SCOTS HOOSE

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SCOTS HOOSE

• Favourite Poems

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THE SELKIRK GRACEby Robert Burns

• Some hae meat and canna eat,    And some wad
  eat that want it But we hae meat, and we can
  eat, And sae the Lord be thankit

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CA-CANNIEby Sheena Blackhall

• Fowk say that ye are fit ye eatSae ca-cannie
  fin chawin yer meatSwiss rolls an paninis luik
  daft in bikinisAn petticoat tails hae nae feet!

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MINCE AND TATTIESby JK Annand

• I dinna like hail tatties
• Pit on my plate o mince
• For when I tak my denner
• I eat them baith at yince.
• Sae mash and mix the tatties
• Wi mince into the mashin,
• And sic a tasty denner
• Will aye be voted Smashin!

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THE MAGIC PIZZAby Alison Fitt

• Ehm a pizza, a magic pizza,
• Bein stuck in the freezers a scunner
• So eh grew twa legs an oor ago
• An fae Tesco Eh did a runner.
•  
• Ehma pizza, a gaen-mental pizza,
• Ehm skitin doon the street,
• An giein a muckle cheesy grin
• Tae the dumfoonert fowk Eh meet.

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• Ehm a pizza, a please-mehsel pizza,
• Eh can dae whitiver Eh like
• Fleh wi cheese and tomatae weengs
• Or gae dancin doon a dyke.
•  
• Ehm a pizza, an oan-the-rin pizza,
• The polis are efter me
• But they needna think that ony o them
• Are haein me fur thir tea.
•  
• Ehm a pizza, a thumb-yir-neb pizza,
• Ehll tell them tae git loast.
• Oh jings Ehm a puggilt pizza noo
• Ehve stertit tae defroast!

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CROCODILEby JK Annand

• When doukin in the River NileI met a muckle
  crocodile.He flicked his tail, he blinked his
  ee,Syne bared his ugsome teeth at me.
• Says I, "I never saw the like.Cleaning your
  teeth maun be a fyke !What sort of besom do ye
  haeTo brush a set o teeth like thae?" 
• The crocodile said, "Nane ava.I never brush my
  teeth at aa !A wee bird redds them up, ye
  see,And saves me monie a dentist's fee."

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NESSIEby JK Annand

• Nessie the Loch Ness MonsterWad seem to be gey
  blate,And doesna like the scientist chielsThat
  come, and sit, and wait.But gif ye want to see
  herPretend ye dinna care,Keek oot the corner o
  your ee -Ye'll see her soomin there.She'll
  wiggle-humphie-waggle,She'll goggle wi her
  een,Syne disappear ablow the lochLike she had
  never been.

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A DUG, A DUG by Bill Keys

• Hey, Daddy, wid ye get us a dug ?A big broon
  alsation ur a wee white pug ?Ur a skinny wee
  terrier, ur a big fat collie?Aw, daddy,get us a
  dug.  Will yi ? Whit! An' whose dug'll it be
  when it durties the flerr,An' wets the carpet
  and messes the sterr?Its me ur yer mammy'll be
  tane furra mug.Away oot'n play.  Yer no getting
  a dug.But daddy thur gi'en them awayDown therr
  at the RSPCA.Yu'll get wan fur nothin, so ye
  will.Aw. Daddy, get us a dug, Will ye?

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• Dji hear um?  Oan aboot dugs again?Ah think
  that yins goat dugs'n the brain.Ah know whit
  yu'll get a skite oan the lugIf ah hear ony
  merr aboot this bloomin dug.Aw, Daddy, it widny
  be dear tae keepAn ah'd make it a basket fur it
  tae sleep.An ah'd take it fur runs away ower
  the hull.Aw, Daddy, get us a dug.  Will ye?A
  doan't think thurs embdy like youYi could
  wheedle the twist oot a flamin' corkscrew.Noo!
  Get doon aff my neck.  Gies nane a yur hugs.Aw
  right.  THAT'S ANUFF. Ah'll get yi a dug.Aw
  Daddy.  A dug. A dug.

