Show, Don't Tell

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Show, Don't Tell

• The First Rule of Writing

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What is Show, Dont Tell?

• The Show, Dont Tell method of writing is when
  the writer is able to create a picture in the
  reader's mind, to get away from the repetition of
  such empty words like went, big, or said.

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Brain Pop

• Show, Dont Tell http//www.brainpop.com/english/w
  riting/shownottell/

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• Read the next two slides. How do they compare?

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Which is better?This . . .

• When I left my office that beautiful spring
  day, I had no idea what was in store for me. To
  begin with, everything was too perfect for
  anything unusual to happen. It was one of those
  days when a man feels good, feels like speaking
  to his neighbor, is glad to live in a country
  like ours, and proud of his government. You know
  what I mean, one of those rare days when
  everything is right and nothing is wrong.

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Or This?

• I left work feeling happy. It was a good day.

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• What differences did you see in the two
  versions?
• The first version
• was much longer
• had describing words such as beautiful spring day
• created a mood
• built up a feeling that something was about to
  happen
• Now compare the next two slides.

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Which is better?This . . .

• Still holding my dogs by their collars,
  I looked back. I couldnt understand what I saw.
  Rubin was laying where he had fallen. His back
  was toward me, and his body was bent in a U
  shape. Rainie was standing on the other side of
  him, staring down.
• I hollered and asked Rainie, Whats
  the matter?
• He didnt answer. He just stood as
  though in a trance, staring down at Rubin.
• I hollered again. He still didnt
  answer. I didnt know what to do. I couldnt turn
  my dogs loose. They would go for the hound again.
• Again I hollered at Rainie, asking him
  to come and help me. He neither moved nor
  answered. I had to do something.
• Looking around, my glance fell on the old
  barbed-wire fence. I led my dogs to it. Holding
  onto their collars with one hand, I worked a
  rusty barbed wire backwards and forwards against
  a staple until it broke. Running the end of it
  under their collars, I tied them up. They make
  two or three lunges toward the hound, but the
  wire held.
• I walked over and stopped at Rainies
  side. I again asked, Whats the matter?
• He said not a word.
• I could see that Rainie was paralyzed
  with fright. His mouth and eyes were opened wide,
  and his face was as white as chalk. I laid my
  hand on his shoulder. At the touch of my hand, he
  jumped and screamed. Still screaming, he turned
  and started running. I watched him until he
  disappeared in the darkness.

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Or This?

• Rainie was acting strange. I asked him what
  was wrong, but he didnt answer me. I had to tie
  up my dogs, so I could go over to find out what
  was the matter with him. When I finally walked
  over to where Rainie was standing, he ran away.

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• How do the two versions compare?
• Did you notice how the author built up a
  suspenseful situation by making the reader wait
  and wait while Billy tied his dogs?
• Go back two slides. Highlight the words that
  describe how Rainie was acting or feeling. Find
  the simile.
• How do the words you highlighted add to the
  telling of the story?

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• Check out one more example of how Show, Dont
  Tell helps make a story more interesting.

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Which is better?This . . .

• As graceful as any queen, with her head
  high in the air, and her long red tail arched in
  a perfect rainbow, my little dog walked down the
  table. With her warm gray eyes staring straight
  at me, on she came. Walking up to me, she laid
  her head on my shoulder. As I put my arms around
  her, the crowd exploded.

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Or This?

• Little Ann walked across the table towards
  Billy. She did a good job, and the men cheered.

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• In the first version could you picture Little Ann
  as she competed in the beauty contest?
• Go back and highlight words that described Little
  Ann.
• Find the metaphor. Little Anns tail was compared
  to what?

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Which is better?

• I missed the bus.
• I raced down the road, wildly waving my hands,
  and yelling, Stop, stop, but the bus traveled
  on down the road without stopping.

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Which is better?

• The broken windows and creaking hinges made me
  tremble as I slowly crossed the shadowed yard
  towards the dilapidated house.
• I was scared as I walked towards the haunted
  house.

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Which is better?

• My teeth chattered as I blew warm breath on my
  numb fingers.
• I am cold.

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Which is better?

• My friend is a very good artist.
• My pleasure grew as I slowly examined one
  masterpiece after another. Why, George, youre
  work could be shown at the Gallery of Fine Arts!

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Which is better?

• My coat is too small.
• As I tried to twist my arms out of my jacket I
  thought I was going to pull my shoulders out of
  their sockets.

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Which is better?

• Papers overflowed my cramped desk as I rummaged
  for the pencil I knew was buried somewhere
  inside its dark depths.
• My desk is a mess.

