Awkward Sentences

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Awkward Sentences

• The Writing Centre
• StFX University
• 10th Anniversary Celebrations

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The Meaning of AWK!

• When professors write AWK beside a sentence in
  your paper, they mean that the sentence, whether
  grammatically correct or not, is awkward to read.
  
• Professors frequently deduct points for awkward
  sentences, but rarely offer any concrete reasons
  why they are awkward.
• This tutorial will clear up some confusion, and
  offer some guidance about how to eliminate this
  problem from your writing.

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Why Writers Write Awkwardly

• Because while composing the essay, the writer is
  normally focusing on the content of the sentence,
  not its structure, he or she may not notice a
  lack of sentence unity.
• During the proofreading stage, the writer may
  still not catch the problem, because instead of
  reading the sentence the way it is actually
  written, the writer may instead hear the
  thought as separate components, each of which is
  clear.

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What Makes Sentences Awkward?

• Awkward sentences are ungrammatical, unclear,
  choppy, or just too difficult to follow.
• The awkward sentence is where grammar and style
  collide.
• If your sentence does not sound right when you
  read it aloud, chances are that it has run
  away from you. You are trying to say
  too much in one sentence. Simplify
  the thought and rewrite it. If necessary, use
  two sentences.

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Problems found in awkward sentences

• Unwarranted tense shifts
• Shifts in person. For the most part, keep your
  sentences in the third person (he, she, it,
  they) avoid using first person (I, me, we) and
  second person (you, your).
• Faulty prediction (is how, is why, is what,
  is where, is when)
• Example Anorexia is where people,
  believing they are too fat, diet to the point of
  starvation.
• Mixed Constructions

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Problems Mixed Constructions

• Many awkward sentences are mixed
  constructions. Mixed constructions are pieces
  of good sentences that are badly mixed in one
  sentence. To fix them, draw a line
  where the sentence seems to go wrong, keep the
  best part, delete the other, and finish the idea.
• Example For most people who have cataracts/
  increase their danger from being blinded by
  glare from headlights while driving
  at night.
• Solution For most people who have cataracts,
  driving at night is dangerous because of the
  glare from headlights.

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The Causes of Awkward Sentences

• Not using your own words instead you rely on the
  phrases and constructions of the author you are
  discussing. The mixture of your authors style
  and your own is almost always awkward.
• Not revising most writers produce awkward
  sentences on the first draft.
• Sentences become awkward through a
  combination of structural flaws, wordiness and
  incorrect usage.

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Structural Flaws

• A sentence that combines two or more segments in
  a confusing or inaccurate manner normally
  contains structural flaws.
• Example He had great runs that year, which
  was (115) along with strike outs (99).
• Problems nonsensical phrasing, improper use
  of parentheses
• Suggested Correction That year,
  he scored an impressive 115 runs although he
  struck out 99 times.

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Wordiness

• Sentences contain too many unnecessary words.
• Example He was the Mets manager during
  their first world series, Hodges guided them to
  the Mets first World Series.
• Grammatical problem a comma splice separates
  two clauses which mean essentially the same
  thing
• Suggested Solution As a manager, Hodges guided
  the Mets to their first World Series.

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Incorrect Usage

• Any sentence that does not have sentence unity.
• Example He was black so because blacks were
  not liked very much and as much as
  Atticus tried to get him accused of being
  not guilty, he still ended up being accused of
  the crime.
• Grammatical Problems lacks parallel structure
  and misplaces modifying phrases
• Suggested Correction Since he
  was black, and since blacks were usually
  mistreated, he was still accused of the crime
  despite Atticus efforts to exonerate him.

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Avoiding Awkward Sentences

• Because there are thousands of ways to combine
  phrases and clauses, there can be no single rule
  to help writers avoid awkward sentences.
• You can probably avoid most examples of them
  if you proofread the paper and re-write any
  sentence that seems to get away from you or that
  you have trouble composing.
• Learn to spot problem phrasing in the first
  place, and think about how you can better express
  yourself. This takes practice.

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Detecting Awkward Sentences

• Read your essay aloud slowly with pen in hand.
  Mark areas where you slowed, stumbled, or paused,
  because those areas may need fixing. Your ear
  may know what your eye has missed.
• To really be sure you have not missed an awkward
  sentence, proofread your essay back to front
  last sentence to first sentence.

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Awkward sentences do not reflect the writers
intended meaning.

• Ex. In this quote, it interprets an example of
  when Tom Robinson was killed.
• Correction The quotation calls
  to mind the killing of Tom Robinson as an
  example of its meaning.
• Ex. Tom Robinson is a poor black man who is
  discriminated against.
• Correction Tom Robinson is a poor black man who
  faces discrimination.

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Correcting Awkward Sentences Stylistically

• Look for the words it, this, by, and
  there in each sentence. Are these words truly
  necessary? Could you rewrite the sentence to
  replace them with more specific words or
  eliminate them entirely?
• Consider each comma in the sentence. Does it
  belong there?

