SENTENCE LENGTHCOMPREHENSION RATE

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Effective Sentences

• SENTENCE LENGTH COMPREHENSION RATE
• 8 words 100
• 15 words 90
• 19 words 80
• 28 words 50

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Effective Sentences

• 8 WORDS
• Please send the memo to all employees today.
• 28 WORDS
• Please send out the memo describing our new
  accounts receivable policy to all of our
  accounting and inventory control personnel by no
  later than four oclock this afternoon.

3
Effective Sentences

• are less than 20 words long
• have subjects and verbs
• are capable of standing alone
• EXAMPLE
• Subject Verb Phrase
• Mr. Brown laughed in a sinister manner.

4
Effective Sentences

• have parallel construction
• have appropriate emphasis / deemphasis
• use active or passive voice as required

5
Parallel Construction

• Parallelism uses balanced construction.
• Match
• nouns with nouns
• verbs with verbs
• phrases with phrases
• clauses with clauses.

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Parallel Construction

• NOT PARALLEL
• The process of writing involves organizing,
  composing, and revision.
• PARALLEL
• The process of writing involves organizing,
  composing, and revising. (match ing verbs)

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Parallel Construction

• NOT PARALLEL
• We are concerned with the quality of raw
  materials, where they are located, and how much
  it costs to transport them.
• PARALLEL
• We are concerned with the quality, location,
  and transportation costs of raw materials. (match
  nouns)

8
Try Your Skill

• How could parallelism be improved in the
  following sentence?
• We are pleased to recommend Elizabeth because
  she has sincerity, she is reliable, and she works
  with diligence.
• We are pleased to recommend Elizabeth because
  she is sincere, reliable, and diligent.

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Emphasis

• Mechanics
• Use of visual elements and techniques
• Style
• Use of word choice and placement

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Group Activity

• In groups of 3 or 4, brainstorm as many different
  methods of mechanical emphasis as you can in 5
  minutes.

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Emphasis Through Mechanics

• 1. Underlining
• Which of these methods do you prefer?

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Emphasis Through Mechanics

• 2. Italics and Boldface
• The use of boldface and italics captures the
  readers attention.

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Emphasis Through Mechanics

• 3. All Capitals
• Notice how EXPENSE-FREE stands out.

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Emphasis Through Mechanics

• 4. Dashes
• Other methods including dashes may be used.

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Emphasis Through Mechanics

• 5. Tabulation
• Listing items vertically emphasizes them
• 1. First item
• 2. Second item
• 3. Third item

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Emphasis Through Mechanics

• Other means of mechanical emphasis include
• White space Boxes
• Colour Columns
• Lines Headings

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Group Activity

• Use mechanical emphasis to create a brochure for
  Shine-a-Lot Car Wax. You may rewrite the text to
  emphasize key points.
• Shine-a-Lot Car WaxIt lasts longer than any
  other car wax
• It repels water more effectively
• It protects your car from dirt, snow, salt, and
  weather damage
• No buffing required, just wipe it off

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Emphasis Through Style

• TO EMPHASIZE AN IDEA
• Use a vivid expression.
• bug-free software rather than dependable
  software

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Emphasis Through Style

• TO EMPHASIZE AN IDEA
• Label the idea.
• use expressions such as more importantly, the
  principal reason, or the best alternative.

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Emphasis Through Style

• TO EMPHASIZE AN IDEA
• Put the idea first or last in a sentence.
• Although there are some advantages to hiring our
  own cleaning staff, subcontracting is still the
  cheapest alternative.

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Emphasis Through Style

• TO EMPHASIZE AN IDEA
• Put the idea in a short, simple sentence.
• The customer is always right.

22
Deemphasis Through Style

• TO DEEMPHASIZE AN IDEA
• Use general, rather than specific, words.
• some customers complained, rather than
• 125 customers complained

23
Deemphasis Through Style

• TO DEEMPHASIZE AN IDEA
• Put the idea in a dependent clause, next to a
  positive independent clause.
• You will receive store credit for any returned
  purchases, as we do not give cash refunds.

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Deemphasis Through Style

• TO DEEMPHASIZE AN IDEA
• Use the passive voice (the subject is being acted
  upon).
• An error was made by our accounting department.

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Practice Question

• Rewrite the sentences on the handout, using the
  guidelines discussed in class for
• sentence length
• parallel construction, and
• emphasis.

