Parent Calls and Emails

1
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) -- Jane Hambleton has
dubbed herself the "meanest mom on the
planet." After finding alcohol in her son's car,
she decided to sell the car and share her
19-year-old's misdeed with everyone -- by placing
an ad in the local newspaper. The ad reads "OLDS
1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who
obviously don't love teenage son, selling his
car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy
mom who needs to get a life found booze under
front seat. 3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the
planet." Hambleton has heard from people besides
interested buyers since recently placing the ad
in The Des Moines Register. The 48-year-old from
Fort Dodge says she has fielded more than 70
telephone calls from emergency room technicians,
nurses, school counselors and even a Georgia man
who wanted to congratulate her. "The ad cost a
fortune, but you know what? I'm telling people
what happened here," Hambleton says. "I'm not
just gonna put the car for resale when there's
nothing wrong with it, except the driver made a
dumb decision. "It's overwhelming the number of
calls I've gotten from people saying 'Thank you,
it's nice to see a responsible parent.' So far
there are no calls from anyone saying, 'You're
really strict. You're real overboard, lady."' The
only critic is her son, who Hambleton says is
"very, very unhappy" with the ad and claims the
alcohol was left by a passenger. Hambleton
believes her son but has decided mercy isn't the
best policy in this case. She says she set two
rules when she bought the car at Thanksgiving No
booze, and always keep it locked. The car has
been sold, but Hambleton says she will continue
the ad for another week -- just for the feedback.
2
Parent Calls and Emails

• Good Better Best

3

• With every opportunity you have to communicate
  with your son..Challenge yourself
• Is this good?
• Can it be better?
• Is it my best?

4
Teaching Responsibility

• Parent calls and emails become your
  opportunity to TEACH. You teach your child what
  is, and is not, acceptable by what you allow or
  tolerate. That which we dont confront we
  condone. You must be willing to speak up, and
  hold your child accountable for the language and
  attitude reflected when it becomes detrimental to
  their progress as an individual.

5
Emails

• Emails are your primary mode of communicating
  with your son.
• It is important to be consistent.
• Your student should be receiving 2-3 QUALITY
  e-mails each week. (If they were living at home
  would you only be talking to them once a week?)

6

• You should know who is writing and what they are
  saying. This is no different than the role you
  should be taking as a parent if your son were
  living at home.
• Who are their friends?
  Who are their friends parents?
• How are others influencing my son?
• What attitudes and behaviors are being expressed
  in the E-mails my son is writing?
• Keep their emails in a book or electronic file.
  Look for patterns Hold them accountable for
  what they say and commit too.

7

• Dont assume that because they have tuned you
  out in the past, that they will do so again.
• Your child is now in a different situation and is
  hopefully more teachable. He cannot and generally
  will not tune out a letter.

8
Emails need to move beyond simply reporting on
events from home. They become your ongoing
opportunity to counsel and guide. This takes
great effort and investment on your part. Your
questions need to be probing, specific ,
challenging and even somewhat uncomfortable.
Please do not be afraid of this process.
If your son returns home to the same
expectations and environment that he left, it
will be more difficult for them to maintain the
behavioral gains they have achieved during their
enrollment. It becomes
9
The Parent Call

• Parent call total time should be 25-30 minutes
• 15-20 minutes with the parent liaison
• Discuss strengths and weaknesses
• Discuss progress and concerns
• Coordinate efforts to keep the student moving
  forward
• 10 min with student
• Call Sheet
• Reporting their problems
• Reporting solutions they are working on
• Academics
• Health
• Stage of Moral Development

10
Parent calls

• Keep your scheduled time for Parent calls.
• Calls for the first 30-45 days are strictly with
  the Parent liaison. As student earn trust and
  show responsibility they are included in the call
  time for 10 minutes twice per month. As students
  utilize emails and phone calls effectively they
  can be given 3 or 4 calls each month.

11
With your phone calls..

• Discuss their Progress
• Challenge them to do better
• Convey your expectations
• Talk about THEM
• Keep the discussion focused on THEM
• Minimal discussion about events at home.

12
Things to focus on

• Keep notes on letters and at each call.
• Refer to your notes. Hold them accountable for
  negative comments or thinking.
• Remind them of positives when they are
  struggling.

• Achievements
• Academics
• Portfolio
• Personal investment in change
• Service project
• Identification
• Orientation
• Implementation
• Evaluation

13
Be aware of.

• Blaming YOU
• Shifting Blame to other student or to the program
• Minimizing
• Shifting the focus to something other than THEM

14
Parent Call Dos And Dont

• Do..

• Dont

• Confront concerns
• Convey Expectations
• Warn of Consequences
• Hold them accountable for everything they say and
  do

• Debate or Argue
• Focus on YOUR shortcomings or problems
• Enable

15
Profanity and Inappropriate Language

• Profanity in emails (and at home)
• As parents, you should have zero tolerance for
  the use of profanity
• Respond to the use of inappropriate language in
  emails directly.
• Remind your student that you will not tolerate
  the use of profanity or inappropriate language.
• Plainly state that you are disappointed and that
  you expect a higher level of conduct from them.
• Remind them of their responsibility to find more
  appropriate language to accurately describe the
  situation or emotion.
• Inform them that you will be forwarding the
  inappropriate letter to their counselor (me) to
  address the issue.