Coping%20with%20Life%20Challenges

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Coping with Loneliness, shyness and Rejection
Yipsir
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The Experience of Loneliness

• Social Loneliness
• not feeling part of a group of friends
• not having people with whom to share activities
• Emotional Loneliness
• having no one to turn to
• not being understood as a person

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Loneliness

• a negative experience
• a discrepancy between desired and achieved social
  relations
• ?? ? ??
• Reflection Did you feel loneliness, when, where
  and Hows your thinking and feeling?

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Nine Coping Skills

• Skill 1 Interpreting Loneliness as Changeable
• Skill 2 Learning to like yourself by using
  solitude to pursue self-fulfilling activities
• Skill 3 Being an initiator
• Skills 4 Perfecting your social skills
• Skill 5 Practicing the Social Skill of Being
  Responsive
• Skill 6 Taking control of your thinking style
• Skill 7 Recognizing the value of opening lines
• Skill 8 Developing the ability to make
  conversation
• Skill 9 Learning to Tolerate Rejection

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Skill 1 Interpreting Loneliness as Changeable
Skill 2 Learning to like yourself by using
solitude to pursue self-fulfilling activities
Unchangeable Changeable
Personal - Im short, stupid, unattractive, people just dont seem to like me - Im shy, havent put enough time, energy and effort to get along with people, but I can work on
External - no people around in my workplace - people around me are too tied up - people dont ever try to know me - I havent taken time to enlarge my circle - I havent asked enough people to do things with me
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Eg. Invite dancing partners
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Skill 3 Being an initiator

• Effect a secondary appraisal
• Take a serious look at your social skills
• Strive to overcome shyness and initiate personal
  contacts
• Increase your tolerance for rejection
• Examples improper seating in an upper deck bus
• proper management of eye contacts for shy people

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Skills 4 Perfecting your social skills

• SOCIAL SKILLS TRAINING
• Giving personal attention to what the other
  person is saying
• Encouraging the other person to express his / her
  opinions
• Holding up your end of the conversation, but
  balancing interest in the other person's
  statements against talking about yourself
• Looking your best
• Activity Shaking Hands
• Casual talk in pairs
• First impression
• Equity and emotion theory

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Skill 5 Practicing the Social Skill of Being
Responsive

• LEARNING TO BE RESPONSIVE
• Motivation Attentiveness Empathy Skill
• Activity Empathetic listening
• (???? / ????)

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Skill 6 Taking control of your thinking style

• OVERCOMING SHYNESS
• - Adaptive explanations for shyness
• "It is natural to feel shy at times, but I can
  learn how to be outgoing in spite of these
  feelings."

• Study on the value of rational explanations for
  shyness

1st group 2nd group 3rd group
Helped to understand shyness as an outcome of childhood experiences a product of their thinking styles and self-perceptions received counseling without finding explanations for shyness
Outcome (overcoming shyness) ?? ??? ?
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Skill 7 Recognizing the value of opening lines
(1)

• Principles for Opening lines
• Short and frequent
• No premature exposure
• Familiarity breeds liking
• be prepared to tolerate rejection

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Skill 7 Recognizing the value of opening lines
(2)

• Preferred and non-preferred opening lines
• Innocuous
• Do you have a pen?
• Did you join such kind of course before?
• Do you understand how to do it?
• Direct
• Is it OK if I sit with you?
• Thats a very pretty (sweater, shirt) you have
  on.
• You have really nice hair, eyes.
• Cute/flippant
• Ive got an offer you cant refuse
• Isnt it cold? Lets make some body heat.

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Skill 7 Recognizing the value of opening lines
(3)

• Advice for men
• - women prefer a soft, non-threatening approach
• - Innocuous lines minimize vulnerability and give
  the woman an opportunity to respond without being
  turned off or driven away
• - For men who are willing to admit vulnerability,
  direct opening lines should be considered

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Skill 7 Recognizing the value of opening lines
(4)

• Advice for women
• Should women take control of their social
  contracts?
• Many men are not used to respond in a gracious
  manner when being approached by women
• Some men tend to interpret any interest shown by
  a woman as sexual

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Skill 8 Developing the ability to make
conversation

• Making conversation (Be a good talker and a good
  listener)

20 Talkers 80 Talkers 50 Talkers
Being evaluated as submissive, introverted rated equally poor for both men and women rated positively by evaluators
Activity Share a hobby in pairs
(contents, feeling, non-verbal behavoral)
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Skill 9 Learning to Tolerate Rejection

• Mastery-oriented approach
• View social interactions as an opportunity to
  develop closeness
• Primary appraisals The more I can tolerate
  rejection, the more people I can meet
• Performance-oriented approach
• View social interactions as threatening
  experience where they are being judged and
  evaluated.
• Primary appraisals If I am rejected, it means
  I'm unlikable.

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The End