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THE AULD BROON TROOT by Sandy Thomas Ross

• The auld broon troot lay unner a stane, Unner a
  stane lay he, An he thocht o' the wund, An he
  thocht o' the rain, An the troot that he uist
  tae be. A'm a gey auld troot, said he tae
  hissel, A gey auld troot, said he, An there's
  mony a queer-like Tale A cuid tell O' the
  things that hae happened tae me.

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• They wee-hafflin trooties are aa verra smert,
  They're aa verra smert, said he, They ken aa
  the rules O' the gemm aff by hairt, An they're
  no aften catched, A'll agree. They're thinkin
  A'm auld an they're thinkin A'm duin, They're
  thinkin A'm duin, said he, They're thinkin A'm
  no Worth the flirt o' a fin Or the blink o' a
  bonnie black ee. But A'm safe an A'm smug in ma
  bonnie wee neuk, A'm safe an A'm snug, said he,
  A'm the big fush that Nae fusher can heuk, An
  A'll aye be that - till A dee!

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THE SCHULE IN JUNE by Robert Bain

• There's no a clood in the sky, The hill's clear
  as can be, An' the broon road's windin' ower it,
  But - no for me!
• It's June, wi' a splurge o' colour In glen an'
  on hill, An' it's me wad be lyin' up yonner,
  But then - there's the schule.

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• There's a wude wi' a burn rinnin' through it,
  Caller an' cool, Whaur the sun splashes licht
  on the bracken An' dapples the pool.
• There's a sang in the soon' o' the watter, Sang
  sighs in the air, An' the worl' disnae maitter a
  docken To yin that's up there.

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• A hop an' a step frae the windie, Just fower
  mile awa, An' I could be lyin' there thinkin'
  O' naething ava'.
• Ay! - the schule is a winnerfu' place, Gin ye
  tak it a' roon, An' I've no objection to
  lessons, Whiles - but in June?

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SLAISTERby JK Annand

• Mum cries me a slaister,
• Says naethin could be waur
• Nor mellin sand and water
• And slaisterin in the glaur.
•  
• When I'm aa glaur and slaistert
• And  clarty as a tink
• Mum maks a graith o soap suds
• And plops me in the sink.
•  
• Syne when I'm washed and tidied
• And clean as clean can be
• My Mum gies me a cuddle
• And maks me chips for tea.

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THAT'S THE GAMEby Jill Bennett

• A poem, huh
• Ah could eat a poem
• Tak a bite
• Get ma teeth intae it
• Rattle it roond ma gums
• Chew real slow
• Spit a word oot
• Kick it alang the street
• Play keepie-uppie wi it
• Heider it
• Bring on a substitute
• Score a goal
• A poem, huh
• That's the game

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MENZIESTraditional

• A canty wee lassie cried MenziesSpeired, "Dae
  ye ken whit this thenzies?"Her Maw, wi a
  gasp,Reponed, "It's a wasp!And ye're haudin the
  end whaur the stenzies!

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FIREWORKS AFF THE CASTLEby Matthew Fitt

• Fireworks aff the Castle
• Goin WHEECH, WHEECH, WHEECH
• Bairns in the library
• Gettin WHEESHT, WHEESHT, WHEESHT
• Cans o Irn Bru Goin
• SKOOSHITAY, SKOOSHITAY, SKOOSH
• Fitbaw in the playgroond
• Gettin DOOSHITAY, DOOSHITAY, DOOSH

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• The snaw blaws in fae Norroway
• And nips your TAES, TAES, TAES
• We go skitin on wir sledges
• Doon the BRAES, BRAES, BRAES
• The rain comes doon in buckets
• And its WEET, WEET, WEET
• Your teeth is sair fae sweeties
• And its GREET, GREET, GREET

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• Youre oot wi pals and aw the time
• Its BLETHER, BLETHER, BLETHER
• But when awthins wrang and no goin right
• Jist go and tell your MITHER
• When awthins wrang and no goin right
• Jist you coorie in wi MITHER

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TWA-LEGGIT MICEby JK Annand

• Ma mither says that we hae miceThat open
  air-ticht tinsAnd eat her chocolate biscuitsAnd
  cakes and sic like things.
• Nae doot it is an awfy shameThat mice should
  get the blame.Its really me that ripes the
  tinsWhen left alane at hame.
• But jings I get fair hungertAnd biscuits taste
  sae niceBut dinnae tell ma mitherFor she thinks
  its the mice!