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• Complete the following worksheet Elaborate by
  Showing, Not Telling
• http//www.education-world.com/a_lesson/worksheets
  /TCM/pdfs/021004cl.pdf

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United Streaming

• Mood and Sensory Images 0620
• http//player.discoveryeducation.com/index.cfm?gui
  dAssetIdBD814F2B-575D-470C-8206-FCFA2177BAC9blnF
  romSearch1productcodeUS

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• Now lets practice by writing our own
  paragraph. First name some things a person might
  do when angry.

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• Compare your list to the one on the next slide.

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• pace back and forth
• face goes red
• fists clench open and shut
• voice gets louder
• eyes narrow
• forehead creases
• loud sighs
• wringing hands
• cracking of knuckles
• veins popping out in forehead
• evil eye
• rolled up sleeves of shirt with quick jerky
  movements

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• Write a paragraph describing your anger as you
  tell a police officer that a robber just stole
  your wallet with all your money inside. Use as
  many of the phrases from the previous slide as
  possible.

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• Read my version of the wallet story. Highlight
  the words that show, dont tell.

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Highlight the words or phrases that show, dont
tell.

• Pacing back and forth and wringing my hands
  I drew in a shaky voice. I could feel my face
  steaming and knew I must be the color of an
  apple. My voice grew louder, and I knew my veins
  were popping out on my forehead as I told the
  officer that I couldnt even pay for a ride home
  without my wallet.

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• You will be given an Oreo cookie.
• Breathe in how does it smell?
• How are you feeling when you hold the cookie,
  anticipating the first bite?
• Now slowly take a small bite. How does the cookie
  feel in your mouth? How does it taste?
• Make a list of phrases that describe your
  experience eating the cookie. Be sure to include
  some similes and metaphors.

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• Compare your list to this one. Do you have some
  of the same words and phrases?
• aroma of rich chocolate
• creamy, appetizing, tasty and delicious
• crunchy wafer
• moist, sweet filling
• smooth and creamy in the mouth
• senses struck dumb and mute
• fudgy, gummy, sticky, chewy
• cookie decorated with dark delectable designs
• mouth waters
• icing like butter turning slowly to cream in my
  mouth
• sweetness lingers long after the cookie is gone
• better than a warm blanket on a winters day

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• Now write a paragraph. Here is the
  situation. You are very hungry, your stomach
  growls. You rummage through the kitchen and find
  a new package of Oreos. Describe the experience
  of eating the cookie. Remember to tell this as
  part of a story.

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Heres my version.

• I rummaged through the vast kitchen, my
  stomach complaining of its emptiness. Was there
  anything in this house to eat? Suddenly I
  spotted it. Pleasure made my hands tremble. The
  package of Oreos was as beautiful as rain is to a
  fireman. I quickly ripped the cellophane. The
  aroma of rich chocolate reached my senses. My
  mouth drooled. I twisted the cookie apart and
  licked the sugary, smooth filling. The icing was
  like butter turning slowly to cream in my mouth.
  Its sweetness was better than a warm blanket on a
  winters day.

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More paragraphs for practice.

• You are nervous because you are about to give a
  speech to all the fifth grade students at
  Mountain City Elementary.
• You are frightened because you encounter a wild
  animal in the woods near your home.

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Additional Resources

• Toni Buzzeo http//www.tonibuzzeo.com/show_dont_te
  ll.pdf
• What If? http//www.bookhooks.com/showdonttell.pdf
  
• ALLAN HANCOCK COLLEGE WRITING CENTER Show, Dont
  Tell Specific Examples and Concrete Details
• http//www.hancockcollege.edu/owl/pdf/Other20Hand
  outs/Show,20don't20tell20.pdf
• Show, Dont Tell http//dl.getdropbox.com/u/65745/
  showdonttell.pdf
• Really Good Stuff http//www.reallygoodstuff.com/p
  dfs/157881.pdf
• Show Dont Tell http//www.cyber-spy.com/ebooks/eb
  ooks/Show-Dont-Tell-(ebook).pdf
• Writers Workshop 1 Show, Dont Tell Okay, But
  How Do You Do It? http//www.deborahdavisauthor.co
  m/workshops/workshop-1.pdf
• Handout Show, Dont Tell http//www.lausd.k12.ca.
  us/lausd/offices/itd/cti/middle_school/m_pc/lesson
  _plans/lp_word/lp_w_la_growup/dwkh1_d_edit.pdf
• Developing Elaboration with showing sentences.
  Show, Don't Tell http//www.myenglishlanguagecorne
  r.com/writing/3420Show20don't20tell20me20Writ
  ing20Packet20A.pdf