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Correcting Awkward Sentences Grammatically

• Use correct parallel structure
• Correct misplaced modifiers
• Write clear, concise sentences

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Correct Parallel Structure means

• Sentences have the same structures on either
  side of a conjunction (and, but not, so, yet, for
  etc.)
• Awkward Sentence These advertisements persuade
  us that the corporation supports environmentalism
  but not to buy its products.
• Suggested Correction These advertisements
  persuade us that the corporation supports
  environmentalism but not that we should buy its
  products.

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Correct Parallel Structure means

• Items in a list must be parallel in structure.
• Awkward Sentence Gordons career
  goals include a promotion to Vice President,
  an annual bonus of 10, and to have many exciting
  and stimulating projects to choose from.
• Suggested Correction Gordons career goals
  include a promotion to Vice President, an
  annual bonus of 10, and a choice of
  many exciting and stimulating projects.

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Correct Parallel Structure means

• Sentences have equality between items that are
  being compared
• Awkward Sentence I think dining
  out is a lot more fun than to go through the
  hassle of cooking at home.
• Suggested Correction I think dining out is a
  lot more fun than going through the hassle of
  cooking at home.

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Correct Misplaced Modifiers

• When using a phrase or clause to modify or
  describe something in a sentence, the modifier
  must refer clearly to what it is
  describing. Most often, this means it must be
  placed next to the item to which it is referring.
  Failing to do so often results in an awkward,
  though humorous, sentence.

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Correcting Misplaced Modifiers

• Awkward Sentence The despondent little girl
  found her missing doll playing in the backyard
  under the swing.
• Suggested Correction When she was playing in
  the backyard under the swing, the little girl
  found her missing doll.

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Writing Clear, Concise Sentences means

• Using strong, precise verbs whenever possible
  avoid passive constructions like it is believed
  by it was demonstrated that..
• Avoiding unnecessarily inflated words and phrases
  like under circumstances in which instead of
  when
• Eliminating unnecessary prepositional
  phrases like the opinion of the working group
  instead of the working groups opinion

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Writing Clear, Concise Sentences means

• Avoiding the use of vague, all-purpose nouns
• Avoiding strings of nouns like program
  implementation process evaluation
• Avoiding expletive constructions like it is,
  there is, there are whenever possible

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Examples of Awkward Sentences

• Every attempt will be made to delineate the
  problems of education among underdeveloped
  nations and how coordinated efforts can address
  them in economical ways.
• The proposal appears to have been written
  intelligently, carefully, and with the full
  cooperation of all the involved
  agencies.
• A familiar marketing strategy was reintroduced by
  a former client that had served the company
  dependably in the past.
• The committee recommends revising the curriculum
  to reflect trends in local employment and that
  the division be reorganized to reflect the
  new curriculum.
• To run for a seat in the United States Senate, a
  candidate must be an adult at least thirty years
  of age, a citizen of the United States, and is to
  reside in the state to be represented.

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Examples of Awkward Sentence

• An historical study of any profound social change
  must recognize the economic basis of the change
  and its political climate and its demographic
  foundations.
• Nineteenth-century nihilists were concerned with
  neither the origins of philosophical thought nor
  how societal laws developed.
• After practicing for months, auditions went much
  more smoothly for the young actor.
• The great wastes of the southeast quadrant of
  Saudi Arabia are at once forbiddingly empty,
  climactically harsh, and the beauty of them is
  haunting.
• Like many politicians, the senators promises
  sounded good but ultimately led to nothing.
• Hodges was a strong player, he had good
  sportsmanship, he also contributed to the game.

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Examples of Awkward Sentences

• This shows that even by Boo being used to staying
  by himself and not being bothered he went out to
  save the kids even though they tried to bother
  and disturb him.
• For King Lear, because of the one fault he
  makes, he pays for it dearly.
• Besides that of her parents, it is not until Jane
  arrives at Lowood that she experiences
  love.
• Cocteau seems to almost ridicule, in the process,
  the Greek belief in nobility.
• She has no reason to grieve in sorrow when she
  has no one to blame but herself.
• Based on the fact that he is pessimistic and
  feels life is not worth it, he is forgetting
  about his loved ones whom he said he did not want
  to hurt.

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Examples of Awkward Sentences

• Though he is trying to argue that they do not
  have the right to say he cannot choose if he
  wants euthanasia, he does not have the right to
  tell his family they have suffered enough.
• For example, people sometimes get so angry
  that they would like to take someone
  elses life and murder them.
• After reading this statement, I interpreted that
  civil rights and the hiring policy should not be
  taken in the consideration for the hiring of
  homosexuals.
• Well, all the civil rights cases concerning
  African Americans were based on
  allowing blacks to become part of the modern
  lifestyle.
• Many men were taught that this was not masculine
  of them.

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Examples of Awkward Sentences

• For example, a person who has many problems, such
  as financial issues, cant exactly practice
  euthanasia.
• People make choices every day that put their
  lives in jeopardy where death can occur.
• Everyone portrays a unique situation and
  no religion or law can say what is
  appropriate for every woman.
• To take the side that they did the writers of
  this article should have given better solutions
  to these very serious problems.
• This statement is not very influential
  because the author fails to provide
  any supporting evidence.