Dealing with Unhealthy Dialogue

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Dealing with Unhealthy Dialogue
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State Standard

• 4.1
• Understand conditions, actions, and
  motivations that contribute to conflict or
• to cooperation.

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• When faced with a failed conversation, we are
  often quick to blame someone else.
• But rarely are we completely innocent.

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Seek first to understand involves a very deep
shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be
understood. Most people do not listen with the
intent to understand they listen with the
intent to reply. They are either speaking or
preparing to speak. They are filtering everything
through their own paradigms, reading their
autobiography into other peoples lives. If they
have a problem with someone, their attitude is
That person just doesnt understand.

--Stephen Covey
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• Those who are best at dialogue work on me
  first.
• Heres how
• 1. Maintain focus
• 2. Keep the door of dialogue
• open.

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• Many people try to change the goal of a
  conversation.
• Heres why
• 1. Avoid embarrassment
• 2. Punish the other person
• 3. Revenge
• 4. Protect the self

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• Deviations from Goal
• Wanting To Win
• Seeking Revenge
• Conflict Avoiding

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• Signs of a C.C.
• Tightening of Stomach
• Emotional Responses
• (Fear, Hurt, Anger)
• Raising of Voices
• Sarcasm

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• Silence or Violence
• When fear enters a conversation, people either
  attack or go silent.

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• Look for these responses in yourself and others.
• To counter, create safety.

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• Ways to Create Safety
• Non-Judgmental Tone
• Calm Voice
• Praising Good Points
• Reassuring Value of the Relationship

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• 3 Forms of Silence
• Masking Not stating true opinion through
  sarcasm or sugar-coating.
• 2. Avoiding Steering away from sensitive
  issues.
• 3. Withdrawing Pulling out of a conversation
  altogether or exiting the room.

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• I was angry with my friendI told my wrath,
  my wrath did end.
• I was angry with my foeI told it not, my
  wrath did grow.
• -William Blake

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Try to understand men, if you understand each
other, you will be kind to each other. knowing
a man well never leads to hate and nearly always
leads to love.
(John Steinbeck)
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• 3 Forms of Violence
• Controlling Forcing others into your way of
  thinking.
• Labeling Stereotyping or generalizing others for
  their ideas.
• 3. Attacking Trying to win by making the other
  person suffer.

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• Video Clip
• Tom Cruise on the Today Show

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• Ways to Create Safety
• Clarify your real intentions.
• 2. Clarify what are not your intentions.
• Search for healthy options
• that will bring about
• dialogue.

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• Activity
• Within groups, write a scene depicting two
  people engaged in a crucial conversation. One
  person is practicing some of the unhealthy
  behaviors we discussed. The other person uses
  the CC techniques from our notes. Include a
  resolution.

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Topics

• Divorce
• Death
• Peer Pressure
• Drugs
• Bullying
• Money

• Depression
• Eating Disorders
• Insecurity
• Self-perception
• Diseases
• Ending a relationship
• Hygiene