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BEASTIES by Helen Cruickshank

• Clock-leddy, clock-leddy
• Flee awa' hame,
• Your lum's in a lowe,
• Your bairns in a flame
• Reid-spottit jeckit,
• An' polished black e'e,
• Land on my luif, an' bring
• Siller tae me!

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• Ettercap, ettercap,
• Spinnin' your threid,
• Midges for denner, an'
• Flees for your breid
• Sic a mischanter
• Befell a bluebottle,
• Silk roond his feet -
• Your hand at his throttle!

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• Moudiewarp, moudiewarp,
• Howkin' an' scartin',
• Tweed winna please ye,
• Nor yet the braw tartan,
• Silk winna suit ye,
• Naither will cotton,
• Naething, my lord, but the
• Velvet ye've gotten.

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Street Talk by JK Annand

• There was a rammie in the street,
• A stishie and stramash.
• The crabbit wifie up the stair
• Pit up her winda sash.
• Nou whats adae? the wifie cried,
• Juist tell me whats adae.
• A day is twinty-fower hours, missis,
• Nou gie us peace to play.

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• Juist tell me whats ado, she cried,
• And nane o yer gab, cried she.
• Dye no ken a doos a pigeon, missis?
• Nou haud your wheesht a wee.
• I want to ken whats up, she cried,
• And nae mair o yer cheek, ye loun.
• Its only yer winda thats up, missis.
• For guidsake pit it doun.

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THE BOY IN THE TRAINby Mary Campbell Smith

• Whit wey does the engine say Toot-toot? Is it
  feart to gang in the tunnel?Whit wey is the
  furnace no pit oot When the rain gangs doon the
  funnel?Whatll I hae for my tea the nicht? A
  herrin, or maybe a haddie?Has Granma gotten
  electric licht? Is the next stop Kirkcaddy?

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• Theres a hoodie-craw on yon turnip-raw! An
  sea-gulls! sax or seeven.Ill no fa oot o
  the windae, Maw, Its sneckit, as sure as Im
  leevin.Were into the tunnel! were a in the
  dark! But dinna be frichtit, Daddy,Well sune
  be comin to Beveridge Park, And the next stops
  Kirkcaddy!

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• Is yon the mune I see in the sky? 
• Its awfu wee an curly.
• See! theres a coo and a cauf ootbye, 
• An a lassie puin a hurly!
• Hes chackit the tickets and gien them back, 
• Sae gie me my ain yin, Daddy.
• Lift doon the bag frae the luggage rack, 
• For the next stops Kirkcaddy!

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• Theres a gey wheen boats at the harbour
• mou, 
• And eh! dae ye see the cruisers?
• The cinnamon drop I was sookin the noo 
• Has tummelt an stuck tae ma troosers
• Ill sune be ringin ma Granmas bell, 
• Shell cry, Come ben, my laddie.
• For I ken mysel by the queer-like smell 
• That the next stops Kirkcaddy!

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A VOODOO FOR MISS MAVERICKby Sandy Thomas Ross

• I dinna like Miss MaverickThis cushion's for
  her heidI'm jumpin aw ma weicht on itAnd noo
  Miss Maverick's deid.
• Ye're deid, ye're deid, Miss MaverickAnd never
  mair ye'll sayI dance like a hird o Ayrshire
  kyeOn a mercat day.
• I'll pit ye ablaw the sofaYe're deid and yirdit
  baithAn never mair ye'll miscaw me - Ye've
  drawn yer hindmaist braith.

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THE CIRCUSby JK Annand

• The circus cam to our tounAnd settled on the
  GreenThey heistit up the biggest tentThat I
  hae ever seen.And there for twa-and-saxpenceHe
  let me in to seeSome acrobats up in the ruifDae
  henners on a swee.

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• Pownies danced the cha-cha,Monkeys rade on
  bikes,They even had a fitba matchFor teams o
  mongrel tykes.The best turn in the circus
  wasThe clown in baggy breeksThat gart me lauch
  until the tearsCam rinnin doun my cheeks.