with that
prospect.   Remember You can never lead someone
over a bridge without first building the bridge.
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Mismatching Rapport to Close the Deal
The tension level during the interview is
extremely important. Gaining rapport by using
pacing will create an especially high level of
rapport. Sometimes you will find that you gain so
much rapport that the time you have allowed for
your meeting passes without accomplishing much
business. Always remember that too much rapport
with a client can be just as bad as too little
rapport. Control the tension level during every
stage of your meeting.  
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Non-Verbal Rapport

• Non-verbal rapport is the unconscious agreement
  between people.
•  
• Conscious mind- everything you are aware of at
  the present moment.
• Unconscious mindeverything that you are not
  aware of at the present moment.
•  
• NOTE Most things that you are unconscious of
  happen automatically (habits, body responses and
  pre-taught responses that are done without
  thinking).
•  

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Verbal Language Skills
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The Language of Influence Communication
Where (and how) did we learn to communicate?
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Power Words and Phrases
Absolutely or absolutely false Be a fool to pass up Beyond my control Bargain Buy Cannot Can't do it Cheap/cheapest Costly Cut ratecut to the bone Don't ask Don't know Expensive Get back to me Have to Impossible Inadvertently It's our policy Never again No choice Not my fault Only once Think it over Sacrifice Spend
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Absolutes
Absolutes are defined as statements of fact that
are true for every situation and cannot be
refuted. It is always your next move. NAPOLEON
HILL Knowing that you have complete control of
your thinking you will recognize the
power MIKHAIL STRABO  
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Generalities
Generalities are broad-based statements that
promote      Ways of thinking      
Practices        Processes and/or
beliefs   Generalities are statements that are
acceptable or applicable in most situations.
Note Speaking in generalities can create
confusion.  We tend to get what we expect. NORMAN
VINCENT PEALE Few people have any plan, they
live from hand to mouth, and are always at the
end of their line. RALPH WALDO EMERSON
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Absolutes and Generalities
Absolutes Statements (or words) that cannot be refuted and are statements of fact that are true for every situation. Generalities Generalities are broad-based statements that promote ways of thinking.
Every All Always Just about Probably Sometimes
Exercise In small groups, come up with as many
pairs of absolutes and generalities as you can in
10 minutes. Can you break the code?
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Parts of Speech in English

• Summary of Characteristics
• Subject, Verb, Object
• Ineffective I
• Hedges
• Stop Playing Tag!

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Summary of Characteristics
Nouns The name of a person, place, thing, relationship, etc.
Pronoun A word used in place of a noun
Verb or Predicate A word indicating action, state, or being -s, -ing, -ed
Adjective A word qualifying, making more exact, the meaning of a noun -able, -ible, -al, -ant, -ary, -ic, -sh, -ous
Adverb A word modifying a verb, adjective, or another adverb -ly, -wise
Preposition A word relating a noun to another word joining a phrase to a word or sentence
Conjunction A word joining two words, phrases, clauses, or sentences
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Subject, Verb, Object

• RememberPowerful communication retains the
  strongest language pattern
• A man is not free who is not master of
  himself.EPICTETUS
• What is freedom? Freedom is the right to
  choose. The right to create for one alternatives
  of choice.
• ARCHIBALD MacLEISH

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Ineffective I

• Ineffective I sentences are based on your
  personal perception. Your perception can be
  easily dismissed as just your opinion.
•       I think...
•        I feel...
•        I have a problem with...
•        I like...
•        I noticed...
•        I believe...
•        I don't have...
•        I heard...

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Action or Emotional Involvement

• All these sentences convey the emotion rather
• than action!
• Emotional "you and I"

• Like (or do not like)
• I really like the way you...
• Want (or don't want)
• I want to make sure... 
• Feel
• How they feel about...?
• What are your feelings about...?
• Need
• I need to convey... 

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Hedges
Hedges make you look indecisive. They give
the perception that you doubt your ability to
think autonomously. Hedges make you appear
submissive.
Simple hedges           You shouldn't...         Well...         Sort of...         Id like to see         In my opinion...         The way I see it...         I know that it         It may sound silly but I think         I'd like to add...   Self-Deprecating hedges   I'm not sure... Im not sure I know all the answers but Im really not happy with the way things turned out but I guess Im trying to say I guess I mean Im pretty sure I guess... I'm not an expert, but
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Stop Playing Tag!

• Tag Question at the end of the sentence or
  statement
• ..., isn't it?
• ..., don't you think?
• ..., right?
• ..., okay?
• ..., don't they?
• ..., see what I'm saying?
• ..., you know what I mean?
• Exception useful as a power play.

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Verbal Challenge
But
However
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25
25 ...
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The Power of Silent Communication
People need time to process information in order
to formulate new beliefs. During the influencing
process, allow them enough time to do this!