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Active- and Passive-Voice Verbs

• Verbs
• describe action or join subject to words that
  describe it
• for example write, did, is, ran

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Active- and Passive-Voice Verbs

• Active-voice verbs show the subject performing
  the action.
• Examples
• Most major employers require drug testing.
• (Active voice the subject is
  acting)
• Dr. Smith recommended Tina for the job.
• (Active voice the subject is acting)

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Active- and Passive-Voice Verbs

• In passive-voice sentences, the subject is being
  acted upon. Passive-voice verbs require helper
  verbs.
• Examples
• Drug testing is required by most major employers.
• (Passive voice the subject is being
  acted upon)
• Tina was recommended for the job by Dr. Smith.
• (Passive voice the subject is being
  acted upon)

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Active- and Passive-Voice Verbs

• Use the active voice for most business
  writing.EXCEPTIONS
• Use the passive voice to emphasize an action or
  the recipient of the actionrather than the actor
  (Specialists were hired Laura was honored).
• Use the passive voice to break bad news (Although
  your lease cannot be renewed, we can offer . . .
  ).
• Use the passive voice to avoid blaming (An error
  was made in tabulating the results. ).

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Try Your Skill

• Convert the following to active voice. You may
  have to add a subject.
• Our membership meeting was postponed by the
  president.
• The president postponed our membership meeting.
• The résumés of job candidates are sorted quickly
  by the software program Resumix.
• The software program Resumix sorts résumés of
  job candidates quickly.
• Computer paper was ordered yesterday.
• Someone ordered computer paper yesterday.

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Try Your Skill

• Convert the following sentence to passive voice.
• We must delay shipment of your merchandise
  because of heavy demand.
• Your merchandise shipment must be delayed
  because of heavy demand.
• The technician could not install the computer
  program.
• The computer program could not be installed.

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Change to Active Voice

• Initial figures were submitted before the
  deadline.
• We submitted the initial figures before the
  deadline.
• Substantial sums of money were earned by
  employees who enrolled in our stock option plan.
• Employees who enrolled in our stock option plan
  earned substantial sums of money.
• A significant financial commitment has been made
  by us to ensure the viability of the project.
• We made a significant financial commitment to
  ensure the project remains viable.

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Change to Passive Voice

• We cannot ship your order until June 14.
• Your order cannot be shipped until June 14.
• Your order can be shipped June 14.
• The government first issued a warning about the
  pesticides over 15 months ago.
• A warning about the pesticides was issued by
  the government over 15 months ago.
• We cannot allow a cash refund without a receipt.
• A cash refund cannot be allowed without a
  receipt.A cash refund will be allowed with a
  receipt.

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Sentence Structure

• Unified sentences
• Contain only related ideas
• WRONG
• My supervisor will be attending the meeting, and
  has other meetings scheduled as well.
• RIGHT
• My supervisor will be attending the meeting.
  She has other meetings scheduled as well.

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Sentence Structure

• Zigzag sentences
• Unexpectedly switch away from the main topic
• Should usually be broken into two sentences
• WRONG
• Our hotel provides free internet access and has
  an excellent restaurant.
• RIGHT
• Our hotel provides free internet access in every
  room. We also have an excellent restaurant.

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Sentence Structure

• Mixed construction
• Different grammatical constructions destroy unity
• WRONG
• The reason we have so much waste is because of
  the material is defective.
• RIGHT
• The reason we have so much waste is that the
  material is defective.

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Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers

• Modifiers are words or phrases that describe or
  limit other words.
• For clarity, modifiers must be close to the words
  they describe or limit.

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Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers

• Poor Any student has full on-line
  privileges who is enrolled in the college.
• Revised Any student who is enrolled in the
  college has full on-line privileges.

39
Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers

• Poor Its hard to understand why employees
  would not go to our technical support staff
  with software problems.
• Revised Its hard to understand why
  employees with software problems would
  not go to our technical support staff.

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Try Your Skill

• Revise the following sentence to correct any
  misplaced modifiers.
• She died in the house in which she was born at
  the age of 88.
• At the age of 88, she died in the house in
  which she was born.

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Try Your Skill

• Revise the following sentence to correct any
  misplaced modifiers.
• To receive an employment form, fill out this
  application. (Tricky!)
• The sentence is correct as it stands. You is
  the understood subject of a command.

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Fix the modifiers

• Driving across the bridge, the ocean suddenly
  came into view.
• Driving across the bridge, we saw the ocean
  suddenly come into view.
• Seeing his error, the envelope was immediately
  resealed by Adrian.
• Seeing his error, Adrian immediately resealed
  the envelope.
• We interviewed only candidates who had excellent
  computer skills in the morning.
• In the morning, we interviewed only candidates
  who had excellent computer skills.

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Homework

• Reading 7, p. 21 on Word Usage Rules
• Reading 8, p. 23 on Parallel Construction